Sorry for a long wait, but my perfectionist self kept editing the Densi "big talk" (2nd half of chapter) until it was just right. I hope this longer chapter makes up for the wait. Oh, and you might want to have some tissues ready...

Sunday was traditionally a day of rest. Nate found this ironic as he sat at his desk at 9 am Sunday morning. Although he was pleased with the progress that had been made yesterday with Callen and Deeks, it had tired him out. Listening to people and keeping their secrets was an exhausting – albeit rewarding – career. Yet Nate found himself at the mission bright and early, ready for another round.

It was quiet that morning, eerily quiet. He had never been in the mission completely alone before, but he counted on that emptiness. He parked a few blocks down and walked to the building. He turned off the cameras in certain parts of the building after getting approval from Hetty, and left all the lights off as if he had never been there. Nate sat silently, waiting.

Half an hour later, Agent Sam Hanna unlocked the big doors and entered the OSP. He stopped just inside the door and looked around. Confident that he was alone, he turned on one light and proceeded to the gym. He changed into a sleeveless t-shirt and shorts and began his workout on the bike. Satisfied with his warm-up, Sam crossed the gym to glove up. After some shadow boxing, he started in on the heavy bag. Each punch, each kick got more intense until sweat was pouring down his face.

"Whose face are you imagining on that bag?"

Sam stopped suddenly, startled at the sound of another person's voice. He hadn't been expecting anyone in today. "Geez Nate! What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, looking at the tall man. He was wearing shorts, a t-shirt and tennis shoes.

"Well, I was going to work out, but since you're here, how about a game of one-on-one?" Nate walked over to the corner and picked up a basketball.

Sam reluctantly agreed, curious about why Nate – the not-so-athletic-psychologist-Nate – wanted to play a game with him. They started, and in between dribbles and shots, Nate spoke up.

"So, who's face was on that bag?"

"My own," Sam replied, trying to block Nate's shot.

"Why would you want to beat yourself up?" Nate took a step sideways and spun around to get away from his opponent.

"You wouldn't understand. It's… nothing."

"Try me. I understand a lot more than most people think," Nate said as he jumped up and took a shot at the basket, neatly putting the ball through the net. Sam might have been bulkier, but Nate was still taller.

"I did something I shouldn't have. I can't take it back and I'm not sure how to fix it. I think I really hurt someone," Sam spoke vaguely. He dribbled the ball in front of him without moving anywhere on the court, almost as if in thought. Nate waited to see what Sam would do next. He walked with the ball towards center court; Nate followed him. In a flash, Sam sidestepped Nate and took a shot at the basket. The ball bounced on the rim and then fell in. "Now we're even."

Nate grabbed the ball and held on to it. He walked over to Sam. "If we're even, then why is only one of us walking around with a chip on his shoulder and a scowl that could scare a witch?"

Sam's eyes immediately ignited and the vein on the side of his forehead pumped vigorously. He couldn't believe Nate would say something like that to him; and yet he couldn't deny the truth in his words. In a huff, Sam marched over to the bench on the side and sat down.

Over the next two hours, in a rhythm of outburst – silence – discussion, Nate got Sam to air much of what he had been carrying around. Sam admitted what he had said to Deeks, but defended himself saying that is how he treats new guys – with a tough love approach. Nate challenged Sam to think about how his words might have come across to Deeks and how that might have affected him professionally and personally. Sam explained to Nate that he is SEAL and always will be. That's how he lives his life. The first rule of SEAL teams is to never leave your man. The SEAL teams create such a bond that they would never dream of leaving any of the other team members, and that bond is what makes them so successful. They are able to do what they do because they can rely on each other undoubtedly. Sam didn't feel like Deeks was a real part of the team; they didn't have that bond with him that the other three of them shared. Deeks was always leaving NCIS and going to LAPD when called back for a case, so they couldn't rely on him. Nate reminded him that Deeks isn't a SEAL, and their team is not a SEAL team. Sam agreed but said it was the same principle at work with this team, and Deeks needed to decide where his loyalties lie.

Nate asked about Sam's home life and family, and after initially denying any problems, Sam finally confessed to closing himself off from his kids and arguing with his wife. Their "normalness", he said, made him feel like an outsider in his own home. He didn't know how to relate to them. He also revealed that Michelle had asked him to retire early. Between his years of active duty service and time as a federal agent, he was eligible for early retirement. Between his Navy pension, federal pension, and Michelle's income, they would be fine financially. But Sam felt like she thought of him as no longer capable – that he was damaged and couldn't do his job anymore. He also mentioned that he and Callen hadn't been speaking either, and he wondered if his partner felt the same way about him as his wife did – that he was damaged and no good to the team now.

Nate took a few deep breaths before speaking to Sam. This agent had been carrying around a burden much larger than Nate had suspected. Slowly, Nate tried to restore Sam's confidence – that he was not damaged or incapable of doing this job. He listed the skills Sam had that he excelled at. He explained that everyone goes through some very difficult situations, and it was normal for those situations to make him question things about himself. As for the situation with Deeks, Nate suggested that he try to reach out to the detective. He encouraged him to have an honest talk with Deeks, gently letting him know how he feels about the team aspect. However, after what those two men endured at the hands of Siderov, Sam shouldn't be concerned with Deeks' character. Finally, Nate asked Sam to take things one day at a time with his family. Perhaps his wife was worried about him but didn't know how to be there for him, or didn't know what he needed. Honesty, especially with loved ones, was always the best way. Sam didn't like having Nate tell him what he should do, but he knew nothing would change until he spoke up about what was on his mind. Nate shook his hand and walked into the locker room.

Deeks knocked on the door and waited nervously. He wasn't sure if he would be greeted with a smile, a fist or a gun – or greeted at all. He could have called first, but he didn't want to give her a chance to make excuses. This was going to be hard but it had to be done before more time passed. His talk with Nate yesterday – while not solving everything – had helped Deeks figure out that much.

After what seemed an agonizingly long time, Kensi opened the door. She was surprised to see her partner standing in front of her but was polite to him. After greetings and short small talk were exchanged, she invited him in to her apartment. Kensi grabbed two beers out of the fridge and after relocating a large pile of stuff, gestured for Deeks to have a seat on the couch. They sat silently at opposite ends, drinking their beer. In between drinks, Deeks played with the label on the bottle, picking at one corner. Kensi watched him but didn't speak. She figured he had come over for a reason; the fact that he was here at all, at his own doing, was a good sign in her mind.

"Kens," Deeks started out. "A lot of things have been going through my head, and with some help I've realized that I don't have all the answers. We need to talk."

"Ok, Deeks. I think that's a good idea, actually," Kensi agreed. She fought back the urge to take control of the conversation.

"Um, well, a lot has happened… with me, with the team, with us. There have been a lot of changes in a short amount of time. It's kind of overwhelming some days, and I admit that I have avoided dealing with any of it," Deeks said. "I think it would have been easier to deal with if I would have had someone by my side to help me through it," he softly admitted, looking down at the floor.

Kensi was confused. "What do you mean? I stayed with you after the hospital until you could move around on your own."

"Yeah, you were there, but we never talked; not about anything important at least. Maybe that was my fault, maybe it was yours, but the point is that we went from bad communication to no communication." He slowly raised his eyes until he was looking into Kensi's sun-kissed face. "I thought I had made my feelings for you clear before… before everything went to hell, but I know now that you don't share those feelings."

It dawned on Kensi what he was talking about – the kiss on the ridge. "Deeks, I understood your communication that day. I was just very surprised. Why do you think that I don't share those feelings?"

"Because as soon as I kissed you, you stared straight ahead and then ran off!" There was an edginess to his voice, almost like controlled anger. "You didn't even say one thing to me Kensi. Not one word. Do you have any idea how insignificant that made me feel?"

Kensi shook her head slowly. "I'm so sorry Deeks. I really am. You got the wrong impression of the effect you had on me. That kiss was amazing. More than amazing to be honest. I still think about it every day. It definitely took me by surprise – I was not expecting you to do anything like that – and when you stepped back from me my brain was just a jumble of thoughts and emotions. I couldn't have said something meaningful if I wanted to."

"You seemed to have no problem telling me you had to leave and follow Agent Hanna," Deeks spat out.

"Ugh, please don't get angry with me. That's who I am – I am a federal agent and I was on a case at the time. I had orders. You know that when I'm in the field on assignment I get in a zone. My mind focuses on the case and what the goal is. Kissing you wasn't something I was prepared for; having a discussion about our thing wasn't what my mind was focused on." Kensi paused before continuing. "I've never been involved with someone I've worked with before. I don't know how to balance the agent/partner part and the something more part at the same time."

Deeks' voice softened. "What about after? When you were at my apartment for two weeks? Why didn't you talk to me about it then?"

Kensi bit her bottom lip and played with a stray thread on her couch cushion. "I was afraid to say anything. I thought the reason you got captured and, well, you know…"

"It's ok to say it Kens. Tortured," Deeks interrupted her.

"I thought the reason you got captured and tortured was because of me. Because I did run off after Michelle and I wasn't there to back you up and help you out. I am no good for the men in my life. I ran off to the movies and my dad died. I ran off to every class and counseling session I could think of and Jack disappeared. I went off to a karaoke night and Dom got kidnapped and killed. I'm cursed," Kensi confessed while staring at the floor. "I figured I'm no good for you, and our kiss didn't matter anymore because you hated me; that you blamed me for your horrific experience."

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you. That's what makes this so much harder," Deeks replied. He took a deep breath and set the empty beer bottle on the coffee table. "You know when that psychopath had me and did all sorts of shit to me… you know what got me through the pain? Two things: my need to prove Sam wrong, and you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Even though I was bitter about what happened after I kissed you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I had a lot of time to think. Images of your smile, your body, your hair filled my head. I remembered our good times, our fun times. I thought back to the first time we met and how you had me hooked right from the start. I kept replaying the kiss in my mind and how your lips felt against mine," Deeks acknowledged with the hint of a smile on his lips.

"Wow," Kensi answered astonished. "I had no idea. I remember the first time we met, too, and being very attracted to you despite the fact I thought you were a suspect. Ummm, I guess I should admit that even though I was following orders on the case, I had a hard time focusing because all I could think about was that kiss and the way you made me feel. I'm sorry I never told you Deeks. I'm sorry I couldn't bring myself to tell you before how much you mean to me."

"What do I mean to you?" Deeks asked her.

Without thinking about it, Kensi answered. "You mean everything to me, Deeks. Everything. I should have figured it out a long time ago, but I know for sure now. You are more than just a work partner to me, and more than just a friend. I love everything about us and miss it when you're not with me. You made your way into my heart, which I know I didn't make easy, and I've never pushed you out," she admitted.

"You know what scared me the most about being in there, with Russian guy and his cronies? Not that I would betray Michelle's cover, and not that I would be horribly injured or die. No, the thing I was most scared of in there was that I would die never being completely honest with you. That you would never know exactly how I felt about you, and I would leave you alone with no way of knowing," Deeks told her, his voice a little shaky.

"Knowing what?"

"Knowing that I love you Kensi. Knowing that I have been in love with you for a long time and probably always will be."

For several minutes they sat in silence, staring into each other's eyes. Kensi felt her heart beat faster but not in a way that frightened her. Deeks fought the desire to wrap his arms around her and pull her close to him. There was more he needed to say, and an intimate embrace would not make it any easier. Taking a deep breath, he continued.

"Kensi, I'm going to be gone from NCIS for a while," Deeks said hesitantly.

"What?! You – you're leaving? You can't do that. You can't tell me you're in love with me and then tell me you're leaving. That's just, I don't know... rude," Kensi protested.

"Calm down. This isn't a permanent thing, but it's something I need to do – for myself and for us, if there is ever going to be a future for us," Deeks responded. "I realized that we both have some healing to do before we can hope to move forward successfully."

Deeks explained to Kensi that neither of them had ever fully healed from their pasts, and that was interfering in their ability to have a future. After talking with Nate on the beach, he started to understand that he still had issues from his childhood that he hadn't dealt with - he just tried to keep busy and move from one thing to the next to push it away. He also had a lot of emotional and spiritual issues to deal with from this latest case. From her earlier admission and other things she had said, he suspected that Kensi had issues from her past that she hadn't healed from yet either – especially concerning her father, Jack, and Dom. Kensi tried to interrupt him, but she couldn't deny that everything he said was true.

"How is your leaving NCIS going to help any of that?" Kensi asked, not understanding the connection.

"Because I can't be in love with you and be around you every day if you don't want the same things that I do. And because I can't NOT be in love with you. I've tried, but you are such a huge part of who I am and my life. You own my heart. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, Kens, and I need some time away to figure out a lot of things, both about myself and about you. And I need time away from the whole team." Deeks looked back down at the floor, thinking about everything Sam had said to him.

"So where are you going? What are you going to do? Will I ever see you again?" Kensi asked him, tears starting to form in the corners of her eyes.

"Yeah, we'll keep in touch. I will still be the liaison between our agencies, but in a more hands-off approach. I already drafted my proposal for Hetty and Bates. I will work out of the precinct, and anytime you guys need LAPD assistance you or Callen or whoever can call me. I'll make all the arrangements so NCIS gets what they need. Plus, I have no idea how long it's going to be until I'm cleared for field work so this will be a good solution."

Kensi shook her head no and tried to hold back the tears. She insisted he didn't have to do that; it was her fault and he shouldn't feel like he had to leave. His place is at OSP with the team. Deeks told her that before he could be a member of their team, he needed to figure out who he was and where he was headed in life first. She wanted so badly to not beg, to not plead with him, but holding back and hiding emotions had brought her to where they stood with each other now. She stopped trying to control the flow of tears.

"Don't, please. You don't have to do this. Deeks, please, please don't give up on this – on us and our partnership, friendship, everything," she cried.

Deeks looked at his beautiful companion. Slowly he reached up and brushed away a tear on her cheek with his thumb. "I'm not giving up, Kens. We'll always be partners, just maybe not always in the same way as we have been. I have to do this, for us. We both need this time."

He promised her that he would keep in touch from time to time. They stood up and Deeks tried to make his way to the door. Without hesitating or thinking, Kensi grabbed his face and kissed him. It was Deeks who was left speechless and blinking in surprise this time.

Kensi brushed away a few more tears that had fallen on her own face. "I just needed one more to last me until next time," she admitted softly. Deeks wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. He inhaled deeply, taking in her scent to keep as a memory until next time.

"I love you, too," Kensi whispered in his ear. They broke the embrace and Deeks smiled at her, slowly nodding his head up and down. Then he turned and quickly left. Kensi locked the door, made her way to the bedroom and turned out the lights. She stripped off her jeans and climbed under the large blanket. That night Kensi Blye cried herself to sleep.

Whew! I promise you won't need as many tissues for the next chapter. Things might start looking up from some perspectives... As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Your reviews are helpful, inspiring and very much appreciated!