Huge thanks to Alsa Ravenwood, RespoFTW, Nadreth, and red2013 for the reviews and to everyone else who alerted and favorited this. Only one more chapter to go.

Ryan was quiet for a moment before raising the gun and pointing it at his head with a twisted smirk. "You're right. Goodbye."

"Kevin!" Esposito shouted before running over and stopping a few feet away. "Give me the gun," he said sternly. "Now."

Ryan never moved or responded but if the detective had been able to see his eyes he would have noticed the surprise, fear, and relief swimming in the sky blue depths. "Ryan!" he barked and the Irishman frowned heavily at the use of his surname before doing as told and dropping down onto the sidewalk tiredly a few feet away from Banks.

"Thank God someone finally wandered out here. I'm exhausted, I don't think I could have kept bullshitting much longer. I can't take him down alone and I didn't want to shoot him."

Banks stared at the gun before looking at Ryan and shouting, "What! I thought you were going to kill me!"

"You deserve it but I don't like playing God you asshole. I'd take you down a notch myself but you're so fucking big it's impossible."

Esposito just shook his head as he tried to catch up with what was happening, "So you weren't going to shoot him in the head?"

Ryan could only stare with hurt eyes before glaring and stumbling to his feet. "You think I'd do that? After everything that's happened?" His blue eyes looked suspiciously bright in the light from the bar and with a sad accepting smile he turned to walk back inside. Only a few steps away though he suddenly turned and dropped down next to Banks and leaned over to whisper words that were meant for his ears alone. "Everything you said is absolutely true. Javi and my friends from the 12th are the only ones that matter, you and everyone else though... you're all fair game. Better watch your back Banks, Conor has nothing on me." He forced his aching body back up and delivered a vicious kick to Banks ribs before walking back into the bar. A few minutes later Beckett burst into the alley and jogged over.

"Ryan said you needed some help, said Banks is in with Conor and just tried to kill him."

Esposito glanced down at Banks who was just glaring at them both. "That about sums it up. Where's Kev?"

Beckett pulled out her phone and quickly dialed the precinct. "Castle's taking him to the hospital to get stitches for his eyebrow, it won't stop bleeding. He wanted me to remind you to not forget Keller is downstairs."

A long while later Ryan was almost asleep leaning against Castle as he knocked on the apartment door, the pain medication hitting him hard. Esposito swung open the door before pulling Ryan inside and thanking Castle. "Did you get everything taken care of?" the writer asked.

"Yeah, Banks won't be an issue for anyone for a very long time. Thanks again bro."

Castle just nodded and stepped out into the hall, "The stitches in his eyebrow have to come out in a week and he's got some bruising along his left side that the doctor wanted us to watch. I'll see you tomorrow and uh, he's pissed at you. Just so you know. Might want to be prepared for that when he finally gets off cloud nine."

Finally just the two of them he led Ryan to the bedroom and gently pushed him down on the bed before stripping him down to his boxers and pulling the covers over him. After switching off the light he scooted over and wrapped his arm around Ryan's torso and laid his head on the pillow next to his. Ryan mumbled something and yawned before lifting his head tiredly and looking around. Knowing what he was looking for Esposito snapped his fingers and a second later Keller jumped up onto the bed and laid across Ryan's legs. "I don' like you righ' now," he slurred.

Esposito tightened his grip around him, "I know."

"But I stil' love you."

"I love you too Kev," he replied in relief.

As morning came Ryan found himself alone in the bedroom and with a loaded sigh he just stared at the ceiling. A few minutes later the bed gave way next to him and he pulled Keller to him instantly. "You don't think I'm a whack job right?" When Keller laid his head on his chest and whined softly he rubbed his ears gently. "No, you love me no matter what."

"So do I," a small voice said from the door to the bedroom. Ryan lifted his head and looked at his boyfriend before pulling the blanket over him and Keller. Javier was glad Ryan couldn't see him right now because his smile would only upset the Irishman. He couldn't help it though, he was just so damn cute hiding under the covers with his dog. "I'm so sorry for last night Kev. I know you wouldn't kill anyone else and I feel terrible for even thinking that. I've been sort of lost in my thoughts lately and instead of paying attention to what you're doing I was thinking about what you've done. I love you Kev, forgive me please?"

Nothing happened for a full minute until Ryan finally pulled the comforter down just enough for his eyes and Keller's to peer out. "Keep going."

Thankful for the opening he hurriedly tried to think about what else to say. "I just know that you respond to certain things, especially attacks, violently and for a moment I wasn't thinking straight and thought maybe you'd go too far. I know Banks hurt you and he deserves to be punished but not like that. Like I said I'm sorry that I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt."

"I wanted to."

Javier's eyebrows drew together in confusion as he walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. "Wanted to what?"

"Kill him. I try not to talk about things too much with you because I don't want to scare you but my mind wanders to dark places pretty often. I wanted to kill Banks, he was trying to kill me and I wanted to return the favor. That's who I am unfortunately but you need to realize that just because I think something doesn't mean I'm going to do it." He dropped the covers a little further and gently nudged his boyfriend with his foot. "I'm trying to be who you want me to be."

"Kev," Esposito said sadly as he climbed up the bed and slid under the covers next to him. "I don't want you to try to be someone you're not. I love you for you and I'm very aware that our minds work differently and that's ok. You shouldn't have to hide who you are from me or try to shelter me from things. If you want to talk about things talk about them, I won't be disgusted or offended. There is nothing you could say that would make me love you less."

He arched an eyebrow before cursing and rubbing it gingerly when it throbbed. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." The pair laid in silence for a few minutes until Esposito hesitantly asked, "What did you whisper to Banks yesterday?"

He lifted his head and steadily met his boyfriend's gaze, "Truth?" At his boyfriend's nod he nervously wet his lips and averted his gaze. "I uh, told him everything he said was true, that I don't really value anyone's lives except yours and my friends. Then I... I told him that Conor has nothing on me. The reason I didn't want to shoot him was because you'd be upset with me, not because it was the wrong thing to do," he finished awkwardly. "I'm not like Ted Bundy or anything but if people are trying to kill me I don't really see the issue with putting them down."

"I appreciate your honesty." Was it easy to hear that Ryan's moral compass was as good as broken? No it was not, but it was what it was. Nothing was really going to change Ryan and he had finally realized that. It wasn't an easy mind set to get to and he still had a little ways to go but to know that his boyfriend at least wasn't going to kill anyone else, even if it was only because of him, was enough. It wasn't like it was a surprise that Ryan was a degenerate. In the beginning he had fooled himself into thinking that Ryan only took lives because he was forced to but now, after everything they had been through and spoken about, he knew that Ryan did more things because he wanted to rather than because he felt he had to. He had no doubt that if Ryan had grown up with his mother, father, and sister he could have done great things, made the world a better place. Hell, he might have even been a homicide detective but no one would ever know because that child, that person was gone. If he hadn't walked into that particular bar and saved him from himself he knew that it was only a matter of time before Ryan would have killed again to protect his make shift family and ultimately died alone and bloody. Dr. Perot had been completely correct.

"And does Ryan feel remorse? ... but he's not completely balanced either. Is he?"

No he really doesn't and no, he really wasn't. But where he was missing a large chunk of his conscience he at least had a heart and from what he had learned, it was a big one.

At the simple statement Ryan's eyes snapped to Javier's face and when all he saw was honesty and adoration he scooted into his side and smiled in relief. "So when do you have to be at work?"

"An hour," he said sadly.

Not wasting any time Ryan kicked off his boxers and nudged Keller out of the bed before nipping playfully at his bedmate's exposed collarbone. "Well then we better make this quick." Goosebumps blossomed across Javier's bronzed skin and he let out an involuntary moan when Kevin's tongue trailed down his neck and into the hollow of his throat. Soft hands explored his skin and he blushed when one of Ryan's hands slid into his pants before pausing. "Are you going commando?"

"It's hot," he mumbled.

Ryan just smirked before climbing on top and grinding against him, "Can't you call in sick or something? Can't people handle their own problems for today?"

Now it was Javier's turn to smirk, "Doesn't work like that Kev." Without any warning he grabbed his boyfriend and rolled them over to switch their positions. With a wicked grin he licked and nipped his way down his lean torso and across his sharp hip bones before taking him fully into his mouth. He kept a slow torturous pace as his tongue swirled and his head bobbed, smiling internally when Ryan's hands found their way to his head and thin fingers clutched his short hair. "Fuck Javi, feels so good," he said breathlessly as a pleasurable shudder raced through his body.

He lifted his head and grinned at Ryan who whimpered at the loss of contact before kicking off his sleep pants and grabbing his hips. "Ready?" Ryan nodded instantly and gasped as Javier slid into him inch by inch. His hands clenched in the sheets as they held each other's lusty gazes, Ryan finally having to close his when the pleasure became too much. Even though they really didn't have time for this Esposito was in no rush and took his time making sure both got the most they could out of the other.

The early morning light allowed him an excellent view of the pale expanse of Kevin's skin, of his various scars and bruises and everything else that made him Kevin. The sunlight made his hair, which was still mussed from sleep, appear more red than brown and the freckles that were lightly scattered across his shoulders became more visible. His chest rose and fell and lean muscles tensed under his touch and when he met his eyes he was taken back how unbelievably blue they were. Long dark lashes surrounded the azure orbs and he knew that he never wanted to look into anyone else's eyes as long as he lived. No one could ever compare to Kevin, no one could ever come close.

He felt the all too familiar ache start deep in his gut and quickened his pace slightly, his arms grabbing Ryan's legs and wrapping them around his back. His hand dropped between them and grabbed his boyfriend snugly and as soon as he leaned over further and bit down painfully hard on the tattoo on his neck Ryan was gasping and groaning as he let himself go. Javier wasn't far behind and only a couple of thrusts later he tensed and emptied himself into the love of his life.

Not wanting to move and lose contact Javier stayed on top of him and sucked idly at the blossoming bruise covering the shamrock on Kevin's neck and laid his wide palm over the Irishman's steadily beating heart. "Have you thought about getting this removed? Or covering it up?"

Ryan offered a single nod and lifted a hand to thread his fingers through Javier's soft hair and nudge him slightly closer, encouraging his affections on his neck. "Maybe one day but not today. I know to you it represents everything bad that's ever happened to me but for me it's a symbol of the good and the bad. The mob was an all encompassing part of my life for twenty-one years and I'm not quite ready to just act like it never happened. Sometimes it's the reminder of where you came from that keeps you focused on where you're going."

Days later Alexis and Ryan lounged lazily on the couch eating popcorn and watching a movie, waiting for Castle or Esposito to call them to tell them they were on their way home. The doorbell ringing made Alexis sigh and look at Ryan who shook his head. "It's your house."

"I made the popcorn."

"Come in!" he shouted.

Alexis's jaw dropped. "What if it's a psycho?"

He fixed her with a flat look, "I think I can protect us." Both looked over when the door opened hesitantly and Alexis's boyfriend entered with a small smile.

After slipping off his shoes he walked over to Alexis and the man he had never met with the French bulldog laying on his chest. "I'm Jeremy," he said politely as he held out a hand.

Ryan shook it and introduced himself as Keller slid open his eyes and glanced over the new arrival. Seeing the boy look at the couch where they were both lying he shook his head, "I'm comfy, find somewhere else to sit."

Doing as told he just sat on the floor and smiled at Alexis before turning back to Ryan, "Are you family?"

Alexis nodded her head and answered for him, "He's my best friend." Hearing the phone ring she looked at Ryan who ignored her with a small smile. "Fine, I'll get it."

Once she left Ryan nudged the kid with his foot, "I'm going to say this only once and I suggest you listen closely. I love that girl like a sister and if you ever fuck her over I will gut you like a fish. I've killed people before Jeremy and I have no problem doing it again."

He could only sit in shock and nod, "I won't hurt her, I promise. Are you a police officer from where her dad works?"

"No, I'm a mobster and have washed more blood off my skin than you have in your entire body."

Alexis trotted over happily not noticing the petrified look her boyfriend was giving her, "That was dad, he and Esposito are on their way over with dinner."

"Good, I'm getting hungry and all you ever feed me is popcorn and licorice." He began to scratch at his eyebrow and Alexis slapped his hand.

"Stop it, leave it alone."

He sighed, "My stitches itch. I just want them out."

Alexis grabbed the hand she had slapped and squeezed, "I know, but it's only a couple more days until they come out. How's the rest of you doing?"

"Other than sore and bruised, fine," he said with a small sigh. "If I could go a week without getting attacked it would be nice."

Alexis grinned mischievously and pulled the collar of his shirt down a fraction revealing an impressive love bite. "Not all bad bruises I see."

"Don't start with me," he said with a slightly uncomfortable laugh. He always felt like he was somehow corrupting her, exposing her to things she shouldn't be exposed to but she had on more than one occasion assured him she wasn't in any way naïve. She had even thanked him for his candor and for treating her like an adult instead of a little girl like her father still tended to try to do. Ryan enjoyed their conversations and usually spoke to her about things that he felt uncomfortable speaking to Javier about, Alexis doing the same about things she didn't want to speak to her father about. While the Irishman's problems usually pertained to emotional thoughts and issues Alexis's were mostly focused on relationships and life experiences.

The door swung open and Castle and Esposito walked in with smiles on their faces and food in their hands. Everyone ran over except Ryan who stayed on the couch.

"Come on Kev, I got you Mu Shu pork."

He lifted his head a little, "Can you bring it to me? I'm injured and we're comfy."

"It's your eyebrow, not your legs. Get your skinny ass off the couch or I'll eat it all. Keller, come." The dog jumped off Ryan and ran over to Esposito who rewarded him with some pork.

"Traitor," Ryan muttered before he rolled off the couch and walked to the kitchen, snatching the container out of his boyfriend's hand with a half-hearted glare. "Jerk."

Esposito pulled him into a kiss before he could walk away and smirked at him, "Love you too."

Castle glanced at the boy next to his daughter and smiled, "Hi, you must be Jeremy. I'm Alexis's dad Rick." The boy shook his hand before looking at the other man who introduced himself also.

"So what's the case?" Ryan asked.

Castle's eyes lit up, "We found her on the ceiling suspended with barbed wire."

Esposito shook his head, "Bro! It's an ongoing investigation, you can't tell people that!"

"Now that is one I have never seen. Were all the body parts there?" Ryan asked excitedly.

Castle nodded, "Everything was there except she was missing a tooth."

Ryan shrugged, "Must have got knocked out. Teeth are gross, I always hated when I had to pull them out to hide identity, then it's like what the hell are you supposed to do with them afterwards?"

Esposito just rolled his eyes affectionately, pleased that Ryan was finally not shying away from his past, and kept eating while Castle actually gave the question some thought. "What do you do with all the teeth? East River?" Ryan pointed to him with his chopsticks and nodded. "Have you heard they're making shoes with them now?"

Ryan made a thoughtful noise as he swallowed his bite. "That... is not as disturbing as I thought it would be. I guess I should have kept and sold them. I wonder how much you'd get per tooth."

"Probably four or five bucks each," Castle replied easily.

Jeremy looked at Alexis with horror, "This is dinner conversation?"

Alexis looked between her best friend and her father and smiled fondly. "Pretty much."