Chapter 23

Thank you those of you who followed, added as a favourite.

WARNING: depression, mentions of child abuse.

This is a small chapter explaining about Balthazar, since someone was curious why he is miserable.

…~*~IIIBIII~*~…

On a bed of spider web

I think about to change myself

A lot of hope in a one man tent

There's no room for innocence

Take me home before the storm

Velvet mites will keep us warm

…

Uncover our heads and reveal our souls

We were hungry before we were born

~Keep The Streets Empty For Me by Fever Ray.

His chin rested on his hand as he stared out the window at nothing to be exact, his legs close to his chest and a soft blanket over his body. The temperature during October dropped enough to make one shiver, the skies were no longer sunny and bright but cloudy and slightly dark, the October winds announced autumn was nigh, perhaps too nigh since the leaves were starting to fade their green colour into reds, oranges, yellows and browns, most covered the ground creating a beautiful scenery which he always loved to see.

The sound of a car parking outside broke his train of thought making him curious to see who was currently stepping out of a black Chevy Spark, he felt the beginning of anxiety build inside him as he watched Alastair and Azazel entering the house. It was not that his relationship with his older brothers was strained, he contrived to gain their favour as they became older, however, their visits were not frequent since they had left to college, it normally meant the semester was over and they were home for the holidays or what Balthazar feared most that his father had decided to have a family conference which usually involved Azriel informing them about his business and pressuring the four boys to follow his footsteps, most of these culminated in an argument between Balthazar and Azriel and if his brothers failed to step in for him, the younger boy would perhaps have resulted in the hospital many times.

He was at the age of twelve when Balthazar confronted his father for the first time; in addition to Azriel neglecting his four sons, he forced upon them stern regulations which the young boy resulted in disobeying earning him severe corporal punishment. Their mother had one day decided to return to her beloved England leaving the young boys and her husband behind, he was vicious and workaholic who cared little for his children or his wife, it was all business to him. Alastair and Azazel had become like him yet they cared for each of their siblings being the two eldest, Crowley and Balthazar were closer being only two years apart and they understood one another more than either of their family could comprehend. Balthazar carried the guilt of his mother's departure, his father had placed it upon him and he often reminded the child were it not for his coming into this world she would not have felt miserable, unhappy with herself, her image and he would have loved her more; deep inside he knew that he held no fault for his parent's divorce but the other outweighed it breaking him right in the moment his father had taken the liberty to yell at him to reproach it. Balthazar broke in tears for the first time before Azriel as he shouted at his father that his mistakes were no part of him, he was a child who had not asked to be brought to this world, he had been a coward for neglecting his wife, neglecting his own family and placing the guilt on him rather than carry it.

Balthazar had no regrets of that incident, however, from that moment Azriel laid a hand on him he developed a grudge for the man… and it hurt.

His soul was stained with a grudge, guilt, ache, loneliness and a dark secret only one person knew about. There are things that never changed, things that hurt him inside despite the effort to forget, despite the time he spent convincing his mind that perhaps there was hope but in truth, it didn't, it never did even if it slightly improved; it was always there. The agonising ache always residing in his heart only dimming at times; and he could not help but feel less, feeling as if his sole existence was purposeless, feeling revolted as he stared at the image in front of the mirror he much pretended to love, the chaos inside himself and the emotions he hid; the wall he built to conceal himself from others was apparent in his eyes because they could not comprehend the weight on his shoulders, could not comprehend even if they tried with their pitying lies that as time passed life would get better but, sometimes… it doesn't.

He closed his eyes lying on bed awake many nights as the tears spilled, they burned for 'twas the weight he carried along making the pain in his chest stronger, the overwhelming ache as if his soul were shattering as they dropped one by one out of his eyes, the compressing sensation as if he lacked air hurting him further. Darkness, the sight everywhere his eyes followed seeing only darkness, empty space realising that no one was present despite the promises, 'you are not alone', there was no one. He closed his eyes again as darkness overtook his being and faded, faded until the light burning through his eyelids became unbearable because he'd survived another lonely night. It was a vicious cycle. While others had the courage to die, he had the courage to live even though he knew nothing was ever going to be as his heart desired.

"Alright?" Crowley leaned against the door frame staring at his brother who had been lost in thought and looked up.

"Alright?" Balthazar smiled slightly, "Where are they?" he asked knowing his brother was aware whom he referred to.

"In the living room with father, I suggest you do not make your presence known for the moment. Would you like to come with me?"

"Where are you going?"

"To our cousins' house, of course." Crowley smirked.

"Ah, yes, let me dress well proper." Balthazar stood from the window seat and walked towards his wardrobe, Crowley looked at him from head to toe raising his eyebrow.

"What is wrong with that?"

"I am wearing pyjamas, do you think that is presentable? No, besides, I have to keep my beautiful image flawless." he winked at his brother who simply rolled his eyes.

"Ah, yes, darling. You are always the most beautiful in the room, do not worry about that." he spoke with mockery.

"You know that is true."

"Did I say otherwise?" he raised with eyebrow with a small smirk.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the Fairest one of all?" Balthazar stood in front of his older brother wearing denim men Capri pants, a horizontal white and medium-teal striped shirt and light-brown Toms.

"You are the fairest one of all, my dear brother." he smirked while Balthazar bowed dramatically. "Shall we go, princess?"

"You are a sodding twit." Crowley raised his eyebrow at his brother.

"Do not speak like that, it does not suit you, dear, besides, you love me no less."

"That may be true." they walked out of Balthazar's room quietly down the stairs which luckily did not lead to the reception room rather the sitting room, there was a long hallway leading to the garage. Crowley started car and drove away from the house as fast as he could hoping their father would not be requiring of their presence at the moment.

"Shite!" Balthazar snapped after five minutes they had driven away from their house.

"'Right?" Crowley moved his eyes from the road briefly to look at his brother.

"I forgot," he seemed pensive for a moment, "Um, Mikie said he was going to tell me what my punishment is."

"Punishment? What did you do?"

"Gabriel and I may or may not have disrupted the football match on Friday…" he smiled awkwardly.

"Real nice, Balth. Why does that not surprise me?"

"Oh please, it wasn't only me and…" he paused and Crowley could see Balthazar slightly blushing as he turned his face away.

"And?"

"Nothing. I hope it's not severe, after all, it was proper amusing to the audience." he chuckled.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you disrupted an important event."

"You are just like him!" he snarled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I supposed to be a moron like you?" Balthazar glared at him which earned a smirk from his brother. They arrived shortly at the Novak's house, the Impala was parked in the driveway which meant, obviously, Dean was there, except that there seemed to be no other visitors.

Balthazar stepped out of the car and he could hear shouts coming from the inside of the house, which did not surprise him. No one seemed to answer the door as the two boys stood there listening to an apparent tumult happening inside; they could hear Gabriel shouting, loud footsteps as if running, Michael yelling something to someone, perhaps Lucifer, Raphael trying to calm everyone and Anna crying. After a few minutes of standing there listening, the front door opened and Dean stood before them covered in foam, he grinned at both boys and stepped aside letting them in.

"What in the bloody hell is going on here?" Crowley asked looking around the room, which was clouded with smoke.

"There was a little 'situation' in the kitchen." Dean grinned once again.

"What do you mean a 'little situation'? Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah, Gabe was trying to make something but he burned it and it set on fire." Balthazar and Crowley looked at each other briefly before walking into the kitchen. Gabriel sat on a stool at the breakfast bar along with Lucifer covered in foam, Michael was currently cleaning the mess along with Anna and Raphael.

"What happened here?" Balthazar asked in general.

"Mr. Emeril, here," Lucifer patted Gabriel on the shoulder twice, "had the brightest idea of making, what were they again?" he knit his eyebrows in confusion looking at Gabriel.

"I was trying to make s'mores and the marshmallow caught on fire!" he pouted crossing his arms.

"Oh my. Who allowed this child to be alone in the kitchen?" Crowley asked looking at the elder brothers.

"He isn't!" snapped Michael and Lucifer.

"Did a simple marshmallow cause all this smoke?" Balthazar asked holding back his urge to laugh.

"No, I panicked and I might have accidentally tossed it in the air… and the curtain caught on fire…." Gabriel looked down at his hands with sadness since he still craved that s'more.

"I heard someone crying, was that you, darling?" Crowley walked over to Anna who had some of her make up smeared under her eyes.

"Uh, yeah, I- I panic easily." she laughed to hide the embarrassment.

"Let me see that face," Crowley lifted up her chin and took out a handkerchief from his pocket to clean her face, she smiled at him and he returned it. "It is alright to panic with Gabriel in the room, you know."

"I know." she chuckled.

"Hey!" Gabriel glared at Crowley. Michael had finished cleaning the disaster Gabriel had created and Raphael had replaced the burnt curtain with a new one.

"I feel claustrophobic, could everyone please step outside?" Michael asked politely.

"Of course." Crowley nodded as he walked out the door and everyone followed.

"Gabriel, Balthazar, stay, please." Michael said before they could disappear from the room, they looked at each other but obeyed.

"Um, okay." said Gabriel as he sat down on his former seat, Balthazar was now next to him.

"Gabriel, I am rather displeased with your behaviour currently, you are always causing problems but lately it has been insufferable. Why is this?" he said in a wearied tone as he took from the pantry some items which earned a smile from Gabriel.

"I'm sorry." is all he could say knowing he had no particular reason for his behaviour, "I don't know, I'm always fucking up everything, aren't I?"

"Watch your language, young man." Michael pointed at him.

"Sorry."

"You are not. Although you cause trouble, more than Lucian, it is unintended. I do ask of you, however, to be more careful." he placed a roasted marshmallow on a layer of chocolate and a graham cracker.

"I try." Gabriel sighed resting his chin on his hand.

"I am aware of that, you are simply ungainly." he handed Gabriel a perfectly made s'more and one to Balthazar.

"I am?" he frowned.

"Perchance." Gabriel sighed and took a bite of the sweet treat instantly smiling as he felt the copious amount of sugar dancing on his taste buds, Michael smirked at the sight and continued with his previous intentions of keeping both boys in the room. "I volunteered you both for community service." Balthazar nearly choked on the bite he was currently swallowing and Gabriel dropped his s'more on the plate as he stared at Michael with his mouth agape.

"What? Why?" Gabriel spoke first in a disbelieving tone.

"That will be your punishment, unless you rather have do something more unpleasant."

"No! No, that- that is alright with me." Balthazar spoke putting his hands up before Gabriel would make his brother change his mind.

"Very well, you shall start Monday afternoon. Please report to this address and they will give you instructions." he took a small card from his pocket and placed it on the granite counter before the two boys. "Enjoy yourselves." he smiled walking out the kitchen with a plate of s'mores for the others. Gabriel sighed and banged his head on the counter repeatedly.

"You are going to make yourself stupider, Gabriel." Balthazar chuckled.

"Bite me." he glared.

"With pleasure, darling." he smirked.

…~*~IIIBIII~*~…

There you have it!

We find out next how the boys do in community service and we get to see Ian too :D