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Just want it to be perfect
To believe it's all been worth the fight.
Lies
- Marina and the Diamonds "Lies"

Zach froze. His cool gaze hardened even more, which I originally thought wasn't possible.

"She was out there? With you?" His voice came out disconnected and his eyes wandered above my head, deep in thought.

"Yes Zach. She found me. I don't know how she got in here but she did. And she could do it again." My voice softened considerably at the end.

"Why didn't she just kill you?" He asked, his dark eyes meeting mine again for what seemed like the millionth time. I ran my shaking fingers through my hair again.

"I don't know. I guess to make me paranoid. It worked," I gestured up and down my still trembling body. "I mean look at me." A hysterical laugh escaped from my lips before I could stop it. He looked at me, concern etched across his chiseled features. With a slight shake of his head, he turned on his heel and made his way towards the East Wing.

"Promise me something Cammie," He turned around. The look on his face scared me. I had never seen him so serious.

"Anything." I breathed. I doubt he heard me, but he understood what I meant.

"Promise me you will not let yourself be alone. Promise me you won't let them take you. Promise me you will fight back. Promise me you will not die." I gulped, the gravity of what he was saying seeping into me.

"That's a lot of promises you are asking me to make, Zach." There was no way he could expect me to not let any of this things happen to me. They were fated to happen to me. And he should know that. One day, and I got an awful feeling that it would be soon, my time would be up.

"I know. Just promise me that Cammie. Please." The desperation in his voice was impossible to overlook. Did he still care? I really hope he did. I needed someone to care about what happens to me.

My whisper was heartbroken as I uttered, "I can't." I looked up to see his reaction, but he was already gone.

I dragged my feet up the staircase that led to my dorm. I prayed that they were all asleep and wouldn't notice my entrance. I took a deep breath and opened the door as quietly as possible. I winced as I heard a slight creek. Luck did not seem to be with me tonight. I peered in the room, only to see three pairs of eyes staring at me intently.

"Were you going to run away Cammie? Huh? You know, because that's all you seem to be able to do." Bex's voice was laced with venom. "You're unbelievable."

"Seriously Rebecca? You don't even now the half of it! You have no idea what I went through you bit-" She cut me off midsentence, stopping me before I said something that I would truly regret. Her eyes penetrated into my soul.

"Do you even know Cammie? No you don't, so everything you did the entire summer was for nothing! You don't remember anything. You don't know what you found out, or if you even discovered anything for that matter!" Her voice was screaming as she moved closer, getting in my face. Her voice turned deathly quiet. "You let everyone, especially your father, down. You failed." I shoved her harshly away from me. She slammed into the mirror on the wall, shattering it into thousands of pieces. Rage washed over her and she shoved me back just as hard into the door. My back banged into the door handle and I winced in pain. Once again, soft carnival music filled my ears. I shook my head, clearing my mind. The music was gone, but my anger wasn't as she caught her breath. I threw a punch at her face. She barely dodged it and my fist hit her shoulder.

Bex roundhouse kicked me in the stomach and I felt the air leave me. Liz and Macey were frantically trying to separate us, but as I pounced back onto Bex, they opted to shouting for help. Liz was sobbing hysterically and holding her wrist. It looked broken. My attention was brought back to our fight when I felt Bex lift herself off of me and jump onto me again. This time, she had a hairbrush in her hand and was hitting my head with it over and over.

"Not fighting fair, I see." I growled through my teeth.

"STOP IT! You are going to kill each other." Macey was wailing this as she once again leapt in, desperately trying to separate us from each other. She finally gave up when one of my poorly aimed punches hit her in the nose. Macey ran out of the room frantically, clutching her nose to stop the bleeding. Liz was still crying.

I felt some of my sisters enter the doorway and heard their screams. I think Courtney was calling for Solomon. But he wouldn't be able to stop us.

Bex flipped us over so that she was now on top. My eyes widened as she put both of her hands around my neck, effectively cutting off my air supply. The crowd around us grew even louder and larger.

"I hate you Cammie. I fucking hate you. You left." Bex once again spit on me as I struggled. I lifted my legs and kicked her off of me.

We were shouting awful things at each other. I wanted to stop it. I didn't want to hurt each other anymore than we already had. I stopped moving, stopped struggling. Bex did the opposite though. She took advantage of my momentary surrender and put her bloody hands around my neck for the second time.

I knew that the entire school was hearing this. I prayed that someone was on the way. This needed to stop. I struggled to stay still, trying my hardest to keep an ounce of self-control. Somehow, my clothes had been torn off of me, leaving me in a sports bra and the cotton shorts. I felt exposed. I was still struggling to breathe when Bex spoke again.

"Like I said before, Cameron. Your father would be embarrassed of you. You failed him. You are a pathetic nothing who thinks she is important. I wish you never came back. I wish you died while they were torturing you." Her grip on my neck loosened slightly as the realization of what she had just said flooded over her. One of her hands flew to her mouth, covering it. For a split second, I thought she would give up. But her remorse didn't last long. She went right back to punching me in the face.

I grabbed her arm before she could land a punch and twisted it behind her back. She cried out in pain and the next thing I knew I had her in a headlock. I caught sight of my eyes in a piece of the shattered mirror. I almost didn't recognize them. My eyes were unforgiving.

I could snap her neck in a second, and I think only a few people knew it. I shuddered, the lean muscles of my arms fighting against the instinct to kill. I had a killer instinct. I immediately released her from my grip and she stared at me in shock. She didn't think I would do that. Hell, even I didn't think I would do that. She stepped towards me again and flipped me over. I pulled her down with me.

"Bex, stop it. Please. I want to stop." I pleaded. I didn't want to fight at all anymore. I was scared of myself and couldn't allow myself to do something so disgusting again. But here was another thing stopping me.

It reminded me too much of something. I was sure that I had been in this position while the Circle had me. And I didn't like it. I was panicking on the inside, but kept my face strong and void of any emotion.

We were still rolling around before Zach broke through the crowd and pulled Bex away from me. We were both breathing heavily and staring each other down. Everyone stood there in a tense silence. He let go of Bex once he made her swear to stop. No one approached me.

They didn't want to go near someone like me. Someone who almost killed one of her sisters.

Abby and Joe finally arrived after what seemed like hours of anxious silence.

"Oh my god girls. What just happened?" Abby whispered in wonder. She glanced around our completely destroyed dorm room. Everything was broken.

"Answer her!" Mr. Solomon's thunderous voice roared at us. I had never seen him so furious and so disappointed. My stomach clenched.

"She tried to kill me. I mean, Cammie just jumped me out of nowhere! I was trying to be nice to her! She's been through so much. I was trying to be a friend." Bex's voice was full of innocence and tapered off towards the end.

"Bull shit. You know what happened Bex. You know what you said. We were both active participants. Don't put this on me." My voice came out oddly calm. I sounded deadly. I was deadly.

"Like anyone actually believes you Cammie. You are crazy. You're the girl that came back from your little 'mission' as a psycho. You are not thinking straight." Bex just couldn't stop throwing insults at me, could she?

"Stop it Bex! What you said was completely uncalled for! You are being completely unreasonable. I am ashamed in you two! You don't need to react that badly Cammie, and when your sister says stop Bex, you stop. Sister's don't do that to each other." Liz's small voice grew louder and more powerful with every word. She was crying silently, holding her awkward looking arm. It was certainly broken.

I was thankful for Liz. She was what I needed. I just needed someone to not accuse me of being the only one in the wrong.

I gave her a sad smile and turned to leave the room. People parted and let me through, keeping a comfortable distance from me. Guilt racked through my body. The second I went through the door, I ran. I ran from everyone and sat in an abandoned hallway. I knew what Zach's mom was talking about now. I know what I am capable of.

And I couldn't shake the feeling that I had done much worse before.

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