Chapter 32

I posted a short Destiel Christmas story if anyone would like to read it, it is based on the song His Favourite Christmas Story by Capital Lights (That's the title of the fic too). Thank you for reading, I hope all of you had a great Christmas!

Short chapter explaining about Gabriel and Sam, also, a little more of the guys. And wow, lots of drama in this fic.

WARNING: slight angst.

…~) * (~…

And all I can breathe is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

When sooner or later is over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

~Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

"Sometimes I'm scared, I'll admit that. I am. I don't want to open my eyes for fear everything that I'm seeing will fade to reality and I know I will be lying between sheets on a bright morning as my head spins clearing its thoughts. I don't want to wake up, I don't want reality, I don't want this to end, I want to keep dreaming for a little while so I remember how it feels to be loved for once, I want to think I am simply not a replacement for a broken heart, that I truly have what I longed for, that I am not just another person. I don't want to feel empty anymore, I don't want to get up in the morning and live because I am expected to, I want to live because someone wants me alive. Am I special? Am I meaning something to you? In my dreams I am. I want it to be this way forever.

I believe in a God, I used to pray when I was younger though I have lately forgotten how to have faith; I need that. I say small prayers in my head sometimes when you are close to me, I pray to God I don't wake up and lose you. Will you stay with me, Sam? Will you love me?"

He felt the warm, sweet and tender lips move against his, a hand softly cupping the side of his face, he could hear his heart pounding inside his chest loud enough for Sam to hear. He didn't care, not at all. This heart beat for him, it always had, always would. The proximity of their bodies allowed the heat radiating to transfer through their clothes, they craved the closeness, the embrace, the emotion to be expressed not to be locked away as it had been.

..~)*(~…

He took a deep breath as his eyes scanned around the room taking in the sight of his brother by the window with Castiel, their hands intertwined seeming lost in a conversation; the boy had improved through the days though he refused to leave the house and Dean spent most of the day by his side. They were currently doing school work since which Michael would be sending to the school the next day. Balthazar, Bae-Yung and Crowley sat together in the living room occupied by their own work, Sam and Gabriel had joined Castiel and Dean in the kitchen yet they kept a distance sitting at the breakfast bar, Michael sat at the far end of it reading over papers Zachariah had given him. Sam's hand under the counter hesitated for a moment before reaching to grab the one next to him, a gasp and a blush from the other boy formed a smile on his face, their fingers interlacing hidden from the people in the room yet both were content with such a small gesture.

Castiel sat on one side window seat while Dean sat on the other, he looked up from his work to aid Dean with a question about their work; from the corner of his eye he saw his twin brother and Sam holding hands. A small smile formed on his lips and he nudged Dean's leg gently for him to see.

"Well, aren't they adorable? They make me sick." Dean shook his head with a smile on his lips. "I'm gonna have to give Gabriel the 'big brother' speech soon." he chuckled.

"I am happy for Gabriel, it seems he finally-" Castiel stopped himself remembering he was the only person to know about his brother's secret fondness of the Winchester boy, even if Gabriel himself was not aware of it.

"He finally what?" Dean knit his brows staring at Castiel with curiosity, he glanced at his brother and Gabriel before looking at Castiel again.

"Nothing, Dean, I am content Gabriel seems happy at last. I had not seen a true smile like that in a long time." he gave his boyfriend a small smile before returning to his work.

"Yeah.." Dean whispered in thought.

"Michael, may I speak with you for a moment?" Crowley stood by the door with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face.

"Of course." the older man stood from the stool to follow his cousin to the hall. He took a glance at his watch, it was half past the seventeenth hour which meant he should be starting dinner soon. He sighed exhaustedly and stopped walking as he reached Crowley. "How may I be of assistance?"

"You remember Aziraphale, do you not?" Michael nodded 'yes'. "Would it be alright if he stayed with us here for a while? I have not seen him much lately."

"Have his parents allowed him to?" Michael folded his arms across his chest.

"They said it would be alright as long as you agree." he leant against the wall not removing his hands from his pockets, he felt confident Michael would agree yet he was slightly anxious.

"I assume he is aware of the current situation in our family?" he tilted his head slightly.

"Yes, he is. You can trust Aziraphale, he is rather a saint." he raised his brows with a smirk on his lips.

"I trust your judgement of that. Very, well, he may." Michael nodded, he narrowed his eyes at the boy before him feeling slight discomfort for his next words. "Has Azriel given you 'the talk'?" Crowley grinned widely at Michael's flushed face.

"He has. Don't worry, Angel, he and I have barely shared a kiss." Michael nodded clearing his throat.

"Very well, remember there are younger ones in this house."

"It's my brother you have to worry about, he can't seem to keep his hands off the boy." he sighed with humour.

"Ah, that reminds me, I need to speak to them about this too. Sam and Gabriel are next to Balthazar and Bae-Yung's room, he is too young to be hearing such things." he placed his hand on his forehead not feeling eager to have the conversation with the teenagers though he felt it was necessary for them to hear it.

"I think they will be more careful once you speak to them." Crowley smirked, he stood up straight as he started to leave. "Thank you, Michael."

"Should we expect him tonight?"

"I believe so, I could help you with dinner if you'd like."

"Yes, please. Raphael and Lucian will not return until later, I could use some help." Michael followed Crowley into the kitchen. His head ached from reading all morning, he had hardly eaten during the past days or slept a few hours, his muscles ached from the tension and the pain at the back of his neck would not disappear. He took a fair amount of air into his lungs in attempt to relieve the stress and stood before the cupboard selecting items to prepare dinner when he felt a rush of blood to his head making him dizzy, his vision blacked out for a few seconds but he managed to hold on to the frame of the door avoiding a fall.

"Michael? Are you okay?" Gabriel stood behind his older brother with a glass of water for himself.

"Yes, I am alright." he placed a small smile on his lips before continuing with his task.

"Are you sure? You look tired." he furrowed his brows in concern noticing the exhausted eyes of his brother.

"Yes, don't worry, I just haven't slept well, that is all."

"Do you want me to help you with dinner?"

"No, that's alright, last time you tried to make something, the house almost caught on fire, remember?" he chuckled, Gabriel pouted.

"It was just the curtain…"

"Right, you might actually set everything on fire this time." he messed up Gabriel's hair in a manner Lucifer would, a small smile on his lips and humour in his eyes.

"You guys are never gonna stop, are you?" he snarled as he fixed his hair.

"Cheer up, lad, at least you are not known as the mewling brat of the family." Balthazar walked towards Gabriel pressing his lips on the side of his cousin's face.

"Oh gross, Balthazar, only my boyfrien- "

Gabriel pressed his lips together realising not one in his family was aware of his relationship with the younger Winchester. Sam heard Gabriel's words, his heart jumped abruptly at the mention of "boyfriend" yet he did not remove his focus from his work. Balthazar opened his mouth unable to form a question, he narrowed his eyes at his cousin and furrowed his brows.

"Gabriel, you have a boyfriend?" Michael stared at his young brother in surprise for two days previous he had been certain Gabriel's status had been single.

"Uh, yeah, I guess.." he pressed his lips together into a line as he fought the threatening blush from his face.

"Is this a committed relationship?" Michael narrowed his eyes at Gabriel who nodded. "I would like to meet this young man."

"Uh. Okay, I'll tell him... " he looked at the glass of water in his hands and urged his feet to move towards the breakfast bar. Sam sat still for a moment before glancing at Gabriel, his heart rate sped up seeing the small smile on the other boy's lips and he found himself smiling as well.

Gabriel took his mobile from his pocket proceeding to type a message to Sam; "Hey, so the family wants to meet you.", he wrinkled his nose feeling foolish for messaging Sam instead of speaking to him. The younger Winchester felt a disturbance on his leg and smiled to himself realising his mobile vibrated; he shook his head as he read the message then turned towards Gabriel to whisper, "I know". He stood from his seat, taking his school supplies with him he excused himself to his room. Gabriel sat alone and impatient to go after Sam but he knew better to wait for a few minutes.

"What is this young man's name, love?" Balthazar sat next to Gabriel resting his elbow on the counter, he smirked mischievously expecting an answer from the boy yet Gabriel simply kept silent without turning to him. "You'll have to tell us eventually."

"I guess you'll have to wait until then like everyone else." Gabriel smiled gently slapping Balthazar's cheek as he jumped from the stool to leave the room, the blond boy snarled at his cousin watching him leave the room.

Sam sat on the edge of the bed with thousands of thoughts, thousands of words forming in his head preparing for the conversation he knew must happen between he and Gabriel. His stomach felt uneasy with anxiety, his fingers tapped gently on his thigh as he waited for the boy to arrive. He wondered what his parents would think of him dating a boy older than him, what would Dean say, what would Jessica say if she were there? I no longer ache for you, but the love is still there, of a friend, that is. I know you will never come back, and I think I deserve happiness. I will love like you told me I should.

"Don't wait for me, Sam." Jessica sat next to the boy on a bench at the park, a small smile forced on her lips as she held back her tears, her hand reached towards his cheek gently caressing, "Hey, you'll be fine, you'll be alright without me."

"I don't want you to go, Jessica." he spoke in a low tone hiding the sentiment from his voice.

"I don't want to leave you, but I have to." there was a moment of silence for neither knew what proper words to say. "Promise me something, will you?" Sam nodded pressing his lips into a thin line. "Promise you will let go of me once I'm gone. I want you to be happy, I want you to love someone as you love me; you deserve to. Promise me that."

"You can't make me promise that."

"You can do it, Sam, I know you can. You deserve happiness and I can't give you that." she took his hands into hers giving them a gentle squeeze.

"I don't want to forget you-"

"You have to."

"I know…"

"Sam?" he felt a warm hand touch the side of his face, he blinked twice to clear his vision and noticed Gabriel kneeling before him with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry. I was just thinking." he smiled gently at Gabriel, he patted the space next to him inviting the older boy to sit with him. Sam moved closer to the headboard resting his head against it, Gabriel lay on the mattress with his head on the boy's lap.

"What do we tell them?" Gabriel looked up at Sam.

"The truth." he ran his fingers through Gabriel's hair as he thought.

"But how do we explain? We can't just tell them, 'Oh hey, I like your brother so I'm dating him.'"

"Isn't that how it works though?" Sam looked down at the boy with a slight frown.

"Not really.."

"What do you mean?" Gabriel sat up to Sam's level, he kept his eyes on the boy as he thought of how to word what he wanted to say.

"Sam, do you really like me?" he fixed his eyes on his hands resting on his thighs, "I mean, do you actually like me? Do you really want to be with me?" he leant against the wall drawing his feet in to his chest, Sam kept quiet for a moment before looking at Gabriel again.

"Why wouldn't I want to be? I like you." there was a small ache in Gabriel's chest, he took a breath of air to keep it away yet it did not dissipate.

"You like me." he said quietly, the younger boy stared at him in confusion. "I don't like you, Sam, and I know you're not ready for these words but I want you to remember them so when you're ready.. You can return them." his eyes locked with Sam's for him to see the truth, he tried not to make his sound as broken as he felt yet it was impossible. "I love you. I have for a long time and I can't stop." he did not blink as a small drop fell from the corner of his eye. "We were so young when I first noticed you, I grew fond of you with time and hoped one day you would notice me too. I'd go to your house to play with Dean, I remember trying to always be around you but you always preferred him or Jessica. I was okay with that, I was never jealous. You seemed happy and I loved the smile on your face." he smiled gently at the memory, he did not try to stop the tears from his eyes because he knew it would only hurt him to hold them in. "I didn't want a relationship with anyone, it would have meant nothing; as much as I tried not to like you, it was impossible and when you kissed me, I wish I hadn't pushed you away but," he paused resting his chin on his knees, "I think sometimes that you are with me to forget about Jessica." he closed his eyes regretting his words, "and I'm sorry." the tears did not stop falling, he kept his eyes closed not wanting to see Sam's face, he could hear the boy's quiet sobs. "I'm sorry, Sam." he said quietly, Sam did not respond. The seconds passed, minutes and neither had spoken a word though they managed to stop the tears. The younger Winchester moved closer to Gabriel hoping not to be pushed away, he wrapped his arms around the boy drawing him close to his chest, Gabriel in return held on to Sam.

"I'm sorry, Gabriel." he spoke quietly pressing his warm lips against Gabriel's forehead. He knew he had to apologise, he could understand the pain Gabriel must feel and he wished to soothe it yet nothing heals instantly. "Gabriel, look at me.." he took the older boy's face between his hands hoping he would. "Please look at me."

"Tell me the truth, Sam.. are you just using me?" Gabriel moved away from Sam slightly to look at him better, his eyes were exhausted and his head ached.

"I am young but not stupid, nor selfish. i would never use you, not you of all people. Never. If you think I want to be with you just to forget Jessica, you are wrong and I will hurt you physically." he sighed deeply attempting to ease the urge to cry again, he felt anger towards himself; his lips felt dry and uncomfortable from breathing through his mouth. "Gabriel, I understand if you don't want to be with me for now but I can assure you, I have no feelings left for Jessica, she's been gone for a while now and I feel good, I feel happy with you."

Gabriel stared at Sam with such fondness in those amber eyes, his pupils blown medium size not simply adjusting to the light but expressing his strongest feeling within making the young boy wanting to wrap himself in it like wings surrounding his entire being, like grace pouring throughout him, running through his veins and reaching his soul. It made him yearn, it made him ache, it made his soul euphoric. It was like a drug, addictive, beautiful in a way, soothing, it was ecstasy; he wanted it all, he needed more and to return it. His tongue inside his mouth moved as if waiting for his vocal chords to form words yet nothing happened, instead he pressed his lips against Gabriel's gently awaiting a response from the boy who did not disappoint.

"You are not too young to know what love is. You are not a child who needs guidance to understand feelings or emotions. I know what I feel. And it's beautiful." His mind spoke as his lips moved gently against the other boy's, he could taste a hint of the tears he'd cried, he could taste the passion, the love, the angst and the ache; he wanted to take it away. "I'm not too young to mend your broken soul. I'm not too young to love you."

The clock marked the eighteenth hour of the day, seconds passed, minutes passed. There was a soothing silence in the room, the air was warm, the skies began to darken and two boys lay together fond in sleep in each other's arms. The door creaked open as Michael entered, having called the two boys for dinner and they failed to go downstairs, he decided to find them. An amused yet relieved chuckle escaped from his mouth at the sight of the boys; he ran a hand through his hair contemplating awaking them but decided against it.

"That solves that." Michael whispered forcing his feet to move towards the door, he felt lightheaded for a moment and his vision blacked out once again. He groaned quietly as his head hit the frame of the door but he managed to hold on. "Not now. Please not now." he murmured as he straightened himself. "Lucian.." he gave a few steps before he stopped to lean against the wall. "Lucian.." he repeated but he knew his brother could not hear him. He sent a prayer in his head that someone came upstairs at the moment, anyone. "Luci-" he dropped on the floor as his body became unresponsive and he went into an oblivion of consciousness.