Back in the dorm room, Rin sat in a chair in front of his desk. Nitori was in the shower and the sound of the water coming from the shower head was soothing. It was a consistent drizzle that was like music to his ears.

But then it got fucking annoying after 45 minutes.

Rin put his earbuds in and turned a punk-rock song up at full volume. The white noise filled his ears and started to consume his thoughts. He didn't want to think about what had happened a day earlier. He'd promised he would race Haruka again a few days ago and he finally had.

Obviously the music wasn't working.

The roaring guitars couldn't help him to forget the sound of the splashing water in Samezuka's pool. They'd raced. Rin had won. There wasn't much else to it. But what really hurt was that he didn't feel any better at all.

He was supposed to have a clear mind. Supposed to be without any worries, yet he felt like there was something missing. After the race, he'd looked right to Makoto. His hurt eyes had left a hole inside Rin. Haru had merely stood in the water waiting for something to happen. Nagisa was yelling at Makoto to do something. But all of them stood there confused.

Leaning back in his chair Rin questioned himself. If he really was talented enough to win against Haru, what he'd always wanted, why did he feel so empty?

Haru was out of shape.

That had to be it! There couldn't possibly be any other reason. It was what made sense. Haruka probably hadn't done any swim practice from what he'd heard. Gou had informed him that the others hadn't been swimming since he left. It hadn't been a real competition, that was why it hadn't made him feel better. He would have to race Haru when he was in shape or else it meant nothing.

But Makoto...He couldn't say anything to him. He used to be the first to translate Rin's words so that others could understand. He was always there to worry about him...But now he stared at him just as Haru had. As if his eyes couldn't see him. And it hurt more than anything Haruka could have done to him.

Why?

Why did it matter that it was Makoto?

"Senpai?"

Rin fell backwards out of his chair and lay on the floor staring up at his roommate who had just come out of the shower. He was wearing only a towel and Rin found his eyes drawn to his face. He rubbed the back of his head and pulled his earbuds out.

"What?" he basically growled.

Nitori's wide eyes looked at him with concern. He was fidgeting with his fingers.

"Ah...S-senpai seems bothered by something…" he started looking away instantly.

Rin sat up but stayed on the floor and looked back at his desk. He was really beating himself up about this. Nitori went to put on his clothes and Rin found himself unamused at his bunny rabbit undies. That would usually get at least smirk from him.

Even though Nitori was worrying about him, it wasn't like how Makoto worried about him. The green-eyes boys entire demeanor would change. His usually bright expressions would become strained. His lips would part gently and he'd raise his shoulders nervously. Rin frowned just thinking about it.

"Nitori…" Rin pulled himself off of the floor. "I feel empty…" he mumbled.

He couldn't believe he was saying anything at all. The silver-haired boy was pulling his pajama shirt over his head. He stared blankly at Rin. As he comprehended what had been said, his cheeks brightened.

"Ah...Matsuoka-senpai...could I ask why?" it was true Nitori didn't actually know much about Rin.

Rin staggered over to his bed and smothered himself with his pillow. His face was planted into it firmly.

"Senpai!" Nitori hesitated before moving closer.

Rin eventually rolled over onto his back replaying last night's events in his mind. His underclassmen watched him, perplexed. He wasn't sure how to talk to the purple-haired boy, especially since he barely opened up to anyone.

"What if you worked your whole life to achieve something...but when you did it, you still felt empty…" Rin's focus was on the underside of the top bunk. His eyes were unfocused.

Aiichiro tilted his head to the side. It was true that after Rin had joined the team, he'd always been pushing himself. But he never knew it was for some kind of personal goal like this. Something that made him feel 'empty'.

"Are you sure that was your goal?"

Rin blinked. Are you sure that was your goal?

"What do you mean?" he asked mildly interested.

Nitori twiddled his thumbs. "B-because if it were your life goal….th-then wouldn't you feel better? I-if it weren't something you just obsessed over, but what you've always wanted?" he watched floor looking for his confidence.

"Damn" Rin swore in english.

He hadn't thought about it that way.

"I-it should be whatever is constantly on your mind, right?" Aiichiro spoke not sure of what Rin had said.

Rin didn't answer but continued to train his eyes at the underside of the bunk.

"Ah...Good night Senpai" Nitori climbed the bunk after shutting off the lights.

Something that Rin thought about all the time...It was swimming right? The feel of the water as he pierced through the surface. The exhilaration of having a rhythm. It just didn't seem right now that he thought about it. It was true he'd trained so hard to be the best but it felt empty now. He'd realized a while ago that he wasn't his father, so then what had been his drive?

He remembered a time in middle school when he first saw Haru swim. It was one of the most amazing things he'd ever seen but that hadn't been it. What was it? Makoto had asked him to join the team after he transferred (even though he was going to join anyway). He was nice enough to introduce everyone else to him. But he always clung to Haru like they had some kind of special connection. It had always irritated him a bit when the dark-haired boy would just interrupt a conversation he was having with Makoto. Or even something as simple as getting more of Mako's attention. Those green eyes never stayed on him long enough.

Rin closed his eyes. "I wish Makoto would look at me how he looks at Haru…", he whispered.

Rin sat up jerkily with his eyes wide open. "Makoto…" he breathed.

Twisting his fingers in his hair he leaned against the wall to his right. So that was it. he felt a little less empty. The common thought he always had was Makoto. Sliding out of bed, he rummaged through his desk drawer. Eventually finding the little charm he'd 'lost'. The fake shark tooth was yellowing and the blue leather it was attached to was fraying. It was probably from all the chlorine Rin had swam in. Clipping it back around his wrist, a sad smile came to his face. Remembering all the things he'd said, what Makoto had said to him, and what he wished could've been said. Was it all that simple? To simply like someone. If that was even what it was. Rin held onto his wrist and kissed the little bracelet.

Something had to be done. He wanted this emptiness to be completely gone. This loneliness from being left behind by everyone. Laying back on his stomach Rin couldn't sleep. He obviously liked Makoto…

His cheeks warmed up.

What the hell was with that?! Rolling onto his side he hugged the pillow against his chest. How was he supposed to come to terms with liking a guy? And a childhood friend at that. Rolling onto his other side he threw his pillow off the bed.

All he could picture was Makoto's disappointed face after the race the other day.

God, why was he so stupid? He'd hurt someone he hadn't meant to hurt. The one person who had accepted him and cared for him so easily. But wasn't it pointless? Haru and Makoto were bascially married, they even fed each other in middle school.

WHY THE HELL WAS HE ASKING ALL THESE DAMN QUESTIONS?!

He shifted onto his back. The Samezuka swim team was going on a training trip to a little island the next day. He had to talk to Makoto before then. He grabbed his phone frantically then calmed down. He would simply ask to talk to Makoto. He texted the taller boy a message and waited for a response.

An hour passed and he got nothing.

Rin swore under his breath and tossed his phone onto the floor. At this rate he wouldn't be able to sleep at all. Rolling on to his left side, Rin curled up against his left over pillow. As he drifted off to sleep, his mind uneasily went over what he would possibly say to Makoto. He would probably be weirded out.

But it was alright this way. Rin's hand slid under his shirt as he felt his heartbeat. His heart was pounding quickly. He dozed off with new thoughts of Makoto. At least he knew what his problem was.

Nitori lay on the top bunk just above Rin. His eyes were wide as he listened to Rin fuss around and swear. He was definitely an interesting person.