Author's Note: This one is for SerendipityAEY, who wanted Obi-Wan and driving. Enjoy!
Smile
Drivers Ed. 2.
"Pull out into traffic carefully, Obi-Wan," Master Qui-Gon said, arms folded across his chest and looking entirely unperturbed by the fact he was about to take Obi-Wan out for his first real drive.
There'd been plenty of simulators before the real thing, of course, but this was it. He was finally doing the real thing: driving. Being chosen as a Padawan and constructing a lightsaber marked him as a grown up Jedi; actually being able to drive? Well, that marked him as a grown up member of the human race.
Obi-Wan beamed. He'd practiced this lots of times in sims and had memorized the driving manuals. He was totally ready for this. He checked his navicomputer, altitude limiter, speed governor, and the Force, which indicated just the right place for him to enter the flow of traffic.
He turned on his right turn signal, and pressed on the accelerator. He moved into traffic smoothly. His grin widened further.
Obi-Wan flicked on his left turn signal, planning on taking them in a full loop around the edge of the Temple Precinct. It was hard not to gawp at everything. Coruscant in the evening was a sight to behold from up high, full of lit up buildings. He'd seen it all dozens of times before, but this time, he was in charge of the flight path, and –
That was when everything went downhill.
The sound of engines revving clogged the air, and Obi-Wan winced, slamming down on the brakes as something large, loud, and repulsor-equipped came scathingly close to slicing off the top of their exposed heads.
A pair of Nikto on racing-painted swoops shot past their considerably more modest speeder, gunning their engines and laughing raucously as they swept around the corner of a nearby building. Obi-Wan yelped, and Qui-Gon said something in a language he didn't quite understand, but judging by the tone and the sense of annoyance he was kicking off into the Force, it was critical of their driving skills. Also, probably rude.
Obi-Wan had two seconds to catch his breath before the sound of revving engines came again – and, again, from behind. Another Nikto and a Weequay were hot on the heels of what Obi-Wan figured were their friends – he didn't sense any deliberate malice in the racing, just a sense of reckless joy and excitement. The third Nikto had a blue-skinned Twi'lek girl on his back seat, her hands in the air and lekku streaming as the second set of swoops gunned their engines and wove in front of him, cutting him off and blocking the view of the lane in front of him.
"Obi-Wan! Be mindful!" was all the warning he got before he realized he was shooting straight through a busy intersection.
Obi-Wan slammed on the brakes. Speeder headlights rose up at him like a wave. No, bad idea - oncoming traffic! He slammed on the accelerator, swerving, but the sudden stop, go – then another stomp on the brakes to avoid a speeder – sent him skidding uncontrollably into the side of a speeder truck that seemed to be full of leafy green produce.
The leafy green produce exploded out of the truck as several horns began to blast in alarm, and then there was a disturbing sound of crunching metal and a squeal of brakes from somewhere nearby.
Obi-Wan, fortunately or unfortunately, couldn't see the entirety of the accident site. He was completely covered in cabbage.
From somewhere amid all the produce, Obi-Wan heard Qui-Gon sigh. "You have much to learn, my very young apprentice."
Obi-Wan spat out a cabbage leaf.
He couldn't be a Jedi without knowing how to drive properly. Knowing how to drive a vehicle, either landspeeder or starfighter, was considered kind of a required skill. Fortunately, there were no serious injuries from the accident a few weeks earlier, and after a break, Qui-Gon was insisting he practice driving again.
Obi-Wan was a little less excited about driving this time. People drove crazy.
This time, Qui-Gon took him to a less busy quarter of Coruscant – a small sector where the Fobosi district bumped into the Works. It was quiet. It was not as bright or full of traffic as the heart of the Fobosi district or the Temple Precinct. Which meant it was a bit safer in terms of a place to take inexperienced drivers.
It was just, that, well, it was the Works. There were feral droids and deathstick dealers in there. Somewhere. Probably a lot further in. But still.
He had a bad feeling about this.
This time, Master Qui-Gon was well strapped into his seat, bracing himself firmly against the door. "Very well, Obi-Wan. You may begin. Accelerate slowly."
Obi-Wan did so, and the speeder crept upward into the air, crawling down the street at a bantha's pace, passing by streetlamp after streetlamp as they puttered their way over the heads of people below. There was some traffic, but not much; most of the speeders ignored him entirely, and when he finally got through his first intersection without incident, Obi-Wan – and Qui-Gon, beside him – exhaled a sigh of relief.
Then the shooting began.
A pair of speeders shot out from one alleyway, the front one shooting backward as the trailing one shot forward. Screams erupted from below as blaster bolts began to singe the air. Whoever was riding shotgun in the front seat of the first speeder appeared to be a very large, very angry, very armed Wookiee with a bowcaster. A roar of victory went up when the second speeder's engine suddenly erupted in flames.
Of course, while the second speeder crashed and burned, the first speeder was still on a collision course for the two Jedi and their very sensible training speeder.
"Obi-Wan! Land! Land!"
That was when the Wookiee realized there was something obstructing the lane and his escape route. With another roar, he turned the bowcaster on the Jedi and began to shoot, seemingly taken with the brilliant idea of blasting them out of the way.
The windshield in front of him shattered, and something hot and sharp sizzled by Obi-Wan's ear, only to slam into the backseat as he tried to take the speeder down. The force of the blaster bolt was strong enough to send the little speeder into a tailspin, and there were more screams from below as a plaza swept up to meet them.
They hit something that crunched, splintered, and flew into the air.
Then it rained vegetables.
This time, it wasn't cabbage. It was lettuce. Pink lettuce.
Obi-Wan spat out a lettuce leaf.
"I'm beginning to think the Force is trying to tell you something, my young apprentice," Qui-Gon intoned, unearthing himself from a pile of pink lettuce heads.
Obi-Wan's forehead hit the steering wheel.
It seemed it was time for another approach.
For the last several weeks, they'd been on the trail of a Black Sun smuggling ring, which was rumored to be selling spice throughout a series of systems previously without much Black Sun influence. The trail eventually led them to a small, rural world, before running cold; all they managed to find was a series of hyperactive teenagers strung out on entirely too much giggledust. They all thought that being interrogated by a pair of annoyed Jedi to be hilarious. They were promptly turned over to the local authorities and their equally annoyed parents.
The two Jedi would be heading off world within the hour, but first, there would be driving. Since Coruscant seemed to be a constant source of problematic driving spots, Qui-Gon decided that a nice, quiet drive in the country would be a better alternative.
And so the two Jedi were seated in a borrowed speeder, slowly moving along one of the empty back roads by the nearest spaceport. They moved past fields of grain, blowing in the wind, before emerging into a more forested area. The road curved around, and would eventually take them back into town where they could get back on their ship. Obi-Wan began to relax. They'd been on the road for nearly fifteen minutes, and there had been no swoop bikes, no produce, and no armed Wookiees trying to attack him. With the windows open, the breeze moved through the speeder, tousling his short hair. This was much more like how he imagined driving to be, at least when he wasn't on a mission and trying to dodge bullets. Obi-Wan relaxed into the seat, and sent a small, pleased smile at Master Qui-Gon, who said, mildly, "Eyes on the road, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan did as he was told. The forest was becoming a bit thicker with trees. It was autumn, and most of them were shades of yellow, orange and red.
That was, perhaps, why he didn't notice the birds at first, along with his nervousness about other speeders and aggressive leafy vegetables. Plump and fiery red, they were hopping from tree to tree, gathering along the branches that lined the road. It was when the first one swooped down in front of him that he was forced to pay attention, and he yelped a bit as it came disturbingly close to the windshield. A quick look in the rearview mirror showed the bird had continued on past…but that there was a flock of them now swarming behind the speeder, whistling and squawking.
"Obi-Wan, ahead of you!" Qui-Gon called, and Obi-Wan returned his attention forward. The flock was forming ahead of them as well, the birds hopping off the trees and flying forward into the road.
The dive bombing began. Angry red birds attacked the speeder, swooping down and slamming themselves into the windshield, squawking and flapping their wings as they pecked furiously at the glass. The entire speeder was surrounded in a feathery cloud of the pests, and scarlet feathers were plastered to all the windows.
Which meant Obi-Wan couldn't see.
The speeder continued straight ahead as the road curved. A moment later, it slammed into a tree, and the birds panicked, flying up into the branches and scolding as the two Jedi clambered out of the vehicle, now wrapped around a tree trunk.
"I believe we have made the birds angry enough for today," Qui-Gon said as he gave Obi-Wan a hand up. "We'd best be going."
Obi-Wan coughed out a mouthful of feathers.
With a wave of his hand a bit of a push from the Force, the two Black Sun agents went flying off their feet, and Obi-Wan broke into a run. Across the docking bay, Master Qui-Gon was almost surrounded, his back up against one of the speeder trucks that was being used to deliver spice to various locations across the city. The thugs who were in charge of the deliveries weren't entirely stupid, and had figured out that focusing their blaster fire on the older, more experienced Jedi would keep him from aiding the younger one.
Of course, they didn't know that Obi-Wan needed very little help. Still, they were outnumbered and outgunned, and remaining inside the enclosed bay was giving them little room for maneuverability. They had to get out of the docks, and into a more open area, where they could choose their own footing.
Shouts from behind warned him that his two friends were back on their feet, and their renewed shouting was accompanied by blaster shots winging by him. Fortunately, though they were in an enclosed space, the bay was full of cover. Obi-Wan dove into a fancy looking convertible, and one of the two men behind him screeched. The blaster shots suddenly stopped, and Obi-Wan allowed himself to grin for a moment as he ripped into the command console and began to hotwire it. Yes, it would be a terrible shame if they scratched their boss's expensive speeder – or just got his blood all over it.
The engine revved to life, and Obi-Wan slammed his foot down on the accelerator, lurching forward as the first of the men caught up and made a grab at him, a second too late. Obi-Wan laid on the horn as he shot towards Qui-Gon's group, and while some men scattered, others refocused their attention on the speeder bearing down on them and opened fire. In doing so, they stopped paying attention to Qui-Gon, which was a rather nasty mistake, as they suddenly found themselves flying across the loading dock until they hit a very hard duracrete wall.
"Let's go," Qui-Gon said as he leapt into the passenger seat. Remaining standing while Obi-Wan gunned the engine and peeled out of the dock, Qui-Got batted several more shots back at their pursuers as more engines began to fire up.
The docks were located close to the shopping district, to make it easier for more reputable deliveries to make it to the market. It took only a few seconds before there were more green blaster shots flying at them and past them; Qui-Gon stood, balancing on the seat and the trunk, and covered them as Obi-Wan drove.
The market burst into view, unavoidable. He laid on the horn again as the convertible bolted into the first of the rows of shops. Sellers and shoppers began screaming, diving out of the way as their speeder zoomed down the aisle, a pair of Black Sun speeders in close pursuit and shooting. The marketplace was filled with wares of every kind, though most were household goods and items needed in daily life. They passed by stalls filled with carpets and rugs, a noodle shop, a vendor selling sparkling jewelry and another, sprawling place selling used electronic parts. It was when Obi-Wan spotted the vegetable vendor that he grinned.
"Master!" he shouted over the din of the wind, screaming people, blaster fire, and Qui-Gon's lightsaber humming. "They look like they might enjoy a bit of dinner, don't you think?"
Qui-Gon turned for a moment, long hair whipping around his face, to see what Obi-Wan was referring to. The stall was rapidly approaching on their right, and it took only a moment for Qui-Gon to raise a hand and lift the entire display of cabbage, launching it at the Black Sun agents following them. The several dozen cannonball sized cabbages hit the pair of speeders head on, erupting into leaves as they impacted windshields and burst. Several agents who had been firing found themselves getting hit in the face with cabbages and were flung off their speeders. Suddenly overwhelmed by the produce attack and unable to see, the drivers hit the brakes. The speeder in the rear wasn't quite as quick as the one in the front, and it rear ended the lead speeder. The boom of impact roared through the market as the poor vendor began screaming about his ruined cabbages. The Jedi zipped by him, leaving the pair of Black Sun speeders in the dust behind them.
Dropping down into the seat beside him, Qui-Gon shouted, "Obi-Wan! Wall!"
Slamming a foot on the brake, Obi-Wan swerved. The entire marketplace was encompassed by a large, grey duracrete wall, and their race down one of the aisles had brought them to the outer rim of the market plaza. More shops, lining the wall, grew disturbingly close as they skid, the repulsors trying to compensate for the sudden brake and change in direction. They drifted within inches of a shoe shop, before shooting off to the right and swooping back around into another aisle.
Black Sun reinforcements were on their way, and were approaching from the other end. With all the shops lining either side of the aisle, it wasn't possible to go any way beside forward. This time, rather than speeders, the Black Sun thugs were on swoop bikes and were charging forward, already passing the halfway point of the aisle. There was no time to back up, either; there was little space to retreat and the faster, more maneuverable swoops would simply follow.
They did, however, have an expanse of wall right behind them. Obi-Wan stomped on the accelerator again, and the speeder launched itself forward. "Master, hang on!" he shouted as they played nuna with the swoop riders, both speeder and swoop increasing in speed as they raced down the length of the marketplace. He drove straight into a blaze of multicolored blaster shots, and the two Jedi kept low to avoid being hit.
At twenty meters and closing, Obi-Wan reached for the repulsor controls, unbalancing them. He powered up the left repulsor so that the left half of their speeder shot upward. Vertical, the speeder shot between the two swoops just as Obi-Wan jerked the left repulsor back into normal position, and the speeder bounced back into place. Obi-Wan then stepped on the decelerator and spun the control wheel, bringing them around.
Behind them, the swoops tried to brake, but between the uncontrollability of a swoop and the speeds they were running at, the two bikes were barely able to slow before they slammed into the duracrete wall, shedding Black Sun thugs as they went. Two fireballs erupted against the wall as men struggled, then failed, to rise from the ground as their speeders burned behind them.
"It seems," Qui-Gon said thoughtfully, as the sound of police sirens began to wail in the distance, "that your trouble with speeders has an unexpected – if positive- side effect, Obi-Wan."
At least he didn't have a mouthful of cabbage, lettuce, or feathers this time. Still, he wasn't sure if he liked facing down people shooting at him, either. "I really dislike driving, Master," Obi-Wan told him.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "Wait until you try flying."
Sitting in the driver's seat, Obi-Wan began to have a bad feeling….
Ha! Redone! I somehow managed to lose the second half of this fic (everything after the Wookiee on Coruscant) and so had to rewrite it. SerendipityAEY, I hope you still like the redone version.
This fic is inspired by a news story from last spring, where some guy, who had legally changed his name to "Obiwan Kenobi" was arrested in a hit and run case. Considering how much the real Obi-Wan dislikes flying (and presumably driving) it was just too appealing an idea to pass up.
Also, anyone who got the Avatar: The Last Airbender reference gets a cabbage.
~Queen