Author's Note: This one is for the ladies at TCWWU. You know who you are. ;)
Smile
Alternate.
It was finally time.
After a thousand years of plotting, planning, influencing, waiting, it was finally time for the Sith to regain their rightful place in the galaxy! And he would be the one to do it! All had settled neatly into place. The clones, the order they would execute, his new apprentice - the fall of the Jedi was only moments away - he need only give the word, and that word would be given now.
Alone in his office, standing before his holoprojector, Darth Sidious pulled his dark hood up over his head, and stood regally before the communications unit. With one withered white hand, he reached out and opened a channel to the GAR, summoning the attention of the clone who worked most often with that annoying goody-goody, Kenobi.
Finally, he grinned as the clone's battered helmet appeared before him. "Commander Cody. The time has come. Execute Order 66."
The screen flickered once. Sidious frowned a little. The expected answer, "It will be done my Lord," was not instantly forthcoming for some incomprehensible reason. Irritated - was Kenobi's clone deaf or something? - he repeated himself, a little more snappishly. "Execute Order 66!"
The clone then proceeded to snort, then tilt his head to the other side. "Order 66? For real, Chancellor? Kenobi just took down Grievous and you want me to shoot him for treason? Do I look stupid to you?" The clone's head loomed larger in the projection, ominously. "Frak off, Chancellor."
The head backed off and was replaced by the clone's hand, which was making what passed for an obscene gesture on most civilized planets.
Sidious blinked several times as the visual disappeared. He would Force choke that clone the next time he saw him! How dare he disrespect a Dark Lord of the Sith so brazenly! Insolent wretch!
Enraged, he summoned up the next clone commander available. Kenobi and his clone would have to wait. He'd deal with them personally. Still, there were plenty of other annoyances to be removed from the equation, and Kenobi was not the most dangerous of them. This next order would be a true pleasure.
"Commander Gree," Sidious intoned as the next clone appeared on the projector. "The time has come. Execute Order 66."
There was a pause. Sidious frowned again. Then the clone began to repeat his words, then ramble while sounding increasingly horrified the further he got into his sentences. "Order 66? Order - are you for real? YODA? You want me to shoot YODA? IN FRONT OF WOOKIEES?! I like my arms and head where they are, thanks!"
The line abruptly cut off, before Sidious could get a hand up to strangle the impudent clone. So self-serving! So selfish! Clearly these clones were defective! How could this have happened?
He slammed his fist into the holoprojector, opening up yet another line of communication, and the head of a pilot filled his view. "Execute Order 66!" Sidious snarled into the line, and the clone pilot's blank visor stared back at him for roughly one second, before the clone yelped,
"Order 66? Are you kidding? Do you KNOW what Wolffe will DO to me if I shoot Plo? I'm trying to get IN the Wolfpack, not get dead! They have really high standards, you know. Shooting the boss would totally ruin my chances!"
A hand took up the whole visual projection for a second, and then the line died, leaving Sidious caught somewhere between dumbstruck and furious.
With a snarl of outrage, he called up another line, more interested in finding an obedient clone willing to serve his purpose than one that would eliminate a member of the Jedi Council.
A yellow marked helmet popped up in front of him, with commander markings. Perhaps this one would know his place! "Commander!" Sidious snapped, "Execute Order 66!"
The clone shifted a little, then turned his head to the side as though he was looking at something off screen, then turned back and said, awkwardly, "No...no. Sorry. Can't. Aayla will be pissed if I shoot her. I'll be on the couch for like, the rest of the year. Sorry, Chancellor."
A feminine voice called from a small distance away, "What was that, darling?"
The clone turned his head again and called back cheerfully, "Nothing, sweetheart! I took care of it!"
And then the line went dead.
For a moment, Sidious was so taken aback that he forgot he was supposed to hurry to Force-choke any clones that disobeyed before they could cut the line. Then he processed the statement and shuddered, hoping he could someday get the mental image of a Jedi and a clone in a romantic entanglement out of his head. What a terrifying prospect. At least he hadn't been subjected to such foul visuals literally.
Well, all was not yet lost! Even now, the Jedi Temple was being stormed, and soon the feeling of their despair and terror would fill the galaxy! At least Skywalker - Lord Vader - commanded the proper respect and obedience from his men!
A moment later, Sidious was grinning more happily at the thought of the destruction even now being wreaked just a few kilometers away on the home of his old enemies. Without their Temple, the Jedi would be scattered, homeless, without a center. While Vader took care of the Temple, he would ensure his men were doing their job elsewhere on Coruscant.
He pressed another button on the holoprojector, and a strangely tilted video feed filled the screen, accompanied by a strangely breathy sounding audio line. Sidious' brows (or what was left of them after the most unfortunate melting incident of a few minutes ago) drew together as he tried to make out what was happening. Unable to understand the scuffling and heavy breathing, he snapped, irritably, "What the devil is going on?!"
The scuffling and weird breathing noises stopped, and a moment later, two flushed faces, pressed close together, were peering back at him. One was a clone without his helmet, the other was Vader's former Jedi apprentice. The clone was looking pissed and the Jedi puzzled.
The clone snapped, "I'm a LITTLE BUSY right now!"
The Padawan looked at him, then at the holoproj again. "Rex, who is that?"
The clone snorted, "Hell if I know, he's got a hood over half his face."
The clone then proceeded to distract the Jedi in a way Sidious hoped to never see again in his lifetime. Fortunately, the horrific imagery he hoped to never see again disappeared before his eyes were burned too severely. He shuddered, feeling vaguely ill. Jedi cheating on their stuffy Code was only to be expected, but it was hardly something he wanted to see for himself. Ugh.
Well, Lord Vader's former apprentice was useless anyway as a Jedi, and his Captain mattered little. There were others who could sweep the streets and ensure that there were no Jedi escaping! The apprentice and the clone would be caught up in it all and executed for traitors, same as all the rest of those who stood against him and the Sith!
This time, Sidious did not open a line out into deep space, but instead to those responsible for protecting and guarding Coruscant. The Coruscant Guard! This would be far simpler! Coruscant was his, and utterly under his influence! No clone here would dare stand against him.
Yet another clone appeared on screen, looking startled at the interruption. Sidious gathered himself up, straightened his spine and said, with a cold and cruel tone, "Commander. The time has come. Execute Order 66!"
The clone stared back at him for a second - just long enough for him to blink - and said, "Really? The Jedi? But they just saved your life, like two days ago. And a ton of my men. I've got healers wandering around here. Do you KNOW how many of my men got shot during Grievous' little kidnapping spree? You telling me to let my men die by shooting the healers?" There was a pause, and Sidious could almost feel the clone's face rearranging itself into a scowl behind the helmet just before he finished with a vehement, "Frak you!" and cut the line.
In a sudden blaze of fury, Darth Sidious, Dark Lord of the Sith, swore and threw his hands over his head in frustration. Again and again it happened! Each time he sent out the most important, critical order that ensured the rise of the Sith (and his most glorious, awesome Empire of evil) and the fall of the Jedi (and their lame, idiot-filled democracy of lameness) he was blown off by an angry (or annoyed, or distracted) clone officer.
Darth Sidious, soon to be Emperor of the first Galactic Empire, was most seriously displeased. There was only one man left he could rely on to get the job done - and Lord Vader was contacting him now. A small blue light on the holoprojector flashed cheerfully, full of the promise of destruction. Palpatine opened the channel, and a half-size vision of his new apprentice shimmered to life, looking oddly - contrite?
"What has happened, Lord Vader? Have you successfully destroyed the -"
"Look, Chancellor," Vader interrupted, "I went over to the barracks to get the rest of the guys like you said before we invaded the Temple, but Kix thought I was having some sort of vision problem because my eyes are all red and yellow, and he went and got Appo, and when I told Appo the plan about the Temple, he was all, "But have you TALKED to Padme about this Sith thing?" and I said not really, and the guys are all insisting now that we not overthrow the Republic because I'm overprotective."
There was a long pause as Darth Sidious stared at his apprentice across the holoprojector. He was angry. This was not at all how this was supposed to happen. This was his moment of triumph! Instead, his hard won apprentice was suddenly concerned about his anger management issues, and his loyal flesh droids were suddenly more concerned about their own lives than his orders! Preposterous!
Sidious' lip curled into a sneer. "You would take the advice of a group of worthless clones over mine? You will gather your army and -"
"Did you just call me and my brothers worthless?"
Sidious blinked, and stopped. Then he frowned down at the holoprojector. "Who has hijacked this channel? It is an official channel reserved for my -"
An identical voice to the first one chimed in next. "He did! Hey, Fox, that you?"
What Sidious could only assume was the first voice called back, "Matchstick?"
"Hey brother!"
"Who else is here?"
A sudden chorus of matching voices began to drown out the audio channel on his holoprojector. His secret, heavily encrypted, Sith holoprojector. In a sudden snit of rage, Sidious bellowed into the cacophony, "Silence! How did you all get on this private channel!?"
There was a pause in the noise. Then, one, single, grating voice said, "You have an open channel to the entire GAR, d'kut. Nice plans to overthrow the Republic. Not happening." A pause, then, "Fox?"
A clone voice came back over the line. "Hey, Wolffe. Already on it."
That was, unfortunately for Darth Sidious, all the warning he got before the doors to his office were blown open and a set of very heavily armed commandos burst in...