Author's Note: This one is for SerendipityAEY. Thanks for a hilarious conversation!
Smile
Brothers.
To my Mother Talzin, Clan Mother of the Nightsisters, greetings,
As per your instructions, I will attempt to report upon the activities I and my brother engage in as we terrorize the galaxy and seek our revenge. My brother in particular wishes to extend his gratitude for the new legs and the restoration of his mental well-being. He also has requested that I send a lengthy list of harms he would cause on the Jedi known as Kenobi, but it is excessive in length and I believe you are already aware of his disregard for the Jedi.
Your loving son in darkness,
Savage
Dearest Mother,
Today, my brother and I sparred! It was a glorious fight. You would have been proud to see your sons. We shall be the terrors of the galaxy and restore the honor of the Nightbrothers, and all that was taken from Dathomir and your clan.
Your loving son in darkness,
Savage
Dear Mother,
I am somewhat concerned about the physical well-being of my brother. It is not the magical legs you gave him. Rather, it is…the food he eats. In the days since our departure from Dathomir and the restocking of our ship, he has eaten nothing but bantha burgers and fizz drinks.
I am unsure of what to do. Does he not require a more healthful diet to maintain his fighting form?
Your loving son in darkness,
Savage
Dear Mother,
Today, my brother and I sparred again. It was also a glorious fight, but I believe my brother has designs upon the lightsaber with two blades which you gave me. I do not know why he covets it so. I would be honored to aid him assembling his own, but he refuses my help.
I believe I should keep a careful eye on it.
Your loving son,
Savage
Dear Mother,
Today, we fought the witch Ventress and the Jedi Kenobi at once! The cowards escaped us, but the battle was glorious and we emerged victorious.
Your loving son,
Savage
Dearest Mother,
Please speak to my brother in your next communique, regarding his eating habits. I tire of picking up discarded cans of fizz drinks and the wrappers of bantha burgers.
It is unbecoming of a Sith Lord and a Nightbrother.
Your loving son in darkness,
Savage
Dearest Mother,
We had to stop at Zeltros today for a refuel. I had no idea there could be so many beautiful women in one location. They are very different from Nightsisters and seem strangely impressed that I am of such large stature. I believe they respect me as a warrior. It is pleasing. My brother says we have no time for women and must remain focused on our revenge.
I suspect he is simply jealous he no longer has a lower half. The women were most unimpressed by his lacking.
Your loving son in darkness,
Savage
Mother!
I knew he had designs on my lightsaber! He stole it, and now it is broken, and he refuses to admit to his thievery! Instead, all he says is that double bladed lightsabers are not as good as single bladed ones, and that he will not use such a pitiful weapon! It is reprehensible behavior and an insult to my honor! I will destroy his things in revenge!
Your loving son,
Savage
Dearest Mother,
I thought of a more suitable revenge upon my brother. There was an unfortunate incident involving bantha burgers, fizz drinks, and our ship's airlock.
Your loving son in darkness,
Savage
Dear Mother,
I fixed my lightsaber. It took me hours.
Your loving son in darkness,
Savage
Dear Mother,
We had to stop at Zeltros again for fuel. My brother refused to come out of the ship. I am quite sure it because he is missing his lower half. I think I shall tell him that.
I think I like Zeltros very much.
Your loving son,
Savage
Dearest Mother,
Slaughtered and pillaged today. Found some money too.
My brother is now refusing to talk to me.
Your loving son,
Savage
Dearest Mother,
Forgive me for not writing in so long. My brother and I have settled our differences regarding our the superiority of our preferred lightsabers and the lower halves of our bodies, but there was a good deal of destruction in the process. We needed a new ship. This one is much nicer than the old one. My new quarters are very comfortable. The pillow is stuffed with feathers.
Your loving son,
Savage
Dear Mother,
My brother thinks that he is better than me! I saved him from madness and he repays me by stepping on my face! Then he insisted I am to call him Master!
I think I shall call him spider butt instead. It is more appropriate.
Your loving son,
Savage
Dear Mother,
Please tell spider butt in your next communique that even though he doesn't remember it, he did indeed have a spider butt.
Thank you.
Your loving son in darkness,
Savage
Dearest Mother,
We fought some pirates today. Their leader was very mouthy. I think if I see him again I shall kill him.
We also fought the Jedi known as Kenobi. The battle did not progress in our favor. We are in search of a place to regroup before we continue wreaking havoc on the galaxy. I am injured, as is my brother. One of his legs has been removed. I lost an arm. We had to work together to walk.
I am glad to have a brother, even if he is a spider butt.
Your loving son,
Savage