I awake in a panic. The last images of my host's life are so vivid, so real. I want to curl into a ball and think of something else, anything else. They never prepared us for this. Sure there were rumors that the Seekers had to work in far more violent ways than they had in the past. Some of them even returned to explain why none of us should ever go to the planet called Earth. Now I see why. They didn't want us to see what lengths they had to go to in order to guarantee our peace.

I feel my breath even out. The pain in my breathing mechanisms, lungs I believe, stop. I was having a panic attack. That is what my host's body explains to me. No, it's my body. This is my body now. The host is gone.

I become aware of my other senses just as I realize I am not alone. There are others with me. Their voices are soft as if they are trying to be quiet for my benefit. I can barely hear them and my body knows they are at the farthest corner of the room. The voices are heavy, the air filled with some form of tension. They are in an argument whoever they are. There are two voices. One is a higher pitch and rings clearly with my host's memories.

A vision of a brunette in high heels and silly dresses flashes before my eyes. The image disappears before I have time to even absorb it. But a new one takes its place. The voice filters through my ear and I know exactly why she sounds so familiar. She is the Seeker who captured my host and brought me here.

"I understand your worry, Seeker, but she needs rest."

That is the other voice, the deeper one. He had to be the male of the group. The memories tell me that the males have lower registers and tones. Though, this one has more kindness than the other men did. My host was clearly a very troubled soul.

"Her body is still getting used to the new attachments," the man says, "You will have to wait to ask your questions until she is ready."

"We can't wait that long," the woman's voice howls. Her British accent came out thicker with her anger. Anger. That is what my new body is telling me is the harsh tone assaulting my ears. Seeker must be very upset to be so angry.

"There are more out there," she continues, "We need to know where the resistance is now while her memories are still fresh in her mind!"

"I understand that," the man says, "but as a Healer it is my duty to make certain her health is priority. I'm sorry, Seeker, but you must wait."

I hear a hissing sound and become alarmed. The air escaping from the seeker's lips sounds harsh. My body automatically supplies the information I need. She is not dying. She merely is upset with the situation. The hissing sound is just to help her with the stress of the situation. Stress is not good. I remember that from my tutorials about Earth before I came here. Maybe it is time to make my presence known.

A cough falls from my lips immediately.

I feel Seeker tense. My senses amaze me. So much of my natural body is connected with this being. It amazes me just how much I can feel now. My body seems to be programmed to know a person's whereabouts from any angle. I can tell exactly where Seeker is in comparison to Healer. I know they are the only other two people in this room besides me. I know where the windows are and how far away the door is. I know what utensils would make a good weapon and how much energy I have to achieve an escape. I do not understand this sudden knowledge. Maybe everyone feels this way when they first come here?

"You're awake," Healer sounds surprised. I feel his concern bouncing off of him as he moves towards me. "How are you feeling? Are you experiencing any pain?"

He raises his hand to examine my head. My first instinct is to flinch away, kicking his feet out from under him and running for freedom. The impulse makes no sense to me. I am not violent by nature. But my body reacts despite my thoughts. I have to force the muscles to stop in order to allow Healer to examine me. He frowns at my reaction.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he says.

"I know," I say. And it is true. I do know no harm will come my way. It is my body that does not wish to believe it.

He smiles softly, understanding crossing his face.

"I see," he says, "The body does take some time to get used to. Take your time. I will help when you are ready."

"Thank you," I smile politely. It is such a weird feeling, smiling. It is this weird force that pulls the muscles of my cheeks back. My jaw tightens and my mind feels fuzzy. This body seems unfamiliar with the act. I am most certain that smiles should not feel so difficult.

"Would you like to move around?" Healer asks. His voice is low and gentle, inviting. It makes the knots in my chest loosen slightly. "That will help the process further."

I nod in reply. Feet are funny things to get used to. On the last planet I visited, we had no need for these things. We were all hooked together by this long string of a limb. There was not one thought that was just ours. We shared everything and stared at the sun. It was the happiest place I had ever been despite its simplicity. Or maybe it was because of it.

I stumble for a few moments before I understand the function. It is a simple movement of one foot before the other. Soon I will be walking out the door. Odd, I do not understand why that reference is so funny. But I cannot help the laughter that fills my lungs. It reminds me of Christmas, a holiday the humans celebrate. Its purpose is unclear even to the humans, but cheer is a contagion around that time.

The happiness in my chest stops. I feel her eyes before she enters my vision. She was hiding in the corner, purposely in the shadows. She looks unconcerned for my new discovery. Her unhappiness pulls at my heart like a sharp blade. I feel the gravity of this planet pulling me down. A weight has fallen on my shoulders. My body instinctively wishes to rid Seeker of her pouting lips. But my right leg steps back, readying for an attack.

"Are you certain she isn't ready, Healer?" There is mocking in her tone. She is being highly disrespectful to the man who gave me this body. It does nothing to endear her to me. Besides, the images of my host still haunt me. "I've never seen another soul take to walking so quickly. Perhaps you are underestimating her?"

The shock of pride makes my heart swell. I feel dizzy from the sudden onslaught of emotions. I see the surprise on Seeker's face, and the flash of worry. But the smile that stretches on my face calms her a little. I am amazed by such power. Could something as simple as a smile truly cause so much good? Why did the humans rage war then? Surely peace could have been achieved if they just smiled more.

"I would prefer you to leave, Seeker," Healer says. His voice is determined and strict. He has finally lost his patience with this woman. I am impressed it took him this long. "She still has much to get acquainted with."

"Of course," Seeker nods.

The fight is gone from her. She inclines her head and heads towards the door. I feel a sudden urge to reach out and grab her. There is no ill will pouring from my body. Only panic that she will leave and I will never see her again. The sensation is strange and forces me to lose my balance. I fully expect to fall towards the floor, embracing myself for the pain. Yet a strong body stops my progress.

"Careful," Seeker whispers. She pushes me to my feet as if I weigh nothing. Then a smile finally appears on her face. "You could get hurt if you're not careful. You selected an adult, remember? They aren't nearly as impenetrable as the children. Things break more easily."

Healer's arms wrap around my right arm to steady me. I lean against him to remove any weight on Seeker. The woman is strong, but there was only so much her body could take in comparison to his. I smile in gratitude and stun myself with my words.

"We will discuss the memories tomorrow," I say, "I want to help you as quickly as I can."

Seeker moves towards me that smile growing once again. This time it is not as nice as I originally thought. I can tell there is something wrong with that twinkle in her eyes. But I am distracted. There is this strange thing tickling my nose. It is a scent, something floral and lush.

Perfume, my mind supplies.

"But there is something missing," I say. There is anger in my voice as though this woman is the sole reason for my body's malfunctions. I am not used to such emotions. It is so hard to contain. "I cannot access the memories you wish me to use."

"It is possible that your host is still resisting." Seeker sounds far too excited by that idea.

"Or," Healer sounds a bit more practical and harsh, "the host's suicide attempt worked after all."

"You said the scans came clean," Seeker hisses. The anger in her voice makes me step away in alarm. I realize too late that her tone frightens me.

"They did," Healer nods. He pulls me closer to him, comforting me from the harsh woman before us. "These humans have delicate minds though. It is expected that she would have difficulty finding the memories you wish for after such an incident."

"I do not understand."

They both look surprised.

"Not now, Wanderer," Healer says, "You have plenty of time to have your questions answered tomorrow. Rest for now."

"Wanderer?" I ask. The moment he mentions rest a yawn envelopes my face. I can feel the pressure of the Earth pulling me down again. A moment of rest sounds perfect.

"We were not sure what to call you," Healer explains softly. He even pulls the covers over me and smiles. "We figured that since you have been around the Universe more than any of us, the name would be appropriate. What would you like to be called?"

"Wanderer sounds perfect," I reply.

His kindness towards me is marred by the appearance of Seeker. For some reason he is disgusted by her very presence. I can understand it. The woman appears to be too interested in me. Her profession as a Seeker should require her hair to be out of her face. Yet her hair is down and curled to perfection. She wears paint on her lips, lipstick the humans call it. Make-up covers up any possible blemish on her person, making her appear ageless and accenting her features. But it is her eyes that draw the most confusion from my mind.

Those blue eyes are supposed to be brown.

%%%%%%%%%%

I am escorted into Seeker's office early the next day. Healer wished me to wait until afternoon. He wanted me to take it easy and get used to things before I began such stressful work. But I insisted on this meeting. Despite my conflicted thoughts and feelings for the woman, Seeker is right. The only way to find the information she needs is through my host's memories; while they were still fresh in my mind.

"Good morning, Wanderer," Seeker says.

She smiled politely towards me. I smile in return. She points to the chair and asks me to take a seat. She even pulls out the chair and politely waits until I have made myself comfortable before she sits herself. We stare at each other for a while. It bothers me more than it should.

"Good morning, Seeker," I speak softly.

For some reason I am aware of this woman's every move. I know that her eyes can do more than just see. They can read my expressions analyze my every thought before I think it. It appears as though she knows me better than I know myself. I feel my cheeks burn at the very idea. My fists tighten and my heartbeat picks up speed. I know this feeling. It is more than anger, anger intensified more than description.

It is hatred.

I am so amazed by this new emotion that I almost miss her question. Seeker snaps her fingers in front of me and looks at me with concern. No, not concern. The expression on her face looks satisfied as if I have answered a question before it was even asked. The firm press of her lips hints at a smile, a cold smile that makes me want to scream and yell and beg for help of any kind. Her hand lands on top of my mind and I have to fight my body's natural repulsion to the contact.

"It's alright," she says, "We'll get through this together."

I take a breath to steady myself. The repulsion has passed. I listen to her voice and allow it to sooth my fears away. This is purely an informational meeting. The memories of the host are no longer relevant, at least not those of her end. I must focus if I am to be any use.

"Please," I say. My voice is surprisingly steady despite my internal chaos. "How can I help you?"

She smiles at me again. This smile is different though. It fills my heart with hope. Her fingers lightly rub my knuckles as she retracts her grip. Then she pulls out a pen and notebook. I think these are for her until she places them gently in front of me. There are no lines on this paper. I was expecting lines and frown at why that would be.

"This is a sketch pad," she explains, "You were probably expecting lined paper. Most spiral notebooks have them. But I don't need information. My host has a natural ability to store information for long periods of time. This is to help you with your memories."

"What do you mean?" I ask. I pull the pen to me even as I ask this. It feels natural in my grasp. My host must have been comfortable with drawing. It feels so natural to create little squiggles on the paper.

"Your host was part of an organization known as The Resistance," Seeker says. "I am sure you have heard about them during part of your travels?"

I nod my head and try not to say too much. Yes, I do know about the Resistance. They are the humans who are trying to resist our symbiosis. There were rumors that they used heinous weapons against us, killing and maiming us to avoid a partnership. I did not believe those rumors but now I see they have some semblance of truth. Why else would my host be so willing to sacrifice her life?

"Yes," I say, "They are not really violent, are they?"

"Oh they are indeed," she sounds bitter as she speaks of them. "Often we are losing Seekers to The Resistance. The few who have not been implemented to our way of life cause more harm than those before. They have become a threat though many do not believe it. I need your help to locate them."

"To stop them from hurting more of us," I nod, "I can help you with that."

I try to draw something, anything really. I cannot understand why it is so hard. There is a vision in my head. It is a face, the only thing I see when I close my eyes. I want to put that image on paper but the task is impossible. Perhaps I do not have the same attributes as my host body.

"Don't force it." The British accent clips at me and grates on my nerves. I do not know why. I have nothing to compare it to. But it does not sound right to my ears. "Let the memory come naturally. Try talking about the last image you saw, the moments leading up to us finding her."

I close my eyes and concentrate. The images flood my mind instantly. There is no blackness, no void. There are faces all around me. Voices reverberate through my head and sound inches away from my ears. Smells assault my nostrils. The human mind was not nearly as simple as the others had me believe. Remove one sense and the others strengthen immediately. I could see and hear and feel everything as if it were happening to me right then and there. It was beautiful.

"Wanderer?" Seeker's voice is soft and warm. It gives me exactly what I need most. Her voice is the anchor I have been looking for.

I open my eyes, blinking rapidly. The sun's light has brightened considerably. How much time has passed? I zoned out for far too long. She looks concerned and excited. She must think I'm one of these resisters she was talking about. No, the woman is no more. She's not in my head.

"I'm sorry," I say, "The memories are quite strong."

She smiles again and nods her head. "That's alright," she says, "Take your time. Focus your strength on the time before her capture. What was she doing there? How did she get there? Were there others with her?"

I close my eyes again, thinking of her questions. It helps. I can see the darkness again. Only now I am able to take in more than before. There had been light. They came from a tiny tube in my host's hand. There was someone else too. His voice was soft. I could barely hear it. But that voice triggered something in the back of my mind.

"Hardison!"

I see Seeker's posture change. Her back is straighter and her face smile grows feral as though she was waiting for that name to appear. Whatever her reaction it is nothing compared to mine. The name came from nowhere. I didn't even know it existed but something inside me forced it through my lips. Now I have to pretend nothing unusual is going on.

"What does that mean?" Seeker asks.

"I don't know," I say. It is rude not to reply and honesty is treasured by my planet above all things. "The name just came to me. I will try to figure out its meaning."

"Don't worry about it," Seeker replies, "Focus on the day she was taken. We'll work on the rest when we get there."

I obey. The answer flashes before my eyes immediately. So, I tell Seeker everything I see.

"She was not part of the first invasion," I explain, "She was elsewhere. I'm not sure how to identify it."

"Describe it to me."

"It is a building," I say, "One I have never seen before. There was a lot of wind. She was on a roof I think. It was dark. All of her memories are of the dark."

"What was she doing?"

"I do not know. But she locked the roof door behind her," I am stunned by the bravery. Surely nobody would willingly lock themselves on a roof with such high winds. "The wind was really fast. She was tossed around many times. There were people chasing her. They were some of our own. She had been discovered getting food."

"What did she do?" Seeker asks, "How did she escape?"

I think over her words for a few minutes. The idea puzzles me. I can see it crystal clear as if I was there when it happened. I can feel the wind threatening to tear my skin off. I can hear it whistling by my ears. She was wearing something heavy. That must have been why she wasn't blown off. There was a pounding on the door. I feel the fear in her heart as if it was my own. Then she started running towards the edge. She didn't stop.

"No!" I scream. My hands jump to my lips and feel the fear coursing through my veins.

"What is it?" Seeker asks. I can hear the worry in her tone. Her accent sounds different now. It is softer somehow. It does not grate at me as much as it did before. "What's wrong?"

"She jumped," I say.

Seeker laughs and I hear bells in the air. The music of her laughter calms me greatly. It makes me want to keep that laughter going somehow. I do not know why, but my body feels as though it has not heard laughter like that in years.

"I'm sorry," Seeker says. She fights to contain the giggles. I smile as she struggles stubbornly with the battle. "It just makes sense. During her capture she jumped over the other Seekers as if it was something humans did."

I nod my head and smile as she bursts into another bout of laughter. I feel calm and relaxed now. I am sure that was her intentions all along but my body seems not to care. It is still on high alert. My eyes keep darting to the exits, expecting a way out even though it is unnecessary. I am free to leave at any time. So why do I feel as though there will be no escape for me?

"Continue," Seeker orders softly, "I like this memory. It is so revealing about the human species."

I look back into the recesses of my host's mind. I can tell she lived a very exciting life. She did not die when she jumped. No, she survived. The extra weight was in her boots. She was attached to a wire I didn't notice before. She unhooked from the rope and shrugged off her backpack. I thought she was going to leave it but it was only to pick up the supplies she must have left behind. There was a van waiting for her. Inside of that, I couldn't believe my eyes.

No! A voice groans in misery, I'm still alive.

With the new voice the flashback changes. The man from the van looks older now. His smile does not meet his eyes. They are surrounded by darkness. The torches are the only forms of light. They are talking quietly together. I recognize the room. It is the one she was running through when the seekers found her. This is the memory Seeker is looking for.

"There was a boy," I begin, "No a man, a young man. His face was soft and caring. His skin was darker than the others, as if it was blackened by the sun. He was with her from the very beginning."

"A name," Seeker demands, "I need a name."

"Which name?" I ask, "There are so many flowing around her head… my head."

"Give me whichever name you think of first," Seeker asks, sounding far more greedy than ever before.

"Hardison," I say, seeing the image of the smiling man before my inner eye, "His name is Alec Hardison!"

"The man you spoke of before," Seeker says, "was he alone? Are there more out there? Were they alone? What happened?"

"He wasn't there," I say, "He left. He was getting supplies while she… Parker! Her name was Parker, just Parker. She was-"

NO! A voice screams, interrupting me, Don't tell her, please!

"She stayed behind," I say, ignoring the voice yet again, "They were hiding in a hotel they thought was safe. She wasn't alone even when he left."

"Who was with her?" Seeker asks.

No don't, the voice begs, Please. Please don't tell her.

I ignore her.

"It was a little girl, her sister…. Ford! The last name is Ford. Not Parker's last name, the girl's. Bonnie, little precious Bonnie Ford."

"Forward," Seeker repeats softly.

"Ford," I correct," It's the name of the man they were going to find. His name escapes me right now."

"Tell me about her capture," Seeker commands, "What led her to it? How did she come to this?"

"She was taking care of Bonnie. The girl had grown tired during their journey. They were only resting there briefly. Hardison… Alec, went to get them some food. They were playing some strange game, unlocking and relocking locks as quickly as they could. Bonnie was giggling, looking happier than Parker had ever seen her."

She missed her father, the voice sighs, We were separated… No! You're not allowed to know that.

"They heard a noise and Parker forced the girl to hide under a nearby desk," I finish, "That was when you found her. She was the distraction while Bonnie waited for Hardison."

"Do you know where they were heading?" Seeker asks. There is a tinge of greed in her voice. I do not understand the sudden tone switch. It is too much for me. There are too many voices in my head and only one of them is actually mine.

I'm not telling you, the voice growls. I don't want that woman anywhere near Bonnie!

"I can try," I reply.

Good luck, the voice calls.

She is right. I cannot find anything. There is only blackness now. I cannot even find the memories I accessed only moments ago. There is nothing but black loneliness. It frustrates me that she could be so unhelpful. But she is part of the resistance and clearly has someone she wants to protect. I cannot blame her for it.

"No," I finally say, "There is nothing more."

"Very well," Seeker nods, "We'll try again tomorrow. Maybe we'll have better luck then."

Pssh, the voice laughs. You couldn't even get me to… come willingly. How do you expect to pry it from my memories?

I thank Seeker for her kindness and leave without incident. I am escorted back to my room and shown around. It really is a wonderful place. There is beautiful bed with a bathroom not too far away. The shower is a waterfall as it pours to the floor. The sinks are seashells floating in the air. The outdoor patio overlooks the swimming pool. But I ignore all of that when the guards finally leave me alone. I rush to the bathroom and look into the mirror.

"Parker?" I ask, "Is that you?"

I am surprised by the lack of answer. I feel I should at least hear something. I do not know what I expected but it was not the silence. My thoughts were my own. I must have imagined her presence. That is the only reasonable explanation. Healer warned me about not getting enough sleep. I am beginning to think he was right. So I shower and pull on my pajamas. A good night's rest is all I need.

I run to my bed, turn down the covers. There is no voice as I enjoy a bowl of cereal in bed. No one comments as I watch cartoons. I am alone in my own head. I turn off the lights just as the sunsets. My mind is too drained to even think about it anymore. I just close my minds and let the warmth soak through me. But I still cannot shake the feeling that I am not alone after all.