Shelf #033

The next day at Random Walk Co., Kuu was hard at work on the desk, doing the accounts in a large room with shelves full of files in it. The door was left open, and Martin popped his head in.

"I'm sorry Kuu-san." Martin said. "I have to disturb you when you're cooking the books. But, there's a delivery. ."

Kuu looked up from the bunch of papers laid in front of him, heaved a sigh and ran a finger on his temple.

"Martin, can't you just deal with this yourself? I'm busy," Kuu said. He pushed his spectacles up on his nose and went back to the calculator.

"But it's not for the shop. It's for you," Martin said.

Kuu stopped, clearly lost where he was supposed to count. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. 'I had no choice but to get this delivery by myself then, whatever it was.'

Kuu took off his glasses and placed it on the table.

"Okay. Tell me, would I have to pay a wet rag as much as I pay you?" Kuu said, standing up and went to the door.

They headed out, Martin walking behind him, incomprehensively rubbing his hands in excitement with a wide smile on his face –– he seemed to be in a very good mood today.

Kuu ran hand again through his hair as he walked. He entered the main room, near the counter and froze.

There at the display lobby stood Julie. . . in a simple white blouse and plain beige skirt. Her gorgeous golden waves was held up neatly in a nice half updo held by a clip. A few tresses of bangs hung on her forehead. On her ears were small teardrop shaped pearl earrings and, a matching teardrop necklace around her neck. She even wore a simple pair of white sandals, and a beige bag that hung down her shoulder.

"Hi," Julie said with a warm smile.

"Hello," Kuu said.

"Uhm, you disappeared," she said tenderly. She saw Martin walked upstairs towards the upper shop.

"Yes –– I'm sorry –– I had to leave. . ." Kuu said. "I didn't want to disturb you."

Julie nodded, and took a moment to look at Kuu as she stood silently. Interestingly, he was still handsome with the casual clothes given to him by Armani. His silk shirt had sleeves folded up nicely in fashion, tucked in neatly on his black pants. He wore the casual watch given to him too. He also wore a small earring on his left ear, which was one of the gifts from Dior.

Julie breathe heavily and blinked. 'His suave flair is still there. . I missed it so. .'

"Well. . ." she started. "How have you been, Kuu?"

"Fine. . Everything much the same," Kuu replied. "When they change the law Spike and I will marry immeditely. Whereas you. . . I've watched in wonder. Awards, glory. ."

"Oh no. It's all nonsense," Julie said. "I had no idea how much nonsense it all was –– but nonsense it all is. . ."

Kuu had read her voice, and the way she was speaking to him right now. Julie was nervous.

"Well. . Yesterday was our last day filming. ." Julie muttered. "And so. . I'm just off – – but I brought you this from home, and ––"

Julie pointed to a quite big wrapped parcel, flat – about 3 foot by 4 foot, leaning against a bookshelf.

"–Um, I thought I'd give it to you. ."

Kuu glanced at the parcel. "Thank you. . . Shall I. ."

She shook her head and smiled shyly.

"No, don't open it yet ––" she said. "Um. . I'll be embarassed."

"Oh, okay –– well, thank you," Kuu said. "I don't know what it's for. But thank you anyway."

"Um. . I actually had it in my apartment in New York," Julie added. "And just thought you'd. . . but, when it came it to it, I didn't know how to call you. . . well, I did called you but. . Having behaved so. . . badly, twice. So it's been just sitting in the hotel. . ."

Julie fought back to speak all the thoughts that were desperately trying to let out from her mind since yesterday. 'Oh God, I never thought this could be really difficult. . . Just get a grip, Julie. You've been rehearsing these lines, and now you're facing him– you can do it. Just break it and tell him!'

Julie blinked and looked at him nervously. "But then. . . You came, so I figured. . . the thing is. . . Kuu, the thing is. . ."

Kuu stared back at her. "What's the thing?" he asked.

Then all of a sudden the door pinged as it opened. In walked the annoying customer, Mr. Smith. Kuu snapped, staring hard at him.

"Just don't even think about it. Go away immediately."

Mr. Smith was taken aback and therefore got completely obedient.

"Oh right. Sorry," Mr. Smith apologized.

Before Julie could process everything and was about to turn to look back, Mr. Smith had already gone quickly out of the door.

"Now you were saying. . ." Kuu said, looking at Julie.

She turned back to him. "Yes. The thing is. . . I have to go away today," she said, finally got everything on track. "But I wondered, if I didn't, whether you might let me see you a bit. . . or, a lot – maybe. . . see if you could. . . like me again. . ."

Kuu took a moment and took this in. He looked back at Julie.

"But yesterday. . . that actor asked you who I was. ." Kuu said. "And you just dismissed me out of hand. . . I heard –– everything. . All of it. . You had a microphone. . . I had headphones."

"You expect me to tell all of the truth about my life to the most indiscreet man in Japan?" Julie said.

They stared. But before Kuu could say anything, it was Martin who edged up towards them.

"Excuse me ––" Martin interrupted. "Kuu – it's your mother on the phone."

"Can you tell her I'll ring her back," Kuu said, looking at Martin.

"I actually tried that tack ––" Martin said. "–but she said you said that before and it's been twenty-four hours, and her foot that was purple is now a sort of blackish color. . ."

"Okay –– perfect timing as ever ––" Kuu said. "Hold the fort for a second will you, Martin?"

Martin nodded and watched Kuu looking back at Julie. Without a word, as if she understood and there was no need to say anything, Julie forced a smile and nodded quietly. Then Kuu walked to his room.

Martin was now left with Julie. He flashed a confident smile and gathered up all the courage to talk to the famous star standing in front of him. He eyed her carefully, as if talking for real at a godess.

"Can I just say, I thought 'Ghost' was a wonderful film," Martin began.

"Is that right?" Julie asked.

"Yes. . ." Martin replied as a matter-of-factly. "I've always wondered what Patrick Swayze is like in real life."

Julie smiled warmly. "I can't say I know Patrick all that well. ." she said.

"Oh dear. He wasn't friendly during the filming?" Martin asked.

There was no need for Julie to sound sarcastic. She spoke kindly. "Well, no –– I'm sure he was friendly –– to Demi Moore –– who acted with him in Ghost."

"Oh right. Right. Sorry," Martin said with an embarassed smile. "Always been a bit of an ass."

Then in a brief second, Kuu finally returned a little uneasy.

"Anyway. . . it's really lovely to meet you," Martin said with a smile. "I'm a great fan of yours. And Demi's, of course."

Julie smiled at him and watched as Martin left them alone again.

"Sorry about that," Kuu said.

"That's fine," Julie said with a warm smile. She spoke nervously again. "There's always a pause when the jury goes out to consider its verdict. ."

Silence filled the entire room. Waiting for an answer, Julie breathed heavily and curled her fingers. She certainly felt them really cold.

Finally, Kuu looked into her eyes and spoke.

"Julie. . Look –– I'm a fairly level-headed bloke," he started. "Not often in and out of love. But. . ."

This was Kuu's turn to break his leg. 'Now I can't express what I feel. Damnit Kuu, just get things straight and just say it.'

"Um. . . Julie. . . can I just say 'no' to your kind request and leave it at that?"

Julie stared back into the sky eyes and blinked. 'Yes. . I was ready for him to say this. . . I just didn't expect he would really say that. . .'

She forced a calm smile. ". . .Yes, that's fine," Julie lied. "Of course. I. . . you know. . . of course. . . I'll just. . . be getting along then. . . nice to see you."

"See– Julie, the truth is. . ." Kuu continued. 'I must explain this properly to her. . .'

". . .with you, I'm in real danger," he said. "It took like a perfect situation, apart from that foul temper of yours –– but my relatively inexperienced heart would, I fear, not recover if I was once again. . . cast aside, which I would absolutely expect to be. There are too many pictures of you everywhere, too many films. . . You'd go and I'd be. . . well, buggered, basically. ."

"I see. . ." Julie whispered, now fighting back the water that started to fill her eyes. She tried to keep on smiling warmly. "I see. . That reality is a real 'no', isn't it?"

"I live in Portobello. You live in Beverly Hills and New York," Kuu said. "Everyone in the world knows who you are. . My mother has trouble remembering my name. ."

Julie's green eyes looked painfully at the lower shelf. 'Why is it that he speak the exact words I've been thinking about yesterday? I don't want this, really. . .'

Kuu watched her head low for a while. He suddenly felt his heart ached. He breathed heavily, fighting back the courage of not wanting to see her cry. . And damnit he might have made this godess cry. .

'Just please don't cry, Julie. .' His voice prayed. 'Please. . . Don't. .'

Then, Julie's head was back up. Now Kuu could see her eyes a bit red, yet still the water was in those pretty green pair. But both of their eyes saw pain that mirrored pain. Amazingly, even with all this, Julie still tried to smile kindly. She nodded.

"Okay. . . Mm. . Fine. ." Julie whispered tenderly. Her eyes stared back at him. "Fine. . Fine. . Good decision. . ."

She took a deep breath and looked deeply into his eyes. Fighting back a smile, she spoke.

"The fame thing isn't really real, Kuu, you know. ." she said softly. "It's. . being together with someone you deeply love. . That makes everything real. . Don't forget –– I'm also just a girl. . Standing in front of a boy–"

Her eyes lingered to the sky-colored pair, and a stream fell down in her cheek.

"–who she love so much. . So much, more than anything. . Asking him to love her. Back. ."

Slowly, Julie walked towards him. She took a moment to stare into his eyes, and with great courage, her hands flung around him.

In his arms, Julie closed her eyes. 'This embrace may be the last. . But at least, just this once. . I can hold you for a moment like this. . .'

Kuu felt her hands were cold and slightly shivering in this embrace. She moved closer to his ear.

"Kuu. .?" Julie whispered softly. "When I asked you to not let me go –– and you said you won't. . ."

Her hand slipped down to his heart.

"––I want to let you know, that I felt really happy. . ."

Then Kuu noticed the gold thread still tied in place at her ring finger. All the more the knot in his heart throbbed.

"This. . It is still here. ." Kuu said softly, touching the thread.

Julie blinked hotly, and caressed the thread on her finger with the other hand.

"Do you remember what I told you. .?" Julie asked softly. "That night on the rocks. . Remember?"

Kuu nodded.

"I promised that no matter what happens. . You will never see this off my finger. .ever," She whispered. She looked deeply into his eyes, and this time, another stream fell down. "I will never take this off. . . I won't. . ."

Kuu stared back at her.

"I will keep it on this finger. ." she said. "Because that's my promise. . . "

'Because even if I'm not with you anymore, I still won't give up on loving you. . .' the voice on her mind spoke. 'Because I still love you, Kuu. . . I really do. . .'

It still amazed Kuu to see her right now crying, yet still smiling ever warmly at him. All the more the knot in his chest turned and throbbed again.

Her hand reached out and touched his cheek. Kuu felt her hand shaking and cold yet still brave enough to caress it completely, tenderly. She forced a weak smile, and with so much love, she kissed him on the cheek.

'Since you don't want me to stay here with you. . I have to go. .' Julie thought slowly.

Her lips travelled to his lips.

'But I want you to know in this kiss. . .'

She locked her lips with his.

'Remember Kuu, I'll always love you. . .'

They broke apart inches away. Julie couldn't take all the feelings that welled deep within her heart. Then. . .

"I love you, Kuu. . Bye," she said.

Before Kuu could speak, he saw a sparkling trail flew out from her eyes as she turned quickly and walked away.

Without looking back, Julie pushed up her sunglasses and opened the door. She closed it and leaned on it, breathing heavily.

'I dont want to believe it. . I'm leaving him. . .' her inner voice spoke. 'But to be honest. . I really don't want to leave him! I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave –!'

Kuu watched her back on the door, and deep in his heart he knew that she tried to fight back hot tears that welled in her eyes. Then he saw outside the glass window, a young blonde boy about aged 7 calling to Julie, running towards her.

It was Kise Ryota, one of the little children close to Kuu and always played basketball with his fellow friends little Akashi, Murasakibara, Aomine, Midorima, Kuroko and Kagami at the nearby court.

Outside, Julie immediately wiped the tears on her cheeks away. She bent down and picked up the ball. The boy stopped in front of her. Julie looked down at him and flashed a genuine smile.

"Hi dear. Here you go," Julie said tenderly, giving the ball back. The little boy took it happily.

"Thank you, neesan!" Kise chirped, beaming brightly up at her. "Cool sunglasses you have there!"

"You're welcome," Julie said with a smile. "And thank you!"

"You're a new face around here," Kise added. Then his blue eyes quickly noticed the red bookshop behind her. "Oh–! You're friends of Kuu niisan? I saw you walked in there a while ago. ."

"Uh–yes. . Yes. I am," Julie stuttered. "Just dropped by to say hello. ."

'And goodbye. .' she thought.

"Kuu niisan has so many friends in here," Kise said. "Everyone loves him. He's a cool guy. He plays with us too! You should see him shoot the ball with one hand from there to there!"

Julie couldn't take his friendliness and chuckled softly. "Yes. . . He is. ."

Then they heard a man calling out to Kise. The little boy turned to see his tall father with the same blonde hair on the court, waving his hand and waiting for him. Kise waved back and turned to Julie.

"Well! I have to go now to dad," Kise said. He waved at Julie as he began to ran. "Nice meeting you neesan!"

Julie waved goodbye and watched the little boy skillfully dribbling his ball towards the court. For a while she stood there silently, staring at the happy father and son playing together.

A scene of her talking to Kuu about wanting to be a mother someday flashed back to her mind. . . How much she wanted to have a child in the future. . .

'I want a son. . . I wish to have a son like that talented. . .' Julie's inner voice thought.

Somehow, a deep knot throbbed in Julie's chest. That tall father looked a bit similar to Kuu. .His height, his hair. . What if he was that father on the court, playing with his son? Her son–? Their child–?

Julie blinked hot tears streaming down her cheeks. She couldn't stop them from her eyes anymore, watching them behind her sunglasses with a happy smile. 'Our child, huh. . . it must be a really wonderful dream. . To become a happy, loving family. .'

Julie could not bear the thought anymore and bowed her head low, clutching her shaking fingers together in her chest. 'What am I thinking? I can't have a son. . That won't ever come true at all. Things were clear today. We're no longer together. . .'

She looked down and stared tearfully at the gold thread on her ring finger.

'Mm, this wish of wanting to get married,' Julie thought as she caressed the thread. 'Even I can't have it. . . Marriage. . Child. . Like all women, I want to marry the one I love and bear him a child. . But-'

More tears fell as she clung to her last strength and hugged her belly.

'I want it. So much. . But I don't think– I deserve that kind of simple happiness. . .' Julie told herself as she cried painfully. 'I guess, things like that might not be for me. . .'

Julie looked up and stared tearfully again at the basketball court. Kise at last made two consecutive free throws and cheered happily, jumping up and down. His father laughed, picked him up and twirled him in the air.

'Don't I deserve that happiness? That wish. . . will always remain a dream, right. . . Kuu?' Julie thought as she watched the father and son. 'We can never be together . . .right?'

Julie covered her mouth and walked away from the bookshop. Away from Kuu. . .

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