****** Here you go everyone... the final chapter….. I hope you all enjoy ********
"You said earlier that I'd been to hell and back…Danno, I haven't made it back yet. In fact, I don't know if I'll ever make it back"
Danny replied, "Sure you will. Steve I never should have let you go to Washington. You were too sick and you should have been here, recovering. I was being selfish wanting you with me and I'm so sorry"
"You think you could have stopped me? If so, you sure don't know me very well"
"Why didn't you tell me you were taking the pills?"
"I didn't want you to worry about me. Matty was dead and you were being strong for Mom and Dad" He stopped and inquired as Danny smiled, "What's so funny?"
"Nothing's funny. I just love that you call them Mom and Dad….you're like a son to them Steve and they love you very much. So do my sisters and so did Matty….and I hope you know how I feel"
"Your family has always treated me like one of their own, and I love them all. And yes Danno, I know how you feel and I feel the same way about you. That's why I've made up my mind to leave Hawaii"
"What are you talking about? That's crazy?"
"No, it's something that has to be done. I've broken up with Catherine and I plan on resigning from the Task Force next week. I'll be recommending to the Governor that he assign you as the new leader of 5-0"
"So what, you're choosing to run away now?"
"What?"
"These nightmares you have are just going to follow you, you do know that"
"I'm not running away Danny and of course I know the nightmares won't stop, they'll never stop. The faces of those who have died because of me will haunt me for the rest of my life and I deserve that. But I am not going to risk adding you or Catherine or Gracie...…any of you to that long list. I've destroyed so many lives…..I can't do that anymore"
Danny smirked, "Wow babe….this is quite the pity party you're treating yourself to"
"What?"
"You heard me! Now you're going to knock this shit off and listen to me!"
Steve held out his hands, "Okay…..go for it"
"You say you don't like being called a hero and that you deserve to be judged harshly for the lives you've taken. Well I'm telling you that you are the ultimate patriot Steve. You have served your country with honor and dignity since you were what, nineteen years old? You have personally taken on, and led other brave men on assignments that have taken human scum from this earth. Why don't you look at the thousands of lives you have saved by those actions? There is a reason you are given such respect and called a hero. Not many men are brave enough to do what you have done and what you continue to do here in Hawaii. If you can't do this anymore, I can certainly understand and appreciate that and I will back you 100% IF you're making that call for the right reasons. But saying that you are responsible for the deaths' of the men who served with you and under you is pure BULLSHIT! And this notion of not endangering those you love? Everyone who is close to you, chooses to be close to you because WE LOVE YOU. You're not hiding who you are from us, we're all smart people, and we make the CHOICE to serve with you and to be friends with you. We are here because we WANT TO BE HERE! Get it through your thick skull and knock off the crap, okay?"
Steve sat quietly for several seconds as his friends' words sunk in before responding softly, "Shit I just hurt so damn bad Danno. I'm so tired…"
"I know you're hurting. Let me get you help…..please Steve, you need help"
Steve paused before saying softly, "I'm already seeing someone Danny"
"What are you talking about? Who? When?"
"My every other Monday morning meetings with the Governor…I've really been seeing a Navy Doctor. Danny, I need to tell you about Freddie" Steve sighed deeply and continued, "I went through SEAL training with Freddie Hart. He nearly dropped out Danny…but I wouldn't let him ring that damn bell and quit. I drove him Danny, and he became an amazing SEAL. Along with Chad he was the best buddy I had…..he was my brother and I loved him. After Chad died we became even closer. I never told you about my last mission. I was in Iraq in the fall of 2010 and Joe along with top Military brass sent me on a mission to enter North Korea to capture Anton Hess. I hand-picked Freddie to go in with me. After we captured Hess we were engaged in a gunfight with North Korean rebels and Freddie took a round to the gut. He was dying Danny and he provided cover fire for me so I could get away with Hess. He died in order for our mission to be successful…..he died saving me. And I did something that can never be forgiven, I left my brother behind, God...I left him behind" Steve wiped tears from his eyes as he continued, "During the transport of Hess out of North Korea our convoy was attacked by Victor Hess's men resulting in Anton's death and ultimately my Father's death. When Governor Jameson gave me the opportunity to head up the task force I took the job, and for that first year we were so busy I was able to push everything that had happened to the back of my mind. Then after Jameson died and I landed in prison, my nightmares became more severe. When I was recovering from being stabbed by Hess in prison I decided to go see a Navy psychologist and I was diagnosed with PTSD. I refused to go on any medication but I felt Governor Denning needed to know. After talking with him, I agreed to be seen twice a month and that Denning could have access to these reports"
Danny asked quietly, "Have the sessions helped you?"
"I guess…..the nightmares still come but then again, they probably always will. It feels good to talk things out though"
"You can always talk to me you know"
"I know that Danny, but when this all went down we'd been partners for less than a year and as you know, I do have trust issues. Plus, there's always information that's classified and I can't discuss that with you"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah…..screw the classified crap Steven…if you need to talk, you need to talk"
Steve grinned, "Unfortunately, it's not that easy partner. I do appreciate your willingness to listen and honestly, I do tell you more than I probably should. One good thing about meeting with the Navy Doc is that I don't have to worry about saying too much, so yeah…it has helped me"
Danny smiled, "Good, I'm glad to hear that. So tell me, what's with the call you made to Catherine?"
"Did she call you?"
"Of course she called me! You weren't answering her calls and she was freaked out"
"Sorry" He paused a moment before continuing softly, "I can't give her what she want's Danny. She deserves better"
"I know you have commitment issues…"
Steve interrupted him, "That's an understatement my friend"
Danny chuckled, "Well I'm glad to hear you're aware of your issues with trust and commitment, now what are you going to do to correct it? She's a good woman Steve…don't mess this up, you need her"
A smile crossed Steve's face and tears again slipped from his eyes, "That's the same thing Freddie told me shortly before he died…don't mess this up"
Danny stated softly, "He sounds like a great guy….and smart too! I wish I could have known him partner"
"I wish so too Danny"
"So are you going to call her and beg her forgiveness?"
"There's so much more to it D"
"Tell me"
"So what are you, my new shrink?"
"It's part of my job description…keeping you happy and sane"
"I think you need a raise"
"I couldn't agree more! Now spill it Superman"
"She betrayed me Danny"
"What are you talking about, how"
"Shortly after Doris returned Catherine witnessed her interrogating, or should I say torturing a mobster. He had tracked her to the Island, and Doris asked Cath not to tell me about it…..and she didn't. Then after Doris's house was broken into and the microfiche was stolen, Cath told me. I forgave her Danny but damn it hurts. It's just one more thing, one more person I can't trust"
"Why didn't she tell you?"
"Doris gave her a sob story about just getting back into my life and not wanting to worry me"
"And you can't understand that?"
"It's not about understanding it Danny, she should never have kept that from me. You don't keep things from people you love"
"WHOA buddy…..are you kidding me? I wasn't planning on talking about this right now, but what about you leaving for Washington and letting us think you were DEAD?"
"It's not the same thing Danny"
"No, you're right…..what you did was much worse!" Danny's voice was rising and he was waving his hands around in typical 'Danno rant' fashion "When you left me that damn 'Dear Danno' letter and disappeared for two weeks, you said you'd never do that again….."
Steve interrupted…"I didn't leave you a letter this time"
Danny was not amused as he continued, "Do you not have a clue as to what you put us all through? I was planning your fucking funeral Steve! I had to call Joe and tell him that you were dead. I was waiting until they 'recovered your body' before calling Mary, or letting your Mom know, but do you know how painful it was to even THINK about making those calls? You're right Steven, you should never keep things from people you love" Danny stood and without saying another word he moved down the hallway to the bathroom slamming the door behind him.
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When he returned a few minutes later Steve stood to greet him saying, "Danny…"
Danny held up his hand, "No, no I was out of line man. Now wasn't the time for me to lay into you…..I'm sorry"
"Actually buddy I think it was the perfect time. I needed to be put in my place. I'm so sorry"
Danny moved to his friend and they embraced. It felt good for both of them and once they sat back down Steve spoke first, "I went alone because I didn't want to put you in danger"
"I know that, and I love you for caring so much, but Steve….you can't do this anymore. We're partners but more importantly, you're the best friend I've got in this world…..you have to trust me"
"It's not that I don't trust you Danno, I trust you with my life…...I just don't want to see you hurt"
"Then we have a real problem my friend because in our line of work there's a real possibility that could happen"
"I know Danny…of course I know that" He paused briefly, "I'm so tired of losing everyone I love…it seems like everyone I care about either dies or betrays me"
They talked for a long time about Steve's Dad sending him away. They talked about Nick Taylor, Governor Jameson, Jenna Kaye, Joe and Doris. And now Catherine…
Danny listened intently, hearing the pain in his friend's voice before responding softly, "Steve, you know Nick Taylor was corrupted by the all mighty dollar. Jameson was power hungry and got into bed with Wo-Fat. Jenna…I know it hurts babe, but she was trying to save her fiancé. As far as Joe and Doris go…yes, they betrayed you but they did what they felt they had to do to keep you, Mary and your Dad safe"
"Danny, they may as well have put the fucking bullet in my Dad's brain! He sent us away to keep us safe and he spent the rest of his life searching for Mom's 'killers'….and eventually he got too close to the truth"
"Hey buddy, I'm with you. I just want you to try to see things through their perspective and understand that they both love you very much. It wasn't easy for them to keep up this charade all those years. It wasn't easy for Doris to walk away from her family and be on the run for twenty years, you know that"
"I want to trust her Danny…but it's so hard and then she turns Cath on me"
"She didn't 'turn Cath'. Babe, Catherine is devoted to you. She didn't want to hurt you and she made a mistake…that's all it was….a mistake"
"I can't trust anyone Danno…."
"Well thanks a lot partner"
"I'm sorry….you know what I mean"
"Steve McGarrett, I can PROMISE YOU that I will NEVER, EVER betray your trust or our friendship"
Steve smiled and holding out his hand, Danny grasped it tightly, "Thanks buddy and I PROMISE YOU that I will NEVER, EVER take off on ANY search or mission again without telling you where I'm going"
Danny smiled back at him, "Good…yeah that's really good"
Steve grinned, "I really feel like shit Danno"
"I'm not surprised. You drank a hell of a lot and by the way, you look like shit too"
"I'm really hungry"
"Let's move to the kitchen and I'll fix you a famous 'Gracie's spinach frittata'"
"Yeah, well try to not burn my house down this time alright?" Steve stated, referring to a few months earlier when he had returned from maneuvers to find his house filled with smoke as a result of Danny's first attempt at the frittata.
"Come on, it was just a little smoke!"
Steve went to shower as Chef Daniel retreated to the kitchen intent on creating a culinary masterpiece!
A short time later Steve was enjoying the frittata, an English Muffin and coffee. He had to admit that Danny had perfected the recipe. After they ate they moved down to the water's edge to watch the sunrise. They sat quietly for a while sipping coffee until Steve spoke, "The nightmares have been so bad Danno, so intense. I'm afraid to even close my eyes" He told Danny more about Freddie and Chad and he told him about the mission in which he lost David Pappas.
Steve talked and cried about each of the brother's he had lost, and Danny did exactly what was needed…he simply listened.
Hours passed before Steve said, "Danny…thank you brother. Thank you for your love, thank you for your trust. Thank you for sharing your life and your beautiful little angel with me. Your family is my family and I don't know what I would do without you"
"When you showed up at my door that first day and told me I was working for you and I had no choice in the matter, I hated you. I was miserable every moment that I wasn't spending with Grace. You changed my life Steve, both personally and professionally. Our 5-0 team is doing great things and I have a newfound purpose. Thank you for YOUR love and YOUR trust and don't ever forget….I will always be there for you…..always"
Steve's recovery went well from that day forward and he was able to beat the Meth and the pain meds with the love and support of his Five-0 Ohana. Steve reconciled with Catherine and continued his therapy sessions with the Navy Doctor.
The entire team was back on the job on schedule and working hard to maintain law and order in their Hawaiian paradise.
******* And so the story, turned novel finally ends. I hope you've enjoyed it and I would really appreciate any final comments. Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon….. I want to give a final THANK YOU to SuperSealSteve for giving me the initial idea for the addiction storyline…I hope that you're happy with how I wrote it ********