The second chapter. It's a tiny chapter.

And for those who might not realise: I don't own the Boosh or the Velvet Underground or any of the movies mentioned in this story. I'm just bored in bed recovering from a bone marrow biopsy.

As it was, they spent the next hour sitting under the tree watching the rain. Well, Vince watched the rain. And Howard. And the empty mud road at the other end of the field. Howard was madly trying to summon up an escape plan.

"What we need is some sort of link with the outside world - with our world. A portal or worm hole. We need to find out exactly how we were brought here and then we might be able to figure out how to escape..."

He had his eyes tightly shut and didn't notice Vince rummage excitedly through his pockets. He heard Vince squeal in delight but ignored it. Vince was always getting excited by something, probably a glittery raindrop.

"Hey, Howard!"

"... or maybe it's a self-discovery quest and you're here to discover the joys of the countryside and brown clothes; or I'm here to rediscover my Man-of-Action roots..."

"Hey, Howard! Howard. Howard. Howard. Howard?"

Howard opened his eyes a crack. Enough so that he could see but not enough that Vince would notice. (There were some benefits to having tiny peepers.)

"Howard?"

Vince looked like a puppy, damp from the rain but excited and desperate for attention, his blue eyes big and affectionate and impossible not to love. Even if he was an annoying tit.

"Howard, you know what you were saying before-"

"If you've interrupted my chain of thought just to sing at me again I will come at you like Heathcliff went at... at... well, like any of the other characters in that book." Howard paused and furrowed his brow in his deep thinking way which in turn caused Vince to blush furiously and take a sudden interest in his unattractive boots.

"You don't really think Heathcliff was sexy do you, Vince? I mean, the man was a brute. A bully with incest issues. He was-"

"Tortured by a love that he thought was forbidden to him and by a life which made him feel like an outcast, so he tortured all the people around him instead and made everybody miserable, especially himself and his one true love."

Howard was gobsmacked. He'd never heard Vince say something so intelligent in his life and his brain had literally gone blank.

"How do you? I mean... what?"

"Got your attention now, do I? Good, 'cos I found this in my pocket."

Howard looked down at what Vince was holding but he was still in shock from Vince's random insightfulness to realise what he was holding.

"And that is?"

"Naboo's enchanted remote, you dingbat! It's what sent us here. Maybe it can get us back."

"Yes!" Howard snapped back into action. "This was just what I was thinking we needed! We won't need to discover anything after all, we can just click this thing and 'poof!' we'll be right back home again."

He scrambled to his feet and began to pace dramatically around the tree, waving the remote and pulling his best Man-of-Action poses, Vince's out of character words already forgotten.

"I knew I'd be able to get us out of here, didn't I tell you not to worry, Vince? Howard Moon is an escapology genius, yes sir."

" 'Course you are, Howard," Vince replied, bouncing to his feet with a good deal more grace than Howard had and looking indulgently at his friend. "But I do have one question, yeah?"

"Oh," Howard stopped walking and turned back to his friend. "And what's that?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure you're right about that remote being able to get us home again and all, but the problem I see is that there are a whole heap of buttons on that thing but none of them have words or pictures on 'em to tell us what they do. How do we know which button to press?"

It was a legitimate question but Vince wished he hadn't asked it as he watched Howard's face crumple in despair. He could be well extreme in his mood changes sometimes.

"We're doomed! Doomed! Oh, what a world! I had so much to give! Why me? Why me? Oh, the humanity!"

At which point the narrative was inexplicably paused to allow for a series of advertisements, during which Naboo walked into the room and settled himself down on the settee, wondering where Vince and Howard had gotten to.