Chapter Four
"I have changed, but all this bad stuff keeps happening to me!" – Alli Bhandari
Disclaimer: I own Tasha, Kevin, Mikayla, Jarod, and Arielle. I don't own the original Boondocks cast. Okay? Good enough for you? I admit it. I admit it damn it! Don't sue. Don't snitch.
Riley
I'm so mad now that my girl didn't tell me this shit that I can't even think straight. What the hell? I wonder what would have happened if the girl's daddy had just walked out on her. She would still be at the house with Katie scared and shit. I can't tell her this though. She's a wreck. I wouldn't have even gone to the party tonight or any night had known that she was going through this mess. Damn, I just wish Cindy would have told me earlier that her dad had been missing for two months.
Apparently, they told her yesterday night. The cops came to her door, and she just screamed. The only reason that I even know this is because the cops brought her over here. After all, she can't stay with anybody else, and I know the two cops are uncomfortable by the way that they're standing at the door. Katie, Cindy's younger sister, sat there as she looked around, rubbing her eyes as she ate a lollipop. I took it that she most definitely didn't know yet. I shook my head. I remember losing my parents at her age. Damn, life was fucked up.
I took a good look at Cindy. I loved her and all, but at the moment, she looked awful. Her hair was everywhere. The snot was running down her nose as she sniffled a little. Her blue eyes were surrounded by a pool of red around her irises. She looked so lost that I felt bad for being angry at her for not telling me anything. Her blonde hair was stretched out. I knew that she pulled it when she heard. She always pulls her hair when she's nervous. I wondered where Huey was and prayed that he would stay where he was. His hating ass was not made for situations like this.
I looked at the cops, at Cindy and Katie. They all stared back as I nodded, gesturing for Cindy and them to come in. The big dude with the doughnut glaze on his suit glared at me as he looked at Katie.
"Your kid, man?" He asked as he waved his baton, eyebrow raised.
I rolled my eyes, "That's her sister."
"Oh," He looked uncomfortable again as Cindy shot him her signature McFearsome glare.
"Well," The skinny cop spoke up in his southern drawl. He too glared at Doughnut Cop, "Take care you guys. Call me if you need anything, okay?"
Cindy nodded as Katie looked around after waking up from the influx a sugar that she devoured. She was probably confused.
"Hey!" The Donught Cop snapped his fingers as the rest of us, even Katie, rolled our eyes, "Aren't you that boy that we're looking for?"
What kind of a dumb ass question is that? Any person with a brain would know not to say yes to a question like that. And they wonder how I get away with so much shit around WoodCrest. This police force is a joke mane. Really.
"No," I told him as I looked confused.
"Really, isn't your name Riley?" Doughnut Cop rubbed a finger across his chest like a dumb ass, "Riley Freeman?"
"No," I talked like a proper nigga, "My name is Richard."
"Oh," The Doughnut Cop looked disappointed as the skinny guy practically shoved him out of the door,"Sorry."
"Bye," The skinny cop looked apologetic, "Remember what I said."
"Will do, man. Thanks," I told him as I shut the door, looking at Cindy. I wondered why she had to fucking wince. I wasn't about to kill her. Hell, her dad just died. What the fuck do I look like?
"You okay?" I asked her as Katie, looked at me. She jumped up happily. For some reason, that little girl loved me. I was even" her boyfriend". She smiled up at me as Cindy nodded pathetically.
"Risey!" She jumped into my arms as her red hair draped over my arm like a curtain, "Hi!"
"Hey, Kit-Kat!" I grinned at her as I almost cried for her. She was so happy right now. I wouldn't be able to fucking stand it, "How about you go in the guest room and say hey to Granddad for me, alright? Tell him I'll be up in a minute."
"Okay!" She told me as she flew top speed into the room as I sat next to my girl, handing her Granddad's "expensive good" Kleenex.
"You can cry if you want," I told her as I pulled her into my arms, shocked at how not gangsta I sounded, "It does help."
"I can't anymore, Riley," She sniffled a little in my arms as she looked at me.
"Okay-"
"What the hell is that little three year old baby doing in my goddamn house?" I could hear Granddad from the stairs, "Boy! I know you and Cindy are not-"
"Granddad, her dad died," I shook my head at him as his own eyes softened. He grabbed Cindy's hand as he stooped down like she was Katie's age.
"I'm sorry baby girl," He shook his own head as he looked up at me, "I really am, sorry. I understand."
"You can't understand what I'm going through," Cindy shook her head as she began to shake, her own eyes watering as I could only hold her, "I feel empty. Will it ever go away?"
"Eventually, babe" I told her as we all sat there, me, her, and Granddad.
Then, I guess it finally sunk in because she cried. She let all the pain come out of her and cried. Her eyes filled with more tears as she sobbed into my chest. I ain't no bitch or nothing like that, but you got to understand that my girl needed me. She does need me. I could only pull into my chest as she sobbed, praying to god that her pain would end soon. Maybe it will.
"I just can't believe that he's dead," Cindy whispered.
"I know baby," I shook my head, "I know."
"Daddy's dead?" A shriek came from behind the couch as we all spun around to see Katie in horror. She burst into tears before running away and locking herself into her room.
Shit.
Arielle
I hate the damn homeless shelter. It's filled with the biggest low life assholes you could ever find in one specific area. Maybe I shouldn't have stormed out on my mom. After all, her house is safer than this place. I cringe at the smell of them as I walk in. Some of them remember me. A lot of them don't. I snort- that's good. I don't cry. I don't whine. I grab a pair of sheets and lay down.
When I was younger, I used to live here. That was before my mom met my dad. He was a business man, a respectable human being. That's what it looked like on the outside. At home, he was a monster. He and my mother, they would always fight. It didn't even look like they would stop. At first, it was just yelling. My parents would play it off as a simple "quarrel" or "mommy and daddy just had a disagreement", but even then, I didn't buy it. Then, as I got a little older and started going to school the fights would progress. They weren't even bothering to pretend to love each other anymore. When I walked through the door, I had to remember to duck because all the silverware was being thrown into the air. I have the battle scars to prove how I learned that lesson, the hard way.
Then, when I hit middle school, things spun out of control. They weren't verbal fights. They were physical fights. My mom would scream in the middle of the night. She would cry out for help that even I couldn't give yet. I remember seeing the way they argued. My mom would scream for him to stop as he would take his palm and back hand her across the face while he called her a bitch and a slut. Sometimes, he would kick her, or worst of all, pull out a knife and cut a small piece of skin. When I tried to save her one day, she let him attack me. She allowed him to take that belt and beat the essence of my soul out of it. I hated it. I hated my own father, but I hated her a little that day. She grabbed a belt and beat me too. I tried to help her. I only wanted to help.
She couldn't see that, though. She only saw love that my dad would never give. Afterwards, they would always return to a limited state of "normalcy", whatever that was supposed to mean. They would be like newlyweds one day and wrestlers the next. Neither one of them gave a hot shit about the fact that I cried myself to sleep at night. They only cared about the other, not me.
My dad left her. I thought that she would get over it. I thought that she was stronger than that. Instead, she sat there and cried. First, she ignored me altogether. After a long time, she began speaking to me when necessary. Now, she admitted what I knew all along. She hates me. She did drugs even then, but now that my dad was gone, I had to get the groceries. I had to take care of myself. It was hard too, but luckily, I did it. Even if I wasn't always proud of the costs, I survived.
My mother, however, crumbled.
Soon, she became an alcoholic and a bully. She made it her personal business to come kick my ass every single day. However, in the eighth grade, I convinced Huey to teach me a few martial arts moves, and since then, she flinches whenever I get into stance. She was more violent with the alcohol, and sadly, I liked it better when she was on heroin because she acted nicer. It felt nice that she wanted me around- even if she was just using me to survive. She would beg me for help. She would promise me that she would change, even bother to tell me how sorry she was. As pathetic as it sounds, I bought it every time.
As much as I want to say that I don't feel bad for walking out on my mom, I do. She's my mom, and I love her. I can't, however, remain in that goddamn environment anymore. I just can't do it. And before I know it, I'm crying. I, Arielle, am crying. Now tell me how much since that makes.
"I can wipe your tears away, honey," A perverted old man with a disgusting tone moves his hand to touch my back as I pull away.
"I'm fine," I glare at him.
"You don't seem fine," He tells me as he comes closer, his grip significantly tighter. Nobody is around. Damn, I'm slipping.
"Is there a problem?" A boy comes from behind me with long dreads. Even though he's wearing them, I can't help but note how strong and muscular he is. Why the hell did I ever say I hated dreads? They look amazing on him. His eyes fall on mine, and I swear that my heart starts racing. What is this?
"No," The man releases his grasp on me as he retreats to the nearest corner.
"And who are you supposed to be?" I roll my eyes at him as I sit back on the bed, "Prince Save a Hoe?"
He laughs at me, "Fine, I can call him back so he can continue."
"What?" I feel queasy, "No thank you."
"I'm Michael Caesar," He offers his hand, but I don't take it. If I love Huey, why do I feel this way about this random guy that I've never met before? I don't know, but I don't like it. That's why I really don't want to take his hand. I'm scared of what I might feel.
"I'm Arielle," I say stiffly.
"Well," He cocked his head sideways, "Are you from Brooklyn?"
"Originally," I chuckled as I stopped crying, "Everybody there goes-"
"Brookllllyyyyyn!" Caesar yelled out emphatically before everybody shot him a glare, "Sorry."
I burst out laughing uncontrollably. I couldn't help it. That was one of the funniest things I had ever seen in my life.
"You know you look prettier when there's a smile on your face instead of a glare," Caesar noted.
Maybe a new friend wouldn't hurt. After all, I need as many as I can get.
Cindy
Riley put me in the guest room to chill out for a moment. All I know is that I can't stop crying. All I can do is feel bad. I feel angry with my father for leaving me. I want to find him and shake him. But all I can do right now is cry and hate. I hate and cry. I know how extreme that sounds, but that's exactly how I feel. I feel lost. I don't know what else to say or do.
I think I'm crazy. I think that I'm scared of myself. I won't look in the mirror ever again. All I'm going to see is his face staring back at me. He's not dead. He's not dead. I keep trying to repeat the words in my head. I want them to become real somehow. I want to pretend, but I can't. Especially right now in the Freeman's house, I'm crying still. I hate feeling so weak, and I hate the way that Riley looks wounded on my behalf. I hate that the cops brought me here.
Why don't I just leave?
I want to run away from here. I want to forget everything. I want to live it up like nothing bad ever happens. I hate that my mom left me after Katie was born. I hate that she's a stripper in Colorado who wants nothing to do with either of us. I hate that my dad fucking died on me. I hate that I'm crying when my baby sister needs me the most. I hate that I couldn't handle anything on my own. I hate that I want to die. I hate myself. I fucking hate myself. Somehow, some way, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have made him do so much stuff for me. I should have hung out with him more.
Funny, I only cared when his time ran out. I was always an asshole to him. Always. I hated him when he tried to look out for me. I always said hate in place of love. Why didn't I tell him the truth? Why didn't I give him a big hug or tell him how much he meant to me? Why did he just leave me here? I don't understand why he has to die. It's not fair. It's never fair.
Maybe I should be another person. I want to be somebody else. Anybody but me would have it better right now. I'm so weak. Arielle never cries like this. She's way too strong. And Jazmine? She has a day in the shade compared to mine. Her family is perfect and corny and everything. They probably give her everything she wants and then some. Why can't I be anybody but me?
If anything is right in the world, things wouldn't be like this. I'm not supposed to be like this. I was never built to end up like this, but I am. That's scary as hell. I wonder when I'll wake up. I wonder when the tears will stop streaming from my face. My mind screams the answer that I don't want to hear.
You can't wake from reality, Cindy.
I wish that I could.
Huey
I open the door as I arrive home from my time on the hill and find Granddad and Riley on the other side of the door in my room trying to convince somebody to open the door. They keep lightly tapping on it, begging them to come out. Judging from the small voice that protests after each knock, it's a little girl. Great, my room's been hijacked by some brat. I'm surprised that Granddad hasn't pulled out his belt. I snort in realization. The girl must be white.
"Katie," My Granddad says, "C'mon cutie pie just open the door for ."
"Katie?" My own eyebrows rise in surprise, "What's Cindy doing here?"
"No, my daddy's dead," Katie sobbed on the other side of the door, "You can't tell me what to do!"
That made my own mouth drop. I could hear Cindy sobbing now that there was complete silence for a moment. I knew she felt awful. They couldn't leave her alone right now. Even I wouldn't want to be all alone right now.
"Go take care of Cindy," I looked at Riley who was trying to charm his way into getting what he wanted, but Katie, being the spitfire she was, would not agree at all, "I'll open the door."
"I don't know," Granddad rubbed his chin in thought, "You're not exactly the most sensitive person on Earth."
"Neither is Riley," I pointed out.
"Ay! I don't crush niggas dreams and shit," Riley threw his hands up as he threw me a look, "You the one who told Jazmine that she would die one day because of the chemicals in toothpaste after she came back from her dentist appointment without crying and shit for the first time. And that was a good day."
Why did we have to bring Jazmine into this? I let it go as I shrugged, "I think I can handle this. Besides, Cindy needs you right now."
"Alright boy," Granddad looked at me, "But if that little girl comes out mentally disturbed, Imma beat yo ass!"
"Um-" I looked over Riley's shoulder towards Granddad's frowing face, "Okay?"
The two walked into the guest room as I sat there for a moment. How the hell do you compromise with a three year old for goodness sake? I may be a revolutionary, but I'm not a kid person. How in the world could I do this?
"Katie," I took a deep breathe, "I have candy."
"That's a trick!" The small voice quivered from the other side of the door. It sounded muffled, like she was behind another wall. Great, she was in my closet too, "Everybody knows that!"
"Katie," I sighed, "Please open the door?"
"No!" She shouted.
"Katie!" I rolled my eyes as I knocked on the door again, "Open this door right now, or I'll kick it down myself."
"You can't do that!" The three year old sounded defiant and confident even though she seemed a tad bit sad.
"I can and I will," I told her on the other side of the door.
"You're Risey's bwother?" The girl seemed to be questioning me. I actually thought it was a little cute.
"Yeah," I told her. I hoped she would open the door. I heard one door open. She was out of the closet now, "Will you open the door now?"
"No!" The young girl shouted as I stood up, prepared to kick it open, "You mean!"
"I'm not mean," I told her as I got into stance, "Really, I could prove it to you if you opened the door."
"No!" The girl shouted again as you heard a tiny pat. I assumed that she stomped her foot.
"I'm gonna count to five, Katie" I told her as I got ready to kick the door down with my foot.
"Okay!"
"One-"
"Me no open door!"
"Two-"
"I no wanna" The voice sounded worried now.
"Three-"
"No no no!" The little pats got louder.
"Four-"
The door opened as Katie looked up at me. When had she gotten so big? I hadn't seen her in a little while. Now, she had a red face as her blue eyes watered up. How in the hell could I explain death to a little kid without making her cry? I wasn't her parent. But as of now, she didn't have any.
"Hey, Katie" I looked at her as she looked back, blinking.
Then, she did the thing that any normal kid her age would do. She opened her mouth and took a huge breath before she began to cry. Excuse me, she began to cry very loudly.
"I want my daddy!" She wailed.
"Well, he's not coming back!" I snorted. Then, I realized that this was a three year old girl I was talking to. It wasn't like Jazmine or Arielle when they her age. Okay, maybe I didn't know them then, but she couldn't take verbal abuse like they could.
"Waaaaaah!"
That much was very clear.
"Look," I told her as I sat down on the bed, "I don't think you're daddy would want you crying or anything would he?"
She began to sniffle as she shook her head, "No."
"I'm sorry this happened to you, Katie," I looked at the red hair that flew around her as she pulled it behind her head, pulling it like Cindy does when she's nervous, "It's not easy to understand at your age."
"Why?" Katie asked me as she looked up at me, moving closer to the bed. Her small hands clenched into fists.
"You're only three," I snorted, "How would I expect you to understand this? I barely could."
"No," Katie shook her head in a frustrated manner, "Why Daddy die?"
"That's just life," I told her bluntly, "You live and you die. It's like tag. One minute you're in and the next you're out."
"No fair," Katie's eyes watered, "I want him back. Why can't he come back?"
"People who die don't come back, Katie," I sighed as I helped her climb onto the bed.
"Where do they go?" She asked me.
"I don't know." I told her the truth. I still hated lying to people. Even if it would probably save their lives, I would never lie to a person to make them feel better.
"Did your daddy die?" Katie looked up at me as her blue eyes watered.
"Yes," I told her.
"Were you sad?" Her head was against my chest now. Her breath was slower. She was scared. Everything wasn't constant anymore. Nothing would ever be the same. She would be fighting an internal battle with herself that she may not win.
"Yeah," I told her as she looked up at me with those blue eyes and red lashes.
"Did you cry?" Her voice was in a light whisper that was so hard to hear that I thought I imagined it for a split second.
"Yes," I looked at her as she began to let the small droplets of water fall from her eyes, "It's okay to cry. I was sad. You're sad. It won't go away. You'll always miss him. He's your daddy, but he's in a better place."
"Heaven?" She asked me with innocent eyes with such light that I had to go back on my word. Just this once.
"Yeah," I nodded my head, "He's there."
"Oh, so he can see me?" Katie smiled up at the sky as she wiped her tears.
I nodded.
"Well, can I have a minute awone?" She asked me as her pronunciation wavered.
"Will you lock the door?" I raised my brow.
"No." She looked me in the eye like she meant it. I nodded.
"No problem."
No sooner than I turned the corner did I hear a voice. It was Katie.
"Hi, Daddy" I saw her on her knees, praying, "I just called up there to say that I miss you, and I'm sad. I don't reawy understand why you had to go bye bye. I love you so much and Cinwy does too. Daddy, heaven is good, but me and Cinwy are too. I'm mad at you for leaving me here all awone. I hate that you won't come back to me. Who's gonna read me stuff? Who's gonna help me reach the ceweal box when Cinwy won't pick me up to get to it? Daddy, I need you. So if you can hear me, just call me back and tell me that you love me a lot. Please? I don't want to make you upset either, Daddy, but I won't be able to stop crying for a little bit. Don't be mad. I'm sorry, but it hurts my tummy to know that you aren't gonna be here. And tell Jesus and Noah I said hi for me. I love you Daddy. And me and Cinwy will be there one day. Then, you can help me weach the ceweal box. Amen."
Even though I didn't necessarily believe in a higher being, that didn't mean that I lacked a heart. That was by far one of the cutest, saddest things I had ever seen, and before I could stop it, a small tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away.
"You can come back now!" A voice called.
"You done?" I looked at the small girl in my bed dozing away. The phone rang four times as she slept. A chill ran down my spine as I heard the voicemail.
"I love you, honey!" A man's voice rang down the hall, "Wrong number. Katie?"
"I love you too, daddy." The small girl grinned in her sleep.
I looked up towards the sky. Maybe somebody was up there after all.
Jazmine
By the time I walked in the house, it was empty again. There was no trace of a mess anywhere. It wasn't even like my parents had been there at all. There was a new computer in the room across from mine. There was cash on the counter, and when I checked my bank account there was money to last me for years in there. I didn't know whether to embrace the silence or not.
Maybe I wouldn't have to. Turns out Tasha was staying here tonight. I rolled my eyes as I lay on the bed. My poor queasy stomach was paying for all the alcohol that I drank at the party tonight. I didn't say this aloud, but I secretly hoped that Tasha would leave. I would rather have my mind on the brink of insanity than share this house with her. That seemed selfish though. I always seemed selfish because I am.
Honestly, Tasha should be out of this house after what she did with Kevin. I still hate her. I can't stand her, but in a way, I know I cannot judge her. I'm a fake like her. I'm not real. I am a copy, unoriginal, artificial. I hate the fact that I refuse to stand for what I believe in. She does it for the sake of what is cool. I do it for the same. I hate myself for allowing myself to be this way, but what choice do I have? I would rather have fake adoration than none at all.
I look in the mirror at myself. I don't know what I see anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't think I'm Jazmine. I look beautiful to others, but all I see is a monster. All I do is destroy everything. My parents, my real friends, myself? I'm self-destructible. I'm the big red button that everybody warns you not to push. I wonder why I'm okay with that. I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe if I hide in this bathroom long enough, I can figure it out.
"Jazmine?" A knock interrupts my thoughts. Good job, Tasha. You always find a way to ruin something.
"Yeah?" I answered her, wiping the makeup that covered my face onto the towel and off of my face.
"You coming out?" Tasha asked me. You could hear her nails clicking on the door. I rolled my eyes again. How about asking me if I was okay?
"In a few minutes," I called back as I put the tingling moisturizer on my face. I sighed. It felt nice.
"How about now?" Tasha asked me as I ignored her, continuing to clean my face before tying my hair up in a bun before opening the door so swiftly that Tasha nearly fell over with her fist still in knocking position.
She looked at me with her own hazel eyes. She was taller than me, really. Her long black hair around her shoulders and her revealing dress showed me what neither one of us would ever say aloud. I didn't look any more decent just a few moments ago. Maybe my dad was right. Maybe I am a slut. I look at Tasha who doesn't say anything else to me. She just stares at me as though she can see everything. Maybe she can. Maybe she can finally relate.
"What the hell do you have on?" Her eyebrows lifted as her hazel eyes twisted in disgust. She opened her mouth and began to laugh, "Oh my god Jazzy D! That's ridiculous."
I hate that stupid nickname. It does sound kind of catchy or whatever, but when it comes to describing me, it sounds corny and artificial. Maybe it does describe me.
"What?" I look down at my monkey pajama shorts and my matching monkey t-shirt.
"You wear pajamas?" She laughed even more as if it were the most comical thing she had ever seen, "Oh man! I should really take a picture of this, Jazmine."
"Whatever," I chuckled myself until she pulled out a camera and snapped a picture, "What the hell, Tasha?"
"Don' hate the player, Jazzy D!" She gave me a wink before going into the room with the computer in it.
Oh my god.
"What are you doing, T?" I asked her before seeing her upload the pictures to every social site on the web.
"Uploading this!" She squealed happily. I could honestly beat her ass and never give a fuck.
"Tasha, that's low," I shook my head.
"You know what, Jazmine?" Her own eyes narrowed. I swallowed as she came towards me. She looked angry, "I think you've gotten too high on that damn horse of yours. Don't forget why you're even half the shit that you are now."
"The shit?" I repeated angrily.
"The shit," She reiterated as she narrowed her own eyes, stepping closer to me, "As in the shit that comes out of a cow's ass? Without me, you're nothing, Jazmine. Don't forget how you came to power now. You have the potential to be the greatest, and I'm going to help you do that."
"By humiliating me?" I stomped beside her, "Tasha-"
"Shut up, Jazmine," She rolled her eyes, "Do you want to be the next Tasha Fight or not?"
"Yes but-"
"Then move on, sister," She grinned in my face, "You have only what I'm giving you. You have nothing without me. I'm Tasha Fight, and I do what the fuck I want when the fuck I want. You crossing me is like ending any purpose to your existence. Do we understand each other?"
I didn't say anything. I only watched her walk towards my doorway before she spun around to face me.
"Good," She told me as she handed me a pillow and a blanket. I gave her a confused look, "Night!"
She slammed the door in my face and locked it as I walked towards my parents room and locked the door before letting myself cry. I shouldn't be doing this. I should be beating Tasha's ass.
She locked me out of my room.