Chapter Eight

A/N: Look, I don't own the Boondocks. I just own Arielle, Mikayla, Jarod, Kevin, and Tasha F.

"When you are as great as I am, it's hard to be humble." –Muhammed Ali

Riley

Cindy is supposed to be fine according to the doctors, but I don't think I'll believe them until she wakes up. She looks so peaceful, so still. It's hard to believe that she's alive, but as her chest rises and falls, I start to think otherwise. I feel like this is my fault, somehow. Didn't I leave her alone to go through this? Wasn't I the one who was so wrapped up in myself that I didn't notice that she was left out in the cold to defend herself?

` I should have seen the signs. I should have witnessed things for myself. I shouldn't have gone out with my guys so much, not when my girl needed me. I can't say it was just my bad, or my fault. It's bigger than that. But should have and could have won't help this girl now. I have to be more supportive, and I gotta bring her stuff? Aw mane, I don't know how to do this!

"Riley," I could hear the sound of her voice as it lightly made its way towards me, "Is that you?"

"Yeah," I nodded as I moved my way towards the bed. She looked sick, now, her blonde hair was smashed over a pillow, "It's Young Reezy! What's up?"

"Riley," She started as she shook her head and then tried to rise before I gently placed her down on the bed, "I'm sorry. I mean. I don't know. I'm sorry."

"No, it's my fault," I told her as I sat on the edge of the bed, looking away from her watering eyes and returning to them, "I mean, I'm supposed to be protecting you. I wasn't supposed to let this happen to you, but that won't happen. I'm gonna be with you every single step of the way. I ain't never letting you do this again."

"Riley-"

"Naw," I looked at her before swallowing and taking a look at the wall again, "I'm not through. I was scared as hell of losing you. And I can't do it again. I can't live without you.

"But I can," She whispered the words. They were inaudible, but I could hear them as they hit me like bullets.

"What?" I managed to look at her, the tears that didn't come, only the glare that she would give me, "What did you say?"

"I don't want it anymore," She looked into my eyes as she whispered the words, but all I could hear was the world crashing down. Damn, was this really how it felt to love somebody? Because if it was, then I didn't want it. It hurt. It hurt like hell. Was this why Huey was always so angry? Because I wanted to be like him right now.

"I'm sorry," She blinked at me, "It's just that you're always there. It's like you're always smothering me, and I don't want anything to do with it anymore. I don't want any of it. Riley, you're perfect. It's just that I can't be sure we're going to last forever. It's just puppy love. I mean you're fourteen, and I'm sixteen. Can we really expect for this to work?"

"Cindy," I looked over at her, "You're in the fucking hospital after you damn near killed yourself, and you think this is the way to solve things?"

"Yes!" She sobbed as she looked at me, "I do. Because you're part of the reason I did it! Alright?"

"Hell no," I looked over at her and the way she flinched at me, like I would hurt her. Even now, I couldn't think of doing the shit. All I wanted to do was tear the world apart to make her love me. Mane, fuck love, "You can't expect me to believe that, C-Murph."

"Don't call me that," She told me with clenched teeth, "Don't ever call me that. It's not just you. It's me. It's just everything."

"But I understand," I looked over my shoulder as I felt a lump in my throat grow, but quickly got rid of it, "I do. Why can't you-"

"You did not," Her words were short, angry, "You did not ask something of me right now. You don't fucking understand what's going on with me. I don't want to explain why we are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend. I clearly have more problems than that right now. And I don't want to talk to you about them, to anybody. So screw you. Screw everybody."

"Cindy," I couldn't even begin to process the venom in her voice, "Mane, can we at least still be friends?"

"Honestly," Her voice was so light, "I don't even know."

"Oh," I looked down at the white sheets, "wow."

"So you can go," She whispered again, trembling as I lifted so I could look at her.

"I'll be back," I told her gruffly as I walked out of the door, making sure that she could hear my voice, "I'm not giving up on you. Even if you want to."

And as I walked out of the door, Granddad was calling my name, and people were staring at me. And I was wondering what was so wrong with me that made them look at me this way. And then I felt them as they traveled down my cheeks, the trails of wetness that they left around them. And I rubbed the tears off my eyes after realizing they fell. After all, why bother? I might as well get over it.

After all, another chick like Cindy should be easy to find, right?

Jazmine

As much as I hate to admit it, I love being back on the stage with the old stage crew. Half of them are happy to see me. And some of them hate my guts for not only rolling back into their club but taking the lead role. I couldn't even believe it myself. I mean, the play is called "Miss Royalty", but the character, Heather, she doesn't act like she's royalty. She's always doomed. She's always lost. And when I say the words, I don't feel queenly or anything. I just feel raw, exposed. It's like she's always doubting herself or whatever.

"Jazmine!" Mrs. Wells shouts loudly as she comes down an aisle from below, "Come on, girl! We don't have all day!"

I apologize before taking a deep breath and start to speak, letting the words fall from my mouth, "I'm Heather. And yes, I'm. I'm… I don't know what I am. I mean, what is life? What are the things that make life, life? I just want a little love. I just want somebody, anybody to pay attention to me…"

Whoa, talk about déjà vu. I mean, how many times have I said the exact same thing to myself? And suddenly, I'm Jazmine, not Heather. Mrs. Wells is nodding, and even Arielle has nothing negative to say, which means that I must be doing halfway decently. But I feel the words. I feel the moments of sadness that she feels. And I know her. I can just feel the way that she surges through me. Am I Heather?

"I just want," I look out at the seats that overlook the stage before sitting down and dramatically slumping down in my chair positioned behind me, "I want anybody to listen to me. I want everybody to love me, and I'm going to make it happen. I have to. I don't think I can live without being heard, not anymore. I want the lights. I want people to stare at me because they think I'm beautiful, smart, lovely."

And that sounds familiar too. I feel the tightening of my chest confirm my thoughts. And all I can think is how crazy I must be to want to lose being myself to pretend. Isn't this where I was my happiest? On this stage? The golden curtains stand behind me. They curl underneath me and dance. I frown. And I keep talking. Because in a way, this is a confession. Even if my audience doesn't know it, I just love it. Maybe that's why I'm such a dramatic person. I love the attention, the spotlight.

"And that's how it has to be," Heather tells herself, and I look up at the ceiling before getting up and pacing around, "That's how it always has to be. And worst of all, it's only because I make it that way. But maybe, just maybe, I can change myself this year. I can do this. I can do this."

Arielle walks in, tossing her hair and shooting me a look, "Move, loser."

"Oh, right," I say as I get up, "That's the problem. Nobody's ever going to give me the chance."

And all of a sudden, Mrs. Wells yells, "Scene. Fantastic job!"

And I nod and get up to leave, but Arielle pulls me to the side.

"Jazmine?" She actually looks concerned, "I know that you think you're the shit now, but I can't help but ask. Are you drinking?"

"What?" I pulled back from her grasp and look at the way she's looking. Funny, her braids even seem angry with me, "No, I'm not. Why? Do I look drunk to you?"

"No," Arielle shook her own head as she lowered her voice in the hallways. It was after school, though, and nobody bothered to come down this hall anyways, for risk of being seen associating with the "theks" or theater geeks. I shook my head at her, but she only stepped in front of me, opening my bag and pulling out the glass bottle, "but I did see this. Are you crazy Jazmine?"

"Maybe," I snatched the bottle back so quickly that it took a few moments for Arielle to realize what I had done, "But maybe, I'm holding it for someone, or keeping it from somebody else."

"Right," Arielle gave me a skeptical look as she examined the bottle before looking at something on the side, "Does this person have the same lip gloss as you?"

"Look!" I yelled out as the auditorium behind us got quiet. I let my voice lower so they wouldn't hear what I was saying, "You won't understand. You could never understand."

"Jazmine," She rolled her eyes at me, "All I'm going to say is you're paying a price when you aim to forget everything with alcohol or any substance for that matter. Whatever it is that you think you can't handle, talk to somebody about it, anybody."

"I," I shook my head, "That's not true."

"It is," She narrowed her eyes at me, "And I know it is. I can tell just by the expression on your face, but you know what?"

"What?" I look up at her, my eyes wide I'm sure.

"If you need to talk," She threw her head back and laughed, "I'm here. Really, I am."

"Um," I shifted, "But don't you, hate me?"

She paused and scratched her chin, "No, I don't. I mean I don't care for you or whatever, but I don't think I want your stuck up ass dead."

"Oh," I shrugged, "Well, I should just let you go. I don't want to keep Huey waiting or anything."

"Huey?" She shot me a look, "We broke up like a week ago. Where have you been, Dubois? Oh, right. The alcohol?"

And with that she spun on her heel, leaving me to contemplate her words. But all I could think about was the bottle in my bag. All I could feel was the way it ran down my throat. And when I started to breathe again, I could feel myself swallowing then sitting. And soon it was all gone. And as woozy as I felt, I made it to the car and put my key in the ignition. I still had to get home.

Huey

"Mane," Riley stormed through the door angrily, a brow furrowed, "Fuck love! I can't believe this shit!"

I rolled my eyes at the loud noise disrupting my reading and looked up from my book to shoot Riley a look, "Do you mind? I'm reading."

"I mean can you believe that she had the nerve to break up with me," He sat down on the bed, "after everything we've been through?"

"Um," I looked up at him, studying his face before I shrugged, "yes?"

He looked at me appalled but said nothing else. He just sat there on the bed fidgeting awkwardly.

"You are fourteen," I rolled my eyes, "She's going through a tragedy in her life, and as much as I hate to tell you this, she probably wants to be left alone."

"But," I hung my head and sighed, "It's strange without her."

Seriously, was my brother really this hung up over Cindy? I snorted at him, "Get over it. People in life come and go. Stranger things happen. As a matter of fact, they always have happened. So you may as well move on with life. If it's meant to be, she'll come back."

"Nigga, you gay!" Riley announced as he threw something at my head, "That shit didn't help!"

"Well, honestly," I looked up at him as he shot me a quizzical look, "I didn't want you with a white girl anyways."

"I swear," Riley said as he got up and shot me a hard look, "Sometimes, I wonder when the fuck you're going to realize the right things to say."

"And sometimes I wonder when," I paused as he looked at me, "you'll actually want to hear the truth."

"The truth," Riley shook his head at me as he threw his head back and laughed, "Funny, how you can't tell your own self the truth! Mane nigga please! You ass thinks you better than everybody else when in reality we're all practically one in the same. All of us are."

"Riley," I rolled my eyes again, "I never said-"

"Mane," Riley walked across the room and headed towards our door. I wasn't going to move to stop him, "Just don't even bother, nigga! I'm outta here!"

And before I could even object, the door slammed. Riley was gone.

I never seem to do anything right with him. That wasn't really my forte. That was my parents' job. I remember them because they've been gone since I was about eight. They died a long time ago, at my birthday party. I remember because it was so huge. The whole neighborhood had shown up for it. I would only smile for my parents, then. And after they died, I swore that I would never ever smile for anyone other than them ever again…

August 6, 2005

"Happy Birthday, Huey!" My mom walked into my room. It was covered in the essence Africa, a place my parents went every single year. My walls were painted red, black,and green with all types of animals surrounding it and trees. I loved it. It was like walking into a little piece of Africa. On my sixteenth birthday, I was supposed to go, "Come on. Get out of the bed for mommy! You're finally eight."

"I'll be eight all day," I grumbled in a small voice before rolling over to sleep again.

"Son," My dad's voice was gruff and soothing all at once, "revolutionaries never rest. Come on!"

I nodded and lifted from the bed, "Alright, fine."

"Happy Birthday, big head!" Riley announced as he walked into the room.

"Riley," My father shook his head at him. He stood tall and strong. He too wore an afro on his head with a smile on his face. He was big, strong. I knew I would turn out like him someday, "That's not the proper way to serenade somebody."

"To what?" Riley's small six year old face immediately became confused. He was still small, a little shorter than me. And unfortunately, he didn't have his braids yet, so people got us mixed up all the time.

"Here's a dictionary, sweetheart," My mom grinned at him. She was beautiful too. She had those wine colored eyes that both Riley and I inherited. Her skin was the color of night, and like it, she was gorgeous. Her hair was long too, naturally puffy. She loved it. She would state everyday how our hair enhanced our African roots, that it was nothing to be ashamed of.

"I don't want to," Riley complained, "I just don't know what it means. Why can't you tell me?"

"Because one day," My mom put her arms around Riley, "Momma and Daddy won't be here to help you. Sometimes in life, you have to do things on your own."

Riley contemplated this for a moment and scratched his head in thought, "but you're here now?"

"Take the dictionary,son" My father's tone was final. We both knew what that meant. He took the dictionary from my father's hands and nodded.

"Wait," My father grabbed the book from his hand, pulled out a pen, and wrote something in it, "Maybe one day you'll understand."

I wanted to know what my father wrote in the book, but I was taught to mind my own business, so instead, I got dressed. My jeans and black t-shirt were on, and my father nodded, exhibiting his approval for my outfit.

About two hours later, my mom called me to come outside, saying that it was really important. I immediately ran down the stairs, trying to see what was going on.

"Happy Birthday!" Everybody was there. My best friend Cairo, my Aunt Cookie, and even Granddad had come along just for my birthday. I was in awe of everything.

"Happy Birthday, baby," She told me with the smile on her face, "You deserve this. Now, I want you to enjoy yourself."

And I did. Everything was not only great, but everybody was having a good time. Though I must admit, if they all knew that they weren't really eating meat, they probably would have thrown a fit. But my mother's cooking skills were so magnificent that none of that was needed for them to believe it. It tasted like it.

Finally, my mother set out the cake and ice cream. Riley was at the end of the table, licking his lips hungrily as he watched her set it down in the table in front of me. I sat in a big chair in front of it. It had lights around it, and she set a crown upon my head along with a kiss, endowing me as her African prince and hugging my father, the African king of her life. After all the cooing from the audience, I was instructed to blow out my candles and make a wish, but something else happened instead.

"Freeze!" Somebody told us as my family and friends turned around and gasped. A man dressed in all black with a gun in his hand had arrived to my party, and he didn't sound very happy at the moment. At eight, my eyes widened, and I was frozen to the ground. Even though my father taught me some self defense, I never had to utilize it in dire consequences, "Now, hello, Renee and Sherman Freeman."

"What do you want, Blake?" My father had already discreetly shoved me under the table, and I grabbed Riley so that he was there as well, cowering next to each other. His voice was hard, cold. I had never heard him sound like that before. It was in a sense scary but in another way powerful and unafraid, "Get away from here."

"But Sherman," I could hear the gun click as he loaded it, "I haven't seen you or your beautiful wife in so long."

I looked out and saw the man kneeling down towards the table, looking into my eyes with his blue ones, "And look at these lovely children of yours. Sorry that I had to ruin such a party, but what can I say?"

"Get the hell away from my babies," I could hear my mother growl, "or I swear to god I'll-"

"You'll do what, Renee?" The man growled as he abruptly stood up, "You'll kill me like you killed Victor? Huh? Like you killed my own brother? My flesh and blood?"

"He was trying to kill innocent children. He was a menace to the human race, Blake," My father shook his head, solemn and sad, "You know we had no other choice."

"There," Blake was shaking violently as the crowd stood frozen in fear, "is always a choice. Always!"

"Blake," My mother reached for him, but he shot a bullet into the air so that she would jump back.

"And somebody has to pay," He laughed, "yes, somebody always has to pay, but don't worry. I don't believe in harming innocent children, not directly anyways."

"And what do you mean by that, Blake?" I could hear my father ask him.

"It means," The gun sounded twice and two loud thuds were heard, "That you pay. An eye for an eye, and two lives for one life."

"Momma!" I screamed as I ran to her, she was breathing, but you could tell that she wasn't going to make it. She closed her eyes and my father wasn't looking any better, "Daddy!"

"So- son," His voice was still strong, even now, in his death, in his own pool of blood, "Now,lo-look, after Riley- don't give up- pro-mise"

I nodded with tears in my eyes, then wiped them away. I didn't want my idol's last memory of me to be one with tears in my eyes, "Son, I love you. It's-okay- to- cry. And-"

But that was it, he was gone. My mother and father were gone. I would never see them again for the rest of my life. I would move in with Aunt Cookie, but her health problems would not allow her to keep us for more than two years. We would later move in with Granddad, who would move us to Woodcrest despite our constant protests.

But at that moment in time, I knew nothing of this. All I knew was that everything in my life had abruptly changed for the worst. And even before Bill ran away and the cops came, I made a vow to watch after Riley with my life. I made a vow not to shed a single emotion from my body again. And I made a vow to spend my life doing what my father did as a revolutionary.

I cried for three days before I was able to keep my promise. I never wanted to hurt again.

(End of Flashback)

I opened Riley's dictionary, never reading what was written on the side of it.

"I'm trying, Dad." I whispered, "I really am."

Arielle

The homeless shelter is more full than usual, but that's not who I'm looking for. I'm looking for Caesar, but I can't find him. I want to talk to him, apologize for everything. And I know that I want him, but if he wants to be just friends, I can live with that. I can acknowledge that I ruined everything we could have had. I should have been more honest. And suddenly, I could hear him. He was free- styling to the song, Fall for Your Type. I sat back and listened to his words as the beat played.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Okay,

MC! Brooklyn!

I held back my laughter as he bobbed his head with the part. He wore shades in the darkness too, but I loved it. It made him more Caesarish.

If your name is Juliet

Then mine must be Romeo

I know how the story ends

Because we represent its flow

Baby we were kicking it

Not oh so long ago

Now I can barely look at your face anymore.

Uh,

I nodded as his words traveled to my ears. He wasn't such alright. He was good. Maybe more than good. He was amazing.

Guess that I shouldn't be surprised

I mean you went your way

And I clearly went mine.

Danced in the sun

And met the moon light

And with the new days, came a new might

Came a new fight

And a new sight

To behold the differences

In our new lives

I listened to the way his voice grew smoother as he flowed. He was telling a story, I realized. People were crowding around him, bobbing their heads to the beat like I already was.

And I tried to stop the world from crashing down

Cuz that's the way I feel every single time you frown

And, I want us to be forever

Because I can't seem to deal with never ever

So, can you call me if you can

It's not a big deal,

I'll be the bigger man

I want to understand

His voice was growing louder as he spoke the words with ease, flowing so deeply that I doubt he even noticed that he had bothered to attract a crowd.

And if you can't feel everything I'm feeling

Or can't deal with the cards that I'm dealing

I must be more lost

Than what I know

I'll find somebody else

to audience my show

And I'll stop waiting for..

The things that won't happen

I'm in it for more than just the everyday passion

But girl, you just crashing

Huh,

And we wonder

What we can do without each other

Rather than with each other

He smiled.

I would do it all for you, girl

You're more than the moon

You're more than the world

And I wish we could go back

Because maybe then I could keep track

Of you

But

I'll catch you if I can

Because once you fall

You'll need somewhere to land

And here's exactly where you'll be

There's nothing there to stop me

As long as there's a we

So…

Please stop holding us back

I need you in my life

It's your love that I lack

"Awwww!" Some girls called out.

So girl come to see

Because without your love

I don't think I can breathe

I don't think I can be

Anything unless it involves you and me

And…

Girl, you know I'm not a desperate kind

But you're love has messed with my mind

And it's made it so divine

Yeah…

I don't normally say this

But…

I think I

Fell for your type

*Jamie*

Why do I always fall for your type?

For your type?

Tell me why I always fall for your type?

Yeah

For your type

I just can't explain it anymore….

And before I knew it, I was walking up to him and kissing him with so much force that he suddenly kissed me back. And everybody was either cheering or hating. I can't bother to tell you which one it was because I was to busy finally kissing the love of my life to care.

Cindy

Everybody tells you how much life hurts. They didn't mention how much dying hurt too. And it was scary as hell, trying to do that. And even though the nurses tell me that I'm lucky to be alive. All I can feel is unlucky. I'm still in a house with my new ex. I'm still kind of sad. And on top of that, I have a sister to look out for, but I can't even see her.

I have to go to mandatory classes here. And I also have to see a therapist at least once a day. I don't want to go see one. I know that I'm not perfectly fine, but does that mean that I have to go see her? I just want to wake up and know that everything that's happened in the past month was all a bad dream.

But I know that you can't wake up from reality no matter how hard you try. I don't want to open to anybody. And that's exactly what I'm going to allow to stay the same about me. I'm not going to allow any old broad in a suit to make assumptions off of me. She doesn't even know me. And I don't want her to. I sit still, and I wonder if I did the right thing.

I hope that I did.

It's not that I don't care about Riley. I do. It's just that we're so young. And I think he's special. I don't want to ruin a good thing because we rushed things. If I lose him, then we weren't meant to be, but I know full well that everything will work out for the better. Or at least, I hope so.

Nothing can be worst.

Can it?

Jazmine

"What is this I hear about you and the drama club?"

Uh- oh, that doesn't sound good, but I'm drunk. What do I know?

"Huh?" I ask her, not really playing dumb.

"You, drama club? What's up?" Tasha asked me, her hands on her hip as her long hair passed down her back and shook, "Jazmine, answer me!"

"It's for my grade, alright, Tasha?" I snapped at her, too tired to act sweet, "Do you want me to fail?"

"Jazmine," She gave me a look of sympathy, "Sometimes, you have to make sacrifices in order to be great."

"Tasha," My voice was low but very audible as I slurred, "You can not expect me to give up my fucking valedictorian spot because of some stupid popular rank!"

"It wasn't stupid when you went through initiation!" Tasha rolled her brown eyes at me, "Now, drop the play."

"Hell," I narrowed my eyes at her as I spoke the words as slowly as humanly possible, "No!"

"Jazmine," She narrowed her eyes back, "You're a drunken bastard right now. Go home! And when you're sober and cooperative, then we'll talk."

And before I could even object, she had stormed off. I frowned but put my keys into the ignition. God, the world was spinning. I smiled as I the car responded to my actions and went into gear. The radio played, but the only thing I felt like doing was living. This was better than that. I could forget and dare. I pulled onto the street.

When would I truly forget?