Strung up by the roadside... well this was new. They'd both nearly died loads of times, in very varied ways, but Vince had never imagined that he and Howard would ever be facing their end together standing on a box under a tree in a muddy field with nooses tight around their necks. It was an extra surprise that it was two attractive young women (and one not so attractive older woman who may have been a man dressed up) doing the hanging.
They'd struggled of course, and Howard had begged them not to kill him but the women had tied their hands behind their backs and pointed pistols at their heads and there hadn't really been a lot of choice involved after that.
The two younger women seemed rather bored now that their apparent assailants were trussed up and ready to die but the older one was stalking around them, preparing to kick the box away with obvious glee.
"Any last words, my naughty little scoundrel dumplings?"
This was it, it seemed. The end. Vince sighed and looked over at Howard. At least they were going together. And they had tried to stick together and help each other. Instead they'd ended up in outer space and the middle of a war and holding up a stagecoach in the rain and...
'Hold on a minute,' Vince's braincell piped up. 'Maybe this is a journey of self-discovery after all. Maybe this is the moment of your big reveal. Maybe it's all tied in together and you need to let him know, confess the truth! It's worth doing anyway,' it ended with a mental shrug. 'As you're going to die and all.'
Vince nodded. His brain cell wasn't that bright but it had a point. He should at least try for a Hollywood ending. He'd feel a dick if he didn't try. (If it was possible to feel like a dick when you were dead.)
"I said, any last words?"
"Yeah," Vince said, doing his best to sound like a cockney bitch rather than a scaredy cat.
"This is Well weird!"
Howard chuckled. They were standing so close on the narrow box that Vince could feel the movement of his shoulder as he laughed quietly and it made him feel just a little bit brave.
"You're not wrong there, little man. I'm sorry about all this. I really am."
"Don't worry, Howard. Really. I'm pretty sure I know how this one ends."
"I think I do too."
"Nah, Howard. It doesn't end like this. All the best movies end with people declaring their love through song, Howard."
"They... do?"
"Yep, so here goes nothing, Small Eyes."
Vince took a deep breath to calm his nerves and started to sing.
He couldn't pull any shapes or strike any poses, and it wasn't the sort of song he could put on a silly rock star voice for, and that was scary in so many ways. This was just his voice, wobbly and uneven and embarrassingly sincere. He just hoped that Howard would get the message in time to save their necks. Literally.
"I'm sticking with you,
'Cos I'm made out of glue.
Anything that you might do,
I'm gonna do too.
You held up a stage coach in the rain,
And I'm doing the same.
Saw you're hanging from a tree,
And I made believe it was me.
I'm sticking with you,
'Cos I'm made out of glue.
Anything that you might do,
I'm gonna do too.
People going to the stratosphere,
Soldiers fighting in the war?
But with you by my side I can do anything,
When we swing
We hang past right or wrong.
I'll do anything for you,
Anything you want me too.
I'll do anything for you.
Oohoh, I'm sticking with you,
Oohoh, I'm sticking with you,
Oohoh, I'm sticking with you."
He finished the song to utter silence.
The two pistol toting women were staring with their mouths agape, the older one had her face buried in a hanky and Howard... well, Howard was looking at him with an expression Vince couldn't read, and he thought he knew all six of Howard's facial expressions.
"That was beautiful."
"Um... thanks."
"You changed the words though."
"Only two."
"It was pretty close wasn't it?"
"Pretty fucking close, yeah."
"Quite the coincidence."
"No."
Vince tried to shake his head but found that he really couldn't.
"Don't think it was a coincidence. Think it was fate or something. I think this was all meant to happen and this is our big moment. Our reveal. If this was our movie it'd be our theme song and all."
"I suppose so."
Howard also tried to nod, found he couldn't and settled for a raise of his eyebrows instead.
"And now there's just one thing left to do," Vince whispered, his nerves starting to get the better of him.
"There is?"
"Uh-huh. 'Cos, Howard? I love you."
"Oh."
The silence was back. The women still had their mouths hanging open but now they were staring incredulously at Howard. The older one looked up from her handkerchief and glared menacingly.
"I was going to let you go after that song. But if you are really that daft, Mr Howard Highwayman, then you deserve to die."
And with an almighty thump the box was kicked out from under their feet.