Disclaimer: See chapter1.
Dear diary.
1 July 2066
Forget what Gordon had said. Today I heard the sound of raised voices again. I'm the reason for what is happening to my family, I'm the reason they are yelling now. I could only sit here and listen; I had no way of stopping them. I'm not able to handle that. I feel like I'm the weak link. If something is going to happen it's always what if John can't? Remember he's going blind. We have to look out for him, someone has to go with him. What if he can't handle this or do that?
Wish I was upstairs. Not here. Sometimes I'm lucky if we can get off the island and go somewhere without some sort of fight.
That's why I don't talk to father. With everything going on I would like to do things on my own and alone it's no use to put more on the plate. Why I'm going through with the doctors visit I really don't know. I know that my friend told me to stay strong and all that but for what and for who?
My face is red hot. I can feel the heat coming off my skin. Still no tears would fall from my eyes. I want to run. I want to scream so bad. I want to dig a hole, jump into it and disappear forever. I feel so hurt, sad, tired of all of this. Why does this always happen? Before I have to go away somewhere someone has to cause a fight. If it's not Alan its Scott. I'm not a child anymore for heaven's sake.
I'm feeling so alone and cold right now with nowhere to turn. The house had gone quiet. Nowhere to run but to shut everyone out of my mind. My friend must have gone to bed I guess since I didn't see her online. Good thing too. I can't risk talking to her whilst everyone here is on edge. I don't want her to see me now. I would just yell and yell until I couldn't anymore. My friend knows how much I can rant but she's never seen what happens when I'm over powered with hurt. I'll try to keep myself busy with something and then pack a few things for the coming days. This time I'm not talking unless I'm spoken to. No use to talk to anyone anymore.
Every time I find some place to rant or a friend I think I could trust somewhere, somehow, someone would let someone in the family know about what I'm up to. How I don't know. Only one friend who is always at the receiving end of my rant has kept her promise to me.
I've packed my things and I've avoided my family most of the time today. I'm going to go to bed and hope that all of this was just a nightmare.