CHAPTER 36

~ Déjà Vu ~

-The Next Day-

It is early in the morning when Deena's eyes pop open. She remembers the task ahead of her and she immediately feels sick to her stomach. However, she must get on with it.

She gets up to call Chris when the duck phone actually quacks. She rushes over to it.

"Hello?"

The male on the other line responds, "Deena?"

Deena, "Who's this?"

Like she should know, "It's Chris."

Deena instantly feels bad. She would always know Chris' voice when he calls, after what happened, everything has been off between them…or maybe just on her end.

Deena responds, "I'm sorry. I just woke up and I was actually about to call you."

There is a pause between them and she continues.

"Listen, I wanted to make plans to meet up and go somewhere today. I'm not sure where yet but if you give me a minute, I'm gonna shower and I'm sure I can think of…"

Chris cuts her off, "It's alright. I'll just come by there first."

Deena is thrown off, "Okay…what time you comin by?"

Chris, "I'll be there as soon as I take care of some stuff for my Dad. It'll be in the next two hours."

Deena, "That's fine…but…"

Chris cuts her off again, "I gotta go. I'll see you then."

Deena didn't even have time to say goodbye before Chris hangs up. She is left holding the phone. This is not right.

-10:00 a.m.-

Deena is a wreck looking at the time. She is sat on the stool in the kitchen tapping her nails on the counter top when she hears a knock at the door. If it is Chris, he is on time.

She hops down and makes her way to the door. She opens it and looks at him briefly before speaking.

Deena, "Hi."

Chris, "Hi."

They look at each other with quiet conversation and Chris once again takes initiative.

"Can we go to the patio outside?"

Deena, "…Okay, sure. Come in."

Both of them head through the kitchen to the outside and Deena pulls back the sliding door so she and Chris can step out. She goes to sit down on the bench first, not really paying attention to the fact that Chris has closed the door back behind him.

When they sit they kind of just look around and Deena feels she should take over now.

"Well, like I said earlier. I wanted to go somewhere today, I just knew that much but maybe we could go to that Café down the street from Jenks. What's it called…?"

Chris doesn't acknowledge what Deena is saying he just shakes his head and responds.

"I don't think we should go anywhere except here."

The way he said it…Deena's insides get cold and her throat closes to where she cannot speak. She waits and then Chris looks down for a minute. When he looks back up…she knows he knows.

Chris swallows and continues, "Can you explain to me why…I'm hearing from other people besides my girlfriend that she (he can barely say it)…slept with someone besides me?"

He just came straight out with it and Deena is not prepared for it but it does make the situation easier than the way she was going to drag it out, against the advice she was given not to.

Deena swallows now and responds, "Chris…just listen to me…"

Chris cuts her off, "Yesterday that wouldn't have happened. I had to leave the club because I knew I would blow up…but today, yeah, I'm listening waiting for you to explain."

Deena get choked up. "I'm not going to sit here and give you a lame excuse or tell you that I never meant for it to happen. It happened and now I have to live with it but I certainly wanted to tell you first…I-I, who told you?"

Chris, "It doesn't matter. It just matters that he told me."

Deena is confused but boiling a little because if it had anything to do with Mike she is going to castrate him.

Deena, "Well it was my intention to do it today."

Chris, "By doing what, going to a Café to have tea? Oh by the way, I cheated on you…God, I cannot believe you Deena! The fucked up part is you just said, you have to live with it. Did you consider my feelings at all?"

Deena, "Of course I have. Did you think this was going to be easy? Even though I did what I did, I love you Chris!"

As soon as it came out, Deena winces. She is going against everything she was told not to do.

Chris, "Love means you don't let the person you care about walk around thinking everything is okay in the relationship…Love means, you don't look in that person's eyes, knowing you have done something to hurt them."

Deena feels the tears coming. Chris continues.

"Deena if you cheated, I am not the type of guy to rip you apart. I was pretty mad last night but I think things through rationally. I know you know that about me by now, so you should have just come to me as soon as it happened."

Deena, "So you're willing to work through this?"

Chris, "Considering who it was with…I'm not ruling it out. However, that's also the thing that bothers me about this."

Deena, "…It was a mistake, we were drunk and I know if we were in better judgment, it never would have happened."

Chris, "How do I know that…?"

He continues.

"When we talked, I thought we had an understanding that our business is our business. I am not taking anything away from what responsibilities you two share. Deena, my business is with you…and now that agreement has been crossed, so I cannot trust him."

Deena, "You can trust me."

Chris, "Deena, you're not ready for a serious relationship. That's okay but all I ever asked was for you tell me if that is the case before we got too involved."

Deena, "I am Chris. Pauly and I only have a bond because of Pauleena, that has nothing to do with us."

Chris, "You had sex with him…that has everything to do with us, we have sex. How can I share you with someone else…and how do I know that this won't happen again every time you and Pauly decide to bond?"

Deena, "…because you are who I want to be with. Pauly and I won't even be together like this you know that. I'm stayin in New Egypt with you. We talked about this, after leaving the Shore House, you are the person I want in my life Chris."

Chris, "There's another double standard. I'm not the only person in your life. I don't care if you want him around or not he's there. He is Pauleena's Father…so you don't get to choose. Yeah, you do now but is it what's best for her?"

Deena feels terrible. Chris is doing the thinking for both of them despite undergoing this shock to their relationship. She should be thinking about what's best for her daughter and here she is trying to keep things together for herself.

Chris continues, "…and when she gets old enough, she is going to want to know her Father and she should. Every girl needs her Father, (to himself more than Deena) even if he isn't the best person to teach her morals."

Deena can only shake her head no as the tears build up in her eyes.

Deena, "Don't leave things like this Chris. I know I will not hurt you like this again and I will work my ass off, getting right to make sure I don't."

Chris really wants to believe her but he cannot go against his better judgment.

"I don't know if I can live with always wondering in the back of my head, if you will hook up with Pauly or not. Listen, I am in no way insecure but I have no control over what will happen in the future and at this point I don't know if I can take your word that it will never happen again."

Chris starts to get up and so does Deena in a panic. She blocks him from walking off and her heart starts beating rapidly…. this takes her back to her and Pauly's argument over keeping Chris a secret from him, when Pauly blocked her from leaving. She doesn't know why Pauly is in her subconscious right now.

Either way, she hasn't dealt with either situation properly, so how could things have turned out right.

Chris, "Deena please move. I am not leaving mad, I am just leaving."

Deena, "Are you leaving me though?"

Chris sighs, "Deena, like I said I have no control over the future but I do have control over myself…and right now, I have to protect my feelings and myself."

Deena is ready to crack anticipating what Chris will say next. The next words are like a wrecking ball to a building.

Chris, "We need to take a break…"

A/N: ...Comments? Hope you've made it a good one on this Freedom Friday and I'll make it my Focus to see you on the other side!