A/N: Sorry I've been a little M.I.A. My brother was in a bad car accident last Wednesday and I've been a wreck, but after some physical therapy, he's going to be fine, so I was able to work on a chapter for one of my stories. This chapter is a just a bit of a filler as the next episode skips to the spring break fun to begin!

Thanks! Enjoy!

Chapter 12: Too Close

"And it feels like I am just too close to love you

There's nothing I can really say

I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more

Got to be true to myself

And it feels like I am just too close to love you

So I'll be on my way"

-Too Close, Alex Clare

The morning we had to leave Tree Hill was almost saddening. Even though we were here less than forty eight hours, it seemed like we had become comfortable here. This time I made breakfast for everyone. Lily wanted to show Brooke her new bike and as my mother and I sat on the porch drinking coffee watching the two, my mother rested her hand on my shoulder.

"I never understood." She shook her head as she took another sip of her coffee.

My attention immediately turned to her and I looked at her like she was stupid.

"What?"

"Why you would cheat on Brooke in high and ruin a perfectly great friendship? I knew you were keeping the relationship part a secret those first couple of weeks; I mean she has made it very clear how she feels about you and Lucas…" She rests her hand on my forearm and takes a deep breath.

"It's written all over your face how you feel about her. Why do you not tell her how you feel? Why did you cheat on her back in high school?"

I never told my mom why I did it even though she pestered the hell out of me about it. I looked up again and saw Brooke laughing as her dimples gleamed in the sunlight and her eyes were squeezed tight as Lily began to tickle her.

"See, Lucas! Your face is glowing as you look at her. The only time I've ever seen that look on your face was when Lily was born. You are in love with Brooke."

I stopped breathing for a moment and looked back over at Brooke who was now just sitting on the lawn talking to Lily.

"Of course I am Ma."

"Then why can't you go over to that amazing young woman and tell her that? Lucas what is holding you back from this?" She sounded so heartbroken to know that I've never confessed my feelings to Brooke.

"Because I watched you lose the one person you ever really loved with all of your heart. I saw you date men who only destroyed your heart and then when you are finally given a chance to be with a man who loved you more than anything else, bam, just like that, he was gone and you were left heartbroken again."

"Lucas!"

I turned to face her and she started to shed silent tears.

"What I went through was my own fault. I knew some of those guys were not the greatest and I chose to never tell your Uncle Keith how I felt until the last moment. Yes we had an amazing year together and he gave me one of the most precious gifts: your amazing sister." She pulled me into a hug and I wanted to cry myself.

"I just…I never wanted to feel the way I saw you feel after these guys broke your heart. I definitely never wanted to go through what you went through after you lost Keith. I just…I could never bear it if I lost Brooke—"

"Lucas, she's right there!" My mother pointed towards Brooke who was now braiding Lily's hair as she told her a story.

"Brooke has always been there despite your dickhead moments and jerk off attitude."

My mouth dropped at the language my mother was using to describe me of all people.

"Yes my boy, you heard me correctly. It's how you acted back then and it's how you are acting now. Now only is she here Luke, but God forbid it, but if something were to happen to you in six months…let the girl know how you feel before it's too late Luke, because you already know how she feels."

"Or felt."

"No Lucas, it never left her. Allow yourself son for once in your life be happy and in love."

I stared into my mother's eyes and saw all the love she could ever possess shining through to me. I have seen that same look before in Brooke's eyes. I looked back over at Brooke who finally made eye contact with me and she gave me that amazing smile that I felt always was only meant for me.

"See Luke that love is in her eyes right now. Tell her Lucas before it's too late."

It's been a week since Brooke and I went to Tree Hill and it's a week before we go on our two weeks spring break in St. John. Brooke is extremely excited and we have the condo and flights booked. Everything is set and ready for us to go. It was true that all of us were doing pretty well in our classes even Rachel although her design and PR classes were meaningless, she was still doing very well. All of our teachers said that we could miss the extra week and be fine.

I had become pretty close with one of my professor who knew the condition I was in and spread the word to a few of the other professors that they actually felt pity for me. It wasn't sorry pity, it was more of a 'fuck this kid is young and doesn't deserve this.' It seemed that being in a smaller area other than New York, the people were more consoling and attentive to your needs and it was actually nice to see others be concerned about me.

I walked through the door of the house and saw Nathan and Brooke talking in the living room.

"Hey!" I said as I walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

"Oh! Can you get me one too?"

"Anything for you pretty girl." I called back out to her and I almost froze because I have never really called her that in front of other people besides my mom a few times when we were dating in high school.

I saw the look on Nate's face and lucky for me it went unnoticed by Brooke. I sat down next to Brooke, handed her, her water, and looked back over to Nate.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Well we were talking about what we could do in St. John seeing as to how none of us have been there except Brooke."

Brooke smirked and sat upright and crossed her legs Indian style.

"There is so much we can do. There's amazing places to eat, shop, and the beaches are absolutely breathtaking. The water is an amazing shade of blue and crystal clear. I mean I really couldn't tell you what we could do seeing as to how I was a kid when I went there all those times. I am sure we can do so much and I wouldn't be surprised if there was so much more to do now then there was for me back then."

It was so great to see her face light up remembering special moments to her as a child. Like she said it was one of the last few moments that she remembers as a kid being happy with her parents.

"I think we should just show up and be surprised. I, for one, am very excited and interested in enjoying our time away in an exotic place." I said and they both looked at me like I was crazy.

"Okay dude who are you?" Nathan asked and I shook my head.

"Look this whole thing with my heart and shit is just putting things in perspective for me. I've been a completely douche bag apparently all my life and I am trying to change my ways."

Nathan's mouth dropped and Brooke was gazing at me in admiration.

"I agree!" Brooke said and turned back to Nathan.

We carried on with some more conversation and Haley came home a little later on. She began to cook dinner and like always Rachel randomly showed up. We both decided to get a beer each and we walked out in the backyard and dipped our feet in the pool.

"So how was the trip to Tree Hill?" She asked nudging me in the arm.

"You're one of Brooke's best friends. Shouldn't you know already?" I laughed at her and she rolled her eyes at me.

"Not always. Just because we talk all the time doesn't mean we talk about everything. Besides if I wasn't here for class, I was with Clay in Charlotte." She got this look on her face that I remember very well after we would have sex sometimes.

"So you and Clay. Serious?"

She let out this sigh that only Rachel can perform so casually and she shakes her head.

"I don't know. I mean we are so much alike and yet so different. He's the only guy that doesn't even flirt with other girls when he's with me." She finished the last of her beer and began to kick her feet around in the water.

I smiled.

"Rachel, it means he really likes you and you're not just some fuck on the side."

She turned towards me and gave me this look. I rolled my eyes.

"I feel like I should not even consider your advice because you know nothing about dating."

"True, but I know guys especially guys like him and me. He likes you, so if you like him whom I believe you do, hell, make it official. I know for a fact you are not fucking around behind his back and it sure as hell seems he isn't doing it either. Everyone deserves to be happy even devils like us." I twirled my finger around the rim of the can in my hand and Rachel placed her hand on the back of my shoulder.

"Well that much is true. Devils like us do deserve to be happy, it's just when a devil comes across an angel, they are just too chicken shit to spread their broken wings and give that said angel a look into their black heart."

I looked over at her and I was still so amazed to see and hear Rachel defend and speak up for Brooke. High school was torture living through their battles with each other and then all of a sudden those two became inseparable.

"Black heart, huh?"

"Pretty much now anyways. I think when you get your new heart it will bring some clarity to you."

We sat outside a little longer just the two of us and I had to admit that somewhere over the years Rachel became one of my best friends without me even realizing it. Brooke and Haley had dinner ready and we all sat around the table and enjoyed ourselves. Slowly and gradually, Haley was becoming less annoyed of Rachel and enjoying her company. It was nice and comforting being surrounded by people who care about you. I think I've always taken that for granted.

Nathan and I were on clean up duty while Rachel took the girls back to her place to show them all the neat clothes she bought in Charlotte. Nathan and I played a few video games and after I kicked his ass, he turned towards me and gave me this look.

"What?"

"You man, you." He adjusted his position on the couch next to me.

"Fuck, not you too."

"Oh so you already know what I am going to say." He smirks at me and I roll my eyes.

"Look whatever is going on between me and Brooke is going to stay just that: between me and her." I already didn't like people being in my business and honestly that may have been one of the biggest factors in our disaster break up as well.

I didn't enjoy people knowing what was going on between us, what we did or didn't do because it wasn't anybody else's fucking business. Hell, Haley and Nathan both knew the next day that Brooke had said those three little words to me and I still didn't have enough time to process any of it myself.

"Yes, I do know what you are going to say and I've already had to deal with it between Rachel and my mom. At least of all, I figured you wouldn't bring it up."

"Lucas, it's not just that, but it's just….you called her pretty girl? Pet names…really?"

"I gave it to her back in high school, long before we ever even dated."

"I didn't know that."

I turned to look at him and I really wanted to just punch something or even him.

"I know and I actually enjoyed that. Look, Nate you of all people should know I like to keep my personal life private and I don't know, I feel like with everything that has been happening and Brooke…I just really want people to stop telling me what I should or shouldn't do when it comes to her and my feelings." I don't know why I was getting so upset with him about this, but I guess it's because I really don't know what I should do and bottom line, I really didn't want anyone to know about our business.

"I know, Luke, I do, but like you said with everything that has been happening. I would just hate for you not to tell her how you really feel and maybe, just maybe something happens or goes wrong and she was never able to hear the truth." He patted me on the back lightly and got up and walked away.

I slivered back into the couch and heard the door open and slam shut. I peaked over the couch and saw a stumbling Brooke.

"Brooke?"

"Sssh." She held her finger to her lips as she let out a little squeak.

"What are you doing?" I said with a small smile as I got up to face her.

"Well, Rachel made us some shots and let's just say we turned it into a drinking game."

"So you walked home!" I was a little upset that she would be so careless and especially when it was dark outside.

"Nathan!" I called out and he came into view.

"Go get Haley from Rachel's." I said to him and he walked over to Brooke and shook his head.

"Silly girls."

After Nathan left, I went towards Brooke and she ran away from me.

"Pretty girl, you are playing a dangerous game." I chased after her as she ran out into the backyard.

I was a little concerned that she may fall in but I would be able to help her if it were to happen.

"Come on Lukie! Where's your sense of adventure."

Before I could reply she threw one of the beach balls at me.

"You're dead." I chased her around the pool and wrapped my arms around her and tossed us both into the pool.

It became a war as we splashed each other and she was laughing like I haven't heard in a long time. Was she actually happy? Was I part of the reason for that?

I woke up with a pounding in my head and when I turned towards my bedside table. There was a glass of water with two Advil and a note.

You drink too much. Take these and feel better. –Lucas

I rolled my eyes at his comment and did as the note said. Rachel and I were taking the day off from school and work and going shopping. We both wanted to get a few new swimsuits and clothes for our trip. It was amazing at how excited I was for this. I have been trying my best to not think about Lucas's heart, but it was always there. I also tried not to think about the fact that he still has never uttered those three little words to me.

"What's on your mind buttercup?"

I was looking through some racks of bathing suits when Rachel noticed something was bothering me.

"Lucas." I let out a sigh and she giggled.

"Of course. Isn't it always?" She rolled her eyes making me roll my eyes.

"I just…this whole thing with his heart. I am trying my best to not think about it but it is constantly eating away at me." I looked up from the racks to find Rachel leaning against another.

"Yeah, I think about it too. Lucas will be fine, you have to believe and feel that or else it will eat away at you until there is nothing left."

I shook my head trying to take her advice but this is Lucas we are talking about. If it were anyone else…maybe I could do that…but it was Lucas and I couldn't just stop.

"I think I am going to get this."

I turned to look at the ridiculous amount of clothing or lack thereof, of lingerie she held up. I had failed to realize that we had left the clothing store and were now in one of the naughty stores.

"Ew!" I said as I saw the holes in certain areas of the outfit.

"I'm getting it!"

I dropped my mouth as that was the obvious reaction she wanted from me. Clay was like a brother and picturing let alone know that those two were sleeping together grossed me out.

We left the store after about another twenty minutes and Rachel told me a funny story that happened in Charlotte. We pulled up to my house and I immediately recognized the person sitting outside my house.

"Hey Brooke."

Rachel and I both stared at the person addressing me and my face fell a little.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Rachel hissed.

"I was in the area."

Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Hey." I said noticing the small circles under his eyes.

Rachel rolled her eyes yet again.

"I am going to go inside and get a drink, B, you want one?"

I shook my head, handed her my keys and she walked inside.

"How-how are you?" He asked and there was just something off about him.

"I'm great." I started walking around to the back of the house so we could sit on the patio, he followed and sat next to me on one of the benches.

"You look great too." He said as he brushed the hair from my face and I turned away from him.

"I'm sorry."

"No, its fine, I mean it's not, but what do you want?" I was still bitter and upset with him after everything he put me through.

"Brooke, I am sorry." This was an apology for how things ended between us that I could tell.

"Chase what do you want?" I looked over at him and he had this bitter grin on his face.

"Nothing, I just wanted to see you and say hey."

"Well, you know you try to show off your little blonde friend in front of me that night at the restaurant about a month ago and you don't even really talk to me or try to talk to me at all after that and now you look like shit and I don't know what else to say."

"I know and I'm sorry. How's Lucas?"

I let out a sigh and even though I have desperately wanted to be with Lucas in every way, shape, and form, Chase still had an affect on me.

"He's good."

"I miss you." He brushed his fingers against my arm and it sent a shiver down my spine.

That feeling I used to get with him was coming back to me and I didn't like the way it was making me feel.

"Stop it Chase." I said wanting to run away but something was holding me back.

"That girl meant nothing to me…but I've always thought about you…I still do…I was so wrong and stupid to ever let you go."

Was this really happening? Was he about to kiss me and was I going to let him? I could only picture the way things used to be between Chase and me and they were good but there was also some bad ones…

"Brooke…" His lips brush against mine and before I can even say anything or do anything to stop this situation, a voice clears and I freeze in position.

I only hope and pray that it was Rachel and nobody else. I turn to find Nathan and Lucas glaring at us both. Lucas gripped the basketball in his hands tightly and walked past us to the court. I watched him as he never once looked at me or looked back at us.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Nathan asked Chase.

"I came here to see Brooke, Nate." Chase stood up and I instantly became dizzy. I couldn't take my eyes off of Lucas.

"You've got some nerve Adams showing up here after what you put her through." Nathan said as he poked Chase in the chest.

"Yeah well why isn't her boyfriend over there doing something about it? It seems he doesn't care at all about her."

"Because he's not my boyfriend." I said still with my eyes on Lucas as he put his headphones on and started playing ball.

"Chase I think you should leave." I said.

"Brooke, I want us to talk."

"Leave Adams before my fist goes through your face." Nathan threatened him and Chase smirked.

"Whatever Scott…I don't want to fight you, I am only here for Brooke. We should really talk Brooke." He said and I waved him off as I wanted to run over to Lucas and explain what he saw which meant nothing to me.

"Go home, Chase." I started walking towards Lucas and my heart started to clench as Lucas never once looked at me.

The ball went into the hoop and bounced towards me and still not even looking at me, I beat him to the ball, and held it away from him. He removed one of the ear buds and held out his hand.

"Give me the ball, Brooke."

I stepped back from him, ball in hand, and glared at him.

"No."

"Brooke." He warned me.

"Not until you talk to me." I said tightening my grip around the ball.

"About what?" He said this time a little more coolly.

"About what you saw."

"What I saw is none of my business. So please give me the ball." He reached out to me and just the Lucas I've always known, he is closing himself off and not wanting to talk about it.

"No!" I demanded.

"Brooke, give me the ball or I will remove it from you." He warned again and I wasn't scared of him.

"NO! We are going to talk about this!"

"Brooke, damn it, there is nothing to talk about! If you want to get back with Chase that's fucking fine. I really don't give a flying fuck! We're not dating therefore you have nothing to apologize for or discuss with me, because if I remember correctly like I said we are not dating. We're friends remember?" His voice was coated in bitterness and cruelty.

Tears started to fill in my eyes and I threw the ball forcefully into his chest.

"You're right! You are always fucking right Luke! But just a little FYI, I didn't invite Chase over here and I definitely did not want him to kiss me nor did I enjoy it!" I stormed away from him as the tears finally fell from my face.

Thoughts? Reviews are awesome! xoxo