Author's note: No, I'm not dead! Nor have I given up on this story, no, certainly not! This story is my baby! But college life kinda keeps you busy, and I kept this chapter for awhile because I wanted to get the dialogue just right. Another update will come…not soon. Sorry! Hopefully in a month or so. I'm hoping I'll have time to write over Spring Break.

Personal Inscriptions:

mxnhpfreak: Yeah, I think the experience might have changed her slightly. Plus, Helga has always had a soft spot for Lila, I think. True, she's tried to sabotage the Arnold-Lila relationship many times, but other than that, she was never too mean to "Little Miss Perfect" and even admitted to liking her.

Acosta Perez Jose Ramiro: You're so right about Helga and Lila! And…yeah, don't mess with Arnold's friends, lol.

A Sapphire Rose: I love your pn. Thanks!

desired-hanyou-aly: Yeah, some of them are real insert bad name here. Not nice at all!

xo Just Another Suicide xo: Thanks! I did, indeed, have a very good holiday! That was soo long ago, though….

Dark Lady of the Sith: Yep, I'm very happy with the speech, as well!

Hellerick Ferlibay: I was worried about that scene…basically, I didn't want to draw it out too much. Helga is smart, and she's seen her own mother intoxicated. Maybe she didn't know the exact circumstances, but she could guess what was going on. At least, in my opinion. And…can't I ever please you? First, you say it's too dark, now, it's too bright! Hehe. Arnold-Helga still aren't "popular" per se, but a lot of the kids are starting to realize the deeper meaning of coolness and power within the structure of the high school. A little too perfect, right? Don't worry, the title prevails!

Hurricos: Hiii! What's up girl? Hmm…what's wrong with Alex, he's all bruised and beaten….

Zappanale: Me? Abandon this story? Never! Lol. Thanks for reviewing.

I'm Not Perfect

Chapter Six

"Arnold!" A shout from behind him made Arnold stop in his tracks and turn around. Gerald was running toward him.

"Arnold!" His brown eyes were wide. "Man, I can't believe you did that!"

The red hot rage was still surging through his body. He was a fire, burning and consuming anything that crossed his path. "You know what I can't believe, Gerald? I can't believe all the days that I've sat at that table and listened to everything they were saying about Helga. I can't believe that I barely said a word in her defense until now."

"You have to calm down, Arnold," pleaded Gerald. "Don't you think you're a little out of control? I mean, throwing milk on Justin? That was crazy!"

"Maybe it was," Arnold replied slowly. "Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I don't understand what's "cool" the way you do." His voice was full of venom. Gerald took a step backwards.

"Come on, man…I…I didn't mean it that way. You are cool, and, I mean, yeah. Those guys did deserve what they got, I mean, they were being jerks. But they usually aren't that bad. You know that. You've seen them."

Arnold shook his head violently. "I'm through, Gerald. I'm not sitting at that table anymore, I'm not hanging out with those kids again, and I'm not going to the dance with Christina."

Gerald's face fell. "But…"

"How can you be like this, Gerald? I know you're not this shallow. I know that you care about more than clothes and rock bands. Those kids aren't your friends, and you know it. You're just hanging around them because they're cool."

Gerald lowered his head.

"What's happened to you lately? You used to be friends with everyone. We all used to have fun together. Remember Gerald Field? Everybody used to play there, and it didn't matter how cool they were."

"Things change," his best friend replied softly. "We were only kids then."

"Yeah, well," Arnold crossed his arms. "I didn't know that growing up meant you had to abandon old friends."

"I didn't abandon anybody. I just…"

"Why are you doing this? Why are you hanging out with this type of crowd? Why do you date girls who only use you to raise their social status? Everything I'm saying is true, and you know it. Come on, Gerald. This isn't you. The Gerald I know is strong, and stands up for what he believes him. That's what makes him cool, not the clothes he has or the girls he dates. The Gerald I know is a leader. But now you've become just a sheep, a clone, a follower. You know what really happened with Alex, but you never spoke up about it. How could you stand it? How could you just sit there and let those kids say horrible things about the best friend of the girl you've loved for the past five years?"

Gerald froze, and stared at him. His expression was one of pure disbelief and shock.

Arnold sighed, and for the first time, his voice grew soft. "Did you really think I didn't know?"

Gerald opened his mouth, but was unable to utter a sound.

A long silence followed. Finally Arnold said, "I'm done. I'm leaving that life behind. You…do whatever you want, but I'm not hanging around with them anymore." Slowly he turned and began walking away.

A soft voice, almost a whisper, came from behind him. "She's too good for me."

"What?" Arnold turned.

"Phoebe." Gerald pressed himself against the wall, and slunk all the way down to a sitting position. "She's too good for me."

Arnold walked over to his best friend. "What are you talking about? You're just as good as she is."

"No, I'm not." The curly stack of hair shook in disagreement. "Everything you said about me is true, man. I'm shallow, I'm a follower, and…I'm weak."

Arnold sat down next to Gerald. "Gerald…"

He held up a hand to stop him. "No, it's true. I should've stood up to those guys, but I didn't. I never said a word. I just went along because I wanted them to like me. How stupid is that? Everyone thinks that I'm so great; I'm so cool. I'm a snazzy dresser and I have great hair and I'm a smooth talker with the ladies. I'm outgoing and always know what to say. That's what everyone thinks of me, but they don't see the truth. They don't see me for what I really am- a coward."

"That's not true," Arnold insisted. "Maybe you have made mistakes in the past few years. And maybe you didn't speak up when you should have. But that doesn't mean you're a coward."

"Don't you get it, man?" Gerald looked up at him. "Everything that I have, everything that I'm about-clothes, money, popularity-Phoebe doesn't care about any of that stuff. She's the class valedictorian. She's got brains, man. She speaks four different languages, plays the French horn, and takes fencing lessons from her dad. In a few years, she'll have every college in the nation begging her to attend their school. She's kind and polite and….what could I possibly have to offer her?"

Arnold gently put his hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Gerald, listen to yourself. We both know that you care about so much more than clothes and money. Yeah, you are a snazzy dresser, and you do have great hair…." Gerald cracked a small smile at this, "but you're also kind, and creative, and have a great sense of humor. You're fun to talk to, and…you're pretty smart yourself, you know. Who was it that got a perfect score on last week's history test?"

Gerald slowly nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

"You can't let your fears hold you back. Maybe Phoebe is attracted to you, and maybe she isn't-and believe me, I'm fairly sure she is-but you'll never know unless you try. Don't put yourself down so much for the mistakes you've made, or you'll always be held back. Sometimes, we all go astray. We all make mistakes. No one's perfect."

Gerald smiled. "There you go again, Arnold. Always so positive, always looking on the bright side, because…"

"Somebody has to," they said together, and laughed.

"Thanks, man," Gerald said.

Arnold smiled. "No problem." They sat in silence for a few minutes, pondering, listening to the drone of chatter from inside the cafeteria. Finally Arnold spoke.

"So…um, are you still going to hang out with them?"

"Are you kidding?" Gerald shook his head. "No way, man. That scene was getting old anyway. I just hope Mandy and Christina don't hurt me when I tell them that they've lost their Homecoming dates."

Arnold cringed at the thought. Gerald put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I'll be the one to deliver the news. Don't worry about a thing. I got us into this mess, I'll get us out."

Arnold relaxed a little. Then, something clicked on in his brain. "Speaking of messes…I think I have a big one I need to resolve. I have to do something that I've put off for way too long. Have you seen Lila? She wasn't in lunch today, but I saw her in geography…"

"She might've skipped lunch to avoid the drama," Gerald suggested. "Justin told me that they broke up today."

Arnold's eyes widened. "Oh, wow. I hope she's okay." An idea suddenly came to him. "I think I have an idea of where she might be." He stood. "I have to go."

Gerald nodded. "I'm gonna go back to lunch and see if I can find Sid, Stinky, and Harold. Man, I haven't seen them in forever. I miss those guys!" He held out his hand, and they wiggled their thumb in a farewell.

Arnold took off down the East Hall, keeping an eye out for the hall monitor. Though he wasn't positive, he had a strong hunch of where Lila might be. Sure enough, he found her sitting outside the orchestra room, eating her lunch out of a green and white striped lunch bag while listening to the rehearsal. She was so absorbed in the music that she didn't notice Arnold until he sat down beside her. "Oh!" She startled. "Um…hello, Arnold. What ever are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he explained. "You weren't in lunch today. I remembered how much you said you liked classical music, and that you came to all of the school's orchestra concerts, so I figured I might find you here."

Slowly, she nodded. "You do know me ever so well."

Silence elapsed between them, punctuated by the sounds of multiple string instruments from inside the orchestra room. They looked at each other, knowing what they each had to say, but not wanting to speak the truth. Finally, Arnold could stand it no longer. He took a deep breath. "Lila…"

"Arnold…" she said at the same time.

"I'm sorry," they said together. Arnold looked at her, puzzled. "Why are you sorry? I'm the one that's been avoiding you for the past three weeks."

"But you only avoided me because I made things awkward between us. I was the one who complicated everything by…trying to kiss you," she winced slightly at her own words. "Afterwards, I felt just ever so guilty. Not only had I almost cheated on my boyfriend, but I tempted you to do something that was morally wrong. I also probably led you to falsely believe that my feelings for you had changed after all these years."

"They haven't?" Arnold felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. "You mean, you still only like me? You don't like me like me?"

She sighed. "Well, to be just perfectly honest, no."

"Then why…?"

"Well, I suppose it was because….you were there for me, Arnold. You listened to me when no one else would, not even Justin. And I was feeling ever so sad…I suppose I just wanted some comfort. To be just perfectly honest, I wanted to feel loved. I was probably also aware at that point, in the back of my mind, that my relationship with Justin wasn't all that good. And in the past few weeks, it's just gotten worse. Which is why I dumped him."

Arnold's eyes widened, surprised to hear that it was Lila who had dumped Justin, and not the other way around. He was glad, though, that it had happened. Justin didn't deserve someone like Lila.

She looked up at him. "I was rather surprised that you turned away, to be perfectly honest. I know that you have good morals, but…you have liked me for five years. To most people, the temptation would be irresistible."

Slowly, he nodded. "I've been thinking a lot about that, and I started to realize something. It wasn't only Justin. Kissing you wouldn't feel right. It just, when I think about it, seems wrong and uncomfortable. I guess what I'm trying to say is…I don't like you. At least, not that way. Not anymore. I don't know for how long. I guess I got so used to my crush on you that I didn't realize when my feelings had disappeared. And I thought…that maybe, right when you were finally starting to like me, I didn't like you anymore. I guess that's the main reason why I've been avoiding you. I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

Lila smiled. "Oh, not at all, Arnold. I know how it is when you no longer feel the same way about someone as you did before. When I listened to Justin say those mean things about people every day at lunch, my feelings disappeared for him quickly."

"Yeah…I know what you mean." Arnold smiled slightly. Now that the whole incident had passed, it was almost comical. He thought of the look on Justin's face when he had dumped his milk carton on him.

Lila stared at him. "What ever is so funny?"

Arnold summarized the scenario in the cafeteria. Lila sat with her knees drawn up to her chest, bewildered, as she listened to the things Arnold said. When he finished, though, she had only one question.

"Are you really taking Helga to Homecoming?"

Arnold had almost forgotten about the declaration he had made. "I guess so. I mean, if she wants to go." He chuckled. "I guess I have to ask her first, huh? I don't know how fun it will be, but at least it will make her part of things, you know? Make her feel not so left out. She really needs that, especially after the past few weeks."

Lila nodded, and then furrowed her brow. "But…it's two days before Homecoming!"

Arnold winced. "Better late than never?"

She shrugged. "I really hope you two have fun. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to decline my nomination for Homecoming Queen, since I won't be here for the dance."

"Why not?"

She stared at him. "Helga didn't tell you? She gave me the number of Eastlyn Clinic. It's a long term, inpatient addiction treatment. Daddy's going to stay there for five months. He's ready to be free of this addiction." She smiled. "I have ever so much hope, Arnold. We've never tried an inpatient program before, and I think that this could really be what Daddy needs."

"That's great, Lila! I really hope it works too, for your Dad's sake, and yours."

She nodded. "In the meantime, while Daddy stays at Eastlyn, I'm going to stay with some relatives back in Pleasantville. I'm going to go to school there, too, just for the semester. I'm sure it will be ever so strange at first, but ever so wonderful as well."

The loud ringing of the bell jerked them out of their conversation. Doors banged open, and students started to pour out of classroom, yelling, laughing, and talking.

"I hope everything works out for you!" Arnold yelled to Lila above the noise. They exchanged a brief farewell before heading their separate ways.

Arnold squeezed through the crowds. Luckily his next period was Study Hall, so he could relax a little. After all the excitement, he wasn't ready for his brain to be bombarded with information just yet.

As he turned the corner from the East to the North Hall, he spotted Helga at her locker. Well, now would be as good of a time as any to ask her. As Lila had pointed out, the dance was in two days.

He felt his pulse quicken as he approached her. He swallowed. Why was he nervous? The worst she could say was no. Knowing Helga, that was probably the answer he'd get. In fact, he'd be surprised if he didn't get rejected.

She turned and saw him. Was it his imagination, or did he see her jump? It suddenly occurred to him that she had probably heard what he had said in the cafeteria. She was probably plotting the most humiliating way to turn him down. He cringed, but bravery prevailed and he stopped next to her locker. "Hey, Helga."

Helga could hear her own heartbeat as she turned around to look at him. The blood was rushing in her ears so quickly that she was positive she'd faint. "Hey," she managed. No added insult, no football head or hair boy. Her mouth was far too dry for wasted words. She thrust her hands behind her back to hide the fact that they were shaking.

"So…uh…" Arnold wasn't sure where to begin. "I guess you heard everything I said in the cafeteria, huh?"

Inhale. "Yeah." It was a simple, unabridged word, no meaning or hidden feeling behind it. If she had been braver, she might have stretched out the word, adding a flirty twist to it while raising her eyebrow. Or, she could've made it short and biting, as she had so many times before. But this time, it was just a single word.

"So I guess you heard the part, uh…what I said about you." Arnold shuffled his foot, and then chuckled a little. "I guess…I guess I got a little crazy back there. I kind of blurted it out without thinking."

Her heart stopped. He didn't mean it? Was he going to go back on his word?

Helga, you are so stupid for thinking he'd ever take you.

"What I'm saying is….I didn't mean to embarrass you by saying it in front of the whole school."

Embarrass me? You did anything but. Exhale.

"But…I really would like to take you. If you want to go, that is. I think we might have fun. I don't know. I know it's last minute and all, but…."

Inhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinhaleexhale. God, she was turning into Brainy. Say something, do something, quick, slip the mask back on. Too late, a bit of her real self had seeped out.

"Wow…I, I, I'd love to!" she exclaimed. "I mean, if you want to take me, I guess I'll go. I guess after all you've done for me lately, especially setting the record straight with those jerks, the least I can do is go to this…this little dance with you. But you're paying for my ticket, got it?"

"Of course," he smiled at her. "I asked you, didn't I? So…I'll call you tonight, with the plans and stuff. What time I can pick you up, that sort of thing."

Forget inhaling. She couldn't breathe. He had such a wonderful smile. The mask slipped out of her fingers. All she could manage was a nod.

She watched him walk away. It was only a matter of time before her legs gave out. Students around her watched in bewilderment as she fell to the floor with a sigh.

000000000000000000000000000

He saw her immediately across the hallway. Something about her aura, her very being, always made her stand out to him. The other students, yelling and screaming in the usual end-of-the-day celebration, were a mere background, and she was the shining star.

He watched as she leaned over the drinking fountain, balancing her books against her chest, holding her hair back with one hand. Her soft lips formed a small O as she delicately sipped the cool water.

He thought of the perfect pick-up line: I wish I were that water. If she had been any other girl, he could've and probably would've used it. But she was not "any other girl." She was too good for every pick-up line in existence.

He squared his shoulders and walked over to her. She saw him approaching and straightened up. Wiping droplets of water from her mouth, she smiled at him. "Hello, Gerald."

"Hi, Phoebe." No winking, no cocking of the head, no added extra bells or whistles. He fell into step beside her. "Listen, uh, I was wondering if we could have a little talk. I know you probably have a bus to catch and you need to hurry…"

"Not at all," she smiled. "As a matter of fact, I've decided to walk home today. It's beautiful outside, and the walking will be good exercise."

He nodded. "That's..great. Maybe I could walk with you….I'd like to ask you something. About the dance on Saturday….were you plannin' on going?"