101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks

by Ohfortheloveofpete

Anakin Skywalker is sick and tired of putting up with Jar Jar Binks and his obnoxious behavior...so he's decided to put him to death over and over again! Inspired by another character-bashing story 101 Ways To Kill Scrappy...

12. Alcohol Poisoning

101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks

Chapter 12: Alcohol Poisoning

Here's the reason why you drink responsibly!

Our heroes were yet again plotting the death of Jar Jar Binks. They had almost killed Jar Jar Binks a dozen times now, and they were ready to kill him once again.

This time, they would kill him by challenging Jar Jar Binks to a fatal drinking contest, hoping that the excessive amounts of alcohol would have a negative impact on his bloodstream and ultimately lead to his demise.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was the one that would actually challenge him, while Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala would buy some booze from a liquor store for the purpose of causing him to die in the first place.

"Let's see who can drink the most beer." challenged Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"OK, mesa not back down from a challenge." accepted Jar Jar Binks.

And so our hero (and the villain) started drinking to their heart's content, hoping to outdo the other. Pretty soon they started to feel sick, causing Jar Jar Binks to throw up on the floor and Obi-Wan Kenobi start saying complete and utter nonsense.

"WHEE! I'm a bunny rabbit!" squealed Obi-Wan Kenobi, who at this point was falling-down drunk.

"BLARGH!" threw up Jar Jar Binks. Someone would need to mop up the floor later.

Still they continued drinking, until finally Jar Jar Binks fell down dead on the floor….

And so did Obi-Wan Kenobi, who had succumbed to the excessive amounts of alcohol as well.

"NOOOO!" screamed Anakin Skywalker. His Jedi Master was dead! And it was because of him! He ran over to his body, and started crying on it uncontrollably. "This is my entire fault, I'll never forgive myself!"

Suddenly, he noticed that Padme Amidala seemed unphased by what had happened.

"What is wrong with you?" asked Anakin Skywalker. "OBI-WAN KENOBI IS DEAD!" he screamed.

"You do realize we can just resurrect him using the Resurrection Book, right?" she told him.

"Er, I knew that." sweatdropped Anakin.

And so our two remaining heroes resurrected Jar Jar Binks and Obi-Wan Kenobi, somehow removing all of the alcohol from their bodies in the process. This did not stop them from experiencing hangover symptoms however (strangely enough), so it looked like the two of them would be in bed for a while.

After their period of bedrest was over, Jar Jar Binks would die once again.

With Obi-Wan Kenobi's sacrifice, Jar Jar Binks died once again. Next time will be….

DEATH NUMBER 13!

I certainly hope you're not afraid of that particular number…suffice to say that particular death will be very unlucky for Jar Jar Binks…how will he die? You'll have to wait and see.