I'm Not Perfect
Chapter 11
They gasped. Arnold turned to Gerald. "Wha…how?"
Gerald grinned. "As it turns out, Justin and Lila got the most votes. Well, since Lila's not here, and Justin declined—don't ask me why, man- they did an emergency re-vote while you guys were outside just a few minutes ago doing your thing. After that little scene on Thursday, who do you think was getting the most votes? Everyone was going around saying how they were voting for Arnold and Helga! Well, come on, get out there!"
It was so ridiculous, so unexpected. Arnold and Helga looked at each other. They burst into another uncontrollable bout of laughter, and half-stumbled into the spotlight.
A song came on over the speakers—something soft, and slow. Jazzy. Sounded kind of like Dino Spumoni, but a little different. Arnold put his arms around Helga, taking deep breaths to try to calm his chortling—it wouldn't be very appropriate, even if the whole thing was pretty funny—and he finally began to relax a little. They started to turn, little by little, some kind of rhythm, unspoken, only felt.
Helga could feel the warmth of his fingers on the small of her back. Oh, Arnold, my love, how perfect is this moment. You and I, dancing together, all eyes on us….
Arnold looked into her eyes. She was staring at him intently. Slight smile, eyelids drooped, face relaxed. Nice. And….and…something. She was looking at him in a way that he very rarely saw, but knew existed. He had seen it before….Oh, glimpsed here and there, he supposed. Maybe in the hallway, when she thought he wasn't looking. Those times, so brief, before she snapped back to herself….Or, was this her 'self'? Right here, right now? Under this spotlight, too bright, and ugh, kind of hot.
Who's idea was it anyway, to put them under a spotlight when it was already scorching in here….
They should turn out the lights instead. They could dance in the dark.
Yes, that would be a good idea….
Oh. But then he couldn't see where he was going. And neither could she, he guessed.
She kept staring at him. The tenderness in her face was palpable; he could feel it in his spine, little pinpricks in his spine…
What's…what's going on…I feel….a little…oh, no, wait, that's just the heat…
Would it be rude to look away? He almost wanted her to stop, stop looking at him that way, stop looking at him like…
"I mean, Criminy, what else are you supposed to do when someone you love is in trouble?"
He was sure he'd heard her wrong. "Love?..."
In two steps she marched over to him and thrust her finger in his face. He stumbled.
"You heard me, pal! I love you!"
He swung his arms wildly, (WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?), tried to keep his balance, ah-nope-going-down, SMACK on the hard concrete ground.
"Love you!" She was in his face.
He scrambled to his feet. WHAT, what, what?
"Who else d'you think has been stalking you night and day, building shrines to you in a closet…"
What? Wait, wait, she was close, tooclose tooclose, back up, back up.
"I love you, Arnold," he murmured. "I've always loved you, ever…since I first laid eyes on your stupid football head."
Helga stopped mid-step. "What did you just say?"
What did she just say?
"And from that moment…"
"And every moment since," he said, "I've lived and breathed for you, dreamed of the moment…"
Her eyes widened. "Wha- What are you…."
What was she…
"I've lived and breathed for you…."
Wait, wait, back up, back up, too late, he was against a wall, he looked down…so far… "…dreamed of the moment I could finally tell you my sacred feelings…."
Nowhere to go, wait, wait, just slow down a minute, just, just, just…
"Dreamed of the moment I could finally tell you my sacred feelings…"
Helga gasped. "Arnold…wha…"
"What in the Sam Hill," Gerald said, "is going on out there?" Arnold and Helga had ceased dancing and were just standing still on the dance floor, with their arms still wrapped around each others' waists.
"and grab you," she seized him by the shoulders, "and kiss you and…."WAIT WHAT?
"Oh, come here, you big lug!" In one fell swoop, she grabbed him, shoulders, arms, neck, all, everything, WAIT TOO FAST, pressed her mouth to his, heart thumping, WAIT, she tasted like grape lollipops and Mr. Fudgies, pressed against him so hard, too much, what was happening, he felt cool wind on his scalp…wait, his scalp? Did he just lose his hat? What was happening?
She released him finally.
"I'm confused," he said softly. "Did you just say you….loved….me?"
"I….I….I….didn't say…anything!" She stumbled, and he clutched her waist to steady her.
"I'm…sorry." He was having trouble forming words; his tongue was so thick. "Did you just say…did you just say..."
"Do you think they're all right?" Phoebe asked Gerald.
A few feet away, Rhonda was shaking her head. "I mean, really," she said to Sid, "it's not like it's a terribly difficult dance step."
"Did you just say….did you just say…"
"What, are you deaf?" She shook him roughly.
"Arnold…wha….why?..."
It was so cold, it was raining, oh-no-wait, that was that other time. It was raining, she was muddy, she looked sad, poor little girl, she was going to get her pretty pink bow wet, I-will-share-my-umbrella-with-you, poor-sad-little-girl-why-don't-you-smile.
"Arnold…" she stumbled again, gasped, little gasping noises, huh, huh, huh. "I don't…I feel…a little bit…"
Nice bow, huh, I like your bow 'cuz it's pink like your pants…
The gym went dark. The music cut out.
"What the hey-who?..." Gerald said.
Screams and surprised shouts.
"What's going on?..."
"Was there a power outage?..."
"Who…?"
"Excellent," a voice whispered, low, soft, calculating, silenced by the walls of the utility room adjacent to the gym.
"Uh, sorry, ladies and gentlemen." The teacher had to shout to be heard; his microphone was no longer working, either. "Seems we're experiencing some technical difficulties….Mrs. Phleng, could you?...No?...The light switch isn't working?...See if we can find a flashlight…?"
"What on earth is going on?!" Rhonda shouted.
"Ar…nold….I can't…" Helga whispered, gasped, huh, huh, huh. She swayed, stumbled, clutched him, pressed her forehead to his. He couldn't see her, only felt the warmth of her damp forehead against his. "Ar…nold?..."
Swiiiissshhh he pushes her on the swings when it stops raining and she laughs, she laughs and laughs and it's much better than hearing her cry, but she hits too, she hits and pushes and it hurts OUCH he falls on his butt.
"Arnold," she whispered. She stumbled again, swayed, and this time he was swaying, too, swaying with her, and there was the same moment, ah-nope-going-down, a tangle of limbs and shiny fabric and heat, OUCH the hard floor, her arms were around him, gasping, those little noises, huh, huh, huh, his back against the cool linoleum.
"What's…what's…wrong with us?..." she whispered.
Little girl, why are you so mean why are you so sad, little girl…
"Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, we seem to be experiencing an electrical problem. Please stay where you are and just wait…we don't want anybody hurt…"
"Arnold!" Gerald shouted. "Where are you? Are you okay, man?"
"That was so easy," a voice whispered from the utility room. "I can't believe all we had to do was cut the wires."
"Shut up," the other man whispered. He needed silence, he needed to listen, he needed to feel it. He couldn't see them, but he could feel their confusion, their terror. Poor little kids…all alone out there…middle of the floor…in the dark…so confused…head spinning…no one to help you…so afraid…so afraid. He could feel it, he could feel their fear. The stuff did more than just mess you up. It made you paranoid, made you afraid. And there they were, in the dark, stumbling, confused, lost, lonely…He loved their fear, he needed it. It rushed through his veins and made him alive, made him satisfied like ripping apart a coconut with his bare hands and biting the flesh and eating each moist, tender morsel…..
0000000000000000000000000000000000000
Justin jumped away from Alex. Alex threw up his hands. "All right. All right! Look, I'm staying right here. I'm not moving."
Justin began stepping away. Slowly…slowly…
"The truth is…I came here to apologize."
Slowly…
"WHAT?"
"What?"
"I said I came here to apologize. What I did to you wasn't cool. The truth is, okay, yeah, I guess I got kind of pissed when you rejected me. I just….I thought you wanted it, okay? You went down to that room by yourself, and we were flirting earlier…."
He approached the concrete bench behind the couple, his eyes on the identical Styrofoam cups.
"I definitely was not flirting with you, asshole."
Justin pulled the bottle out of his pocket and unscrewed it. Slowly...so slowly…
"Whatever, fine, I get it. But I thought you were. I thought you wanted me to follow you. Then…I guess things just got a little out of control, okay?"
The clear stuff didn't have a smell. That was odd. He would've expected it to smell like booze, or something.
"A little?"
"Look, they got out of control, all right? I'll admit it. I went too far."
He tipped the bottle and watched the clear stuff disappear into the dark red liquid.
"You went too far. I'll tell you right now what you're going to do, Alex. One, you're going to turn around with your little friend, get in your car, and leave this dance."
He tipped the remaining liquid into the second cup.
"Then, you will never, ever come within ten feet of me, ever again. If you see me in the halls at school, you will turn around and walk the other way."
Justin screwed the cap back on the bottle.
"If the entire cafeteria is full and the only seat free is the seat next to me, you will eat standing up. You will never so much as lay eyes on me ever again. Got it?"
He slowly stepped away from the bench…One step, two, three…
"Understood."
Justin swung around.
"Come on, Justin."
000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"Some…thing…happened," Helga gasped. Huh, huh, huh. Her chest rising and falling beneath his, so fast, there on the floor…."Some…thing happened to us…I feel…so…"
"Shhh," he said. He pressed his cheek to hers, felt her face heave as she gasped for breath. "Don't…be scared."
Don't be scared, little girl. There's a big thunderstorm and all the lights go out in the preschool and she screams, she screams and she's scared, so scared…
"Oh…my…God…I didn't take….my meds…I didn't take…" He felt the wetness of her tears on his cheek.
FLASH the lightning and he sees her sitting there, in the corner in the dark next to the fingerpaints, lightning flashing, thunder and he holds her hand and she stops screaming, she's not so scared….
He felt for her hand in the dark. Long fingers, warm…He laced his fingers through hers.
It's okay, it's okay, little girl, don't cry…he holds her hand, he holds her, that other time too, the little girl now grown up, crying, with her face all bloody….it's okay, don't cry, don't cry…
"Don't cry, Arnold, don't cry." His hands and knees sting from where he fell and he cries and it hurts and he's small, so-so-so small, smaller than the whole world but she's there, she picks him up and holds him in her warm arms.
"Don't cry, Arnold."
Don't cry, little girl.
"Don't cry, I love you."
"Don't cry, I love you. Don't cry, I love you." He clutched her hand, pressed it to his mouth. "Don't cry, I love you." He said it, over and over. "Don't cry, I love you." He said it until it became a song, a mantra.
"Don't cry, I love you. Don't cry, I love you."
I love you, Arnold! I've always loved you….
"You…do?" she gasped. "You….you…"
That's right, I love you!
"Yes," he says. "Yes, I love you."
"You…love… me?"
"I've always loved you."
"I've…always…"
"I know."
"I'm… sorry…"
"I know."
"So… many…times…"
"I know."
She could no longer speak, but he felt the words as she mouthed them against his cheek.
I love you.
As her lips formed the final syllable, he gently, briefly touched his lips to hers.
Grape lollipops and Mr. Fudgies…
This time she tasted like fruit punch.
He closed his eyes and held her there, down on the floor, holding on, holding out, riding out the wave of this hellish substance coursing through their bodies. Then, he felt himself slipping away, and the only thing left to hold onto was her.
Author's note: Well, that was kind of a shock…I cried while writing this chapter, and that never happens. More coming ASAP!