101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Chapter 15: Quicksand
Fun fact: Quicksand exists in real life, although it's not nearly as dangerous as one would imagine akin to a movie….
Anakin Skywalker, deciding to make a visit to his home planet Tatooine, decided to take his friends Padme Amidala and Obi-Wan Kenobi with him, as well as Jar Jar Binks, simply because he insisted on going with him and wanted him to stop begging for him to do so.
Little did Jar Jar Binks know was that this was where here he would die once again (interestingly enough, not by his frequent murderers Padme Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin, but by the planet environment itself).
For a moment, it seemed like there was absolutely nothing wrong with where they had landed. Our heroes decided to look around Tatooine to see if there was anything of note. Soon enough they found Anakin's birthplace, which he was happy to visit.
"Haven't been here for a long time…." thought Anakin Skywalker, thinking about all the good memories he had there before he was taken away to be a slave.
As he and his friends looked around his house, Jar Jar Binks walked away from the others without their noticing, as he was quite thirsty and was looking for some water (which was naturally scarce in Tatooine, given that it was a desert planet unlike the water planet Naboo, coincidentally where our obnoxious Gungan was born).
Instead of finding some water for him to drink however, Jar Jar Binks found the place where he would end up dying.
As Jar Jar Binks looked around where had travelled, he noticed that his legs appeared to be stuck in something. He looked down, and discovered that he was slowly sinking…
IN A GIANT PIT OF QUICKSAND!
"AARGH! MESA SINKING!" screamed Jar Jar Binks, trying to find a way out of the muddy mess he had gotten himself in. He looked all around him, but unfortunately there was nothing he could grab onto to escape from his predicament.
He ultimately decided to panic and wave his arms frantically like a maniac as he sank into the quicksand pit of doom…which naturally sealed his fate.
If the Gungan had simply been still, Jar Jar Binks probably would have floated to the surface and not ended up fulfilling one of the many, many deaths in this story, but instead he rapidly sank to the bottom, where he died not long afterwards from the lack of oxygen entering his lungs.
Not long after this noteworthy event, Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala, and Obi-Wan Kenobi discovered his body, which was strangely floating on top of the quicksand after he had drowned in it.
"Well, that quicksand pit was convenient for us, wasn't it?" Obi-Wan Kenobi said his thoughts aloud.
"Funny, I don't recall him being particularly heavy." pointed out Padme Amidala.
"I guess it just sucks to be him." stated Anakin Skywalker.
Our heroes resurrected Jar Jar Binks using their handy dandy Book of Resurrection they had been using quite frequently now due to their many murders, and subsequently decided to leave, due to the fact that there may be other patches of quicksand in the area in order to kill Jar Jar Binks another day (presumably by their own hands).
You'd think they'd call it slowsand considering it sinks people slowly instead of rapidly, but I suppose that's just the way it is.
Anyways, Jar Jar Binks had learned the hard way not to struggle his head off in quicksand if he's sinking in it, and our heroes are preparing to kill him once again…what creative way to execute him will they think of next? Your guess is as good as mine…