101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Are you afraid of premature burial? Well, this is going to be the way Jar Jar Binks dies today, so I hope you aren't too frightened…but you'll probably be laughing instead given how goofy this story has become…
Chapter 17: Buried Alive
For a moment, it seemed like our trio unfortunately wouldn't be able to kill Jar Jar Binks that particular day (which would therefore making a somewhat boring chapter). Qui-Gon Jinn had stopped by to visit our heroes, and unfortunately he had not been brainwashed (at least, not yet) to help them kill Jar Jar Binks.
And if they tried to kill him while he's nearby, he might find out and call the intergalactic police, carting them all off to jail. And that would be the end of their endless murders of the Gungan. (At least, until the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization came to bust them out of jail).
So it looked like they were all out of luck and would have to do something else for a change instead of harming our least favorite Gungan…until another member of the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization came by and injected Qui-Gon Jinn with a needle.
"OW!" he screamed. Being injected with a needle could really hurt, obviously, and especially if it wasn't done carefully.
As it turns out, this was another needle filled with the strange chemical that had been previously injected inside Obi-Wan Kenobi's bloodstream. Immediately, Qui-Gon Jinn felt the need to try to kill Jar Jar Binks somehow.
"Must kill Jar Jar Binks…and maybe get a cup of coffee…I'm getting kind of thirsty." stated Qui-Gon Jinn.
Not long afterwards, Qui-Gon Jinn approached our heroes and asked if he could help them kill Jar Jar Binks, much to their pleasant surprise.
"Um sure…what do you propose we do?" asked Anakin Skywalker.
Qui-Gon Jinn suggested that they kill Jar Jar Binks by first getting out some shovels and then digging a hole large enough for Jar Jar Binks to fit inside in.
For a moment, our heroes were confused by this suggestion, but they decided to go along with it. Getting out their shovels, they began to dig the large hole for whatever Qui-Gon Jinn was planning. It was very hard work, but at last our heroes managed to pull it off.
"Now what?" asked Padme, unsure of what Qui-Gon Jinn was planning to do next.
Suddenly, Qui-Gon Jinn revealed what he was planning to do with the hole our heroes had been digging for the past half-hour or so.
"Let's bury Jar Jar Binks alive, shall we? All we have to do now is find him." suggested Qui-Gon Jinn.
"I thought that might be what you were planning." answered Obi-Wan Kenobi, who agreed that this would be a good idea to kill the Gungan once again. But where was he?
"What are yousa guys doing?" asked Jar Jar Binks. Conveniently, he had shown up at the perfect time.
Obi-Wan Kenobi quickly hit Jar Jar Binks on the head with his shovel, knocking him out cold.
"Quick, before he wakes up!" exclaimed Padme.
Our heroes (now with another person to help them kill a certain Gungan) then placed Jar Jar Binks in the hole, and proceeded to bury Jar Jar Binks alive underneath a ton of dirt. Once again, our heroes worked hard, but it was worth it, as Jar Jar Binks was immediately trapped underneath all the dirt.
Naturally, he eventually started to run out of oxygen from being inside that deep, dark hole for so long, and finally he died from being buried inside of it for too long. The hole our heroes had dug had ultimately become his grave.
The next day, our heroes unburied Jar Jar Binks from his sandy tomb (which yet again took a lot of work) and dragged his corpse outside of the hole, and then resurrected him using the Book of Resurrection so that they could try something like this in the near future.
And so Qui-Gon Jinn is now helping our heroes kill Jar Jar Binks…it's always helpful to have an extra hand when you're killing people…not like I suggest doing something like that, including if it involves killing me or members of my family…
But this is a parody, so killing people within the story is OK…which is why I'll be once again accepting suggestions on how to kill the Gungan that has been ruining Star Wars for years (well, the Star Wars prequel trilogy anyway).