101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Jar Jar Binks' birthday is in this particular chapter, so Anakin and his friends are going to make his birthday party to die for…(Yes, the pun was intended.)
Also, I believe that this chapter title is possibly the longest one yet…but I suppose that's not particularly important, is it? Just sit back and enjoy this new chapter, and watch Jar Jar Binks get slaughtered once again. (It never gets old, watching this miserable little Gungan get what he so richly deserves, doesn't he?)
Chapter 19: Surprise Birthday Party
Today was Jar Jar Binks' birthday (and yet somehow our heroes did not know his current age), so Anakin, Qui-Gon Jinn, Padme Amidala, and Obi-Wan Kenobi were all getting prepared to celebrate the birth of the Gungan menace.
OK, maybe celebrating wasn't something our heroes were planning to do, seeing though how much they despised Jar Jar Binks. Instead, they were planning on putting Jar Jar Binks to death once again, and they thought that perhaps there would be a way to throw a birthday party while killing Jar Jar Binks at the same time.
But how exactly would they do something like that? It seemed quite unusual to kill Jar Jar Binks and throw his birthday party at the same time. They all scratched their heads on what to do.
Suddenly, Padme Amidala thought of something they could do to kill the irritating Gungan on his birthdsay, and they started to prepare a surprise party for Jar Jar Binks. Naturally, it was a surprise party of violence and death.
Just when everything was finally ready for the party (including the balloons, partyblowers, presents, and even the birthday clown), Anakin Skywalker turned off the lights, and our heroes waited for the Gungan to show up. Obi-Wan Kenobi stood guard to let them know if he was coming.
Soon enough he did come by after getting home from eating random insects, and Obi-Wan Kenobi told everyone to hide so he wouldn't notice that they were there until it was too late.
But where exactly would they hide? The answer was inside the giant birthday cake they had baked for Jar Jar.
And so our heroes hid inside the delicious cake of vanilla goodness, waiting for Jar Jar Binks to enter the house. Of course, he did not take long.
"Yoo-hoo? Anyone home?" Jar Jar Binks asked. He wondered why the house was so very dark.
Of course, our heroes were at home, who were looking forward to this very moment. Using the force to turn on the lights, our heroes all yelled "SURPRISE!", then proceeded to jump out of the cake and start savagely assaulting Jar Jar Binks with random weapons they had brought with them for the very purpose of killing the Gungan in the first place.
Jar Jar Binks died rapidly from shock and the fact that he could not handle being savagely assaulted by so many people at once. His birthday had ironically become his deathday.
Unfortunately, it seemed that Padme Amidala had somehow suffocated from being inside the birthday cake for so long, and our heroes had to resurrect her as well.
But this chapter wasn't over yet. Suddenly, Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization members burst out from the presents our heroes had bought for Jar Jar Binks (how they all managed to fit in there is beyond me) and proceeded to kidnap the five of them, hoping to brainwash them and murder Jar Jar Binks once again.
The birthday clown was then paid generously for informing the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization of our main protagonist's location in the galaxy. Yes, the birthday clown was actually a spy. What crazy thing will the organization think of next?
And so the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization drove over to the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Headquarters, ready to make the obnoxious Gungan suffer yet again for ruining the Star Wars prequel trilogy for virtually everyone, including possibly you.
I told you the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization will show up again, didn't I? Our heroes are going to be brainwashed into killing Jar Jar Binks once again…and of course Jar Jar Binks will perish once again as well. I've got something already planned for him…which you'll find out in the next chapter.