101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Once again, this execution method is quite the simple one…killing Jar Jar Binks through tossing him out the window! I'll be using a fancier word for this method of killing people however…as you can see by the chapter title. So enjoy this latest chapter of how to kill a certain Gungan that doomed the republic…
Personally, I'm surprised I even spelled the word properly…and on my first try no less!
Chapter 22: Defenestration
Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn were hanging out (not to be confused with the last execution method our heroes performed on Jar Jar Binks at a particular large apartment building at an irrelevant planet in the galaxy that its citizens had yet to decide a name for and simply relaxing…
Until the demonic Gungan Jar Jar Binks stopped by, and started annoying our heroes once again. (He seriously needs to get a new hobby, doesn't he?)
"Yahoo guys! What's up?" squealed Jar Jar Binks.
"Can't you see that we're trying to have some peace and quiet, Jar Jar? If you're going to keep bugging us, then leave us alone." Anakin Skywalker told him.
Jar Jar Binks then started jumping on the bed. "Whee! Dis is fun!" exclaimed Jar Jar Binks. This immensely frustrated Padme Amidala, who had just finished sorting that bed.
Naturally, Jar Jar Binks got progressively more annoying as he continued to bother our heroes time and time again…and Anakin, Padme, Obi-Wan, and Qui-Gon got more and more angry as he continued to annoy them constantly.
Suddenly, they noticed that there was a window conveniently right next to Jar Jar as he started licking Qui-Gon Jinn with his tongue (much to his disgust), and they all got their next idea for killing the Gungan.
"Hey Jar Jar, could you hold still for a minute?" asked Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Jar Jar Binks did as he was asked, surprisingly.
"Now wait right here for a second." Obi-Wan Kenobi told the Gungan.
Again, Jar Jar Binks did as he was asked.
As Jar Jar Binks was wondering why Obi-Wan Kenobi had told him to stay still for the time being, suddenly, Anakin Skywalker pushed Jar Jar Binks straight out of the window, shattering it into pieces as he did so.
"AAH!" screamed Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar Binks fell several stories, eventually hitting the hard pavement. Jar Jar Binks died from injuries sustained from broken glass and the fact that his body could not tolerate falling so many floors.
Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn then used the elevator to head to the first floor to retrieve Jar Jar Binks' body, using the Book of Resurrection to resurrect his carcass before anyone in the building noticed. (In fact, many people heard his dying screams, but were unsure where exactly in the hotel they came from)
But there was still one problem, how were they going to repair the window they had broken? It would certainly cost them a lot of money to get them repaired, and that was cash that they did not have. Given that there were many broken pieces of glass on the sidewalk of the apartment, it would possibly be only a matter of time before somebody discovered that it was broken.
Suddenly, Obi-Wan Kenobi got an idea and started searching through the Book of Resurrection. As it turned out, there was a spell in the Book of Resurrection that could be used to repair any injuries that a victim had sustained, in case an attempt on a victim's life somehow went awry.
Obi-Wan Kenobi then decided to test if it also worked on vandalized property, and as it turns out, it actually did. The window was repaired within seconds as the broken pieces returned to the window.
"This spell is going to be a livesaver." stated Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Well, seeing though that the Book of Resurrection is filled with healing magic, this book is technically filled with livesaving spells…" Qui-Gon Jinn pointed out.
"Yes, I'm aware of that at this point." answered Obi-Wan Kenobi. "I just thought that particular spell was heavily useful."
Our heroes then left the apartment and headed back to the galaxy, waiting for the next opportunity to arise to claim Jar Jar Binks' life.
I hope you enjoy this chapter, because I'll likely be trying similar killing methods in the future. It's just too hilarious to pass up…
Of course, I'll be doing other methods as well…I particularly liked setting Jar Jar Binks on fire, using poison gas on him, and electrocuting him with an electric chair…can't decide on a favorite one though…
So feel free to leave any suggestions in the reviews…as usual. I've actually used some of them already…such as the fire suggestion listed above (there's a reason why it's killing method 7)…so I get the feeling that I'll be using more suggestions in the future…