101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, we'll learn about hot temperatures' dangerous effects on Gungans…and how Jar Jar Binks will die this time around…
Chapter 27: Hyperthermia
After reading in his handy dandy Book of Resurrection on effective methods on killing Gungans such as Jar Jar Binks, Anakin Skywalker decided to execute Jar Jar Binks by causing him to encounter more heat than his body could handle.
"I knew just the place to find it." Anakin Skywalker thought, preparing for his next execution of the most annoying alien in the galaxy and possibly the universe.
He decided to do so himself this time around without help from his friends and accessories in his murders, as he felt that they were unnecessary this time around.
Picking up Jar Jar Binks (who was lying down on a chair at the time) and tying him with some knotted hemp (AKA rope) right next to a conveniently located blast furnace, Anakin Skywalker waited for its fiery magic to set in.
"Why yousa tie mesa next to dat hot furnace?" asked Jar Jar Binks, oblivious as usual to what was going on (even though it was evidently obvious at that particular point).
"Farewell, old friend! I'll be seeing you later as a force ghost! Or in another life, perhaps!" Anakin Skywalker said an untearful goodbye to the Gungan as he left him to his gruesome fate.
Pretty soon Jar Jar Binks began to feel really sweaty from being so close to that furnace as his body temperature started to go up.
"Mesa jobbin' up a sweat." thought Jar Jar Binks.
Suddenly he started seeing double from his brain having a nasty concussion.
"Whya mesa see two furnaces? Mesa thought der was only onesa." wondered Jar Jar Binks.
Eventually his head began to hurt really badly and he started vomiting all over the floor and on himself.
"Yuck! Mesa head hurts! Mesa vomiting all over da floor!" exclaimed Jar Jar Binks.
Finally, he went into a coma that he would never wake up from (until the Resurrection Book was used on him again of course).
"Mesa take a nap." were Jar Jar Binks' last words.
"If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen, Jar Jar Binks." laughed Anakin Skywalker at his latest grisly work as he pulled out his Resurrection Book in order to recite the magic spell that had been used time and time again.
Padme Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Qui-Gon Jinn came by a short while afterwards to admire Anakin's handiwork and his latest death of the Gungan.
"I did it all myself!" Anakin Skywalker acknowledged his comrades. "Man was it easy!" he exclaimed.
"Why didn't we think of this before? We could have done it ages ago!" asked Padme Amidala.
"Ah yes, Gungans are known to despise heat, it's a side-effect of being so amphibian-like." agreed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Let's resurrect him, I've got a similar idea we can use on him." suggested Qui-Gon Jinn.
Our heroes resurrected Jar Jar Binks using the Book of Resurrection, causing him to come back to life and his body temperature to magically go down.
Qui Gon Jinn then took Jar Jar Binks away, in order to pull off his own scheme of murdering the Gungan for the second time that day.
Like Anakin Skywalker said, if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen….you know, maybe I could come up with more post-mortem quotes….it'd probably be funny given who the victim always is…
In the next chapter, Qui-Gon Jinn will murder Jar Jar Binks using the exact opposite method…can you guess what it is?
I'll leave it to you to find out.