101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks is going to die through one of the methods suggested by my loyal fanbase…being crushed by a vulture droid! You may have guessed it by now, but today's the day I've finally decided to pull it off. Let's see how it turns out, shall we?
Chapter 29: Vulture Droid
Our heroes were shuffling through killing suggestions given through several people who also hated Jar Jar Binks, wondering if they had come up with anything good. Soon enough Anakin Skywalker found a suggestion.
"Let's see…ah here's one I particularly like!" suggested Anakin Skywalker, picking one out at random. "Let's crush Jar Jar Binks with a vulture droid, shall we?"
"There's one problem. We don't have a vulture droid." informed Padme Amidala of the unfortunate truth.
"Dang it!" Anakin clenched his head in frustration. They had been so close to killing Jar Jar!
"That's not an issue; we can simply steal one from the Galactic Empire. I'm positive that they have at least one." replied Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"If you say so." answered Qui-Gon Jinn, still unsure if that would work.
Soon enough after they began searching they found two stormtroopers standing outside one of them. Our heroes could not believe their fortune.
Our heroes knocked out the Stormtroopers using sledge hammers, and proceeded to fly it where Jar Jar Binks was waiting patiently for the cookies our heroes had promised him but he would never get.
"Where is mesa cookies? Why are thesa taking so longo?" wondered Jar Jar Binks. He was so hungry!
Suddenly, he thought he saw something in distance that was heading straight towards him.
"Hey! Maybe it's thesa! Come here guys!" ordered Jar Jar Binks.
Our heroes came for Jar Jar Binks….
And landed straight on top of him, crushing him underneath the battleship and causing him pain.
"Ouchies! Mesa crushed!" Jar Jar Binks screamed.
"Squished like a pancake." taunted Anakin Skywalker.
Jar Jar Binks died shortly afterwards due to the fact that his entire rib cage had been crushed by the vulture droid, and the fact that one of the ribs had punctured his heart in the process.
"Vulture droids is heavy." thought Jar Jar Binks as he died.
Our heroes were about to step out of the space vehicle and resurrect him using the sacred book that they had in their possession for so long, when suddenly a green tractor beam suddenly started picking them up, lifting them into the sky and into space, much to their horror and surprise.
"What's going on? There's a strange green light right outside the window!" wondered Anakin Skywalker.
"Something's wrong! We're being lifted in the air and into space! Did someone start the engine?" questioned Padme Amidala.
"No, the ship is moving on its own! Something horrible must be happening!" confirmed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"We must be getting abducted by hostile citizens of the galaxy!" screamed Qui-Gon Jinn.
"AAH!" they all shrieked. Were they doomed? Had their guardian angels abandoned them? Were they going to be dissected? Were they going to have their brains scrambled?
As it turns out, their abductors were not hostile Martians (or any type of hostile space alien common in science fiction for that matter). In fact, they weren't even hostile to anyone save for a certain Gungan they longed to destroy time and time again.
They were the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization, who were now getting ready to brainwash our heroes once again as well as the task of killing Jar Jar Binks themselves, plans they would execute as soon as the vulture droid was on board.
"Pull them in! We've almost got them!" ordered their leader.
"I'm glad someone had the eye to locate them." complimented a member of the organization.
"What can I say? I have a lot of eyes!" stated a multi-eyed alien that had located our heroes after they had killed Jar Jar Binks.
Soon enough the vulture droid was onboard the enormous spaceship. Several members ran into the vulture droid and knocked out our heroes, and they proceeded to take the heroes towards the brainwashing chamber, with the exception of Jar Jar Binks, who they resurrected with the resurrection book using the same spell our heroes had used before.
"Now then, what should we do with him?" asked the leader of the organization.
"I've got something that we could do with him." answered another member of the organization.
"Really? Let's hear it. Surely you can come up with a good suggestion." ordered their leader.
The member of the organization whispered into the great leader's ear, and a wide smile formed on his face.
"That's a great idea, Kenny! We'll execute it right now." the great leader ordered.
The members of the organization shoved Jar Jar Binks into a package, and proceeded to mail it towards a planet in the galaxy. It drove away at quite a high speed.
As they did so, the vulture droid that our heroes previously piloted suddenly fell on the member that had suggested the idea in the first place while the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization wasn't paying attention to it, killing him.
"NO! THEY KILLED KENNY! WHY WHY?" screeched a member of the organization, shocked that his friend had died.
"Calm down, Stan. We can simply resurrect him using the Resurrection Book just as we have always used this book to resurrect the Gungan we created this organization for in the first place." the leader soothed the upset member.
And so the member of the organization that had died was resurrected, and everything was happy again.
Meanwhile, Jar Jar Binks was rapidly approaching his destination where he would meet his untimely fate…one that was somewhat culinary in nature.
Looks like we have a cliffhanger here folks! Not to worry, what will happen to Jar Jar Binks will be revealed in the next chapter…which should be arriving soon just like Jar Jar Binks will arrive to his grave…
Any ideas to where and how he will die? Anyone?