101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
And so we continue on with this rather hateful fic targeted against a certain little Gungan…
In this chapter we'll learn why drunk driving is not allowed in most societies and why it can get your driver's license taken away from you…of course Jar Jar Binks is naturally going to learn this the hard way as he meets another comedic death and his haters squeal with glee as he does so.
Chapter 31: Drunk Driving
For this depraved scheme of murder, Obi-Wan Kenobi had a particular suggestion in mind that he wanted to put into action…having Jar Jar Binks drive a space shuttle…
…while he was incredibly intoxicated.
After he and Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala, and Qui-Gon Jinn finished purchasing some alcohol from a local bar for the purpose of getting Jar Jar killed, Obi-Wan Kenobi proceeded to offer his worst enemy some beer, liquor, and basically every alcoholic beverage there was, hoping that he would accept it and become hopelessly drunk.
"Yay! Mesa love beer!" stated Jar Jar Binks happily; guzzling every beverage Kenobi had given him. Due to the fact that he had died previously due to alcoholic poisoning, Obi-Wan Kenobi was careful not to let the obnoxious alien drink too much alcohol this time around, taking it away from him as soon as he vomited all over the floor.
Pretty soon the Gungan was intoxicated to the point where he could hardly see properly, and Obi-Wan Kenobi proceeded to the next stage of the plan, which was actually getting Jar Jar Binks inside the shuttle so that he would drive his way towards his death.
Putting Jar Jar into the space shuttle that would lead to his death and telling him to drive over towards a nearby forest, he did precisely as he was asked as Obi-Wan Kenobi left the space craft in order to avoid being killed along with him and so that he could watch his latest death.
Pretty soon Jar Jar Binks started driving above the legal intergalactic speed limit due to the fact that his intoxication preventing him from monitoring any of the speed limit signs. Due to the fact that he was not watching where he was going while he was driving, he suddenly crashed straight into a tree, causing his ship to explode with him still inside.
"AAH!" screamed Jar Jar Binks as he was sent flying several miles in the air from the destruction of the aircraft and the fact that he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Ultimately, he crashed into a rather hard boulder; breaking many bones in his feeble body and making him become one with the force.
"And I thought he was a bad driver before." Obi-Wan Kenobi thought as he watched Jar Jar Binks die to his incredible carelessness and due to his previous actions.
Afterwards, the Jedi master decided to go inform his friends about what had happened, as they were waiting for him to show and tell.
"So, did your killing method work?" Anakin Skywalker asked.
"Yes, it did, my apprentice, now all we need to do is retrieve his corpse and to repair the space shuttle he destroyed using that book we've had for quite some time now." Obi-Wan Kenobi told him.
"I can't wait to see his body." squealed Padme Amidala.
"What an idiot. Did he even have a driver's license to begin with?" insulted Qui-Gon Jinn.
Our heroes went over to Jar Jar Binks' flea-covered carcass, pulled out the well-loved Book of Resurrection and read the magic words that brought Jar Jar Binks back to life as usual, and repaired the spaceship that he had blown up during his drunken driving with the same book in order to avoid having to pay the massive repair costs.
Suffice to say, they would be killing him again in the near future and would continue on with the story.
What can I say to you? Drive while intoxicated and you'll be lucky if a police officer stops you…and even then you'll get arrested and sent to jail…basically it's a lose-lose situation. Don't drink and drive if you know what's good to you!
In the next chapter, Jar Jar Binks will meet his end from a guy that really needs to go on a diet…