101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter our heroes will cause Jar Jar Binks to kill himself…yes, it certainly is an ironic method for him to die, isn't it? Let's see if our heroes will succeed, why don't we?
Chapter 35: Suicide
Tired of always having to do the job of killing Jar Jar Binks themselves, our heroes decided that maybe it was time to come up with something different for a change as they sat down thinking of the next method to add to the long list.
But what would they come up with this time? Our heroes were having difficulty deciding on coming up with such a creative method of murder.
"I know! Maybe we can make him kill himself!" Obi-Wan Kenobi suggested. "That'll save us the trouble of actually having to murder him using our own hands."
"I believe that he'll reach what is known as his breaking point if we make him depressed enough." C-3PO added, apparently thinking that doing so would be quite possible.
"Let's go look up some rather depressing information about the galaxy, why don't we?" Anakin Skywalker told the others as they left the room.
Our heroes prepared to make Jar Jar Binks as miserable as possible for their next killing method, which was driving him to suicide by pushing him over the edge (not literally like they've done in previous killing methods).
Going up to him and asking if they could have some words with him, they proceeded to talk to him about all the miserable parts of the galaxy, including what had happened recently, as well as the evil emperor that has taken control thanks to his actions.
"What has mesa done?" Jar Jar Binks screamed out loud. He immediately started cutting his wrists using a knife, spilling some blood on the floor in the process and causing him to feel a bit light-headed.
Our heroes continued to tell him about how miserable he had been making everyone else in the galaxy due to the fact he had been annoying them half-to-death, and that he was quite possibly the evil-incarnate because of this.
"Mesa inhuman monster!" screamed Jar Jar Binks upon hearing the unfortunate truth of what our anti-heroes had told him.
Finally, Jar Jar Binks could not stand it anymore, and proceeded to hang himself from the nearby tree outside the house using some rope and a chair, causing him to die due to the fact that his spinal cord had snapped in the process.
"Bye-bye cruel world!" he exclaimed as he killed himself through the aforementioned method.
Our heroes came to admire their handiwork once again a few minutes after Jar Jar's death.
"Looks like we put him out of his misery this time." Anakin Skywalker stated as he looked over Jar Jar Binks' corpse.
"Wait, didn't we already make him hang himself by taking him over to those gallows?" Qui-Gon Jinn questioned, recalling the time they had used this classic execution method.
"What can I say, there's always going to be some snags when we come up with certain murder methods." Obi-Wan Kenobi replied.
"Let's just go resurrect him using the Resurrection Book." commanded Padme Amidala, wishing to have the next opportunity to murder Jar Jar Binks as soon as possible.
And so our heroes did as Padme Amidala suggested, bringing Jar Jar Binks back to life despite the fact that he clearly wanted to be in the world of the dead due to what they had told him about himself and about the galaxy.
Thankfully, he had forgotten about being suicidal as a side effect of the resurrection spell, so he would not attempt to commit suicide again, thus allowing our heroes to kill him off once more.
Everyone was perfectly happy afterwards, except for C-3PO, who had to clean up the blood that was left behind on the floor due to Jar Jar Binks slitting his tiny wrists prior to his death.
"Funny, wasn't there a robot on my starship that makes beeping sounds instead of speaking?" remembered Padme Amidala as she looked at the golden robot that was currently cleaning up Jar Jar Binks's mess. "Maybe I could introduce him to C-3PO."
Was this chapter ironic or what? In the next chapter, our heroes will try killing him using a rather ancient method…