Chapter 7: Dancing With Disaster
It had been a little over six hours since Artie helped Iceman carry out the dramatic rescue of his cousin and only now he was coming to after what he initially thought would have been an hour long nap.
"What am I thinking? How the fuck could that have been an hour long nap after what I went through?" he thought stretching out his arms, only to grunt in pain as he felt the lingering bruises caused by the bullets that had stricken his Kevlar vest, which now lay on the chair near his folding bed.
Slowly pulling himself to the edge of the bed he grabbed the remote control and turned the TV on, only to be met by the scene of officers standing outside of the same estate he and Iceman tore apart just hours earlier.
"Tom, I am standing outside of the crime scene where just hours earlier a violent gun battle was waged during what was supposed to be a regular house party. At this time there is an indeterminate amount of casualties with more bodies turning up as police continue their investigation. Listed among the dead is the estate's owner, Dale Cottonfield IV, a devoted crusader noted for his efforts to improve the lives of homeless women within our fair city," Cora Ricardo reported, nearly causing the hired gun to break down in a fit of laughter.
"Oh that motherfucker was a 'devoted crusader' alright, if you consider kidnapping women off the streets and making them turn tricks in a truck stop bathroom a just cause worth fighting for," Artie scoffed as police were shown loading covered bodies into the back of a Romero hearse.
"The founder of Gamble Entertainment, Creighton Gamble, a close personal friend of Mr. Cottonfield's, earlier released a statement via his Bleeter account expressing his sadness over the loss of one of his oldest friends and most trusted business associates. In an effort to carry on his friend's legacy, he has announced his intention to start the 'Dale Cottonfield IV Memorial Scholarship' with the intention of assisting young women who plan to enter the entertainment field upon graduation from high school. Mr. Cottonfield is survived by three children, five ex-wives, and his butler Pedro Vasquez, who was later found out to be an undocumented illegal from El Salvador and was deported immediately."
Artie's cell phone began ringing and he switched the TV off, looking down to the Whiz's ID screen to see that it was Donnie.
Rolling his eyes at the thought of his other cousin's seemingly endless perversion he let out a heavy sigh before answer, "Hello?"
"Hey, hey Artie what's up? It's your favorite cousin Donnie! How ya' doin' this evening my good man?" Donnie Cappelli called out from the other end, the sounds of heavy laughter and glasses clinking in the background.
"Well, seeing as how I nearly got myself killed earlier in the day trying to save a bunch of hookers from some low rent pimp…I'd say I'm doing just fine Cuz," Artie replied collapsing back onto the bed.
"That a boy Artie! You have no idea how much poo nanny being the 'knight in shining armor' will get cha'?" the elder Cappelli boomed, causing the errand boy to flinch at the loud hooting in his ear.
"Gee, I had no idea…" Artie groaned, "…so what can I do for you?"
"Gino told me about what happened earlier, how you saved all those ladies and in the process scored some extra bucks for his shithole. He was telling me how you seemed pretty tensed up after the whole ordeal…"
"Well duh, I almost got killed you jackass!" Artie shouted back.
"…and so I figured I'd give ya' a call and see if I could help you maybe 'unwind' a little," Donnie continued, ignoring his cousin's outburst, "I was wondering, since you and I are both 'gentlemen,' how's about you and I stop by a gentlemen's club? Think about it Cuz, all that bouncing naked flesh being shoved into your face…you'll be feeling good as new by the time the night's over!"
"Jesus Fucking Christ, Donnie! Are there any times at all in your life when you're not thinking about the female anatomy?" Artie grunted in disgust.
"Aw what's the matter? You goin' faggot on me Cuz? Gimme a reason I shouldn't be getting you a one way plane ticket to San Fierro as we speak?" Donnie retorted before continuing, "Look there's this place not far from where I live, very high class, not like those 'hole in the wall' crack houses over on Lincoln. It's called Hell's Belles and unlike those places you probably visited back in Liberty, the women here actually go fully nude!" he shouted, his voice rising at least three octaves, enough to warrant a few horny hoots in the background.
"Well that's quite a catch I have to admit," Artie said calming down a little, remembering how everything in Liberty City was so 'PG-13' compared to other places he visited in the past, most in part thanks to a dumbass mayor who was so much into 'family values' and all that other wholesome 1950's crap.
"You got it," Donnie replied, the ruckus dying down in the background, suggesting he may have entered a bathroom or some other vacant room, "It can be my treat, a chance for you to get out and mingle with some new people, also some quality family time between two cousins if you will, killing two birds with one stone."
"Oh yeah, I remember the last time we spent some 'quality family time' together. You spent most of your time trying to fuck everything that moved and ignoring your so-called 'beloved cousin,'" Artie thought to himself, remaining silent to Donnie's proposal.
"I'm just finishing up with a poker game right now. Come pick me up over at Brokeback Billy's Genuine Leather Goods Emporium over in Blue Hook, it's between Gazangas and the Vinyl Countdown. Make it fast!" Donnie demanded.
Sighing in defeat, Artie gave an unenthusiastic reply, "Alright Cuz, I'll be over in an hour."
"That's the spirit Artie! Trust me, when you've had some nice large titties shoved in your face your frown will be turned upside down in an instant and the soldier will be standing at attention…okay maybe I shouldn't have said that last part…but what the fuck man? Tonight's gonna be all about having some fun! I'll see ya' in an hour then!" Donnie shouted back and the line went dead.
Letting out another sigh Artie allowed his cell phone to fall onto the bed next to him, "Why the fuck do I allow this stuff to happen to me?"
He knew he had to soldier forth, knowing Donnie would never let him hear the end of it if he didn't follow through with his promise.
Artie made his way to the bathroom for a quick shower and then went over to his wardrobe, pulling out a nice black button up short-sleeved shirt, stonewashed blue jeans, some boxers and a pair of socks. Before he could start getting dressed he looked over and saw the bulletproof vest resting on the chair and a knot suddenly formed in his stomach, something he always got when he had a feeling something bad was going to happen.
"But why?" he asked himself, pushed towards it by an invisible hand. Not one to ignore his instincts he picked up the vest and strapped it on before pulling his shirt over it and then grabbing his watchband and gold cross chain. The Glock he purchased earlier rested on a nearby coffee table and he scooped it up along with a shoulder holster and two clips he pocketed from a dead High Ryder after the massacre.
"Time to 'have some fun' as Donnie puts it," Artie muttered stepping out the back door and looking around to make sure that old disease-ridden hooker was nowhere in sight before making his way down to the tavern's back lot and reaching his Sentinel.
Artie climbed inside and switched the car on, making sure he had enough gas before twiddling with the radio and finding the classic rock-oriented Rock of Rushmore 89.5, which was playing "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden.
The trip to Blue Hook was again largely uneventful, much to Artie's relief as he entered a district dominated by halfway decent looking stores. He kept driving until he spotted the Gazangas restaurant Donnie had mentioned, which stood out like a sore thumb with its bright red rooftop and a sign which had a ridiculously large-chested woman holding two oversized mugs of beer.
"This must be it," Artie muttered turning down his radio as he came across a small building that resembled an Old Western saloon, sandwiched between the aforementioned restaurant and the Vinyl Countdown, which also stood out like an eyesore thanks to its front entrance being shaped like one very large vinyl record.
"Anytime now," the errand boy muttered to himself, only to be started by a loud banging on the driver's side door that left him scrambling for his piece.
"Chill out Cuz, it's me!" the all-too-familiar voice called out.
Donnie Cappelli stood before him clad in a pair of black jeans and a navy blue sport coat, his ever-present smirk becoming a toothy grin as he held up a bag from the Rusty Brown's Ring Donuts across the street.
"How ya' doin'? Glad to see you could make it," he called out in his typical boastful tone as he moved around the front of the burgundy Sentinel, "Yeah, I know I told you a little white lie, but I got the munchies," he added while climbing into the front passenger's seat and offering his cousin a chocolate donut, "Want one?"
"Sure thanks," Artie replied reaching out for the donut until he was distracted by a bright green Lobo with black and yellow stripes passing him by. Inside he was able to make out two dreadlocked dark-skinned men staring at him intently.
"Shit," the Italian-American muttered under his breath, thinking they were sizing him up for a drive-by and reached inside his coat for the Glock, but by the time he could even grip its handle, the luxury car had already passed without incident.
"Hey yo' Artie, you alright?" Donnie called out from next to him, "I'm gonna end up eating this for you if you don't fucking say something!"
Breathing deeply Artie let his hand move back towards the donut, "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"
"Okay, just checking. Let's get goin' and see some fuckin' titties man!" Donnie boomed with the vigor of a ten year old ready for a snowball fight upon the first major snowfall of the season.
"You're the boss," Artie chuckled, doing what he could to disguise the lingering nervousness in his tone following that unusual sighting. Finishing up the donut he shifted the car into drive and made his way into traffic.
"So how are things going otherwise?" Donnie asked as they pulled up to an intersection, "Any luck finding a job?"
"None so far," Artie replied, "the recent 'developments' have sort of pushed that to the backburner for the time being. I honestly don't think I should be establishing any roots around anyway since the Feds can't keep us under lockdown forever."
"Ha! That's not gonna be happening for quite a while," Donnie scoffed back, "Besides, once you've been around this place for a while it'll grow on you. You honestly think I planned on forever living with Gino in that shithole of his? No! I didn't choose this place, this place chose me!"
"Really? Do tell," Artie replied in mock interest.
"Yeah, it just called out to me like that voice all those crackheads hear. One day, I was just sitting around pounding down a few brewskies and letting some hot Hawaiian chick grind on my crotch when it suddenly came to me…'Donatello Cappelli, I have chosen you!'" Donnie continued, changing his voice into some booming, god-like tone for emphasis.
"So you're telling me once I've have some scantily-clad women simulating sex acts with me I'm going to suddenly be seeking out local real estate, eh?" Artie asked as he came to a halt at another red light.
"Naked Cuz, naked women! You really think this city allows that PG-13 bullshit Liberty does? Fuck no!" Donnie shouted back.
"Whatever you say, my beloved Cousin Donnie," Artie sardonically replied.
"Damn right, and who would've thought a boring business trip would lead to such a life changing experience?" Donnie replied as "Nothin' but a Good Time" by Poison came on the radio, "Fuck this hair metal shit," he said flipping the station over to Funked Up 105.3, which was playing "Brick House" By the Commodores.
"You told me you came here because you met some 'hot bitch' on Craplist for a 'no strings attached' encounter, who turned out to be some 14-year old girl who stole all your money and left you high and dry, and then some bums stole your car and had a sex orgy in it, which led to you taking a Molotov to it because you couldn't bear the thought of ever going near it again," Artie replied as some jerkoff on a Hexen sped past him and cut off a Landstalker in the process.
"Heh, fuck you jackass," Donnie shot back before adopting a business-like tone, "Are you sure you don't want my help finding anything around here? Like I've said, I have plenty of contacts around here if you ever need anything."
"I think I'll be alright…really," Artie replied as they made their way onto the ramp leading to Jefferson Vale.
"Just saying," Donnie spoke, "although I've heard Freeman Cab Company is always looking for new drivers, and there's also Rockstar Autos over in Stilsen. I'm pretty tight with the guy there…although not in the 'tighter than a virgin's pussy' sense."
"I get it! I get it!" Artie snapped back as they finally reached Jefferson Vale and soon happened across a brick building outlined by neon lights with an image of a scantily-clad woman with devil horns on the side, indicating they were now approaching Hell's Belles.
"At last we have arrived!" Donnie triumphantly proclaimed as Artie pulled into the parking lot and jumped out before he could even park the car. "C'mon, let's get inside while the beer is still cold and the ladies are still hot!"
Artie said nothing as he literally had to chase after his cousin, much to the indifference of the nearby bouncer, who probably figured they weren't worth stopping as long as they had no visible weapons on them.
Once inside, the younger Cappelli cousin was forced to bring his forearm up to shield his eyes from all the bright lights.
The club walls were painted with fake flames, all of which were outlined by bright red, orange and yellow neon lights to give off the effect of the inhabitants passing through Hell itself, albeit without the torture and bloodshed.
To his immediate right was a bar filled to the max with patrons who were either passed out or chattering loudly about all sorts of randomness in their drunken stupors, including a college-aged student who was getting touchy feely with one of the dancers and had to be wrestled to the floor by a bouncer. On the lower level there were three different stages where fully nude strippers swung around on the available poles, teasing the horned up patrons who hooted and hollered wildly, tossing what perhaps had been their entire paycheck's worth of money onto the stage.
Scantily-clad women prowled the floor in search of their next customer, relying more so upon the men to come to them, rather than them having to stop everything that moved, like it had been back in Liberty.
"Hmm, maybe this place isn't so bad after all," Artie smirked to himself as he finally spotted Donnie down on the lower level, casually walking up to one of the waitresses and taking the cocktail off her tray like he owned the place before stopping to make small talk with the young woman.
"Okay Donnie, we're here so now what?" the younger Cappelli cousin had to shout as Winger's "Seventeen" blasted over the sound system, while observing the 'scenery' around him.
Donnie temporarily shifted his attention away from the waitress and looked at his cousin flabbergasted, "What the fuck do you mean 'now what?' We're in a fucking strip club man! Let the ladies here show you a good time!"
The elder Cappelli reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash, "Come to think of it, I have some 'special people' here whom I wish to see, so until then why don't you kick back and have a good time? Not like you need to cling to me like a Chihuahua in heat while you're here."
He then stopped a woman walking past them, a raven-haired beauty with a large chest, nice ass and curves in all the right places, who was clad in nothing but an undersized bikini top and G-string, "Excuse me ma'am, my cousin here is new to the area. Why don't you show him a good time?" he asked slipping the wad of cash down her G-string.
The woman giggled seductively at the offer, "With pleasure," she cooed before looking Artie up and down, "Wow there sweetie, looks like I'm gonna have to go all out tonight," she said taking the younger cousin by the hand.
"Have fun Cuz!" Donnie called out over the booming music before disappearing from sight.
The dancer led Artie up a short flight of stairs into a back hallway, where there were several V.I.P. rooms lining both sides, all of which were occupied by men (and one woman) receiving simulated sexual acts from the numerous beautiful dancers that had been working that night, including one lucky bastard who had two women on him at once.
"In here baby," the dancer said leading him into the last room on the left.
"Whatever you say," Artie winked back, looking over his shoulder to see two muscular bouncers staring sinisterly towards him, both with their tree trunk-like arms crossed over their barrel chests.
A comfy loveseat awaited the young man and he took a seat, stretching out his limbs as the dancer seductively removed her clothing and stood before him in all her nude glory, waiting for the next song to start.
"Now we have some fun," she giggled as "The Next Episode" by Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg started pumping in over the club's loudspeakers.
"Lady, I don't know if your mother knows about you doing this, but I'm sure she'll forgive me if I tell her I'm helping put you through college," Artie chuckled as the nameless dancer began grinding her curvaceous ass against his crotch.
As it turned out, Donnie had given the woman enough cash for three dances worth of entertainment and Artie was left winded after some pretty intense dances from an overly aroused dancer.
"Oh man, you've gotten me all nice and sweaty…," the dancer gasped pulling her G-string back on and reaching for her bikini top, "…y'know, if I wasn't on the clock I'd let you come back to my place sweetie…only this time you'll be allowed to touch," she said puckering her lips at him.
"I'd definitely hold you to that," Artie said reclining in the loveseat, "I might have to start coming around here more often."
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"What the hell was that?" the dancer shrieked as a trio of gunshots rang out and she quickly scampered out the rear exit just a few steps away from the V.I.P. room.
"What now?" Artie grumbled stepping into the narrow hallway to see the inhabitants from the other rooms piling out and literally tripping over one another as they fought to find some form of escape from the ensuing carnage.
None of that mattered to him right now as he pulled out the Glock, the only thing on his mind finding his cousin Donnie and getting the hell out of there.
Making his way back into the main room the errand boy felt his blood freeze in his veins upon seeing what the commotion was all about.
His very own cousin Donnie was pinned down behind an overturned table, being fired upon by every available security guard while patrons and dancers alike scattered like a herd of wildebeests, either scurrying for cover or trying to escape the club, one unfortunate soul finding himself caught in the crossfire and collapsing atop one of the dancers, who shrieked throughout the entire ordeal as the bullets flew above her.
In his cousin's hands was a Beretta M9 with a silencer attached, popping up to return fire when given the chance.
"Goddamn it Donnie, what the hell have you done now?" Artie asked himself taking aim upon the nearest guard and dropping him with a single shot to the throat, a geyser of blood spraying from the fresh wound as he collapsed to the floor and bled to death.
The other guards noticed their colleague fall and switched their attention to Artie, firing multiple barrages upon him and forcing him into cover behind a pillar, where he collided with the club D.J. and sent him falling to the floor with his hands over his head.
Donnie Cappelli noticed the guards had lost interest in him and took cover behind one of the stages to unscrew his pistol's silencer and reload the emptied gun.
One of the guards stood directly across from him on an elevated platform firing upon his cousin and another ran over to join the man, causing his blood to boil.
"Not going to be killing any cousin of mine you 'roid freaks!" Donnie shouted popping out from behind his cover and firing a barrage of bullets toward the two men, striking both repeatedly before his clip ran dry.
Artie saw his cousin drop both men and watched as more guards were returning their attention to him. Sticking his arm around the pillar he fired blindly towards the attackers and sent one man collapsing to the ground with a bullet in his side and another to the kneecap before Donnie finished him off.
"Damn it, I've gotta stop fucking around," Artie told himself as he fired a few more rounds towards his attackers and the leapt to the lower level, rolling for cover behind where Donnie hid.
"Donnie, will you please tell me exactly what the fuck is going on here?" Artie had to shout over the popping of Uzi machine pistols.
"What the fuck does it look like, genius? We're being fucking shot at!" Donnie shouted back before firing blindly.
"I meant why are they fucking shooting at us?" Artie shouted back as he reached over to loot the gun off a dead guard along with a spare magazine.
The elder Cappelli did not reply immediately and again blindly fired at some more attacking guards, "I'll tell you later Cuz, for now let's just focus on getting the fuck outta here!"
The two Cappellis both began firing wildly towards the surviving guards and made a cooperative mad dash towards the front entrance, two more piling out of the security office only to be cut down by Artie's dual handgun assault.
"Alright, we're almost outta here," Donnie called out, only to bump into a dancer who had not yet escaped and sent her crashing to the floor.
"Oh my goodness ma'am, I'm so terribly sorry about that," he spoke while helping the frightened redhead back to her feet, "Say…what are you doing tomorrow night?"
"Donnie!" Artie screamed at his cousin as the doorman came charging in with a pump-action shotgun and prepared to fire, only to be struck by repeated rounds from the younger man and sent falling backwards, discharging his shotgun into the ceiling.
The two cousins bolted through the parking lot towards Artie's Sentinel and piled inside, the owner wasting no time in starting the car up.
"Time to get the hell outta-" Artie spoke, just in time to see two black PMP 600 luxury cars pulling into the lot, each carrying four heavily-armed goons. "Oh fucking shit!"
Donnie turned to look out the rear window, only to duck a second later as automatic rounds ripped through the back window and tore apart the seat's headrests, forcing both cousins to duck.
"What the fuck do we do now? Those bastards have us pinned down!" the elder Cappelli shouted over the repeated pings of bullets striking the Sentinel's body.
"Well seeing as how I just had to save your ass, I'm not giving up just yet!" Artie called back before shifting the car into reverse and stomping on the gas pedal.
The ear-piercing screech of tires upon the tarmac filled the air and threatened to deafen both men as Artie sped backwards and plowed through the two cars, knocking both backwards in opposite directions and crushing one of the thugs in the process.
"Quick, get me back to my place!" Donnie ordered as he rolled down his window to fire at the scattering goons.
"We can't, you're not far from here. They'll follow us and surely shoot us dead right on your front lawn! We've gotta lose 'em!" Artie shouted back as he peeled down the street and struck the front end of a Voodoo, loosening the Sentinel's hood and sending it flying back before it finally snapped off its hinges and went flying off.
"Well get us somewhere then, there can't be a Pay n' Spray too far from here can there?" Donnie asked while fumbling to reload his gun.
"You're the genius who said Rushmore City chose you to live here, you tell me!" Artie retorted.
He looked in his driver's side mirror to see the two PMP 600's chasing after him, both of their front ends smashed up, yet undeterred in their hunt. It was the last thing he saw before his rearview mirror was shot out before him.
"Damn it! I just got this car repainted," he grumbled to himself.
The high speeds made it too dangerous for him to trying firing back at his pursuers and aside from Donnie having a gun; he didn't have many other options aside from outrunning them.
Artie focused on the street ahead, where many of the other motorists had taken notice of the pursuit and were either swerving to avoid the incident or too frozen in shock to move, creating a maze he would have to weave his way through.
Jerking his wheel to the left he found himself cutting off a Peyote just as he spotted a taxi coming at him from the opposite direction. Upon getting back in the right lane, he noticed part of the road had been torn up and had a strategically placed ramp in front of it.
"Get ready Cuz, we're going airborne!" Artie shouted gunning the engine and raced full speed up the ramp.
"Oh shit, Artie what the fuck are you doing?" Donnie hollered.
Artie ignored his cousin's outburst and struck the ramp with deadly precision, sending the shot up car flying through the air, the world seemingly drifting into slow motion around them.
Donnie's fear was suddenly replaced by a surge of adrenaline and he let out a loud "Yee haw!" as the car fell back to Earth, striking the ground with a violent shudder and sending it smashing into the back of a parked minivan as Artie was unable to hit the brakes.
"Why should I have screamed at that? That was a fucking rush!" Donnie shouted in near frenzied laughter.
Artie ignored his cousin and looked into the rearview mirror in front of him, watching as the first PMP 600 flew through the air only to land at an awkward angle and go flipping through the air repeatedly like a piece of clothing in a washing machine before it collided with a parked street sweeper and came to a halt.
The second car however had made it and continued its pursuit of the two men.
"Looks like desperate times call for desperate measures," Donnie said and the younger Cappelli watched in wide-eyed amazement as his cousin reached into his sport coat and produced an M67 fragmentation grenade.
"Where the fuck did you get that?" Artie demanded, swerving the car just in time to avoid a man on a PCJ-600 crotch rocket.
"From a friend alright, now just shut the fuck up and get me into a good position!" Donnie ordered preparing to pull the pin.
Getting himself at a safe distance Artie jerked the car back and forth to avoid his car taking any additional hits, watching closely as his cousin pulled the pin and tossed the explosive into the road.
The grenade rolled along the concrete and the driver of the second car spotted it and attempted to swerve out of the way, but it was too late and the following explosion ripped apart much of the narrow street, sending the second car flipping into the air and landing atop a parked sedan. Another chain reaction of explosions followed, but the cousins had been long out of the radius by then.
"Man, that was fucking close…don't you agree Cuz?" Donnie asked as Artie sped down the road, wanting to get as far away from the scene as he witnessed an ambulance racing by, knowing the police and fire department wouldn't be too far behind.
"Uh Cuz…I asked you if you agreed whether or not that was fucking close?" the elder Cappelli repeated.
Once they were far enough away, Artie abruptly turned the shot up Sentinel into a side alley and shifted the car into park.
"You owe me one serious fucking explanation," Artie growled, furrowing his brow towards his elder cousin, "now start talking. Tell me what the fuck that was all about back there."
Donnie remained silent as he knew it would be a struggle to properly explain things to his angry cousin.
"Tell me what was going on back there," Artie again demanded.
"Cuz, it would be far too much for you to comprehend and I don't want you being dragged into the matter," Donnie answered.
Having enough of being dodged, Artie pulled out his Glock and shoved it into his cousin's direction, who only gasped in disbelief.
"Artie, you wouldn't dare-"
"Wouldn't I?" Artie snapped, jabbing the gun further into his cousin's face, "You sound quite certain of yourself, don't you? Well you dragged me into a situation where you knowingly almost got me killed and if you ask me this isn't much different compared to that. Now I've had enough of people lying to me and am ready for this bullshit to come to an end. Now Donnie, tell me…what the fuck happened back there that had a bunch of people wanting to kill us? Family or not, tell me right now or I will pull this trigger."
"Fine," Donnie grunted in defeat, raising his hands protectively in front of him before collapsing against his shot up seat and rubbing his forehead thoroughly before trying to properly convey the recent events to his cousin.
"The owner of the club was causing trouble for some 'friends' of mine and they wanted me to deal with him," Donnie explained looking down to his empty Beretta.
"So you went and blasted the guy for them?" Artie asked the anger still evident in his tone.
Donnie nodded in response.
"I wanted it to be a quick, clean kill, but one of the guy's ladies walks in bitching about a recent pay cut and found me having just painted the wall with his brains. Next thing you know, push comes to shove and we're fighting for our lives against a bunch of pissed off goons."
Artie shook his head in disbelief, "I can't believe you and quite frankly, I doubt I wanna know who these 'friends' of yours are that you would kill for. If some S.T.D. doesn't come along and kill you, no doubt getting your ass into another one of these jams will."
"What can I say? Being Donatello Cappelli ain't easy," the elder cousin replied with a shrug of his shoulders, sounding almost nonchalant after what they had just been through together, leaving Artie wanting to punch his own family member out of frustration right then and there.
"Maybe it could've been easier had you followed through with your dreams of being a priest that you used to have when you were little, which of course went out the window once you hit puberty, that or if you would've stayed in law school and become a lawyer like Grandpa always wanted you to be," Artie continued.
"Whatever just take me home please," Donnie sighed in defeat.
"Gladly," Artie spoke pulling out of the alley and making his way for the residential area, a ride in silence that wasn't too long and within minutes he was pulling his shot up ride into the driveway of his cousin's condo.
"Thanks for the ride," Donnie said reaching into his pocket and placing three hundred dollars on the dashboard, "There, think of that as compensation for your recent debacle, put it towards fixing this baby up."
"Sure thing," Artie replied, watching wordlessly as his cousin disappeared inside and then he exhaled loudly, "Why me?"
After everything that had transpired today all he wanted to do now was get his car fixed, get home and go to bed.
"And disown my two-faced horndog of a cousin," he mentally added to the list.
"Once that blockade is lifted I'm getting the fuck outta Rushmore City and never coming back," he whispered to himself switching on Radio GX, which played "Rooftops" by Lostprophets, as he made his way for the nearest Pay n' Spray.
Author's Note: If I haven't explained this already, Gazangas is meant to be a parody of Hooters. The Vinyl Countdown is based on an actual record store in the GTA games, its name being a play on Europe's "The Final Countdown," a song I actually like. Hell's Belles of course is inspired by the AC/DC song.
And now on to answer a few questions or respond to a few comments made:
Afro Spirit – That was a funny fucking joke you made about the 'rainbow party' reference. LOL! Even though he doesn't do much in the "My Cousin Donnie" chapter, here you will actually get to see Donnie hold his own, so yeah he's more like Lance Vance in that capacity, whereas Gino is a sniveling coward who has to have people stand up for him. As for Artie getting hitched with somebody, I don't know for sure just yet, but like I've been saying all along the fate of some original characters is still very much up in the air. There will be Love-Meet references of course in future chapters, so just stay tuned until then.
Native Gunz – I don't know if you would really have people leaking brains like that right away after walloping them with a baseball bat, but again that scene from the last chapter was inspired by the 'gruesome' bat execution from "Manhunt" and I wanted to include some form of reference to that game in the final product. As for the guns, you have Wikipedia to thank for that (now that they're back up after the whole SOPA ordeal). The High Ryderz are largely inspired by the Vice Kings from "Saints Row 1" in the sense of them being the high rolling gangsters who have their hands in several semi-legitimate business ventures in addition to their gangbanging, as it was with the Kings in that game. I hear you on the part with loving Latin women too and I credit J. Lo with getting me with developing the "Latina Fever" and even if I've moved on from her I did eventually discover a lot of other hot Latinas in addition to her, Eva Mendes being one of them of course, plus Eva Longoria, so yeah I gotta hear you on the "take 'em to my casa so we can do the loco thing." Sunny is a blonde southern chick though.
In addition to comments you made on Chapter 5, I believe they say 50 Cent is a Republican and he's also a rapper, plus I think Ice T's character on "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit" is supposed to be a Republican too, but then again that's a fictional character I'm referring to right there. That reference was also inspired by something I saw years ago on a Myspace message board where this guy named Timmy is going on trying to talk in a real ghetto-sounding dialect about how "George W. Bush is the greatest and this and that" and the way he was dressed in his display pic reminded me of that one South Park episode where Jimmy and Timmy start calling themselves "The Crips," being a reference more so to the fact that they are actually crippled people rather than gangbangers. So yeah, I had him in mind when I typed that out and how Iceman would have been killing two birds with one stone in regards to two groups of people whom I personally don't like, wiggers and hardcore conservative Republicans. (To anybody who reads this, yes I AM a liberal Democrat and if you don't like it, then please go fuck yourself.)
There probably will be some references to GTA4 characters in future chapters, so again that's another case of staying tuned for further updates.
Well that's it for now so until then please read and review! This is Metal Harbinger saying SPREAD THE SICKNESS, ONE MIND AT A TIME! \m/