Merlin," he was calling him. "Merlin..." he stood there, white shirt as clean as the day it was sown, Merlin had always liked white on him. "Merlin…"

Merlin's eyes jerked open and he took in a breath, rolling over in his fancy, four-poster bed. It might have been more comfortable in this bed, but he missed the home feeling he got when he used to sleep in Gaius' chambers. He hadn't slept in that room in months.

It had been a year now, Fifty two weeks since Merlin had last seen his king. Now it was only dreams, and Merlin dreamed about him most every night. He hated it, it was cruel punishment, to see him, to be able to touch him, and it all be a lie. In the morning, when Merlin wakes up he's still gone, still dead. It hurt, a aching pain, he swore would never go away.

Merlin rubbed the tears from his eyes and sat up, he didn't have time for this today, he had to up and get going. Tonight there was a big event taking place, magic would be free after tonight. Queen Guinevere had ordered a feast in honor of the year anniversary of the battle of Camlann and tonight, before they dined, she would announce at last, magic would be free.

He got out of bed and dressed, leaving the breakfast someone had brought him on the tray as he left the room. He still had trouble eating, he had no interest in food, he only truly ate if he was around Gwen or Gaius. (Which one or the other seemed to remarkably be there at least one meal a day.) He walked along the halls of the castle, saying hello to a passing servant as he rounded the corner to Gwen's room.

The two had grown close over the year, very close. Merlin felt a duty to her, he had promised Arthur once that he would protect him and now, he would do the same for his queen and his kingdom. And in return Gwen cared about him, to the point of fussy-mother, but Merlin liked it. He knocked on the door of her chambers and it was opened by Leon. He often found Leon in the queen's room these days, but he was the head knight after all.

"Good morning," he said to Leon, as he walked in. Gwen was sitting at her desk, signing papers.

"I must go see to the training, my lady," Leon said, as he bowed. "Merlin."

And he was gone, she looked up then and smiled at Merlin.

"Are you prepared for tonight?" she asked, calmly, but he could tell she was also excited. It was a bit bitter sweet, no, a lot bitter sweet. Magic would finally be free, at last, but also it was the anniversary of Camlann, the anniversary of Arthur's death. Merlin sighed, as he sat down in a high-backed chair, near her desk.

He couldn't believe it had been a year already, it didn't feel like a year, it still felt as if it could have happened yesterday. He wondered if that would ever go away, if the irritating pain in his chest that was Arthur, would ever truly leave.

"I know it will be hard for you, these next few days," Gwen was saying. "But try not to think about it. Think of, instead, after all this time, you will finally be free to be who you truly are."

"I'm happy about that," Merlin said, biting his lip, thoughtfully. "But, it will be hard not to think about it."

"It will be for all of us," Gwen said, looking back down at her papers. "Just be strong, Merlin, I know you can."

Merlin nodded then and sat back, thinking.

That night Merlin and Gwen entered the feast together, her hand wrapped around his arm, as they both were draped in Pendragon red. They parted at the table, and Gwen took the head chair, where she could see all of her peoples, Merlin sat to her right, Leon came in soon after and took the seat on her left. It was an important night, everything had to go perfect. Merlin looked down the table and saw Gaius there, smiling proudly back at him. Merlin tried to hold the tears as Gwen stood, ready to give her speech.

It was a beautiful speech, about loyalty and friendship and Merlin's name was mentioned too many times for his liking, but when it was finally over, Merlin had to wipe away the tears, both happy and sad. It was done, Queen Guinevere signed the paper right at that very table, in front of everyone, just to prove a point. There would be no more fear when it came to magic, and in the end, it would make the kingdom stronger.

After awhile the feast was coming to a close, Merlin stood up, looking over at the few people still lazily eating and the others talking. They all seemed happy, it didn't matter to them if magic was free, most everyone knew now, about Merlin, anyway. He walked down the length of the table until he got to Gaius, who had been talking to an old advisor before he turned to look at Merlin with a grin.

"You've done it, my boy."

Merlin nodded, looking down with a small smile, it's true, from the very beginning all he had wanted was to have magic freed in Camelot, well now…he wanted something else entirely. But being free didn't feel bad either.

"I haven't done anything, it was Gwen."

"It was both of you, "Gaius smiled. "I've never been more proud."

He got up then and hugged Merlin.

They left together, talking about would happen in the next days, with magic now free, laws would have to be put in place and Gwen surely needed help with that. Merlin walked Gaius all the way to his chambers before leaving him there, heading back to his own chambers. But first, he thought he ought to go see Gwen once more that night, so they could talk about how the feast had gone. In the hall, the feast was nothing now, only dirty plates and left over's were left on the table. He sighed, watching the servants cleaning.

"Here," he said, stepping closer to the table, the few maids there, looked up, confused. "Let me do it," and the first free spell he used in Camelot was a cleaning spell. The maids all cheered for him and one even kissed him on the cheek, thanking him before he walked out.

He was smiling; he hadn't felt this good in a very long time, magic was free at long last. He headed down the hall, going to look for Gwen when he heard voices around the corner; he paused, peeking around the wall to see Leon and Gwen standing close together. He almost went and interrupted them, until their heads leaned together. Merlin's mouth fell open.

You can't do that to the queen! He thought, but anger started to set in on him, as he watched them pull apart, a smile was on Gwen's lips. How could she do this? Leon..? What about Arthur?

He growled and turned around, heading down the corridor, he stomp the whole way to Gaius' chambers and blew in, Gaius jumped up from his spot on his bed.

"Merlin?"

"I just saw…" he paused, seething with anger. "I just saw Gwen and Leon…."

"Pardon me?" Gaius asked, looking confused back at Merlin.

"Gwen and Leon," he said again. "They were in the hall…kissing!"

"I see," Gaius nodded. "And you are angry about this?"

"Obviously!" Marlin barked. Walking further into the room, aiming a kick at a chair, it fell over and he used magic to pick it back up. "How could she do this to Arthur?"

"Arthur?" Gaius asked, smiling a little.

"Yeah, remember him? He was the king, he's dead now so he can't even kick Leon's-"

"Merlin…" Gaius stopped him. "Did you expect Gwen to stay alone for the rest of her life?"

"No," Merlin grumbled. "But….but Leon? It's only been a year and she goes running into Leon's arms?"

"She has taken comfort in a strong man, who will surely look after her," Gaius said, smiling still. "Leon will take care of her."

"She doesn't need taking care of!" Merlin barked. "Arthur's barely dead and they're already canoodling!"

"Arthur's been dead for a year, Merlin."

"I know that, Gaius!" he barked again. "It's only been a year and she already moves on to another man, I shouldn't have let him marry her!"

"Let him marry her?" Gaius asked, with a raised eyebrow. "And what say did you have in who Arthur married?"

"I could have stopped him, if I had wanted to…if I would have known."

"Merlin," Gaius shook his head. "Arthur chose Gwen because he loved her, and he would have wanted to see Gwen with someone like Leon. I am sure if he were here he would be pleased to know she will be loved and taken care of."

"How the hell would you know what Arthur would have wanted?" Merlin yelled, finally, feeling his blood boiling past breaking point. "You all clam to know what Arthur would have wanted, but you don't, none of you do!"

He walked to the door then, yanking it open with haste.

"I'm glad to know where you stand on this, Gaius," he barked, before leaving the room and slamming the door behind him. He went back to his chambers and sat on his bed, taking deep breaths. How could she do this to Arthur? If it was Merlin…

He paused then, sighing, it wasn't Merlin though.

He lay down on the bed and tried to sleep, but he didn't feel like keeping his word to Gwen anymore, he didn't want to speak to Gwen or even look at Gwen. He wanted to leave Camelot. The hours ticked by until it was light again, Merlin lay there, itchy eyed and sick. He hated them, he hated Gwen and he especially hated Leon. How could he do this to Arthur? He was Arthur's loyalist knight!

Merlin wanted to be ill, he rolled on his side and closed his eyes. He must have fallen asleep for a moment or two, because when he opened his eyes again, there was a knock on the door.

He stood up and marched over to the door, yanking it open to see Gwen there. He growled.

"What?"

"You didn't come to my chambers this morning, I was worried," Gwen explained, Merlin rolled his eyes and turned around, heading back into his chambers. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Perfect, just lovely," he said, keeping his back turned to her, as he looked out of the window. Camelot was coming alive below them and he hated everyone of them. They would all be happy for Gwen and Leon; they would all allow her to replace Arthur. But Merlin wouldn't, he turned back and sneared at her, she looked conserned.

"Merlin, what is the matter?"

"How long?" he barked, stepping closer to her.

"I'm afraid I don't understand…"

"How long have you and Leon been...?"

"Oh," she mumbled, her face turning a lighter shade. "How did you find out?"

"I saw you last night in the hall," he said, seething again, he swore he looked like a savage beast and he didn't care. "How could you do this?"

"How could I do what exactly?" she asked, seeming a little peeved suddenly, she had no right to be peeved. "Leon is a good man, we've grown close."

"I had known that," Merlin stated. "I suppose I just didn't know how close."

"He cares for me," Gwen shrugged.

"Just like Arthur did!" Merlin all but yelled. "How could you do this to him?"

"Arthur's dead, Merlin," she told him, bottom lip quivering ever so slightly. "There is no changing that!"

"You are betraying him!" Merlin yelled, turning to leave his own chambers. "If this is how quickly you move on," Merlin wrenched open his door. "You never deserved his love!"

And then he slammed it, walking down the hall with haste , he wasn't sure where he was going, but he was angry, so angry. He just walked, and walked, trying to control his magic that threatened to boil over.

He found himself, before long, in front of the king's chambers, he hadn't been in these chambers in a year, not once since Arthur had died. Merlin let out a slight cry, as he turned the knob and it opened, just like it always had, he didn't know what else he had expected, it to be locked?

He walked in, feeling his heart wrench at the sight. Dust had settled on top of the tables and on the cupboard, the bed, with the red sheets stood there untouched, still made and just as it had been left. Everything in the room screamed Arthur and it was almost too much to take. Merlin only made it to the bed before he broke down in sobs; he stood in front of it, staring at it as tears fell from his eyes, making tracks down his cheeks.

It wasn't fair, nothing should ever hurt this much. He fell to his knees then, unable to breathe, his insides lurched at the force of the sobs he let out. It wasn't fair, how everyone else moved on and only Merlin was left to feel this way. It wasn't fair he couldn't get over Arthur. It wasn't fair that Gwen had someone else now.

He raked his fingers through his own hair, a failed attempt to try to come himself down. He was sure he would never stop crying, never stop hurting. He wanted to die right now, to get it over with and to be with Arthur, then he wouldn't have to move on. But it was no use, Merlin couldn't die.

He hadn't told anyone else this, but he was immortal, his magic made it so he couldn't die, and now he would live with this pain forever. It wasn't fair!

He heard the chamber door open and he couldn't bear to look to see who it was. He felt arms wrap around him and he turned away from her.

"I'm sorry you are so upset," she told him, he refused to speak to her. "I cannot pretend to understand how you must feel."

"I just don't understand how you could move on so quickly, how you could forget about him," Merlin said, trying to breath, but his words came out in huffs anyway. She petted his head, slowly and softly.

"It isn't easy, I loved him with all of my heart, but I don't want to be alone forever."

He huffed at this, he would be.

"I know you loved him, Merlin," she told him then. "And you must feel betrayed."

"Of course I loved him, he was the king, everyone did," he said, she wiped a tear from his cheekbone.

"You cared for him much more than just as your king or even a friend," she stated. "You were in love with him."

He sighed; he tried to keep that a secret.

"How did you know?"

"I'm not blind," he looked over and she smiled at him. "Even a blind man could see how you cared for him."

"I didn't mean to..." he muttered, turning to her and letting more tears fall.

"It's not wrong to love someone," she told him. "But it is wrong to let this grief consume you, you have to move on. I know how it feels, I felt guilty as well, for a long time, but I cannot live my life that way anymore and neither can you."

"I can't help it," he told her. "He was everything to me…and he…"

"And he never knew how you truly felt, I know," she cooed, pulling him into a hug. "But he does now."

"I don't like that idea."

"I suppose it isn't that comforting," she said, with a smile. Merlin laughed, but it sounded more like a whimper. "I am truly sorry you found out the way you did, about Leon and I," she paused. "I was going to sit you down and tell you, I just didn't know how."

"I would have reacted the same."

"You must know, I have no intention of replacing Arthur, Arthur will always be a part of our lives and a part of Camelot," she told him, he marveled at how she always seemed to know what he had been thinking. "He will never be forgotten."

"I wouldn't let him be," Merlin told her, smiling a little.

"Of course you wouldn't."