101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, we will learn that gravity can be quite dangerous to Gungans…especially when it comes to great heights…not like that we didn't know that already considering we've already murdered him using similar methods…
Chapter 41: Bungee Accident
Padme Amidala came up with the suggestion of killing Jar Jar Binks for her friends. Her method would involve causing Jar Jar Binks to fall to his death through yet another grisly method, by making him fall to his death while he was bungee jumping.
"How are we going to make him bungee jump?" questioned Anakin Skywalker. He wasn't sure if the alien would be interested.
"I don't know, I just figured that Jar Jar Binks was somewhat of a thrill seeker." answered Padme Amidala.
"Ah yes, our life would be a lot easier if he was a daredevil, wouldn't it?" agreed Obi-Wan Kenobi. "It would open up many more possibilities."
"Once again, it looks like we're going to have to go get him. Anyone know where he is?" complained Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Not to alarm you sirs, but Jar Jar Binks is right over there." C-3PO informed the rest of the group.
R2-D2 beeped with astonishment. Looks like they were in luck!
"Well, that's new." thought Anakin Skywalker, recalling the times when they had to fetch Jar Jar Binks simply so they could drag him towards his final resting place.
"Hey Jar Jar Binks! Come here!" ordered Padme Amidala.
Jar Jar immediately came over to her. "Yes, mistress Padme?" he asked curiously.
Once again, our heroes proceeded to lure Jar Jar Binks towards his latest deathtrap. This time, they told him about what they were doing lately…which was jumping off a rather tall building.
"Sounds fun! But wouldn't dat be horribly unsafe?" worried the Gungan. He felt that this wasn't the first time he had fallen several feet, even though he didn't actually recall doing so.
"Not to worry my dear friend, we brought a rope for that occasion…you tie it around your waist, and then you freefall to the ground until you suddenly stop. Interesting, is it not?" replied Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"OK, if you say so, just tell me where I can get started." Jar Jar Binks inquired.
And so our heroes proceeded to take the Gungan to the largest building they could possibly find…they did not have to search far, due to the fact that they were currently in a large city.
"How oddly convenient for us." thought Qui-Gon Jinn. Why couldn't it always be this way?
Afterwards, our heroes prepared their plan to murder Jar Jar Binks. It was quite simple, all they needed was something sharp enough to cut through the rope that he was currently using…as it turns out a simple lightsaber would do the trick.
"Again, I thought we would have to make more preparations." thought Anakin Skywalker.
After telling Jar Jar Binks to jump off the building, (which he did, squealing "Whee!" as he did so), Obi-Wan Kenobi suddenly cut the rope into two with a mighty thrust from his most frequently used weapon. Naturally, this meant that Jar Jar could no longer defy gravity.
"Dis is fun! Wait just a minute, whya is mesa still falling? Mesa certain dat bungee cord stop me by now." wondered Jar Jar Binks.
Suddenly, he realized that his bungee cord had been cut right in two.
"Oh no! Mesa gonna hit da stone-hard pavement! Mesa done for!" screamed Jar Jar.
Jar Jar Binks frantically started flapping his arms, hoping that he could slow his descent. Unfortunately, Gungans were not capable of flight, mainly due to the fact that they did not have wings, so it was a lesson in futility.
The Gungan hit the ground with a sickening thud, his bones rapidly breaking and his blood splattering all over the street. Someone was probably going to slip over the red liquid in the near future.
Unfortunately for our heroes, the elevator they had used to get to the top of the building had fallen out of order while they were there. Because of this, they had to take many long sets of stairs before they could finally reach their deceased victim and resurrect him using the Book of Resurrection.
"I have to admit, that was exhausting even for I." admitted C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped with agreement.
"At least we managed to kill Jar Jar Binks again. Any suggestions as to how we kill him next?" asked Qui-Gon Jinn.
"I've got a pretty good idea." Obi-Wan Kenobi thought.
What could Obi-Wan Kenobi possibly be planning? Anyways, our heroes could have probably hanged Jar Jar Binks using his bungee cord as well…but of course they've already killed him through this method.
You'll get to see what the Jedi master is up to in the next chapter…naturally it will be highly unpleasant for Jar Jar Binks…and a rich death that such a horrible Gungan richly deserves…
Again, seeing though I already used the Rancor suggestion, I think I'll start browsing the other review archives as well…of course at this point the reviews have reached nearly 100…so I suppose it'll take a while.
So just wait until next time.