101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, our heroes will kill Jar Jar Binks by making him explode…in a rather celebratory sort of way fitting due to the fact that 2012 has arrived…can you guess what it is?
I'll give you a hint, you'll probably be seeing them a lot during 4th of July…
Chapter 43: Fireworks Display
Anakin Skywalker had concocted yet another depraved scheme to take down the clumsy alien menace known by many as Jar Jar Binks, which in this case was by killing him using an abnormally sized firework.
"So let me get this straight, we're going to blow up Jar Jar Binks this time around? I'm always up for new killing methods, I suppose." Padme Amidala inquired.
"We certainly are…we'll do it in order to celebrate the new year!" exclaimed Anakin Skywalker.
"The new year, you say? Ah yes, I suppose that would be the ideal way to celebrate the new year…and of course the 4th of July as well, perhaps." agreed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Let's do this, shall we? Wait, do we have any rope? Something tells me that we'll be needing that." asked Qui-Gon Jinn.
R2-D2 beeped in contradiction.
"Sorry, we just ran out of rope a while ago." C-3PO told his friend. "We've been using it up ever since we started setting up death traps for Jar Jar."
And so our heroes were forced to spend an hour or two going to the store and purchasing the strongest pile of knotted hemp they could find…or simply put rope that would be strong enough to hold Jar Jar Binks in place.
Afterwards, our heroes explained to Jar Jar Binks that they were going to make a fireworks display, and asked Jar Jar Binks if he wanted to watch the show.
"Yay! Mesa love fireworks!" squealed Jar Jar Binks, agreeing almost immediately.
And so our heroes proceeded to purchase some fireworks from the store as well, including a large one that was about as tall as Jar Jar himself. Unfortunately, the fireworks was expensive, and our heroes were somewhat short on cash, so our heroes were forced to steal them from the shopkeeper while he was sleeping.
They hoped that they wouldn't have to deal with any legal repercussions from their larceny afterwards, due to the fact that they would likely interfere with future Gungan murders.
After our heroes finally arrived home, they waited until nightfall and then they went outside their house and launched several fireworks in the sky, distracting Jar Jar Binks for what they were about to do next.
"Yay! Look at them go boom!" cheered the obnoxious Gungan as he watched them all explode in various colors.
Suddenly, our heroes grabbed Jar Jar Binks by his arms and started taking him away.
"What are yousa guys doing?" questioned Jar Jar Binks.
"You love fireworks, right? Well this time we're giving you the best seat in the house to watch one of them explode." explained Anakin Skywalker.
"Enjoy the show!" taunted Qui-Gon Jinn.
Pulling out their trusty rope, they proceeded to tie Jar Jar Binks to the large firework they had saved for the occasion, and lit it up using some matches.
"Please! Don't do dis!" screamed Jar Jar Binks, who began struggling futilely against the sturdy ropes.
"So long friend!" Obi-Wan Kenobi gave his farewells.
Jar Jar Binks screamed rather loudly as he and the firework both rose up in the sky, exploding and taking the Gungan with it in a fantastic (albeit extremely gruesome) display.
"Talk about a way to celebrate the new year, huh?" Anakin Skywalker told his friends.
"You sure fireworks of those size are even legal?" asked C-3PO.
"Ah yes… now then, let's resurrect him for the first time in this year, shall we?" suggested Padme Amidala.
And so our heroes picked up Jar Jar's bloody remains from the explosion and used them to resurrect Jar Jar Binks, simply so they could kill him again sometime in the same year.
Don't play with fireworks kids, you could blow your fingers off! Unless you're using them to blow off Jar Jar Binks' fingers, in which case it is totally OK…
Now then, what should I use to kill Jar Jar Binks next? I should probably start using some more violent ones seeing though I've been using particularly nasty ones at this point…but there are still so many options to decide…
So until then, wait for the next chapter, why don't you? Surely there will be other things you'll be able to do…