101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Once again I've chosen a rather bizarre killing situation…suffice to say you've probably already guessed who's come up with it…let's watch Jar Jar Binks die through pillows, shall we?
Chapter 44: Pillow Fight
Once again, Padme Amidala had come up with a suggestion to kill Jar Jar Binks…which was killing him through pillows.
Now you may be asking, how could Padme possibly kill Jar Jar Binks with this method? Well, there were several methods actually…naturally one of them included smothering him with one of the soft fluffy things…but they had already tried methods that involved suffocating Jar Jar Binks, so they wouldn't be doing that today.
Our only female protagonist invited some of her female friends (how she managed to get so many of them is a mystery considering the limited amount of women in the galaxy) and told them to come over for a girls-only party.
Jar Jar Binks also asked if he could join, due to the fact that he was a real party animal. Despite the fact that it was strictly a girl's party, Padme Amidala decided to let him join anyway, simply to fulfill her anti-Gungan bloodlust.
"Yay! Thank yousa!" squealed Jar Jar Binks.
"You sure we should have invited him?" asked one of Padme Amidala's friends.
"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." answered Padme.
After the girls played several games such as truth and dare (which naturally involved daring Jar Jar Binks to beat himself up), they decided for the main event to begin, which of course was pillow fighting.
"Now to put my plan into action…" thought the princess.
Placing some rather hard bricks into some pillows, Padme Amidala instructed her friends to gang up on Jar Jar due to the fact that he was so annoying. They immediately agreed.
What happened next was rather nasty yet extremely enjoyable as Jar Jar Binks was struck in the face repeatedly with several feathery pillow turned into weapons of mass destruction.
"Ouchies! Stop it! Yousa hurting mesa!" demanded the Gungan. But of course they ignored them.
Pretty soon the Gungan's fragile body couldn't take it anymore, and Jar Jar Binks fell on the floor dead. Unfortunately, a large amount of blood came out of him a short while afterwards, which would have to be cleaned by C-3PO later.
It was at that moment that our remaining heroes came into the room to check if Padme's latest killing method was a success…which as it turns out wasn't a good idea due to the fact that they hadn't been invited…
"What's going on?" questioned Anakin Skywalker.
"Did you kill Jar Jar Binks?" inquired Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Sirs, I suggest we get out of here at once." warned C-3PO. But it was too late.
What happened next was yet another act of violence as the girls proceeded to beat up the boys for invading their party and kicked them out of the house, locking them out in the cold so they couldn't get back inside.
"Well, this sucks." complained Qui-Gon Jinn.
R2-D2 beeped with agreement.
Unfortunately, due to the low temperatures outside, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Qui-Gon Jinn ultimately froze to death. Thankfully C-3PO and R2-D2 were safe due to the fact that they were robots and therefore were somewhat resistant to hypothermia, and they were still alive when Padme Amidala came back the next day.
"What have I done?" screamed Padme Amidala, who immediately resurrected her friends that she had inadvertently killed.
What happened next was obvious in the fact that they had done it a million times before. Using the Book of Resurrection, Jar Jar Binks was resurrected so that they could kill him once again.
"Dat was some party, huh?" the alien told Padme.
"Ah yes…it was a party you died for…" Padme Amidala replied, once again making a rather nasty pun.
Unfortunately, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn were very mad at Padme Amidala for what she had done, and they demanded a bit more than an apology.
"You mean I have to wear this for the rest of the week?" screeched Padme Amidala, noticing the bunny costume they had bought for her.
The others nodded a firm "Yes."
Suffice to say Padme Amidala made her fanboys very happy that day…although she wasn't exactly happy about it herself…
But at least she had executed Jar Jar Binks once again, and made his haters (primarily the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization) celebrate that particular day.
What grisly fate awaited the Gungan next was a mystery…but it would certainly be painful and gruesome…
I've already thought up another killing method for our Gungan archenemy…and like I said it's going to be painful and gruesome…
I'll give you a hint…the next killing method is part of Mexican culture…yes that's right killing methods can come for the strangest sources…