101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will attract the attention of the emperor…and suffice to say he'll suffer unfortunate consequences for making him angry…
Chapter 46: Storm Troopers
Jar Jar Binks was being very naughty (and being very dumb). He was hacking into the Imperial Military's computer systems, and was now broadcasting a message to everyone in the Death Star. Why you may ask? The answer was simple. The Gungan wanted nothing less than their attention.
As soon as he started violating intergalactic law, the monitors suddenly turned static.
"What in the galaxy is going on?" bellowed Grand Moff Tarkin.
"We've lost the signal, sir." informed a random member of the Imperial army.
Suddenly, the Gungan appeared onscreen on all of the monitors and started speaking, giving many of the officers observing them heart attacks.
"Yo guys wassup! Mesa hack into yousa computers! Enjoy seeing mesa ugly face, cuz esa gonna keep doing dis until mesa don't feel like it anymore!" squealed the alien.
Tarkin was outraged. Immediately, he left the base, went to the Imperial Castle, and informed the Emperor of the horrible crisis. Palpatine demanded that they locate the offender and make him undergo an execution for his misdeeds.
Unfortunately for Jar Jar Binks, he was stupid and informed the Imperial Military of his name and where he lived, and pretty soon Storm Troopers were sent by the Emperor and were marching towards his house using the directions he had given them.
But this did not bother the oblivious Gungan, who decided to sit back and watch TV minutes before his death, as watching television was his favorite thing in the world.
"Heehee! Mesa love the telly!" laughed Jar Jar Binks.
Suddenly, the Storm Troopers burst down the door to the house and loaded their weapons, aiming every single one of them at you-know-who.
"We've got you surrounded, Gungan! Prepare to die!" yelled the evil minions.
"What da cr-" Jar Jar Binks was cut off in mid sentence as Storm Troopers busted every single cap they had into him, killing their helpless victim in seconds.
"Did we get him?" asked one of the Storm Troopers.
"Yes, he is dead, just as the emperor demanded. Let's go have a beer party, guys!" suggested another one of the Storm Troopers.
"You think we should bring back his head in order to prove that we did it?" inquired yet another of the Storm Troopers.
"Sounds good! I suggest that we mount it on the wall later or something." agreed a particularly nasty Storm Trooper. He immediately took out a hacksaw and started cutting Jar Jar Binks' head off. It worked surprisingly well, and it fell on the floor almost immediately.
"Now let's go have a beer party!" exclaimed the Storm Troopers, who left the house in order to have satisfy their craving for alcoholic beverages.
Naturally, our heroes heard the sound of bullets being unloaded into Jar Jar Binks, and came into the room to find his decapitated and bloody corpse which suffice to say had left a nasty stain on the couch. They also noticed that the door had been mysteriously vandalized.
They did not mind the fact that Jar Jar Binks was suddenly dead, but rather the mess he had made.
"That blood and gore is going to take forever to come out of the couch!" complained Padme Amidala.
"Once again, it's your job to clean up this mess and repair the door." demanded ObI-Wan Kenobi.
"It seems we're not the only people who don't like Jar Jar Binks." thought Anakin Skywalker, who suddenly remembered the day in which the cloaked man gave him his favorite book in the world.
"Let's resurrect him using the resurrection book. Wait, do we need his head?" wondered Qui-Gon Jinn.
Thankfully, they did not need his head, as it automatically regenerated as soon as they finished the spell.
"Mesa have killer headache…hey! Why is dere blood on da couch?" pondered Jar Jar Binks.
"Trust me, we don't exactly get it either." Anakin Skywalker explained.
R2-D2 beeped that his guess was as good as mine.
"Oh, well mesa hope that it get clean soon. Mesa want to watch teevee!" demanded Jar Jar Binks.
And so C-3PO was forced to clean up the couch so that the Gungan could watch TV and repair the door so that burglars could not get inside while our heroes plotted their next action against Jar Jar.
And that's why you don't screw around with the Imperial Military…unless you're part of the Rebel Alliance, in which case it is acceptable.