Chapter 16: First Date
Artie parked the Sentinel in front of the bar and made his way inside to find Zeke at his usual post behind the counter.
"Hey Artie, how's it going?" the bartender called out while in the middle of pouring a beer for a patron. Aside from the dark-haired man, the only other people present were the woman he had been playing pool with and then he noticed Randy over at the dartboard playing with Pukin' Pete.
"Oh, hey Artie," the former Cluckin' Bell cashier called out before tossing a dart towards his target, "Ha! Bull's-eye…and literally too!"
The hired gun looked over at the electronic dartboard to find a picture of teenage pop sensation Dustin Beaver pinned to the board, his picture full of holes, including the dart Randy had just driven through his right eye.
"The usual?" Zeke asked approaching his friend.
"Nah, get me an eCola for now," Artie said taking a seat at the bar and looking up towards the TV set, currently broadcasting a horse race from Derby City.
"Oh and before I forget, some Gladys lady called up looking for you," Zeke said pulling a sticky note from his pocket after handing him his soda, "said she wanted you to give her a call when you had the chance."
"Gladys called here?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah, she sounded pretty hot too for someone with an old lady's name," Zeke replied before looking warily towards Pukin' Pete, who wobbled as he stepped up to toss his dart at Dustin Beaver's smug visage.
"Whoa, don't be pointing that thing at me!" Randy squeaked falling to his knees with his hands in front of his face.
"Alright, thanks Zeke," Artie replied before finishing up his soda, just as Pukin' Pete collapsed to the floor with a loud thud.
"He's gonna blow!" Randy hollered rushing towards the counter and throwing himself over, nearly knocking over Zeke in the process.
Artie and Zeke looked towards the fallen drunkard ready for what was likely to follow; only to breathe a collective sigh of relief as a loud belch escaped the man's lips.
"I'll talk to you guys later," the hired gun said setting the empty can on the counter and then making his way outside and rounding the corner into the alley and walking past Gino's parked Greenwood before making his way up the stairs to the apartment.
Aside from Gino's snoring in the other room the apartment was quiet so Artie pulled out his cell phone and shuffled through his contact list, the woman's name still listed as 'Sunny.' He hit the speed dial and waited patiently as he listened to the ring tone on the other end, a click sounding after the third ring.
"Hey Artie," she spoke, her tone warm and enthusiastic like she was truly happy to see him.
"Hey Gladys, I got a message that you called so I figured I'd get back to you and see what was up," the Italian-American spoke as he casually reclined against the kitchen counter.
"Yeah, I just wanted to drop a line and see if you were alright. I know we didn't exactly see each other under the most pleasant circumstances the other night and I just hoped you weren't mad at me," the ex-hooker replied, worry seeping into her tone.
"No not at all! It wasn't your fault don't worry about it," Artie said trying to assure her of her innocence, "I just got a little carried away with that prick. He was fucking with my family and I got pissed. It happens when any bastard tries to start shit with someone I care about. I tell you, I ever see that prick again and he wants to start shit up, I'll be daring him to bring it," he spoke until catching himself, realizing he was beginning to go on a rant, "Damn it Artie, you're starting to sound like one of those Liberty mobsters who talk a big game and then bite off more chew in the end."
"Well I'm glad to hear you're doing alright," Gladys replied, "I'd truly hate to see something bad happen to you. I know you've been through a lot since you arrived here."
"Yeah…I have," Artie sighed in emphasis, "but I'm thankful for the consideration. Believe me I am, it's more than I've gotten from the other pricks and crazies in this city."
"Yeah, well hey Artie, I was just wondering…" the lady paused briefly before continuing, "…I know you've had it pretty rough since you've been here and I was just thinking to myself…you know maybe we could get together if you wanted and go someplace. There are plenty of fun things to do around the city…that's if you're not doing anything else."
"Damn, I've already fucked her once and then I saved her from a pimp, now she takes the time to ask me out on a date? Not exactly the series of events I envisioned, especially with a former prostitute of all people…" he thought to himself until her voice snapped him out of it.
"Artie…are you there?" she called out, "Oh god…was it something I said?"
"No, no I'm here Gladys!" he half-shouted back, "I'm here…it-it's just that I've had a lot of stuff on my mind, but sure, if you're up for it I'd be happy to get together and do something. You're right, I really should get out and do something, take my mind off of things."
"Okay, well I can be ready in about an hour. You'll have to pick me up 'cause my car's in the shop. I think you should still remember where I live. I don't think you're too far away from me," Gladys spoke, sounding relieved that he was still interested in doing something with her, "I'll be looking forward to seeing you then!"
"Sure thing, see you in a bit!" Artie said before switching his phone off.
"So that settles it, I've got myself a date…with a former hooker…I doubt Ma and Pa would've thought very highly of that. I really should've thought it over before answering," Artie thought to himself staring down at his phone, "Hmmm, then again she's right, it would be a welcome distraction from all the other shit I've been dealing with here in this hellhole…at least I will be until the blockade is lifted."
Artie made his way into the bathroom and removed his current set of clothes, reeking of ash and gunpowder, tossing them aside and climbing in for a quick shower. Once that was done he grabbed a towel and dried off, then making his way over to the sink to brush his teeth and then go over his face with an electric razor he purchased recently.
Walking into the living area he turned on the TV before making his way over to the wardrobe, the current programming interrupted by a late breaking news broadcast.
"…at this point there is still no word on the amount of casualties involved in the earlier incident, which local officials are describing as a 'military training exercise gone wrong,'" Artie overheard just as he was in the middle of applying some deodorant before reaching over for the control and turning the volume up.
"Typical government, always keeping their people in the dark," Artie thought to himself as the scene depicted the aftermath of his carnage, where several Army soldiers clad in hazmat gear were seen pushing local residents backward, including several attempting to record the ensuing cleanup on their camera phones.
"According to representatives from Fort Rushmore, the military has been conducting extensive training operations in preparation for another possible terrorist attack like the one which recently occurred at Churchill International Airport, which was believed to be the work of foreign militants. In a statement from official spokesperson Major Dominic Giraud, they have been attempting to make their latest round of urban combat exercises 'as realistic as possible,'" the Weazel News correspondent was reporting just before she was interrupted by a hippie in a plaid shirt.
"I'm telling you lady, this is some genuine black ops shit you're seeing right now, like what goes down at Area 69!" the man shouted out before being tackled to the ground by a soldier.
"Citizens do not be alarmed, there is no conclusive evidence this so-called Area 69 exists! Please immediately disavow anything this 'gentleman' has just said in his drug-induced stupor," another soldier shouted to the camera.
"Yeah, of course not," Artie sarcastically remarked before applying a spritz of cologne.
"Due to the amount of damage involved it has been announced the off ramp connecting Lincoln Island to Roosevelt Hills will be shut down for the rest of the day as cleanup of the training exercise continues," the lady reported, much to the disgust of the crowd in attendance.
"Jesus Fucking Christ, it's bad enough a bunch of fucking Arabs decided to bomb the shit out of the airport and now we can't get back to our beloved Roosevelt Hills? What the fuck is this world coming to?" shouted a burly bald-headed man in a green t-shirt, "I mean, I thought Mayor Walker got rid of all those ragheads to begin with!"
"Except for that bastard over there!" shouted a blond-haired country bumpkin in a tan vest, who pointed towards an Indian man wearing a red turban.
"No please, I am legalized American citizen!" the man pleaded as four citizens ganged up on him and wrestled him to the ground.
"Some people," Artie said shaking his head as he shut the TV off, having already picked out his outfit consisting of some black silk boxers, tan socks, beige chinos, tan undershirt, green and brown striped knit sweater and some dark brown dress boots. He finished things by strapping on a leather banded watch and picked up his Glock 22 from the nearby nightstand. Knowing how things could be around this city, it was safe to assume even being on a date wouldn't prevent some form of chaos from occurring.
"And if that happens I'm going to be so pissed off," he thought walking over to a nearby mirror and running the comb through his hair one last time. "Alright Artie, now you're really ready to knock 'em dead," he told himself with a smirk, "As long as Gladys doesn't have some kind of S.T.D. that'll knock you dead first," he thought with a slight grimace, but then had to remind himself that the Southern woman didn't remind him anything of the other loose women he had seen throughout his years in the big cities.
"She's just got this…aura about her that tells me she's not like everybody else. Why do I think this? I honestly have no clue," he thought grabbing his wallet, keys and cell phone before exiting the apartment.
Stepping out into the cool air, he listened carefully for any indicators of Freda's presence, but when he heard no moans, snoring or vomiting he knew the coast was clear and made his way down the flight of stairs towards his waiting Sentinel.
"I seriously have to kill that ugly bitch one of these days," he reminded himself while unlocking the driver's side door and climbing inside. Turning the car on he shifted through the radio stations before settling upon the Techno Playground FM station, currently playing "Satisfaction" by Benny Benassi. He made one last look as he pulled out onto Hymen Avenue, which looked almost normal aside from some black streaks marring the surrounding buildings, a remaining telltale sign of the bar's brave stand against the invading Redcoats.
"Guess it's as normal as it can be," Artie said aloud while watching a drunken bum stagger about, nearly tackling a scantily-clad Asian woman as he tripped and hit the pavement.
"Yep, just as normal as it can be," he repeated to himself, until he heard a horn blaring and brought his car to a screeching halt.
"Watch where you're going, faggot! I just had this car repainted!" called out the owner of a lime green '86 Declasse Voodoo.
With no time for bullshit Artie drew his Glock and pointed it at the furious motorist, who cried out and terror and slammed the gas pedal down, weaving his way recklessly through traffic to escape.
"Typical asshole who thinks he's got a bigger Johnson than he really has just because he owns a fancy car. Heh, saw plenty of those pricks with the Ancelottis, all flash with nothing to back it up," Artie thought to himself while driving past Shocker Electronics.
A patrol car was parked out front with its lights flashing and he watched as two police officers hauled a scrawny nerd out kicking and screaming while a C.S.I. tech carefully placed an Ithaca 37 shotgun into a large evidence bag.
"You can't do this to me! Do you plebeians have any idea who I am? I am Ferguson the Almighty!" the geek called out as he was shoved into the back of the squad car and it was then that Artie had recognized him from the Ammu-Nation firing range.
"Guess he finally snapped," the hired gun thought to himself as "Lapdance" by N.E.R.D. came on the radio.
The drive to Horgate was an uneventful affair and it didn't take long before Artie was pulling up outside of Gladys' apartment building, where he found the aforementioned blonde waiting for him on a bench and when he caught sight of her his jaw nearly hit the floor.
For the first time he finally had the chance to see her in something outside of her work clothes, a sundress that made her look like the simple, bucolic farmer's daughter-type her accent presented her as, yet it was elegant enough to make her a very beautiful 'modest country girl,' the only thing showy being the diamond earrings she currently wore.
"She still looks beautiful to me," he thought with a warm smile as she looked up from her cell phone and offered him a friendly wave before grabbing her purse and making her way towards his car. With the way she was dressed and didn't end up being raped, mugged or murdered, he assumed she must have been packing heat, remembering the passable shooting skills she showed when he and Iceman saved her from Cotton Dale's estate a while back.
"Hey handsome, how's it going?" she asked climbing into the car and reaching over to give him a quick peck on the cheek.
"Good to see you as always," Artie replied, catching himself before he could make a comment about the last time they were together, something he was sure she would have wanted to forget by now. "So what do you have in mind? Dinner? Bowling? Darts? Movies? Comedy club?"
"How about something else? I know of something really fun over in Gomorrah. Why don't you take me there?" she smiled before reaching over to turn the radio's knob over to Radio GX, now playing "Your Betrayal" by Bullet For My Valentine.
"What? Can't a girl rock out every now and then?" she asked with a seductive smile when noticing his awkward glance, making an 'air guitar' motion that finally made him crack a broad grin.
"Why the hell not? I swear pretty soon I'm gonna dye my hair blood red and start wearing all black with all the metal Zeke and Iceman have had me listening to lately," Artie chuckled as he shifted the car into drive, "So whereabouts in Gomorrah is this place?"
"It's over Blackbeard's, you know that big pirate ship?" she replied.
"Ah yeah, I remember now. Shouldn't be too hard to find them," he spoke while coming to a stoplight.
"So Artie…tell me more about you, I mean now you obviously have some time for idle chatter without all the other distractions around," Gladys asked in an attempt to break the ice.
"Well I am sitting next to a beautiful lady, isn't that considered a distraction right there?" Artie laughed as the light turned green.
"You're a funny guy, I like that," she smiled warmly towards him before allowing a tiny giggle.
"Thanks, but being serious with you, I was born in Las Venturas. My mother was a librarian and my dad…well he worked odd jobs here and there to make ends meet," Artie explained.
"Really? Well you don't strike me as much of the bookish type, so I don't think you'd really take much after your mother, no offense intended," Gladys replied.
"Yeah, well they both died when I was young and I was sent to live with my Uncle Leo and Aunt Sophie in Mendelsohn, Wisconsin," Artie continued.
"And you definitely don't strike me as much of a small town Midwestern boy either," Gladys giggled.
"Heh, and you didn't strike me as much of an interrupter either," Artie chuckled before continuing, "Anyways, I lived there until I graduated from high school and then I went to college over in Beanton, but that didn't work out…so I sort of drifted back and forth for a few years between there, all around San Andreas, Carcer and Liberty City, working a few odd jobs like my pops did."
"You must have compiled quiet the resume then. Whatever you did, somewhere along the line I bet you must've learned quite a bit with all that shooting you did back at the estate," the young lady replied.
"Yeah, a lot helped…" Artie replied feeling a little disgusted as he remembered the sleazy pimp and what he would have possibly done to Kenna and the other ladies had they not intervened. He also wanted to avoid getting too much into his past back in Liberty as he found himself doing quite a few things there he wasn't proud of.
"Hey, I used to walk the streets around here. You think that's something I'm proud of?" Gladys asked looking at him, almost like she could read his mind, "Whatever you did around those places I don't think I'm in any position to judge," she said rubbing his arm.
"Thanks," he muttered.
He could sense the sincerity in the woman's words, but it still felt awkward for him.
"Okay, take a left up there," Gladys said pointing towards the Jupiter's Palace casino.
Artie took a left as he was instructed and found an open helipad to the right of Blackbeard's where there were three black and gold Mavericks waiting.
"Risin' Shine Helitours?" Artie asked.
"Yeah, I've always wanted to take a helitour around the city, unless you're a pussy and are afraid of heights," Gladys laughed playfully poking him in the side.
"It's fine with me, definitely one of the more interesting first dates I've been on," Artie replied pulling into a parking stall and getting out.
The couple ascended the stairs to the helipad, where they found themselves in line behind a balding obese man with a half-consumed bucket of Cluckin' Bell chicken in his hand, eating so furiously he coughed up bits of partially-eaten chicken all over the Japanese tourists standing in front of him.
"You still think this is such a good idea?" Artie whispered to his date while staring uneasily towards the fat man.
"I'm positive," she replied as an employee with a headset stepped up.
"Hello ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of my co-workers I would like to thank all of you for choosing Risin' Shine Helitours as your destination for fun and excitement in Rushmore City.
"We please ask that you be fully aware Risin' Shine Helitours, Inc. is not responsible for any injuries or fatalities that will likely occur during your ride and that you please keep your hands, feet and all other objects inside the cargo area while the ride is in motion. Thank you very much and enjoy your ride!"
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Artie groaned in anguish as he strapped into his seat, doing what he could to push the fat man's rolls off of him.
Unfortunately he and Gladys had been forced to ride with the morbidly obese man as there were only three passengers allowed per ride and due to issues with gravity, the big guy had to sit between them, really ruining any chances he had of getting to know the woman better.
"Man, I can't wait 'til we touch down. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse right now," the fat man, who identified himself as Donald, exclaimed and ended up coughing large bits of chicken onto his plaid shirt, but thankfully nothing onto either of his fellow passengers.
"Uh, you just ate," Artie replied as he did what he could to avoid the man slobbering on him.
"Is everybody ready to go?" the pilot called out.
"Yeah, we're ready please just get us going!" Artie called out before Donald could whine about the lack of food.
The copter slowly ascended as the other two did and within moments the three helicopters were flying off in different directions.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Hal and I will be your pilot for the night. Tonight it is a clear and mild night here in good ol' Rushmore City; there you see the famous Rushmore skyline to your left. If you have cameras now would be the ideal time to start snapping pictures," the pilot reported as they flew through the early dusk sky, the multitude of different colored lights making the city look like one huge Christmas tree.
"Over to your right below you, you will see the wreck of the U.S.S. Icarus, which has stuck out of the lake as a sort of monument for the last thirty years. Legend has it that the ship's captain was in the midst of engaging in some kinky sex game with an Albanian prostitute and due to him being stuck with an inept crew of drunken Irishmen, lazy Puerto Ricans and Koreans who couldn't speak a lick of English, the ship was believed to have collided with the remnants of a 19th steam freighter and thus overturned to become the eyesore that it is today," the pilot explained.
"Ooh! I wanna see!" Donald cried out reaching over Gladys' lap trying to look over her and in the process throwing the chopper off balance, while Artie was unable to see over the man's bulk.
"Hey settle down back there fat ass! We don't need another lawsuit!" Hal shouted from up front.
"I'm not fat, I'm big boned!" Donald protested.
"Well then you must have a huge bone up your ass!" Hal laughed, prompting snickers from both Artie and Gladys.
"Not fair asshole!" the obese man cried back.
The pilot ignored the fat man's outburst and continued with his tour spiel as they flew over an island off the coast of Roosevelt Hills.
"Beneath you is Hoochimama Island, named after the Hoochimama Indian tribe who settled there centuries ago, wiped out after its males were plagued by a sudden wave of testicular cancer, thus rendering them sterile and leaving them unable to produce, followed by the first white settlers arriving and using their primitive 'male enhancement' methods to show the ladies a good time and thus lure them away from the island and into extinction.
"It is said that the spirits of the scorned males still haunt the island and on quiet nights, you can still hear them calling out 'We're not limp! We're not limp!' It is even rumored that a lone shaman still resides on the island and is attempting to find a means of restoring his tribe back to its former glory. Due to the fact that we learned that from some drunken asshole at the Three Leaf Clover over in Bellport, that story is debatable, unless there's something on Leakipedia that we don't know about."
"Ooh," Donald called out sniffing the air, "I smell bacon!"
A second later he let out a loud fart that left Artie and Gladys both gagging.
"Now I smell brownies!" he added.
There was nothing more said as the helicopter turned around and flew back to the helipad minutes later.
"That concludes this tour of the Rushmore City skyline. Please check your seats thoroughly…to make sure you didn't leave…any personal effects behind. Thank you for choosing Risin' Shine Helitours and we sincerely hope you ride with us again in the future," Hal called out before throwing off his helmet and puking onto the metal surface beneath him.
"Okay, maybe that didn't go so well," Gladys said trying to fan away some of Donald's rancid stench.
"You think?" Artie scoffed, "Christ, I'm gonna smell like a port-a potty for a week now…yeesh!"
"Hey, don't feel too bad," Gladys said grabbing him by the arm and pulling herself close, "There's a Japanese restaurant over in Crystal Waters I've been to before. Why don't we go there instead?"
"Yeah, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea after all," Artie said looking over his shoulder and hearing a rumble emanating from Donald's considerable gut. Without a word he grabbed his date by the hand and made off towards the Sentinel before the overweight man could blow.
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Kuso Kastle was the name of the restaurant Gladys had taken Artie too and much like its name, the building looked like a traditional Japanese castle on the outside.
On the inside there were low-lying tables where guests sat on large pillows and were surrounded by the paper thin shutters associated with typical Japanese establishments, in addition to the rooms being decorated by paintings of various figures in the ancient country's history, as well as mythical beings, and various forms of statues and pottery. The waitresses were all clad in multi-colored kimonos and there were several men dressed in Kabuki outfits dancing about with fans while another man played "Sakura Sakura" on a traditional koto.
"This seems like a pretty nice place," Artie said while looking over his menu.
"I've been here before and from what I remember their sushi was to die for," Gladys replied closing her menu as a waitress came with their drinks in hand.
"Are you ready to order?" the young Japanese woman asked with a pen and notepad in hand.
"Yes, I would like an order of Temakizushi with some Murasaki soy sauce and a side of udon noodles," Gladys said handing her menu back.
"And you sir?" the waitress asked.
"Get me some tonkatsu and I'll take some udon noodles on the side too," Artie replied handing his menu back to the waitress, who bowed before disappearing into the nearby kitchen.
"So now that we have more time to sit here and chat, why don't you tell me more about yourself?" Artie asked before taking a sip from his drink. "Where do you come from? What school did you go to? You know, I'm open to chatting about anything really."
Gladys looked away towards a man in a lion-like costume with fiery red hair and his face painted red and white, dancing gracefully with a fan in each hand as the other patrons sat amazed by his fluid movements. The hired gun was going to call out her name, but then he saw a look of unease written across her features and he backed off, assuming she would only get annoyed if he prodded her further.
It wasn't long before their food arrived and they were finally able to dig in.
"So…" Artie tried starting up, but again found himself hitting brick walls as he tried to think up anything he could to discuss with the young woman, the bulk of what could have been an interesting conversation shot down before it could ever take flight.
"How's the food?" Gladys asked changing the subject.
"It's definitely more delicious than I thought it would be," he said taking a bite of his tonkatsu, "Definitely better than I expected."
"You've never had Japanese food before?" Gladys asked before eating a piece of sushi.
"Well, I almost did a few years back," Artie cleared his throat before explaining, "I was out at this place in San Fierro with my Uncle Giacomo and my cousins Raphael and Bianca, needless to say poor Raph was a virgin to Japanese food himself and he tried some sushi for the very first time, right away he was sick to his stomach and spending the rest of the night on the toilet, made me gun shy ever since."
Gladys laughed loudly at the comment, "Damn, he must've been quite the lightweight then!"
"Yeah, that was nothing new for Raph though. You should've seen him when we stopped by an Albanian place in Los Santos," Artie trailed off, "I'd tell you more, but you'd end up losing your appetite."
Gladys shook her head, "I grew up around six male cousins and believe me, I've heard it all. Nothing is too disgusting for me. Trust me, if you told me that he ended up shitting out his stomach, liver and lungs all in one sitting I'd laugh my ass off before I'd be revolted."
Artie covered his face upon hearing this, struggling to hold in his laughter and clenching his eyes shut so hard he could feel tears creeping out from the corners.
"Don't tell me you're fucking pussying out on me too," Gladys laughed harder to the point she was beginning to receive odd stares from the other patrons, only quieting down when she realized how much of a commotion she was beginning to make.
"Why does she need to be so secretive with me?" Artie thought to himself as she resumed eating her udon noodles, "She's obviously a very pleasant and down to earth individual who seems very accepting in nature, not to mention she also seems to loosen up really easily and could probably make anybody she wants laugh when she puts some effort into it. Why should she have to assume I would treat her any differently? It's not like I'm some judgmental prick who would write her off the second I learned about anything she did in her past."
The sound of rock-influenced chords caught the hitman's attention as Gladys called out "Hey, I love this song!"
Towards the small stage at the front of the room was a skinny man in a green kimono that had out a shamisen and was attempting to play Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water," yet Artie couldn't decide whether he was supposed to laugh or cringe at the man's terrible playing, wincing whenever he hit the wrong high notes. Gladys though seemed to be enjoying herself and was humming along with the melody.
"Well if it makes her happy then that's all that matters," Artie thought to himself as the waitress came to take their empty plates and left a bill on the table for them.
"Now that we've got this out of the way, is there anything else you wanna do?" Gladys asked as he picked up the bill.
"I don't know, I'm open to anything really," Artie replied while leaving a couple bills out for a tip.
"How about dancing?" Gladys suggested.
"What?" Artie asked staring towards her wide-eyed.
"Are you going deaf on me already? You heard me," Gladys laughed before narrowing her eyes towards him with a wicked smirk.
"I don't know if that's really the best idea," Artie said feeling his cheeks burning up.
"Got two left feet?" she taunted.
"No, it's just that I haven't danced in a very long time…and I mean a long time," Artie said looking away and rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I don't wanna embarrass myself in front of a whole bunch of people. I'm in no mood to become a MeTube sensation."
"Aww, so you're a big badass hitman, yet you're afraid to dance?" Gladys teased him some more, "Relax honey, a couple drinks and you'll be tearing up the floor!"
"Heh, yeah something's gonna be getting torn up alright," Artie muttered looking down to the floor.
"C'mon, quit being such a downer!" Gladys said rising to her feet, "Look, I'll wait for you in the car while you're being a gentleman and paying for dinner," she said before walking off.
"Well then be a sweetheart and unlock it first," he replied sarcastically tossing her his key ring with the door opener attached.
Rising to his feet he made his way to the lobby and approached the cashier to pay his bill.
"Was everything well for you tonight, sir?" the cashier asked in thick broken English as she accepted his money.
"Very much so," Artie replied just as he heard an electronic ding indicating he was getting a text message, "Arigato," he said stepping away and pulling out his phone to see it was from Donnie.
"Cuz where the fuck have you been? You're missing out on all sorts of fun shit," the message read, followed by an image of two twin Asian ladies sitting side by side in a bubble bath with their breasts covered by the suds.
Artie sighed heavily before making his way outside, interrupted from his thoughts by a loud scream.
"Gladys," he whispered to himself, making his way into the parking lot to find the waitress being accosted by a dark-haired man in a plum-colored suit.
"Get off of me you fucking pervert! I told you I wasn't interested!" Gladys screamed before slapping the man hard across his face, only to be halted as a bigger man in a dark blue suit and shades stepped up and clamped down on her wrist.
"I see you got spunk! I love that in a lady!" the plum-suited man laughed before grabbing her and tossing her onto the hood of the Sentinel, "Playing hard to get only makes me harder baby!"
"Hey Boss, I recognize this wench," the bigger man spoke up, "She's that Sunny chick. Louie says she's an animal."
"I'm not into that shit anymore!" Gladys snapped, "Now leave me alone you fucking bastard!" she screamed, only to receive a hard backhand from the plum suit.
"Just shut up and take it!" the man said reaching down to rip her top open.
"Leave her alone!" Artie screamed charging towards the two men.
"Artie, help me!" Gladys cried before the smaller man clamped down on her throat.
"Fuck him up Vinnie," the creep ordered as he continued wrestling with the ex-hooker.
"You got it boss," the bodyguard called back reaching into his pocket and slipping a pair of gold-plated brass knuckles onto his right fist.
The bigger man took a swing at Artie, but the hired gun ducked low and wrapped his arms around the man's waist, tackling him backwards into a parked Super Drop Diamond, causing the luxury convertible's alarm to go off.
"You son of a bitch!" he screamed as he drove his right fist repeatedly into the big man's gut, but somehow the bodyguard worked through the pain and delivered a hard elbow strike to his upper back before grabbing and spinning him around, pinning him against the car and delivering a right cross to Artie's cheek before backhanding him hard, the brass knuckles cutting into his cheek.
"Damn right! Make 'em black and blue!" the suited man laughed while struggling with Gladys, who by now had managed to get her hand up and clawed away at his face.
"You fucking cunt!" the man screamed before slapping her hard repeatedly.
"Time to die, bitch boy!" the bodyguard chuckled before landing a few more blows on Artie and tossing him across the hood of a silver F620 and sending him tumbling to the pavement.
The man had been much stronger than Artie had expected and out of desperation the hired gun fumbled for his Glock 22 and finally grasped the handle, raising the gun and pointing it at Vinnie, finally forcing him to a halt.
"You just fucking stay right where you are you fucking dickless prick!" the hired gun screamed before turning his attention to the man assaulting Gladys, who backed up only to receive a hard kick to the groin for his troubles.
"You goddamned fucking bastard!" Gladys screamed pushing him hard against the dark blue Buffalo behind him.
"Both of you get your fucking asses out of here before I start shooting!" Artie screamed pointing his gun back and forth between both men, "Don't fucking think I won't do it!" he shouted before squeezing the trigger, his round sailing past Vinnie's head and taking out a streetlight.
"C'mon Vinnie!" the smaller man called out to his associate before turning to Artie, "Don't think you'll get away with this punk! When my family finds out about this, you're gonna be dead! You hear me you fuck? You're a fucking dead man walking!"
"And you're gonna be a dead man walking if you don't start comprehending English and get your fucking worthless ass out of here!" Artie shouted back again squeezing the trigger and firing a round through the Buffalo's windshield.
The nameless man and his bodyguard both climbed into the dark blue muscle car and sped away.
Gladys collapsed against the Sentinel and sobbed bitterly with her face buried in her hands as Artie approached and helped her back to her feet, pulling her close and letting her cry into his chest.
"Oh my god Artie, I was so scared!" she sobbed, "He would've raped me if you hadn't been there for me. Thank you so much!" she cried pulling her face away, only to find it covered in blood.
Artie looked down to find his knit sweater covered in blood and looked into his own reflection to find several gashes in his face after having been worked over by the bodyguard.
"That son of a bitch," he hissed as Gladys finally noticed the extent of the damage done.
"Oh my god…we have to get those wounds treated," she said pulling a handkerchief out of her purse and applying pressure to a still leaking rend on his left cheek.
"C'mon, we need to get back to my place. I have a first aid kit I can treat those cuts with," Gladys replied before bending down to pick his keys up off the pavement, "I can drive us there."
"No, I'll drive-" Artie protested only to be sharply cut off.
"No! You're hurt and you're in no position to be driving right now! Let me drive, please!" Gladys pleaded opening the driver's side door and climbing in, "You can have a nice warm cup of coffee while you're at it."
"Fine," Artie sighed conceding defeat.
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Gladys' apartment had been nicer than he expected. It wasn't a shithole dive similar to the crack houses and rundown brownstones of Liberty City, yet at the same time it wasn't something you would have found in a housekeeping magazine. Like Baby Bear's porridge, it was just right.
Artie sat on an aged, yet comfortable couch with his shirt off and his legs stretched out, feeling at home.
In front of him was a simple, yet clean coffee table and beneath it was light blue carpeting that was free of any large stains and vacuumed on a regular basis. Compared to where he lived right now, this was a place he would have died to live in.
A loud beep sounded from the kitchen, indicating the coffee was ready. Within seconds Gladys emerged with two steaming cups in hand, now wearing a grape-colored robe.
"Thanks for your help," the hired gun said accepting the cup; his face now cleaned up and bandaged.
"You're welcome. It was something I could do to pay you back for what you did for me back there," Gladys said
"Anytime," Artie nodded before sipping his coffee, sighing at the warmth before looking around, "This is a nice place you've got here," he said while trying to make some friendly conversation, looking over to a portion of wall covered in pictures taken from magazines and calendars, all of them showing beautiful rustic landscapes that made him think of the camping trips Uncle Leo took him on when he was little.
"Thanks, I've been living here for two years now," Gladys said looking around, "It's not much I know, but it's still a roof over my head."
"It's something at least and that's all that matters," Artie said before taking another swig, "The apartment above my cousin's bar might be a shithole, but I guess when I stop and smell the coffee in the end, or whatever kind of shit it is up there, I've gotta realize it's still something in the end."
"You said it best," Gladys chuckled crossing her legs, looking very seductive as the hired gun was able to make out the tone within them.
Quickly taking his eyes away to avoid looking like a pervert, he looked towards her TV set and saw a lone photo perched atop it, one of Gladys in a white dress along with a younger redheaded woman in a royal blue graduation cap and gown.
"Who is that if you don't mind me asking?" Artie asked pointing to the photo.
"Oh that…" Gladys' voice trailed, "…that's me and my sister from a few years back, her high school graduation. I haven't seen her for a while though…"
"I'm sorry to hear that," Artie said looking to change the subject, "So with me you obviously know that I live above a shithole bar and have two cousins, one of whom is a piss poor liar with delusions of grandeur and the other a two-faced womanizer…," he trailed on, until catching himself.
He remembered the uncomfortable look Gladys gave him when he attempted to bring up her past back at the restaurant and again found himself staring blankly into space. "Sorry," he muttered.
"You want to learn more about my past again, don't you?" she asked.
Artie exhaled deeply, "Sorry, I remember how you looked at me back at the restaurant. I won't ask, you can forget about it."
"Don't worry about it. I don't know if I really have much to say about myself that would be of great interest to you anyway, just a lot of heartache by the number. At least you made the effort to try talking to me. A lot of guys around here just wanna get straight down to business," Gladys said leaning back in her recliner.
"Well guess I have a dick that does know when to rest," Artie laughed, hoping to lighten the mood a little.
Gladys smiled and nodded, "Yeah, you're definitely different compared to most of the guys around here. Maybe it's a good thing I decided to talk to an outsider for once," she said setting her cup down on the coffee table and rising to her feet, looking towards the photograph.
Taking a deep breath she started, "I didn't always live here in Rushmore City. I'm originally from the South. My father owned a construction company and my mother was able to be a homemaker thanks to his success. She stayed home and took care of my little sister and me.
"Life was good…until my father decided he'd rather fuck our housekeeper than love my mother…" she finished, a tear creeping out from the corner of her eye.
"Wow, that's some pretty deep shit," Artie replied.
Gladys ignored his comment and continued on with her story, "My Uncle Sam though, he was close to my mother and when he found out what my father did, he blasted him in cold blood, right in front of us. Needless to say, he ended up being sent away for a very long time."
Artie sat in stunned silence at the revelation and it took him a couple moments for his mind to piece together any words he could say, hoping to avoid tripping the trigger that would send her on an emotional downward spiral that would reduce her to a blithering mess.
"What all happened afterward, if you don't mind me asking?" he blurted out, "Goddamn it! You're only going to make things worse!"
Gladys took another deep breath and continued, "My mother, sister and I all went to live with my grandmother. Poor Mama had to go work in a diner, her first time ever having to work. She did what she could for us though and Grandma had some money to help us out too. Papa left it to her after he passed.
"Things really started looking up though when Uncle Judd started coming around again."
She then walked over to a small cabinet and opened the doors, pulling out a picture of herself as a teenager with a heavily-tattooed man in a biker's vest with an AK-47 in hand, both of them reclining against a Hexer motorcycle.
"That's my Uncle Judd. He was in the military until he got dishonorably discharged and then ended up running around with some outlaw biker gang for a few years until he got caught. He got out of prison just before we came to live with them."
"That's gotta explain where she knows her guns from," Artie thought to himself eying the AK-47 as she sat the picture next to the one of her and her sister.
"I loved my Uncle Judd. He became a second father to Dixie and I and served as the primary breadwinner. How he got our money, I honestly don't know and never even bothered to ask. All I knew was that he kept a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and clothing on our backs, and overall, he was determined to send both of us to a damned good university once we got out of high school."
"Wow, I can tell he was very important to you," Artie replied, "I was thankful to have my Uncle Leo and Aunt Sophie around after what happened to my parents. If it weren't for them, I probably would've gone through hell in an orphanage."
"Yeah he was, and if any boy wanted a piece of us, they'd have to go through him first," she laughed before continuing her story, "When the time finally came for me to graduate, I managed to get into Southern Delta University. I wanted to be a doctor and he was going to do whatever he could to get me through, sending me money every month."
"Man, this poor woman really has fallen from grace, going from being an aspiring doctor to the streets," Artie thought as he felt the sadness creeping into her tone.
"Everything was going well…until some cowards shot him from behind and left him for dead."
"Any idea whoever did it?" Artie asked. The news wasn't too shocking for him as he closely studied her tone and gestures' knowing it was hard for her to talk about. At the same time, she was determined to tell him everything she could.
"Some old biker rivals of his. I believe they used to roll with the Angels of Death…fuckers got away too. Not too long after that, my mother and grandmother were both killed in a car accident and then my sister disappeared…" she spoke, sounding on the verge of tears, "I had to leave because some creepy old guy tried to force me into marrying him. All I remember after that was traveling by any means I could until I got here…"
Artie genuinely felt bad for the woman and sat down next to her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, "You truly sound like you've been hit with a streak of bad luck and believe me, I'm terribly sorry for your losses Gladys. Believe me, I've seen plenty of people die all around me and not just based upon the kind of life I live."
"So have I, Christ Artie, I should've never become a hooker, but at the time I didn't have much choice. I had no job, no friends and no money when I first came here! Believe me…it's not like I enjoyed having sex with random men all the time! I really would like to settle down one day…have a husband, have kids, a dog; have a house in the suburbs with the flower garden and white picket fence!"
The woman was now crying uncontrollably and buried her face into his chest. Artie did whatever he could to comfort her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her closely, "It's going to be okay Gladys. Please, I know it's something you probably hear a lot already, but please just believe me that things will get better within due time."
"How can I believe that?" she asked him, her blue eyes bloodshot, "I'm surprised you can even bear to be in the same room with me after what I used to do for a living!"
"I don't look down upon you for what you used to do. Believe me, I don't," he said taking her hands into his, "You were dealt a bad hand in life and you're not the only person. It's never too late to get out of such a position…look at Iceman's cousin Kenna, she's doing what she can to make a better life for herself! It's not like you don't have the chance to do the same, I mean look at you now. Sure your job you have right now probably isn't the best, but at least it's an honest job and it's a great improvement over being stuck on the streets.
"Besides, with what I do for a living I'm honestly surprised you can bear to be in the same room as me. Most people would have taken off running a long time ago."
"Why did you come here?" Gladys asked looking into his dark eyes, "Were you running from somebody?"
Artie looked back wordlessly, amazed at her intuition.
"How could she have known?" he mentally asked himself while looking over her shoulder towards a picture of the Statue of Happiness posted amongst the nature photos, standing out like a sore thumb to him.
"Oh my god…did I go too far?" Gladys gasped placing a hand over her opened mouth.
"No, no it's fine," Artie said looking down and taking a deep breath before continuing, "Actually I was."
He knew it was now or never and that it would only have been a matter of time before somebody found out. "Might as well get it out while I still remember every explicit little detail," he told himself.
"I killed a man who had powerful connections," Artie explained, looking back to the window behind him to make sure nobody was listening in, feeling a sudden surge of paranoia.
"It's okay, you can tell me Artie. I promise I won't tell anybody," Gladys said gently rubbing his hand.
Artie took another deep breath before continuing, "Back in Liberty City, I worked for the Messina Crime Family. I did a lot of small end jobs for them at first: stealing cars, babysitting Harry Hall's ladies, roughing up a few union stooges that wouldn't comply, and shaking down businesses for protection money.
"Eventually I was 'promoted' to hitman and helped them mostly with taking out members of the Triads, Spanish Lords and low level drug dealers trying to make a name for themselves. There were also a few remaining members of the Ancelotti Family running around giving them trouble and they wanted me to deal with them.
"The boss wanted me to take out this prick named Rocco Pelosi and so I ended up tracking him down to some shithole over in Carcer City and blowing his fucking head off, along with some other schmucks. I thought that would be that…boy was I wrong."
"What happened then?" Gladys asked staring more intently.
"One of the other guys I killed was Andy Volpe, the son of our capo Mark Volpe. Granted, him and his old man didn't exactly have the ideal father-son relationship, but whatever he was doing with Rocco Pelosi of all people was far beyond me. Needless to say, he wasn't too thrilled with me offing his own flesh and blood. He sent his younger brother and a small goon squad after me, but I knew something like this was likely to happen and I managed to get the drop on them, killed every single one of those fuckers."
Gladys gasped softly and gripped his hand tighter as Artie again looked towards the window, almost expecting to see some sniper perched on a nearby rooftop.
"All I could do after that was get the hell out of Liberty. I took all the money Fredo had on him, got a plane ticket and came here to Rushmore with nothing but the clothing on my back," Artie finished, finally allowing himself to collapse against the couch and relax. It felt so good to finally get it off his chest and he could only breathe deeply at this point.
"Guess I can't feel too bad then," Gladys laughed before reaching over to kiss him.
The kiss was much more intense than expected and the next thing he knew, she was forcing herself on top of him and slowly opening her robe to reveal nothing underneath.
"Should I really be doing this after what we just went through?"
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Author's Note: And so ends another installment of my story, not much action (of the gun-slinging kind) but still good for furthering the story and introducing an element GT4'ers are familiar with, plus I figured I would be nice to Artie for once and let him actually get a piece without having to pay for it.
Dustin Beaver is a spoof of Justin Bieber and the scene with Randy and Pukin' Pete tossing darts at his picture is inspired by the opening of the third chapter in "Bully" where Jimmy and Petey are tossing darts at some guy's pic when one of the Greasers walks in to talk to them.
Derby City is inspired by the Kentucky Derby and Mendelsohn is meant to be a spoof of Madison, Wisconsin, which isn't far from where I live. Beanton is supposed to be Boston and was inspired by its nickname "Beantown."
The Helitour activity in this chapter is inspired by the helicopter rides you could do with Brucie in GTA4 and it was beyond me why it couldn't be done as a dating activity.
Donald was inspired by Ronald Shiner, one of the survivors you have to rescue in "Dead Rising." For those who might not know or remember, he's that fat guy you find in the restaurant whom you have to bribe with food to get to follow you and then later on he threatens a mutiny and then you have to bring him back more food or else he will take all the blue room survivors with him.
The line "I'm not fat, I'm big boned" and "someone's baking brownies" were both inspired by Eric Cartman from South Park and the line "Then he must have a huge bone up his ass," is also inspired by the same show, which I think was made by Kyle and directed at Cartman.
The U.S.S. Icarus is inspired by the Thermopylae from "Saints Row: The Third" and the mention of the "bondage game gone wrong" with the Captain was inspired by the opening scene from GTA4 when you see that guy on the Platypus getting whipped by the dominatrix.
The Hoochimama tribe's name is a play on the phrase "Hoochie mama" of course.
Leakipedia is a parody of Wikipedia and the Three Leaf Clover is going to be the name of an Irish pub and its name is inspired by the bank robbery mission of the same name from GTA4.
"Kuso" means "Shit" in Japanese and I added it in keeping up with Rockstar's tradition of toilet humor.
Well I believe that's all for my random notes so until next time read and review! This is Metal Harbinger saying SPREAD THE SICKNESS, ONE MIND AT A TIME! \m/