101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter our heroes will kill Jar Jar Binks…by beating the crud out of him! You'll never guess who actually does it to him though…OK maybe some of you might be able to guess…but then again maybe you won't.
Also, I recently saw The Phantom Menace…it's funny how Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala were both children…but I guess that's just the way it is…
Chapter 47: Beaten to Death
Jar Jar Binks once again had the sudden urge to use the bathroom. He just couldn't take it anymore. Why he always needed to use the toilet was a mystery. Perhaps he was always drinking Gungan juice? Or maybe he had a diseased prostate. Either way, he once again had a bathroom emergency.
"Mesa need to pee real badly!" bellowed the Gungan. "Mesa can't take it anymore!"
Thus, Jar Jar Binks ran as far as his legs could take him towards the bathroom. He heard the sound of water splashing, suggesting that the bathroom was already occupied.
But of course the dimwitted Gungan didn't pay attention to that, and decided to go inside anyway.
As it turns out, Padme Amidala was taking a bubble bath, and was happily relaxing, until Jar Jar Binks barged into the bathroom without knocking and took a leak right in front of her.
If he was smart, he would have paid attention to the fact that Padme needed her privacy as well. But naturally he took no heed, even deciding to talk to her.
"Hey Padme! Wassup!" greeted Jar Jar as he did his business.
This would turn out to be Jar Jar Binks' last mistake prior to his next resurrection. Screaming with rage at the alien's intrusion, Padme Amidala came out of the bathtub, put on a towel, and proceeded to beat the crud out of Jar Jar Binks using only her fists.
"Ouch! Stop Padme! What is da meaning of dis? Please stop!" inquired Jar Jar Binks.
Jar Jar Binks died within minutes due to taking far too many blows to the head…which naturally caused his brain to suffer permanent damage.
Afterwards, the princess went out of the bathroom and proceeded to tell Anakin Skywalker about the good news. Naturally, her fanboys were ecstatic that she decided not to get dressed at that particular moment.
"Why are you only dressed in a towel, Padme? Are you trying to seduce me or something?" asked Anakin Skywalker curiously.
"Well I was in a hurry due to the fact that I managed to kill Jar Jar Binks again…that little bugger got what was going, I'll say." answered Padme Amidala.
"Great job! I knew you could do it by yourself…" Anakin Skywalker applauded, giving her a high five.
Unfortunately, this had an unintended side effect of making Padme's towel fall off.
"Aah!" screamed Anakin Skywalker as he immediately suffered an enormous nosebleed.
What happened next was an enormous screech from Padme Amidala that shattered most of the windows in the house. They would need to be repaired by the Book of Rsurrection later. Thankfully, she decided not to harm Anakin due to the fact that she loved him, although she did slap him in the face.
"Sorry!" apologized Anakin.
A few minutes later, our heroine decided to resurrect Jar Jar Binks using the magic item they've used for so long, even though this would likely mean that he would invade her privacy again in the near future.
"Serves that little pig right…seriously? Invading my privacy like that…he's lucky I didn't decide to kill him off for good…" thought Padme as she recalled why she had killed him in the first place.
Once again, C-3PO had to clean up the mess off the floor.
"Why do I always have to do this?" wondered out loud C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped that he was the only robot for the job.
"What do you mean I'm the only robot for the job? Surely you could help me with this." questioned C-3PO.
Suddenly, they both thought about why Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn hadn't showed up yet. Surely they would have popped up by now?
As it turns out, they were currently on vacation.
"This is the life, huh Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon Jinn told his apprentice.
"Wait, didn't you die in the first movie? And didn't you tell me to take Anakin Skywalker as my apprentice right before you died?" Obi-Wan Kenobi asked him.
"Don't tell them that! You'll spoil the surprise! And who cares? This is just a fanfic! Now let's stop breaking the fourth wall, shall we? If we keep doing that, there'll probably be a disturbance in the force… " demanded the Jedi Master.
"You know, I can't help but get the feeling that Jar Jar Binks perished while we were gone. I wonder what happened to him?" the Jedi apprentice asked his master.
As you can see, this chapter was even more comedic than usual…which I believe will cause you to enjoy it even more…
Now, how should I kill Jar Jar Binks the next chapter? I guess I'll just browse the reviews…