101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will die through a method which suffice to say, is no way to uphold the law. Sit back and enjoy watching how to get fired from the police force…and hope that our heroes don't end up in jail.
Chapter 48: Police Brutality
Curious as to what Jar Jar Binks had been up to lately, Obi-Wan Kenobi decided to investigate his criminal record to see if there was anything he could against him in the future.
As it turns out, the Gungan had previously been arrested for several minor crimes even before our heroes had gotten to know him, such as jaywalking, driving far above the speed limit, and public indecency.
"Interesting." thought the Jedi apprentice, as he continued browsing his former friend's misdeeds, wondering why he wasn't in jail considering what a menace he was.
Suddenly, Obi-Wan Kenobi got an idea of how to kill the Gungan next…they would sign up to be part of the police force, and then use their firearms and whatever else they got for handling criminals in order to enact a flagrant mockery of justice.
Unfortunately, the police chief was smart and didn't give them what they wanted immediately. Apparently he wanted to test the would-be cops to see if they were responsible first.
"Sorry, but I don't want you blowing anyone's heads off." explained the police chief.
Reluctantly, our heroes agreed to arrest a series of low-class criminals that had been harassing the local populace before they were given the necessary tools for executing Jar Jar.
"I knew that it seemed too easy…" thought Padme.
Suffice to say, they did surprisingly well, although Anakin Skywalker received a black eye from one of the criminals when he punched him in the face.
"Ouch!" exclaimed Anakin Skywalker, who began rubbing a steak against his injured pupil.
Finally, they were given the weapons and were ready to kill Jar Jar Binks. Now all they had to do was wait for their nemesis to commit a crime that would attract police attention…which surprisingly didn't take long at all.
As it turns out, the Gungan had gotten himself in trouble while they were off arresting various delinquents that simply wouldn't stop causing chaos. He was currently running around in his underwear at a local park, and was attacking anybody that got too close to him aside from scarring them for life.
"Get away from mesa! Yousa all have ugly faces! Mesa gonna beat yousa up! " bellowed Jar Jar Binks. Apparently he had consumed far too much alcohol again and had taken his clothes off to feel the summer breeze.
Immediately, they were sent by the police chief to deal with the troublemaker. As soon as our "heroes" and "policemen" saw him, they proceeded to assault him with their police batons, spray pepper spray in his eyes, and shoot them with their guns all at once. Jar Jar Binks naturally couldn't tolerate these many forms of violence and fell on the ground dead shortly afterwards, blood oozing out of his corpse.
"Take that, you filthy anarchist!" screeched Qui-Gon Jinn as he pumped his hated adversary full of lead.
Unfortunately, as it turned out, killing a suspect whose only threat to them were his fists, feet, and teeth wasn't exactly the best way to uphold the law. They were suspended from the police force for their despicable actions and the press had a field day discussing police brutality.
"What did you expect?" inquired C-3PO from the disappointed ex-police officers as they went back home.
R2-D2 beeped in unison at what his good friend had to say.
But on the upside, they were able to resurrect Jar Jar Binks as soon as everybody left the park…which was rather quick considering seeing people die usually freaked civilians out.
Our heroes resurrected the Gungan, ready to kill him again in the future…however this time around, they wouldn't be the ones doing the killing…
That's right…in the next chapter, a guest star will be doing the killing…can you guess who it is? I'll give you a hint, it's a horror icon you've probably been dying to see…well not literally, but I'm sure you know what I mean…
And remember kids, don't get trigger-happy when you're a police officer!