101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, our heroes are going to cut off Jar Jar Binks' head…using a guillotine! I bet you've probably been waiting for something like this…so let's get this over with, shall we?
Chapter 56: Decapitation
Our heroes had come up with another execution method for killing Jar Jar Binks. They would kill him through cutting off his head…the only problem was that it would be swift and painless, in contrast to the more painful methods our heroes had come up with as of late.
Nonetheless, our heroes decided to go through with it, as it would be somewhat gruesome. The only problem was where were they going to find a guillotine?
As it turns out, there was one at the natural history museum…our heroes picked it up and carried it away, but not before disabling the cameras and killing all the guards.
"I hope the Book of Resurrection can reattach his head." thought Anakin Skywalker, not wanting Jar Jar to literally run around like a chicken with its head cut off.
Once again, our heroes decided to lure Jar Jar Binks into the trap. As usual, it was easy due to Jar Jar Binks' astonishing gullibility. All they had to do was that they were having a party with lots of delicious sweets.
"Cake and ice crame? Oh boyz!" squealed Jar Jar Binks as he dashed outside where his friends were waiting to kill him.
Padme Amidala snuck behind Jar Jar and knocked him out using her frying pan while he was searching for the cake and ice cream, and our heroes proceeded to fasten him to their guillotine.
He woke up soon enough, and immediately realized that he had been restrained.
"Let mesa go! What are yousa guys up to?" Jar Jar Binks asked.
"C'mon, Jar Jar Binks! Use your head!" answered Padme Amidala in a twisted manner.
Jar Jar Binks looked upwards and saw the blade right above his neck, and finally realized what his "friends" were planning to do to him.
"Stop! Pleasa! Mesa do anything! Mesa give yousa mesa credit card! Mesa give yousa mesa wallet! Mesa give yousa mesa lottery tickets! Don't kill mesa!" demanded Jar Jar Binks.
His cries for mercy were ignored as the executioner (Obi-Wan Kenobi in this case, who was even wearing an executioner's mask) flipped the lever, causing the blade to fall straight down and cut off Jar Jar's head, which rolled across the floor until it came to an abrupt halt.
"You think we should mount his head later? Or better yet, use his head to play bowling?" suggested Qui-Gon Jinn.
"We'll need to be able to resurrect him again later." disagreed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Say, where are C-3PO and R2-D2?" wondered Padme Amidala.
Suddenly, an enormous explosion was heard from the household.
"Holy crap!" screamed Anakin Skywalker.
C-3PO and R2-D2 were sprawled across the floor, little more than scrap heaps. Apparently there was a gas leak in the house or something.
"What the heck just happened?" screeched Padme Amidala.
"Maybe we shouldn't have left those two to their own devices." murmured Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"I sure hope we have house insurance." agreed Qui-Gon Jinn.
"First things first, let's bring Jar Jar Binks from the dead. I think his corpse is already beginning to decompose." suggested Anakin Skywalker.
You should know what our heroes did next…but just to make things clear, our heroes brought Jar Jar Binks from the dead, used the repair spell to fix the house and repair C-3PO and R2-D2, and then did the hokey pokey. Well OK, maybe not that last one.
After tidying up, Obi-Wan Kenobi announced to Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker some spectacular news, they were all going on vacation at a ski resort at Hoth.
"Woohoo!" squealed Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala.
And so they got ready to travel to the coldest planet in the galaxy…and to kill Jar Jar Binks in various ways while they were at it. After all, he would want to tag along in the ride, although it would have probably been just as lethal to leave him unattended.
Pretty soon they were all ready, and they hopped aboard the space shuttle.
Suffice to say our heroes will be killing Jar Jar Binks in various ways…ways that are related to the cold…
Before you all ask…yes I'm going to be using those bloodthirsty Wampas as one of the deaths…I also plan on using tauntauns, interestingly enough…
I suppose I'll be listening to suggestions as to how Jar Jar Binks should die there…after all; it would probably be more fun that way.