Alright, so this is the last chapter. For real this time. Enjoy :)

"That's it, I give up. I don't know what the hell was wrong with these people, but I just can't take it anymore," Kirk said.

"To which of these statements are you referring, Captain?"

"All of them! Spock, I don't blame you for not wanting to honor your human heritage anymore. Did some people from two thousand fucking fourteen really think that Earth was actually 2014 years old? I don't believe it."

"I concur, though the evidence is in front of our eyes."

"Wait, what does this one say?" Kirk leaned in closer to the PADD, squinting.

"I believe it says, in capital lettering, 'Do not put minty gum on your nipple. I repeat, do not put minty gum on your nipple'," Spock looked up. "Captain..."

"Spock, would you please just call me Jim? We're off duty, not mention in my private quarters. Besides, after everything we've been through today… all the horrors we've seen…" he shuddered. "Anyway. What is it, Spock?"

"What would compel a human to allocate 'minty gum' on one's teat?"

"Okay, do me a favor and never say 'teat' again. Please." He shifted. "And I don't know, man. I don't have a fucking clue." Kirk looked back at the screen. "...Is that a continuation?"

They huddled closer together to read the rest of the post.

"Oh my god, somebody else tried it. I can't actually believe more than one person did this. I just can't. 'Do not put minty gum on your nipple unless you want to experience satan licking your nipple then a dragon breathing fire on it'. Shit," Kirk said, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay, so the people of the past, at least on this website or whatever, weren't exactly the most… I don't even know how to put this."

"Cap- Jim, I believe the viewing of these 'tweets' has been sufficient for today."

"I think so, too. I just read another one asking whether twins take eighteen months to be born instead of nine." He handed Spock's PADD back.

"Fascinating."

"I'd rather go with 'fucked up'," he answered as he stood up. "But I gotta admit, it was actually quite funny. But I guess you wouldn't know about that, would you Spock?" he said with a sly grin.

"You are correct. Vulcans do not have, in Earth vernacular, 'a sense of humour'." He started towards the door.

"Of course not," answered Kirk, rolling his eyes. "See you later," he said to Spock's retreating back. At least the guy relaxed after he saw that even Kirk found these… things illogical as well. Kirk chuckled to himself as he headed to his bathroom. Then, he remembered something.

About two months back, his mother Winona had sent him a package of vintage Earth goods. And if he remembered correctly… yes, there was a pack of 'gum' in there. Minty gum.

Fifteen minutes and two sonic showers later, he decided that this was one of those experiences that he would refrain from sharing with anybody. Ever.

Aaaand that was the end of my first fic. Thank you so much for reading, and as always, feedback is appreciated very very much. Keep an eye out for my next one, a big Spirk fic called Adsitus (it means Planted in latin. you'll see). :) Also a huge thank you for my beta awesome Ruth (lydiacries on tumblr). My stuff is on AO3 under vulcanprodigy aswell.