101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will be killed by yet another horror icon…which one do you ask? Well, if you've read the last chapter, you'll probably know which one I'm going to use already. But if not, the title of this chapter should be enough for you to figure it out…
Now then, let's watch our least favorite Gungan get slaughtered horribly, shall we?
Chapter 62: Killer Doll
The more our heroes looked at the doll Jar Jar Binks had found, the more they thought it looked disturbing. It seemed like it was somehow alive…and yet somehow their Gungan archenemy seemed completely unaware of this…he was just as cheerful and carefree as ever.
"Good grief, he is stupid." pointed out Padme Amidala.
To make things even scarier, Anakin Skywalker had read recently about a dark ritual that could be used to transfer one's soul into a doll…could this be the case with this one? He wasn't exactly sure, but as said previously, he thought it was probably alive somehow and that it was out to get them…
"What exactly are we dealing with here?" he thought.
He was starting to feel very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very frightened…and warned the others that they might be dealing with an evil psychopath that wanted nothing more than to kill every last one of them.
Still, our heroes decided not to do anything about the killer doll whatever (at least until another day)…which proved to be a rather fatal mistake judging from the disasters that later happened that night…
At the stroke of midnight…
The killer doll chuckled. Those idiots had not suspected a thing! Well, maybe they did…but they haven't done anything about him, so all was well and he was free to do whatever he wished, which included killing everyone in the household in an extremely gruesome manner using his best friend, a sharp knife that he found in the kitchen.
"Say hello to my little friend!" he screamed.
He started by killing Jar Jar Binks, slitting his throat in the night and leaving a ton of Gungan blood on his bed, shortly afterwards, laughed like a maniac while he cut apart his vital organs and spreading them across the floor (someone would have to mop later, it was going to leave a stain), much to his delight. He then wondered who he should kill next.
He next decided to kill the only female in the galaxy (at least until Leia Organa was born, anyway), also known as Padme Amidala…by pushing her out the window while she was getting a midnight snack. Despite the fact that she only fell one story, she died instantly. Once again, he laughed just like the Joker.
"Tell Anakin Skywalker that I love him…and that I hate Jar Jar Binks! Of course you probably killed him already…" screamed the only female character in the prequel trilogy.
Unfortunately, this sight was witnessed by Obi-Wan Kenobi due to the fact that he heard her screaming…so he threw a knife at his face, which killed him rapidly because for some reason it was covered in a deadly poison. How exciting it was to get to kill another person. He loved killing people so much; he was a serial killer even before he became a killer doll. Basically, there was something horribly wrong with him…but who cares?
He remembered the day when he transferred his soul inside a doll after being fatally wounded by the police (darn police, always trying to track him down because he wouldn't stop killing people)…the only downside was that now he was a lot smaller and that he would have a harder time murdering victims than usual…but he didn't let that stop him, oh no. After all, he was awfully good at jumping on top of people…he never understood why.
Unfortunately, Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn, C-3PO, and R2-D2 all heard the sounds of horrible bloodshed and whatnot…and they ganged up on him as soon as they realized he was alive and an evil psychopath. He tried to slice C-3PO, but due to the fact he was made of metal it wasn't particularly effective.
"Your knifes won't be able to cut through me, sorry." apologized C-3PO.
"Why do you need to apologize to a killer doll that murdered about half of our friends?" Anakin Skywalker pointed out.
R2-D2 beeped that was rather unnecessary.
They decided to toss him inside a nearby dumpster which for some reason was right on their lawn, where he died a slow, horrible death from suffocation due to the fact that Obi-Wan Kenobi had just tossed in a bunch of rotten eggs, Jar Jar Binks poo poo, and all kinds of other foul-smelling things…why did it have to be trash day?
"Goodbye and good riddance!" bellowed Qui-Gon Jinn. "That's for killing my apprentice, you jerkface!"
The nightmare was finally over…or at least until a sequel came out…but until then, our heroes were safe from whatever horrible threat would come after them next…aside from the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization, who always seemed to gain the upper hand…
They resurrected Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padme Amidala, and Jar Jar Binks using the Book of Resurrection in case another killer doll somehow showed up…which wouldn't be very surprising considering all the wacky shenanigans our heroes always seemed to end up in.
"How many times is this going to happen to us? It's starting to get old." wondered Obi-Wan Kenobi.
As a matter of fact, our heroes were next planning to go to the beach…unaware of the fact that there was currently a killer shark terrorizing its waters that wanted nothing more than to eat everything in sight. Interestingly enough, it had its accompanying theme tune…
You should probably guess the next horror movie I'm going to spoof…any guesses anyone? I've already gotten a lot of reviews for this story…so I figured I might as well let you guys guess…