101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will die just like he has done so many times…nonetheless I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy watching him die yet another gruesome death…so let's watch him drop dead, shall we?
Chapter 63: Shark
For their next of their many vacations, our heroes decided to go to the beach to have some summer fun. Much to Anakin's delight, Padme Amidala had chosen to wear a strapless bikini…basically it was his lucky day. Of course, it was her lucky day as well, because she got to see him shirtless.
Well, maybe lucky day was stretching the truth a little…as it turns out, the beach they were heading to was populated by an incredibly vicious shark that loved nothing more than eating everything in sight. Why was it always so hungry you ask? Because for some reason, it was the only fish in the entire ocean where it came from...meaning that it only ever got to eat in the summer when there were swimmers…suffice to say, our heroes would end up becoming its next victims.
Our heroes remained blissfully unaware of this fact as usual…including Jar Jar Binks, who was swimming in the water despite the signs clearly saying things such as "Beware Of Shark", "Stay Out Of The Water", "There's A Deadly Shark On The Loose", "Turn Back Now", "Danger", "Swim Here And You'll Never Swim Again", and "Heck, Stay Away From This Beach Altogether!"
"Mesa love swimming!" squealed the Gungan, happily splashing in the water unaware of his upcoming doom.
Suddenly, he heard some rather scary music playing…and he immediately began wondering where it was coming from. Who the heck would want to play music while they were at the beach? It seemed rather suspicious.
It was then that the deadly shark struck, biting Jar Jar in the leg and pulling him underwater.
"Let mesa go, yousa vicious shark!" demanded the alien. But unfortunately, it was unable to understand Gungan, and it dragged him underwater anyway, where he rapidly bled to death before the shark consumed him for breakfast.
Unfortunately, it was still hungry, and advanced towards Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Anakin Skywalker, and Padme Amidala.
"Hey look, that shark is trying to eat us." pointed out Anakin Skywalker, noticing its fin.
"Good thing we're out of the water…" stated Padme Amidala.
Unfortunately the shark was so hungry, it somehow managed to get out of the water and swim through the sand, devouring the surprised Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn whole.
"What the deuce?" screamed the Jedi Masters as they were eaten alive.
Thankfully, it wasn't interested in C-3PO and R2-D2, since they weren't exactly made out of meat…instead it turned toward Padme Amidala…and began trying to rip her bikini off, because for some reason it was rather perverted.
"Let go!" screamed Padme Amidala, trying to protect her modesty.
Anakin Skywalker fired a harpoon at the shark, causing it to retreat into the ocean…but not before our heroine had her bikini ripped off, giving him a nosebleed and causing her to scream loud enough to shatter glass.
After killing C-3PO by tossing him in the water in order to electrocute the shark finally kill the beast for good, our heroes resurrected Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Jar Jar Binks, the latter of which required them to rent scuba gear so that they could locate his corpse.
Oh, and they also resurrected the robot as well...even though he technically wasn't alive to begin with...
Suffice to say, our heroes would never want to go to the beach again…not for a long while.
And so Jar Jar Binks is killed once more…in the next chapter, he shall die by being sniped in the head! How does that sound?
Let me know if you want any more horror references…