A trippy request from TrippyToastersAndABagOfChips.
Isaac hates Garet's moustache. It had grown pretty much over night and it creeped the hell out of him. He knew it was childish a grown man who had travelled the world and fought countless atrocities to save Weyard was weirded out by a simple mouth-brow. But it just looked… wrong. And it didn't help that Garet called it his pornstache. Nor did it help that the term had actually caught on in Kalay and now several male escorts were sporting a similar look.
"Can you please shave that thing?" Isaac asks over dinner again, as he did every day since he had grown it a month ago.
Garet rolled his eyes, exhaling through his nose, causing the mouth hairs to rustle… it looked almost evil, "No. Stop asking."
"Please?"
"You shave your beard."
"There's nothing wrong with my beard!" Isaac counters.
"And what's wrong with my pornstache then!?" Garet inquires heatedly.
"That for one." Isaac says, referring to the name, "And the fact that I don't even think you grew it, I think it came along and just planted itself in your face."
"That's stupid." Garet argued, "I grew it overnight. Stopped shaving there, you know?"
Isaac sighs, falling back into his chair and sulkily picking at his food. He knew there was no chance that he would ever get rid of that thing on his face any time soon.
That night, Isaac could not sleep. He tossed and turn, images of that crimson patch of mouth fuzz flashing through his mind's eye. He gasped and his eyes shot open, as he imagined a moustache growing over his own lip. He froze as he saw Garet hovering over him, his fuzzy lip inched from his face.
"Hello, Isaac."
Isaac's heart leapt into his throat when Garet's lips did not move, but the centre of that fuzz patch did instead.
"I have grown tired of your efforts to separate Garet and I."
Isaac tried to jump up and get away, but Garet's arms pinned him down. Then a shiny glint appeared from the fuzz, revealing a small blade.
"Goodbye, Isaac." Isaac shut his eyes, thinking of his wife and his young son.
"NO!" A clash of steel echoed through the room.
Isaac opened his eyes, to find a similar balde jutting from his chin… his beard.
"You shall not claim another life, Stache-ous!"
"Damn you, Beardio!"
Isaac could only watch in a mix of horror, confusion and semi-disgust as his beard dethatched from his face, as did Garet's moustache from his and began sword-fighting. Garet collapsed atop him, still snoring like a fool while the hair fought around the room, bouncing from one side to the other. Isaac pushed Garet off of him to watch the battle unfold.
Tiny strands of hair were around the room, obviously where their tiny blades had nearly cut them. Isaac jumped forward and pinned down the crimson line of fur, and his beard sliced the thing in half. A dying scream echoed around the room.
"Thank you, Isaac." His beard said, "I have tracked this evil through the ages, now I can finally rest."
Isaac just silently questioned it, his face contorted in confusion. His beard fell to the ground, silent, before magically reattaching itself to his face. Uncaring about what the hell just happened, he swept the remains of the moustache into a bucket and tossed it out into the volcanic range the Lookout Cabin overlooked.
He carried Garet back to his room, dropping him onto his bed before returning to his own bed.
"ISAAC!" Garet roared the next morning, holding a knife to Isaac's throat, "WHERE'S MY PORNSTACHE!?"
Isaac tried his best to explain what had happened, but Garet believed none of it. So Isaac simply said he shaved him in the night. Garet broke down and swore to grow another, greater one, just to annoy Isaac.
Isaac felt slightly eased by the fact that he was going to grow one. Plus… it wouldn't be evil.
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Maybe he was just really high last night.
Honestly, I have no idea what I was doing when I wrote this. *shrug*