*Alex's P.O.V.*

I'm sitting here reading the mail to you like I do most mornings and everything seems pretty much normal... or so I thought.

Melanda walks in and interrupts our routine. "Why is I'm never prepared? The signs are always there; I'm bitchy and bloated. Do you have a tampon?"

"No, sorry," I reply. I start to think. There's one problem... I should.

"What?" she asks quickly looking at my facial expression.

I shush her, "I'm thinking in my head."

"Are you late?" she asks quickly.

I turn my head quickly, "Yeah..." I stand up, "Charlie's accident was six weeks ago."

"Are you usually late?"

"Don't try to doctor me, Mel," I remark. "May- Maybe it's stress."

"Or maybe you're pregnant," she chuckles.

I've been trying to avoid that subject, "Don't. Say that. Out loud. And you cant tell anyone. Do you promise?"

"Okay I promise."

I grabbed my white, Hope Zion, doctor's coat. Melanda kept trying to stop me to talk but I just keep walking. Telling her I don't want to talk about it.

After my rounds, I went down to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test. I went to an empty hospital room bathroom. I opened the test and looked at it. I can't do it. I think to myself. I quickly threw the box bag in the dark navy blue bag from the pharmacy and slid the test quietly in my pocket as if someone would hear me. I went to my locker and put the bag away.

I went to the doctor's lounge to grab a water to drink. Melanda was the only other person in there. I pace behind her while she is sitting on the couch. "I couldn't take the test," I finally blurt out.

She turns around quickly, "You mean you tried?"

"Well, I went down to the pharmacy, bought a pee stick, but I couldn't pee."

"You should pee. It's better to know."

"Is it?"

She looks at me like I was crazy, "Well, you can't avoid it forever."

"I mean, I would have avoided it a few months ago too; juggling a kid while still in my residency. But now, even with everything... I want it."

"Then take the test."

I get a page, "Gotta go." She tries to stop me again but I keep walking. This seems important.

It's a consult. I go down to the waiting room and call the couple into my office. The woman, Alli, has beautiful eyes. They are blue-gray with a touch of green. Her hair is a chocolate brown, about shoulder length. She has lightly tanned skin and is about my height; average height. The man, Charles has light brown eyes. His dark blonde hair is spiked up. He is about a half a foot taller than me; Charlie's height. They are awaiting news on their thirteen year old daughter and unborn child. Alli is about three months pregnant. The baby is fine but their daughter, Sophie, is in a coma. I explain to them all of the machines, what they do, how they work. Then, they follow me up to the ICU.

When we get to Sophie's room I see the heartbreak on their faces. It wasn't what they expected. No matter how I described it, nothing would have prepared them to see the brokenness of their daughter. I ask for questions and then, when there aren't any, I leave. I go to find Melanda and take her to any empty room.

"I need someone to be here with me when I take the test." I whisper as I shut the door.

"Okay, but I have a patient." She argues with me.

"Do you want to know or not? They can wait." I walk into the bathroom and stare at the test. "I feel like I'm going crazy," I yell.

"I'm going crazy," she yells back. "just take the damn test."

I look in the test and the myself in the mirror. You can do this. I think to myself.

"You know you wouldn't be alone on this. You would have lots of help."

"Melanda stop it." I open the door, "I'm not worried about that. I'm not ambivalent about this at all."

I close the door. I look in the mirror. Alex listen to me, I say to myself, You can do this, you have to do this. For you, for the maybe-baby, for Charlie. I take the test then open the door. Melanda calls after me but I ignore her. I have to tell Charlie first.

When I get up to his room, I stop for a second and try to align my words in my head. I pace around the room. "Hey Charlie," I say after mentally preparing myself. "I took the test; got the results," I stop pacing and look directly at him. "I'm pregnant. We're going to be parents." I lay down next to him and start to think about the future. Holy hell, I think to myself.

I imagine a cold, rainy, Sunday afternoon. The rain pounding against the window above our bed. The three of all cozy inside. Sarah sleeping silently in between us. Yes, girl, doctor, I've had this planned out cold wind howling outside the window.

A page takes me out of my trance. It is Melanda. I know what she wants. I did just leave some of the biggest news dangling in front of her face. I get up. I'm feeling really dizzy now so I walk slowly and carefully to find her.

"Melanda!" I say chasing after her in the long hallway.

She spins quickly, "Alex!" she pulls me into the nearest empty room she can find and shuts the door. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry; I couldn't. I had to tell Charlie first; he is the father after all," I say with a completely straight face.

"But I was there wi- wait what!?" She stops mid sentence, "Alex! Really!?"

I nod quickly with a smile from ear to ear. "You can't tell anyone though, okay?"

She hugs me, "I won't; I promise. I'm so excited. How do you feel?"

"I'm a little shocked actually. My head hurts. This isn't going to be fun is it?" I joke.

She laughs, "Probably not."

"Well I have to go."

She hugs me one more time and lets me leave. I got a page from Dr. Dana Kinney; the interim chief of Surgery while Charlie is in his coma. I go to the OR to meet her.

"How's Charlie doing?" She asks me first then she goes on talking about what surgery I have. Even the talk of surgery is making me queasy. I'm going to have to tell her. I was going to wait and tell everyone later but that doesn't seem like an option now. I ask her to talk in private so we go to her office. I tell her about the baby. I can't do surgery so I go up to see Charlie.