101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Once again, I've been taking suggestions from you guys…in this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will be slain by a Jigsaw game…why will he play a game with him you ask? The answer is simple.
It looks like Jar Jar Binks will make the choice to live or die…naturally he'll choose the latter because he's so dumb…
Chapter 68: Twisted Game
When Jar Jar Binks woke up, he could tell that he wasn't at home. What was going on? The last thing he remembered was being attacked by a girl wearing a pig mask…who the heck wears a pig mask anyway? They weren't exactly festive.
Anyways, he had no idea where he was. It appeared that it was somewhere remote, he knew that at least. Then again, he never knew much because he was such an idiot.
"Where is mesa? Mesa think mesa been abducted! Is anyone dere?" wondered Jar Jar Binks.
He then noticed a TV monitor, and began thinking that perhaps his kidnapper wanted him to watch TV. He wondered if he was on the news, since he believed that he had probably been abducted...maybe he was abducted by aliens? Then again, he was an alien himself…although he didn't think himself as one since he was a Gungan after all.
Soon enough, a scary-looking puppet that looked like some sort of monster clown appeared onscreen. What was he doing on TV? He wasn't exactly a celebrity or a TV show host…and where the heck was the ventriloquist?
"Hello Jar Jar Binks." greeted the evil puppet. Apparently it could talk!
"What do yousa want?" asked the Gungan, curious as always.
"I want to play a game." answered the evil puppet.
"What kinda game?" asked Jar Jar.
"In 15 minutes a mortal gas will seep into the room...which in case it is not obvious will kill you in seconds." explained the puppet that loosely resembled the Joker.
"Oh no! Mesa no like toxic gas! Mesa let one out when mesa ate bad burrito! Mesa nearly killed all of mesa friends! At least mesa didn't haveta fumigate mesa house…" exclaimed Jar Jar Binks.
"If you want to survive, you must solve a simple math problem on the chalkboard over there." stated the evil puppet.
Suddenly, Jar Jar noticed the math problem written on a chalkboard…it was 1+1. What could the answer possibly be?
"In the past, you have annoyed innocent people with your incredible stupidity. Your entire life has been thriving off annoying others. In order to escape, you must do something smart." explained the evil puppet.
"Dis is gonna be difficult." complained the Gungan.
"Live or die! Make your choice!" exclaimed the evil puppet.
It took Jar Jar 14 minutes (leaving him just one minute to spare), but he finally managed to figure out the simple math problem after straining his mind as far as it could.
"Wow! Mesa feels like genius now! Thank yousa evil puppet!" squealed the slightly-more-intelligent Gungan as he left the facility.
Unfortunately, the evil puppet (evil ventriloquist to be precise, he just used the puppet for recordings) had an assistant that did not approve of the victim escaping…as soon as Jar Jar escaped from the abandoned facility, she immediately opened fire on the annoying Gungan, killing him almost instantly.
"What's the point of giving the victims a way out?" wondered the assistant.
Suffice to say, Jigsaw would not be happy about what had occurred after the alien had escaped from the deathtrap…then again, maybe he would considering how the Gungan was so painfully annoying.
Before long however, our heroes began wondering where Jar Jar was. Once again, he had mysteriously disappeared. It was as if he was impersonating the Great Houdini.
"Where is Jar Jar? We're supposed to kill him today! I already bought a minigun!" yelled out Anakin Skywalker.
"He's not in his bed, where he usually is." informed Padme Amidala.
"That's odd…I could have sworn that he would be there…and he certainly loves to snore." murmured Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Where could he have gone?" thought Qui-Gon Jinn.
Eventually, our heroes decided to use C-3PO to locate Jar Jar using his built-in radar. Unfortunately, his radar was rather faulty (Anakin Skywalker had picked it out from the garbage), so they had to bash him a few times in order to make it work.
"I believe he is located at an abandoned toilet paper facility." said C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped with confusion. Why would he ever want to visit that place? They already had toilet paper…then again he always needed to use the restroom.
Our heroes immediately went to look for Jar Jar…and soon enough found his carcass ridden with bullet holes.
"What happened? Is there someone that hates him aside from us?" asked Anakin Skywalker.
"Everyone hates Jar Jar Binks, Anakin. Let's just resurrect him so that we can kill him again." stated Padme Amidala.
And so our heroes brought Jar Jar back from the dead for the 68th time…after all, he was overdue for his next execution…
Once again, there were so many possibilities…and only so many they could pick…
Seeing though the next killing method is going to be number 69th…do you think it should be something perverted? Or do you just want it to be gruesome and violent…knowing you guys it's probably the latter…but like I said I'm open for suggestions. As usual, I'll be surfing through your reviews to see if you have anything worthwhile for me to use…after all, I just killed Jar Jar Binks using a Jigsaw game…(well, not quite, but he did get killed, didn't he?)
So I guess I'll be seeing you guys later…after all, we've got a certain little Gungan to kill…it's not surprising that he was banished from his hometown, isn't it?