Chapter 40: Damn Paparazzi
The screeching of tires filled the air as the Deimos SP took a sharp right turn onto Hymen Avenue and sped along until it came to a screeching halt in front of The Little Black Book, narrowly clipping the Bickle '76 parked out front.
"Dude this car's badass! You gotta get me one of these," Zeke said climbing out of the passenger's seat.
"Well you'd better be willing to pay me pretty damn well for said endeavor," Artie said switching off the J-Pop music that had been playing and then climbing out, "I don't work based upon respect alone, dig?"
"Heh, don't push your luck, or else I might have to convince Gino to evict your sorry ass," Zeke shot back.
Artie laughed at the comment, "Do you honestly think Gino would have the balls to do that?"
Zeke pointed his finger at his friend and went to say something, yet nothing came out. He was defeated.
"See? Case dismissed!" Artie chuckled just as his phone started ringing and he looked down to see it was Donnie.
"Hey, what's up?" he asked, only to be cut off by his overexcited cousin.
"Cuz, get your ass over and turn on E-TV pronto! They're talking about that Beaver bastard!" Donnnie shouted from the other end.
"Hold on," Artie said rushing around his car and pushing past Zeke into the bar, eager to learn the aftermath of his last mission for his cousin.
Stepping inside he was met by Gino, Randy, Pukin' Pete and surprisingly Lloyd Freeman, all of them amassed at the counter and watching some crappy soap opera called 'One Load to Blow.'
"No, we can never be together Alistair! We just can't!" some blonde with the talent level of a retarded monkey called out.
"And why can we not be together? We share the thoughts of one another! We share the same tragedy in our lives! How can those not be the reasons for us to spend the rest of our lives together?" the actor called Alistair (who was probably hired more so for his looks than his actual 'acting ability' as it was on most daytime TV shows) deadpanned in a monotone that would make Ben Stein vomit.
"Because…I'm actually your sister!" the woman called back as dramatic organ music sounded in the background.
"Oh shit…and the rubber broke during that drunken romp we had last night!" Alistair called back, just as Artie vaulted over the counter, eager to find out the aftermath of his latest mission. Swiping the remote he quickly changed the channel.
"Hey! We were watching that!" Gino called out.
"Well now you're watching what I want!" Artie snapped back quickly flipping through the channels.
"Well at least turn back within 5 minutes! They're supposed to reveal if Victor comes out of his coma after Ivana stuck that firecracker up his ass last week!" Randy called out in the back, followed by another drunken gurgle from Pukin' Pete.
Pictures of a very disheveled-looking Dustin Beaver appeared on the screen followed by a woman's voiceover.
"-there is no word as to what could have prompted the teen singing sensation's sudden turn to the dark side, but one thing is definitely clear, he was grounded for an entire week with no phone, no TV, no video games, no friends and no imported mineral water," the woman continued as the very pictures Artie had taken were now shown on the screen, all of the seemingly squeaky clean teen left in unflattering positions.
"Dude, are you fucking seeing this? This is fucking classic man! You've really outdone yourself!" Donnie called out from the other end, cackling maniacally.
"I have the TV on like you said. Of course I'm seeing it," Artie replied as the woman's voiceover resumed.
"There is no word yet on whether or not Mr. Beaver will be dropped by his record label and lose his string of endorsements. His representatives are keeping mum on the subject-" she continued before Artie walked away from the bar, leaving Randy to eagerly scoop the TV remote back up and switch his soap opera back on.
"Heck of a job Cuz! I'm damned proud of you!" the elder Cappelli chimed.
"I do what I can," Artie nodded just as his phone beeped, indicating he had another incoming call, "Uh hey, I'm gonna have to talk to you later. I've got another call coming in," Artie replied.
"No prob Cuz! Stop your ass by the club again sometime soon!" Donnie replied before hanging up.
Artie pushed the button to take his other call, "Hello?"
"Artie, is that you?" a familiar voice spoke from the other end.
"Dal?"
"Yeah, it's me. Tell me, are you doing anything today?" the pit fighter asked from the other end.
"Uh no, why?" Artie asked looking around the bar as Zeke walked in and assumed his usual post as two patrons entered, both of them police officers.
"Meet me over at the Superstar Café in Sawyer Gardens. I might have some work for you," Dal replied.
Normally Artie would have inquired as to what kind of work he would be dealing with, but then he looked over to the cops and knew he had to be careful. "Alright man, I can be over. I'm at my cousin's bar, so I might be a while."
"No prob, plenty of nice 'scenery' around here if you catch my drift. See you then," Dal said before hanging up.
Artie walked out of the bar without saying a word to anyone, wanting to get as far away from those cops as fast as possible. Making his way outside he climbed into his Deimos SP and still had on The Traveler 107, now playing "Kuroi Namida" by Anna Tsuchiya. He obeyed the speed limit as he pulled away from the bar and when he was confident he was far enough away; he slammed his pedal to the metal, cutting off a city bus and making the driver scream something at him in Spanish, to which the hitman replied with a middle finger raised high and proud.
He sped along the Eastwood Bridge and eventually entered the Sawyer Gardens district, the Superstar Café being one of the first buildings he spotted. He eventually pulled into the parking lot to the building's left and made one last check over everything before activating the car alarm and making his way inside.
The interior was no different from the Lancaster venue he frequented back in Liberty City. It consisted of two floors, the lower level furnished with basic dining tables and chairs, as well as a bar and a stage, where at the moment a busker was playing some jazz tune on his saxophone. The area was reasonably packed with waitresses scuttling back and forth between tables and several groups of patrons congregated around the plasma screen TVs to watch the football game taking place between the Rushmore Juggernauts and the Carcer City Unicorns, yet there was no sign of Dal anywhere.
He eventually made his way up the nearby stairs to the second floor, a posh setting with fancier sofas and tables. It was towards the back of the room he spotted Dal on a sofa sitting between two ladies, dressed in a black button-up shirt with gold designs and dark slacks. The pit fighter noticed Artie and waved him over.
"Hey brother, what's up?" he called out before turning to address the ladies, "I'm sorry, but business before pleasure. Gimme a call later," he said making the phone gesture with his right hand.
"You know we will," one of the ladies giggled before walking away.
"So what's up? You said you had some work for me," Artie said taking a seat on a plush chair across from Dal.
"Yeah I do," Dal said leaning towards him, "I don't know if Zeke told you this or not, but I run my own bodyguard service on the side and one of my guys called in sick. I'm dealing with a high profile client and I can't afford to lose this contract. I saw what you did down in the Bear Cage and I knew you would be perfect for this job. So what do you say my good man? You in?"
"How much we talking?" Artie asked reclining in his chair.
"I can get you 5 G's for this. You do well and there might be more work for you in the future," Dal said pulling out a photograph of an attractive Asian woman in a very skimpy pink bikini, the top barely covering her 34 D-sized breasts.
"Is that Alexandra Akimoto?" Artie asked.
"Indeed it is, Alexandra Akimoto, the Asian Sensation," Dal grinned.
Alexandra Akimoto was one of the most popular porn stars in the world, famous for her roles in classics such as "The Bukkake Bandit," "Naked Ninja," "Creampieland," "Holes of Glory," and "Alexandra's Awesome Anal Adventures." Randy had most of his hard drive dedicated to her 'legendary exploits and like many others, dreamed of one day being able to shoot 'the mother of all anal scenes' with her. It was safe to say she would soon upend Candy Suxxx as the undisputed 'Sage of the Sleazy Screen.'
"She's throwing a party over at the Koko Nut's in Jefferson Beach to celebrate the release of her first ever greatest hits compilation and well…you know how aggressive porn fans can be," Dal chuckled.
"Don't I know it," Artie replied, again thinking of how he walked in on Randy the other night while he was in the middle of watching a lesbian threesome scene featuring the aforementioned Alexandra Akimoto and two other actresses on a tropical beach. Needless to say, it had been quite the horrific sight he had spent the past few nights trying to block out of his mind with a few good rounds of hard drinking. The mention of it was reopening all his old wounds.
"It'll be a cinch. All you'll have to do is keep an eye on her and maintain the peace while she talks to a few reporters, takes a few pictures and signs a couple autographs. The only thing is that you'll need to stow your guns, we've already gotten enough flack for that in the past, but if someone gives her a hard time, there's nothing that says you can't give them a good punch to the face," Dal said reaching into his pocket and placing a pair of brass knuckles on the table for Artie to take. "Normally this isn't something I'd say, but I'd rather see somebody alive with a broken nose rather than a stiff in a body bag, just isn't good publicity," Dal said putting Alexandra's photo away.
"Alright, I'll do it," Artie said scooping up the brass knuckles and placing them in his pocket, "Do I have to dress up for this?" he asked looking down to the clothes he was wearing, a pair of olive drab cargo pants, a light green and white striped polo shirt and a pair of black and white athletic shoes. "At least my watch looks expensive," he thought to himself, staring down at his chromed Crowex wristwatch.
"Nah, don't worry about it, sometimes the plain clothes approach adds a good element of surprise," Dal said reaching into his pocket and producing a business card, "Anyways, this is where to find her. I'll give her a call and let her know you're on your way."
"Sure thing, pleasure doing business with you," Artie said standing up and shaking Dal's hand.
Artie made his way out of the café and back towards his waiting Deimos SP. He looked down to the card he was given and saw he would be going over to the Hyacinth district to pick her up and he climbed into his car, switching the radio to Old School 97.3, playing "Swass" by Sir Mix-a-Lot, pulling into traffic and cutting off a Borgnine-owned cab, sending its driver plowing through a line of Hare Krishnas.
He blew through a red light and caused another pileup as he took a right into the Washington Commons district, taking a 'shortcut' through the courtyard outside of the city hall and prompting a group of protesters amassed before the front steps to scatter before finding his way back to a street and cutting off a Taco Mobile.
After cutting off a few more motorists and a few other 'shortcuts' it was only a matter of time before Artie was entering the Hyacinth district and pulling up in front of an affluent ivory structure called Ichabod Towers.
Quickly exiting his car he jogged over and made his way inside the building where he found himself in a luxurious foyer with a marble front desk manned by a lone clerk, who from all the electronic blips and explosions sounded to be in the middle of playing a video game.
"Die foul scourge of Azagthoth!" the man hissed through gritted teeth before a 'zing' noise called out and he let out a strangled "Motherfucker!" before collapsing back in his leather swivel chair.
"Don't you have a job to be doing, kid?" Artie chuckled as he approached the desk, causing the young man to suddenly snap to attention, spilling over his Gunkacchino all over his uniform in the process.
"And how may I help you, sir?" the man squeaked out as the caffeinated beverage scalded his exposed flesh.
"Alexandra Akimoto, I'm here to pick her up," Artie stated.
"Oh, you're here for her, oh yeah she's quite the hot piece of ass, don't you agree?" the clerk giggled.
"Yes pervert, I'm here for her. Now are you going to do your job and tell me where to find her, or do I have to report your sorry slacker ass to your boss. Then again, there are other things I could do to you if you don't," Artie said slipping on the brass knuckles.
"Yes, yes," the clerk blurted out before consulting the directory, "She's on the sixth floor, Apartment 636! Oh, and can you have her sign this for me please?" the young man asked, pulling out an enormous purple dildo.
"Fuck no! I don't even wanna know where that's been! Jesus Fucking Christ put that thing away!" Artie hollered at the perverted slacker before stomping towards the nearest elevator and slapping the button down repeatedly, wanting to get as far away as possible. When the elevator's ding rang out he threw himself inside and pushed the button to take him up.
Ignoring the god awful elevator music, Artie made his way towards Alexandra's apartment and knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" a voice called out from within.
"Artie Cappelli, Dal Morrow sent me over to pick you up," Artie answered looking around knowing that clerk probably wasn't the only pervert in the same building as a renowned porn star.
The click of a door unlocking sounded and he was greeted by an attractive woman in a pink bathrobe.
"Hello there," Alexandra greeted him pleasantly, "Terribly sorry, I just got out of the shower," she said wiping her still wet hair with a dampened towel, "C'mon in. Make yourself at home."
"Thank you," Artie said stepping into a well-furnished living area with a 100 inch plasma screen TV along one of the walls, a fish tank filled with various exotic koi fish, a rack lined with various expensive alcoholic beverages, oriental paintings adorning the walls and even a baby grand piano in one of the corners.
"Who knew taking it in every hole could earn you that much money," Artie said making his way over and sitting down on a comfortable leather couch.
"I'm just getting prepared. I'll be out in a little bit," Alexandra said before making her way into a nearby bedroom, "Feel free to watch some TV if you want," she called out before shutting the door behind her.
"Don't mind if I do," Artie said slinking back into the comfortable couch and reaching for the remote, switching the TV on to a news broadcast in progress outside of a Burger Shot.
"A high speed street race took a tragic turn last night in Kasich when two motorists spun out of control and crashed into a nearby Burger Shot. As it stands, six people including the two drivers are dead with ten bystanders injured. This incident is just the latest in a string of street races that have met violent ends. Local officials have prevailed upon Mayor Walker to take action on the matter, saying they are sick and tired of all the expenses it has been causing them. The mayor plans to propose an 'aggressive' measure against offenders where a fine will be the least of their worries."
The scene switched over to a taped off area in a back alley where several police officers stood around as a covered body was loaded into the back of a waiting Romero, one cop having to stop his routine to shoo away a hobo digging through a trashcan.
"In other news, the Rushmore Ripper has struck again, this time taking his antics over to the New Leningrad district. The killer's body count has now risen to 15 and citizens are getting fed up with Police Commissioner Dennis Rowe's perceived 'lack of action.' As a result, it has been announced the nationally renowned citizens' patrol group the Avenging Angels will be forming a chapter here in Rushmore City-"
Artie shut the TV off as the bedroom door opened and he found his jaw hitting the floor.
Alexandra stepped out wearing a fancy silver mini-dress that glowed under the lights, showing off her toned legs and barely covering her private area and low cut enough to show off her ample cleavage. Putting it bluntly, it left very little to the imagination and it showed just why so many men (and women) fantasized about sleeping with her.
"I'm ready whenever you are," she purred seductively.
"Right," Artie said pushing himself to his feet, wiping away the trickle of drool that had formed at the right corner of his mouth.
The duo made their way back into the hall and to the elevator, followed by a trip through the foyer that saw the perverted clerk undressing Ms. Akimoto with his eyes, only to be halted when Artie gave him the 'throat slitting' gesture.
"Right this way," Artie said gesturing towards the Deimos SP and unlocking the doors with his automatic device.
"Quite the ride you've got here," Alexandra remarked.
"Thank you, got it just the other day," Artie nodded climbing in and buckling up, "Definitely think she'll be serving me well," he said starting the car up, Public Enemy's "Bring the Noise" blaring over the speakers as Artie pulled into traffic.
"So been around Rushmore long?" Alexandra asked starting up the conversation.
"Nope, I was just passing through when things went to shit so now I'm stuck here until the feds lift the barricade. For now I'm just running around doing 'random things,'" Artie replied not caring to discuss the subject any further.
"Have you ever considered porn?" Alexandra asked, her tone sounding serious.
The question caught Artie off guard, causing him to nearly swerve in front of an oncoming Avenger.
"Excuse me?" he croaked out.
"I seriously think you should consider it. You're very handsome and the way you carry yourself, you must be packing quite a bit 'down there' and carry a lot of stamina. The ladies would love you," the pornographic actress replied, her tone turning flirtatious.
"Umm, I appreciate the sentiment…but I'm kind of with somebody right now," Artie replied, feeling his stomach tighten as he came to a halt at a red light.
"Not the 'open relationship' type? That's a shame. Was going to say, I'd be up for conducting a 'screen test' with you otherwise," she winked.
"Umm yeah…sorry I don't think my girlfriend would like that," Artie replied, torn between his feelings for Gladys and the rampaging hormones that told him to find a secluded alley, rip this lady's clothes off and bend her over the hood.
"Get a grip Artie. You have a woman in your life now. You're just here to do your job," he told himself as they came to the off ramp that would take them to Jefferson Vale.
"Well you must not be too serious in your relationship," Alexandra purred while admiring her own reflection in the side mirror.
"Wh-What are you talking about?" Artie asked staring incredulously towards her, nearly running down an emo kid when he again crossed onto the sidewalk.
"You don't sound sure of yourself when you talk about her. You're always 'uh' this and everything. C'mon, you only live once," she said reaching over and gripping his member.
"Hey, what the fuck are you doing?" Artie again asked as she reached over to unzip his pants, again jerking the steering wheel.
"Haven't you seen what I do in 'Road Banger 3?'" she giggled playfully as she pulled his dick out of his boxers and started to tug on it, starting out nice and slow before picking up force.
Artie kept his hands on the steering wheel as he tried to focus on the road ahead of him, yet it was easier said than done as he grew hard in her hands. He eventually came to a stoplight and slammed down on the brake pedal, almost crossing into the crossing ahead.
"Why so serious? You need to relax for once in your life," Alexandra giggled while tossing her hair to the side and lowering her head onto his crotch, her mouth enveloping his entire hard member.
"Gladys would kill me if she found out about this," he said as her head began bobbing up and down, "but fuck, she's so good."
Artie sat at the stoplight groaning loudly and squirming, so entranced by the oral pleasure he was receiving until a loud honk from behind startled him.
"Hey asshole, the light's green!" the motorist behind him shouted.
Artie was about to shout something back to him when he looked over and noticed the old couple in the '92 Elegant next to him, the woman staring at him awkwardly while her husband waved back.
"Don't mind us son, you just keep on doing what you're doing!" he called out.
Artie then looked over to his right to notice a few streetwalkers had stopped to see what was going on.
"Git-R-Done!" shouted an overweight man in a red and black plaid shirt.
"Lucky bastard!" called out a scrawny man in a yellow button up shirt.
His cheeks reddening in embarrassment, Artie slammed the gas pedal, causing Alexandra to jump for a second, but she just as quickly resumed her 'task at hand' and wrapped her mouth tighter around his dick, assaulting it more fervently as he went to take a sharp turn, the angry motorist of a Stratum honking at him when he took the turn a little too widely.
"Oh shit…I'm gonna cum!" Artie called out as he felt himself squirming while struggling to maintain his grip on the steering wheel, his hands shaking.
Alexandra continued working him over, her head bobbing up and down much faster as her tongue snaked around his shaft. He couldn't take it anymore as he gripped the steering wheel as tight as he could, his knuckles turning white and his bones threatening to pop out through the skin. In a few short seconds he called out in pleasure and exploded in her mouth. She continued licking him over for a few seconds afterward to make sure a single drop wasn't wasted.
"See sexy, it's not that bad," she said pulling her head away and reaching into her purse for a tissue.
"That was great," Artie groaned as they entered the Jefferson Beach district and immediately he could see the rays of spotlights moving back and forth. Not wanting to be caught with his pants down in the literal sense, he pulled over into a nearby E-Z Mart and quickly pulled them back up and made sure Alexandra left no lipstick smudges before zipping them up, the porn starlet looking into the overhead vanity mirror as she reapplied her lipstick.
Reentering traffic, the hitman eventually came to Koko Nut's and found the place crowded beyond capacity. Media vans and limos were parked all along the curbs as several celebrities already walked the red carpet and mingled with the paparazzi while signing autographs for fans and posing for pictures. There was no room to park and Artie was forced to park a block away from the club.
"Guess we're walking the rest of the way," Artie said turning his car off and exiting, "Just stay by me and things should be fine," he said slipping on his brass knuckles.
"You got it handsome. After this is over, you'll want to stay by me whenever you can," Alexandra giggled.
Artie and Alexandra made their way to the boardwalk entrance that led to the club, immediately finding themselves swarmed by the media. The hired gun raised his hands in an effort to keep an ample amount of space between the paparazzi and the actress. He was blinded by the insane amount of flashes and was soon using his hands to feel his way around, bumping into several reporters in the process.
"Hey, watch it dickhead!" one of the reporters screamed, only to receive a shove to the ground for his troubles.
Another reporter managed to break through the mob and stick her microphone in Alexandra's face, "Ms. Akimoto, I have a question. What does it feel like to work with the protégé of renowned porn director Steve Scott for your forthcoming sequel to 'Carpet Munchers from Mars?'"
"Tex Bronze is a visionary genius. Whereas Steve Scott shot for the moon, Tex is shooting for Uranus," Alexandra replied before moving on.
They moved further along to be approached by some nerdy-looking guy who looked like he had just crawled out of his mother's basement, armed with a camera phone and a severe case of bad breath. "Ms. Akimoto, is it true that you will soon be allowing fans to participate in a future project with you? If so, I am volunteering myself to be your next co-star! What do you say?"
"I'd say you need to discover an invention called 'breath mints,'" Alexandra replied before trying to move on.
"Aw c'mon, I've started taking those blue pills recommended by Ron Jeremy," the young man said before lowering his camera phone and going to unzip his pants, "Here, let me show you!"
Artie rushed over and got in the man's face, "Hey pal, she said she's not interested. Now don't you have some Magic & Monsters convention to crawl back to? Huh? Beat it!"
The nerd responded by reaching for a nearby Commander Kidd bottle, "Fuck you asshole!" he shouted before delivering a weak toss which Artie easily ducked. The hired gun then grabbed the man by the shirt collar and tossed him over the railing into the water below.
"Take a fucking bath while you're at it!" Artie called back before moving on.
Alexandra moved further along the boardwalk waving to her adoring fans and stopping to pose for a few pictures before being approached by some slack jawed hillbilly with a large 40 oz. in one hand.
"Hey Alex, look at me!" the man shouted before attempting to pour the liquid into his mouth, but getting most of it all over himself.
"Move along pal. You've got nothing to see here," Artie said going up and getting in the man's face, but soon wishing he hadn't when he took a whiff of the man's body odor.
"Heh, fuck you city slicker!" the man shouted before breaking his bottle on a nearby wooden bollard and attempting to stab Artie, only to receive a right hook to the nose for his problems, sending him retreating into the shadows like a scolded dog.
They continued to move along the boardwalk and were nearing the entrance when a middle-aged man in a white windbreaker ran up pushing his way through several onlookers. He looked like he hadn't seen sunlight in ages, coupled with short black hair worn in a really bad comb over and thick glasses he was likely blind without.
"You never return my calls Alexandra, why?" the man called out, sounding like he was about to burst into tears. "You and I were meant to be together. Why can't you just see it how it is?" the man spoke in a dull monotone.
"Pal, you seriously need to get to stepping or else something bad's gonna happen to you," Artie said getting in the man's face.
The man said nothing to him treating him like he wasn't there. Instead he continued to stare at Alexandra, "My precious Alexandra…if I can't have you, then no one can," the man said before reaching into his jacket and pulling out a Colt 45.
"Gun! Alex watch out!" Artie shouted to the porn star before grabbing the man by the wrist and shoving his hand upward as he pulled the trigger. The gunshot rang out loudly and many onlookers panicked and scattered. Artie drove his fist into the man's gut several times until he was coughing up blood before he delivered a final uppercut that broke the man's jaw and then grabbed him by the coat, tossing him over the boardwalk's railing and into the water.
"Artie, is it all clear?" Alexandra asked looking around nervously.
"It's okay, he's gone," Artie replied noticing they were near the club entrance, "Now I believe you have a party to attend."
After talking with a few more less rowdy fans, posing for a few more pictures and signing a few more autographs, the duo finally reached the club and made their way inside.
The interior of Koko Nut's was fairly upscale with a packed bar and restaurant area, in addition to a gaming area lined with several pool tables, electronic dartboards, arcade cabinets, gambling machines and an air hockey game. The atmosphere was lively as a euro trash D.J. pumped in house music over the club loudspeakers and the stench of weed filled the air as several partygoers took bong hits simultaneously.
A waitress clad only in a grass skirt and coconut bra approached Artie with a tray full of shots, offering him one he accepted without hesitation. He downed the shot, which turned out to be some heavy stuff that temporarily blurred his vision, yet he calmed down a second later when everything went back to normal.
"Hey Artie, come over here and meet my friends!" Alexandra called out from a lower portion, seated on a plush red couch surrounded by several other scantily-clad women, all of them saying hi to Artie and waving him over.
"Sometimes it's actually good to be me," Artie thought to himself while descending the staircase and making his way over.
"Ladies, this is Artie," Alexandra said introducing him before motioning to the others one by one, "These are my friends, this is Carina Constance," she said motioning to an attractive fair-skinned brunette.
"It is a pleasure to meet you," the woman replied in a thick Czech accent.
"This is Kathy Kang," she said motioning to another attractive brunette with sky blue eyes.
"Wow you're handsome, where did you say you found this guy again?" Kathy asked.
"This is Alexia Trevor, she was my co-star in 'Holes of Glory,'" she said motioning to a tall dark-haired woman with an ample chest barely contained by her lime green tanktop.
"Do you do porn yourself?" she asked looking him up and down.
"And this is Jacinda Jacobs," she said motioning to another busty, yet shorter dark haired woman in a pink one-piece dress.
"Hi there, glad you could join us," she smiled.
"C'mon, have a seat Artie," Alexandra said taking him by the hand and sitting him down next to her.
"Really?" Artie asked sitting down next to her, only to be taken by surprise as Kathy suddenly sat down on his lap.
"Alex was just in the middle of telling us how you were on the way over. I really think you seriously need to consider a career in porn," Kathy whispered into his ear before licking the lobe.
"Damn it Artie, how do you keep finding yourself in these kinds of situations. You'll never be able to get married if this keeps happening to you. Christ, even if you shaved your head bald and went to join some monastery out in the middle of bum fuck nowhere the nuns would be wanting a piece of you," Artie thought to himself before another shot glass was suddenly shoved in his face.
"You're looking a little tense there cowboy. Here, maybe this'll take the edge off," Alexia said offering him the drink.
"I really don't know. I'm supposed to be Alex's ride back home," Artie replied.
"Aw c'mon, you don't have to drink too much. Just have one drink, just to take the edge off," Jacinda interjected while Carina snuck up behind him and began massaging his shoulders.
"C'mon man, take the shot!" a guy called out from nearby and a few others joined in egging him on. To further the encouragement, "Shots" by LMFAO began blaring over the loudspeakers.
"Ah, why the fuck not?" Artie finally bowed to the peer pressure before Alexia could start pouring the shot down his throat.
One shot eventually led to two shots, followed by a third and so forth and it would go on throughout the night, one which involved Artie making out with all of Alexandra's friends and several more to boot. Eventually the wild revelry led to the club's hot tub while all of its occupants were still fully clothed, a friendly arm wrestling competition which saw the loser having to do an entire mug in one sitting, and so much more chaos that would all become one huge blur to Artie.
XXXXX
Electronic ringing rocked his world, forcing Artie Cappelli wide awake.
"Gah…who the fuck is calling me?" he groaned, feeling as if someone had taken a baseball bat to his head. It was then he suddenly noticed the music was still playing on his radio and when his eyes opened all the way he took notice of his own disheveled appearing in his car's rearview mirror.
"Shit," he blurted out, realizing he had been slumped over in the driver's seat of his Deimos SP, stripped down to his boxers and no sign of Alexandra anywhere.
"Where the fuck am I?" he asked himself, noting he was also nowhere near Koko Nut's. "What the fuck all happened last night?" he asked again, this time taking note of his clothes being piled up on his passenger seat with a folded up piece of paper on top of them. Reaching over he opened the note and read it quietly to himself:
Artie,
My god you were amazing last night. Me nor the girls can barely walk and we all have you to thank for an incredible time. Call me sometime! XOXOXO
Alex
Included on the note was also her cell phone number and personal e-mail address and he tucked the piece of paper away, his cell phone still ringing.
"Who the fuck is it?" he asked himself again looking down to the ID screen to see it was Lloyd Freeman. Switching on his phone he decided he would see what was up. "Hello?"
"Kid, where the fuck are you?" Lloyd Freeman hissed from the other end, his frantic breathing and he sniffed repeatedly, a telltale sign he had been doing cocaine.
Artie squinted his eyes over to a nearby road sign telling him he was currently over in Chinatown and was behind Mr. Fuk's Rice Box, noting the employee who eyed him warily as he hauled a trash bag over to the nearby dumpster.
"I'm over in Chinatown-" Artie was replying before he was rudely cut off by a manic outburst.
"What the fucking hell are you doing over in Chinatown?" Freeman screamed from the other end, only to halt himself a second later. "What the hell are you doing over in Chinatown?" he repeated in a whispered tone.
"I don't know. I just woke up over here," Artie replied.
"Well you need to get your fucking ass over here pronto! Someone's out to get me!" Freeman half-cried from the other end before sniffing repeatedly.
"You sure that's not just the coke talking?" Artie replied feeling irritated as his head pounded from the massive hangover.
"Kid, I'm serious! I was leaving my group therapy session and I saw some Sabre Turbo following after me. It's been following me all around and I had to ditch my car so I could get the fuck away," Mr. Freeman gasped, sounding like he was on the verge of hyperventilating. "Look, I don't know what to tell you kid, but I'm fucking serious here! Someone is out to get me!"
Artie rubbed the remaining crust out of his eyes and rose to his full height, ignoring the boom that went off inside his brain as he struggled to focus, "Okay, where are you?"
There was a pause before Freeman finally spoke, "I'm over at the Inside Track in Red Sands. Look kid, I don't care whatever you have to do, but just get your ass over here and help me out! Please!"
Artie looked at himself in the mirror once again. He was in no position to be playing Good Samaritan. He was in his underwear, hung over and lethargic from whatever the wild party had thrown at him, yet for some reason he felt a need to help the man out.
"Fine, I'll be over, but you're gonna have to wait," Artie replied.
"I don't have fucking time to wait! I need you over here now!" Freeman pleaded, only to be silenced by Artie shutting his phone off.
"Jesus Christ Artie, once again you've got one hell of a way to start your day," the hitman muttered to himself as he reached over for his shirt and proceeded to dress himself.
XXXXX
Author's Note: And so ends yet another installment of "Rushmore City," albeit a much sexualized one.
This chapter was inspired by the 'Crowd Control' side jobs that could be done in "Saints Row 2" and if this had been an actual video game, I would have it where Artie would be able to perform similar bodyguard-type jobs for Dal in exchange for extra cash.
All of the porn stars mentioned in this chapter are based around actual porn stars. Alexandra Akimoto is modeled after Asa Akira, Carina Constance is based upon Connie Carter (a super hot porn star from the Czech Republic with a killer body), Kathy Kang is inspired by Kortney Kane, Alexia Trevor is inspired by Allison Tyler and Jacinda Jacobs is inspired by Jayden James.
The scene with the Hare Krishnas being run over is a reference to GTA1 where they would be seen walking in long lines on occasion and the player could get a 'GOURANGA' bonus if he managed to run over an entire procession.
The Taco Mobile is one of my original creations for this story that serves as the official vehicle of the Taco Hell franchise. It is inspired by the real life Oscar Meyer wiener mobile, making me think of the delivery vehicle Freckle Bitch's had in "Saints Row 2" that was shaped like a basket of food.
Well I think that's pretty much it in terms of everything I have to say, so as always read and review and tune in for the next installment. This is Metal Harbinger saying SPREAD THE SICKNESS, ONE MIND AT A TIME! \m/