101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will die through taking a lava bath…which you probably know already as molten rock that erupts from a volcano as part of a natural disaster…
Curiously enough, there's an entire planet known as Mustafar that's covered with this stuff…how Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi weren't vaporized by it the galaxy will never know…
But this is where Jar Jar Binks will die a rather gruesome death…see why I saved it for moderately late in the story?
Hopefully the wait was worth it…and I hope you find this chapter awesome.
Chapter 71: Lava
"Gosh, it's awfully hot here." complained Anakin Skywalker, who was sweating heavily. This time, Obi-Wan Kenobi had decided to take them to the blazing planet known as Mustafar…which was infamous to its extreme temperatures. It was not exactly a good home for a snowman.
"That is because Mustafar is covered with lava." explained C-3PO. Apparently, he somehow thought that they didn't know that already.
"No duh." snarled Padme Amidala. She wondered if he should push him off the side of the ship and make him melt into goop.
"This lava will be more than hot enough to melt Jar Jar Binks…let's toss him overboard, shall we?" asked Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Qui-Gon Jinn brought in Jar Jar Binks, who surprisingly was kicking and screaming.
"Mesa not wanna take lava bath! Mesa wanna take bubble bath!" complained Jar Jar Binks, even though he had taken one just yesterday.
"Too bad. Into the river of lava you go." replied Qui-Gon Jinn, grinning wickedly.
Anakin Skywalker then pushed Jar Jar Binks into the lava, causing him to fall in and melt almost instantly. Suffice to say, his reaction was less than enthusiastic.
"Ohhh! Yousa cursed brat! Look what yousa done! Mesa melting! Mesa melting! Oh, what a galaxy! Who woulda thought that a good little boy like yousa could defeat mesa ugly obnoxiousness? Oh look out! Look out! Mesa going! Ohhhh! Ohhh!" he screamed.
Shortly after ripping off the Wicked Witch of the West, Jar Jar Binks died, and became one with the lava…er, force. Of course knowing him, he probably became one with the dark side of the force.
"Hooray!" squealed Anakin Skywalker. He was once again dead, and he began doing a little dance near the edge of the ship…
Unfortunately, in a rather clumsy moment, the Jedi lost his balance and fell off into the blazing inferno below. He landed on an island near the boiling lava, exposing him to the terrible temperatures.
"Gah! Help me! It burns! Aargh!" screeched Anakin Skywalker, in horrible pain. Lava tended to do that to people's skin.
"Anakin!" screamed Padme Amidala and Obi-Wan Kenobi. What were they going to do? He was going to die if they just sat there.
"What an idiot." murmured Qui-Gon Jinn. He should have been far more careful considering how dangerous Mustafar was.
Thankfully, our heroes managed to save Anakin Skywalker…but unfortunately, he was burned horribly from being so close to the lava. In fact, it was somewhat hard to recognize him…How were they going to save him from becoming one with the force?
Our heroes checked the Book of Resurrection…but unfortunately, Jar Jar Binks had been eating some of the pages since they had last used the book…including one about the healing spell.
"Jar Jar's getting smarter!" screamed Qui-Gon Jinn. What was going on?
R2-D2 beeped in fear. He was starting to catch on to their intentions.
Left with no other choice, our heroes decided to place Anakin Skywalker inside a cruddy suit…and decided to call him Kid Vader for the time being. Why you ask? Because it was funny.
"What's going on?!" questioned Kid Vader, curious to why he was now wearing a scary black suit.
"You fell off the airship and were badly injured, so we placed you inside this mechanical suit so you could survive."
"Well, this suit sucks!" complained Kid Vader. Why did it have to be the only suit they had? For one thing, it was bulky, and its vision was terrible. Whoever had designed the suit was a complete idiot, possibly Jar Jar Binks himself.
"Too bad, you're going to have to wear it for the next few chapters." answered Padme Amidala.
"Noooooooooooooo!" screamed Kid Vader. Why Force why?
"Sucks to be you." answered Qui-Gon Jinn.
Anakin Skywalker has become a kid version of Darth Vader…poor guy…at least he'll be able to take it off once he's feeling better again…but like Padme Amidala said, he's going to have to wear it for the next few chapters until he's fully recovered…otherwise, he's going to die…
In retrospect, our heroes could probably simply resurrect him using the Book of Resurrection…but unfortunately, Jar Jar Binks is starting to tear pages out of the book…he's become smarter ever since that Jigsaw game, hasn't he?
In the next chapter…well, it's pretty much going to be the same as the last chapter really…Jar Jar Binks is going to be melted with another substance…can you guess what it is?
Of course, you've probably figured it out already considering my last chapter…but I'd still like to hear some guesses…