101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter , Jar Jar Binks will die through acid! (No, he will not be taking any sort of drug, before you ask, I've already killed him using a drug overdose, or as a Star Wars fan would say a spice overdose early on in the story, so don't expect that to happen to Jar Jar Binks.
He shall instead die by being dipped in acid...What else do I have to say about this killing method? Ah yes, It shall be wonderful…it shall be magnificient…and it shall be hilarious!
Well, I hope so anyway. This is probably the killing method you've all been dying to see…of course, I already melted Jar Jar Binks with lava, so maybe you've already seen this horribly gruesome death coming.
Either way, I hope you enjoy this latest chapter. Death to Jar Jar Binks through unrealistically deadly chemicals that are always in horror and sci-fi movies!
Chapter 72: Acid
"So let me get this straight…you went to a scientist's lab and stole several gallons of deadly acid just so that we can melt Jar Jar?" Padme Amidala asked.
"Yes, and today we shall be dipping Jar Jar Binks in it." stated Kid Vader in his mechanical voice. Being in a mechanical suit that was built by five-year-olds sucked horribly. He hoped that his friends would be able to repair the Book of Resurrection soon so that he wouldn't have to wear the suit.
On the bright side, he never needed a costume for Halloween…but Halloween only occurred only once a year, so it wasn't exactly much of a consolation. Darn it.
"I hope I don't get dipped." wondered C-3PO. They had all been at his metallic throat a lot lately. Last week he had been smashed with a sledge hammer and rebuilt simply so they could kill him again. Granted, they didn't hate him nearly as much as Jar Jar Binks, but they still killed him every once in a while.
As usual, our heroes had to knock him out and prepare him for the deathtrap…it wasn't easy, as Jar Jar Binks kept evading Kid Vader's baseball bat. When had he gotten so fast? He felt like he was trying to outrun a cheetah…speaking of which, he wondered if he should try killing the pest by having him mauled by a lion or some other sort of predator.
"Mesa not gonna let yousa hit mesa!" screamed Jar Jar Binks. "Can't touch mesa!" Once again he went into an annoying singalong that made people's ears bleed horribly. And to make matters worse it was already stuck in their head.
"Use the force, my apprentice." suggested Obi-Wan Kenobi. The force worked for everything apparently, and it would be prove to be quite helpful to kill Jar Jar Binks, as demonstrated when he once killed him using a force choke.
Using the force, Kid Vader was able to swing even harder than before, and the most evil Gungan in the world was knocked out cold. The next thing our heroes had to do was tie him up and then suspend him above the pit of acid so that they could kill him horribly. It took them a good thirty minutes, but they somehow managed to do it.
"Wake up you stupid Gungan!" screamed Qui-Gon Jinn. He clearly wanted the little pest to be awake as he was slowly dipped into the green goo so that he'd experience more pain. After all, the more agonizing the death was, the more satisfying it would be.
"What are yousa up to this time?!" squealed Jar Jar Binks, noticing he was suspended in midair by a rope. He wondered what was below him. Judging from what he knew it was probably something unpleasant.
"We're going to dip you in this acid pit right below you." Padme Amidala squealed with sadistic glee. "And you're going to die a horrible death!"
R2-D2 beeped with excitement at what Padme had said. Die Jar Jar Binks die! Make him suffer for ruining the Star Wars prequel trilogy! Make him suffer for making the writer write this overly long fanfic! Make him suffer for turning Anakin Skywalker into a cyborg! Make him suffer for not flushing the toilet whenever he goes to the bathroom!
"Oh no yousa don't! Mesa not ganna die today!" yelled the Gungan. Immediately, he began gnawing at the ropes, and before long he was free…
…and soon enough an enormous splashing noise was heard, as Jar Jar Binks fell in and was stripped to the bone in a matter of seconds.
"Mesa melting! Mesa melting! Mesa wanna be solid, not liquid! Why yousa why? Do yousa want Gungan soup or somefing?" asked Jar Jar Binks. Immediately afterwards, he died from his lack of flesh.
Unfortunately, Padme Amidala and Qui-Gon Jinn had been splashed by the acid, and they ended up being stripped to the bone too. That acid was powerful stuff.
"It seems in Jar Jar's stupidity, he killed them." stated Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Nooooo!" yelled Kid Vader. He shouted so loud that it shattered all the windows in the house. It was a good thing that there was nobody outside.
"I'll go get the Resurrection Book and use the repair spell." stated C-3PO, who reached for the bookshelf where they kept the Book of Resurrection.
R2-D2 naturally decided to travel with him. When were those two ever separated? They were never separated for long, that was for sure.
After our heroes resurrected Jar Jar Binks and their unfortunate friends, our heroes decided to go to bed, unaware that they would shortly be visited by yet another horror icon…one that liked to prey on children…and was oddly fond of balloons…
So, what do you think about the evil Gungan being dipped in acid? I hope it was worth the wait for you guys…of course, it's unfortunate that Padme Amidala and Qui-Gon Jinn were splashed by the acid and therefore ended up being killed as well…
Can you guess who's going to visit Jar Jar Binks this time? I'll give you a hint…he's the star of a really long novel…probably the longest novel in the world…I wonder why the author decided to make it so long…I don't think I'd be able to read all of it…
Of course, he's been visited by several horror icons already…so I think you might already be able to figure it out. But if you can't, then it's not a big deal. You'll find out in the next chapter…speaking of which, I've come a long way, haven't I? It feels like just yesterday that I sent him flying through an airlock…he got what he deserved, I can tell you that?
Also, today's the anniversary of 9/11…so it's a good thing I didn't kill Jar Jar Binks through a plane crash…you know, maybe I've talked too much…I bet you want to close this chapter…so I'll see you later…bye-bye!