Chapter 8

Stephanie tried her best to soothe Mark as he sobbed heavily in her arms. It had been two days since Jamie had died and he really wasn't coping at all. The house was in disarray with dishes and clothes all over the place. Chloe had been at home with him since yesterday but Stephanie wasn't sure that was a good idea. Mark seemed incapable of looking after himself, never mind a baby. So she had offered to take Chloe but he had refused. He wanted his remaining daughter with him and she really couldn't blame him. If she was in Mark's shoes, she would be the same and would be reluctant to let Chloe out of her sight. She absently patted his back as she waited for him to calm down.

Stephanie sighed softly as she looked up at the clock above the fireplace. They were supposed to be leaving for Nashua in a couple of hours but she was seriously having doubts about leaving Mark. He was a mess and she was worried about him. God knows what would happen if he was left alone between now and Tuesday and who knew if he had even made any arrangements for the funeral. He refused to talk about it whenever she had tried to bring the subject up. Stephanie knew it wasn't her responsibility but she felt she had to do something. His mother was the only family member and she was too frail to help. No-one knew where Jamie's mother was and her parents hadn't heard from her. They were currently on vacation and couldn't get a flight back until Monday leaving Mark completely alone. He had to rely on someone and that someone looked like being her. God, she dreaded telling Paul. He would be pissed and she couldn't blame him. He had been so patient and understanding over the last couple of days not questioning her once about the amount of time she was spending with Mark. But that patience was starting to wear thin especially when Mark had called her half an hour ago. She had spent the better part of the morning with him already but as he had cried down the phone, she knew she had no choice. She had to be there for him. She had promised him she would be and she couldn't go back on that promise now. Not when he needed her.

Just then Stephanie felt Mark pull away and she gave him a small smile as he looked at her. "Are you okay?"

Mark nodded his head. "I'm sorry Steph. I just keep picturing her lying there all alone."

"I know but she wasn't alone Mark." she told him as her hand rubbed his back soothingly. "We were there with her and you need to take some comfort from that."

"Maybe." Mark sniffed as he wiped at his eyes and let out a shaky sigh. "Thank you Steph. God knows how I'd cope without you right now. It takes all I have to get out of bed in the morning."

Stephanie smiled and patted his hand reassuringly. "I just don't want you handling this on your own. It's not right."

"But I have to though, don't I?"

"No you don't." she replied adamantly, shaking her head. "You have me. I want to help you Mark. I want to be there for you."

Mark smiled gratefully and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you. You don't know what that means to me."

"I'm just glad I can help." Stephanie smiled and as he released her, she glanced over at the clock. "Sorry Mark but I need to go home. Will you be alright for a while?"

He nodded and smiled. Stephanie stood up and made her way to the door. She hadn't been able to bring herself to tell Mark she was going away for a few days and now it was pointless as she wasn't going anyway. Her mind was made up. She opened the door.

"I'll be over to check on you later." she told him.

Mark smiled and she raised her hand in a wave as she left the house to go home.

"Daddy, can I take my new dress to show Grandma?"

Paul nodded his head as he packed Ellie's jeans in her bag. "Sure but you'll need to leave Tinkerbell if you do. There's going to be no room left in your bag." He smiled as he pulled out an Undertaker t-shirt and held it up in front of him. "Hey Ellie, what's up with this? I thought I was your favourite wrestler!"

Ellie grinned as she saw her father pretend to pout. "Of course you are Daddy but I like Taker too. It's pretty cool when he throws people all over the place. Does it hurt when he does that Daddy?"

Paul chuckled as he placed the t-shirt back in her bag. "You can bet your ass it does."

His daughter gasped as she frowned at her father. "Mommy told you not to say that word."

He stuck out his tongue and then grabbed her. She squealed as he threw her down on the bed and those squeals were replaced with giggles as he started to tickle her sides. "You're not going to tell Mommy though, are you Miss Ellie?"

Ellie shook her head as she squirmed around on the bed. "I promise Daddy. Stop now. Please!"

As Paul let her go, he heard Jake start to cry. He held her down as he pretended to look at her sternly. "Uh-oh!! You're in trouble now. You've woken up Jake."

"But it wasn't my fault. You made me laugh Daddy."

Paul scooped her up and placed her back on the floor. "Race you to the nursery. Last one there gets to change Jake's diaper."

Ellie squealed as he ran out the door. "It's not fair. Your legs are longer."

Paul laughed as he walked into the nursery and saw Jake standing holding the bars of his cot as he cried. However, the crying stopped as soon as he was lifted up. He shook his head and smiled as he held Jake up in front of him. "Playing me for a soft touch, huh? You're just like the women in this house!"

"I heard that Levesque!"

Paul turned round to see Stephanie standing in the doorway holding Ellie's hand. He grinned at her. "I'm only telling my son the truth. He needs to know what he's up against when he gets older."

Stephanie smiled and shook her head. She looked down as she felt a tug on her hand.

"Mommy, Daddy said I can take my new dress to wear to show Grandma."

"That's great, sweetie. Grandma and Grandpa will think you're beautiful."

"Of course they will. They know she gets her looks from her mother. She's pretty beautiful herself."

Stephanie couldn't help but smile as she turned towards Paul. He was in such a good mood. It was a shame she was about to ruin it. "You're such a big suck-up. Listen, can we talk? I need to discuss something with you."

Paul nodded, shifting Jake in his arms. "Shoot."

She took a deep breath trying to prepare herself for the conversation she was about to have. She just hoped she was doing the right thing but it was too late to start doubting herself now. "I think I should stay here while you go to Nashua." she began.

Her husband stood there silently while Ellie pouted at her mother.

"Why aren't you coming Mommy? I want you to come with us!"

Stephanie crouched down and smiled gently at her daughter. "And I want to come too Ellie, I do but Mark is still upset about Jamie and I don't think he can look after Chloe on his own right now."

However, her attention was quickly diverted from her daughter as she saw Paul walk out of the room. She called out after him.

"Paul, where are you going? I thought we were discussing this!"

He whipped round, the anger evident in his deep brown eyes. "What's there to discuss Steph? You've quite clearly made up your mind without me. Obviously what I want or think doesn't count."

Shaking her head in disbelief, Stephanie ran after him and grabbed his arm to pull him round to face her. "Of course it counts. Paul, please. Don't be like this."

He shrugged her hand away. "What do you expect, huh? I'm pissed, Steph. I'm, pissed that my wife will be spending even more time away from our family. Christ, we've hardly seen you the past couple of days. If you're not over at Mark's house, you're on the phone to him. You're with him constantly. I mean, does the guy not realise what leaning on you so much is doing to you? Just look at you. You're exhausted. You don't sleep. You hardly eat. How much more of this can you take? I'm worried about you, Steph."

"I know you are baby and I know you want to look after me." she told him as her hand rested on his thick forearm. "But try and see it from Mark's point of view. His daughter has just died and he's all alone. He can't cope with Chloe. He needs someone there and I'm all he's got right now."

"Yeah? Well what about your family, Steph? What about Ellie? Your daughter needs you too or have you forgotten that?"

Stephanie glanced away as she let out a guilty sigh. She knew Paul was right. She hadn't forgotten Ellie's nightmare from a couple of nights ago but it had been a one off and she seemed fine now. Besides, she had made a promise to Mark. He was depending on her and she just couldn't let him down. And Paul would be there for Ellie if she needed him. Her family would survive a couple of days without her but she wasn't so sure that Mark and Chloe would. As she looked up, she tried to ignore the hurt and angry expression on Paul's face yet she could still feel her heart weigh heavily knowing she was disappointing him. "I have to do this Paul. Please try to understand. For me? Please." she pleaded.

Paul remained silent and still as he just watched her for a moment before turning away and walking down the stairs. Stephanie wrapped her arms around herself as she watched him leave. She knew Paul was furious with her decision and he had every right to be. She just had to hope that once he had calmed down, he would understand her decision to stay.

A few seconds later she felt a tug on her leg and Stephanie forced a smile as she saw Ellie looking up at her.

"Is Daddy mad?"

She sighed and nodded her head deciding to be honest with her daughter. "A little. He's just upset that I'm staying here instead of going with you guys."

Ellie sighed. "I wish you were coming Mommy. I'll miss you."

Stephanie tried to ignore the guilty pang in her chest as she smiled and scooped her little girl into her arms. "I'll miss you too sweetheart. So much. But you're going to have a wonderful time with Grandma and Grandaddy and I promise to call you every day."

Ellie nodded and kissed her cheek affectionately. "I love you Mommy."

"I love you too baby." she replied hugging her daughter. She was so grateful Ellie wasn't creating a fuss about it all. It definitely made her feel less guilty about staying and she could only hope Paul would be as understanding when it was time for them to leave. She couldn't handle him going knowing he was angry with her. They'd never let a sun set on an argument once in their relationship and she wasn't about to let it happen now.

A short while later Paul was throwing the bags in the trunk and once he was done, he slammed the trunk hard in frustration. He was trying so hard not to be angry with Stephanie but it was difficult for him for some reason. Deep down he knew he was probably being harsh. After all the guy had just lost his daughter and Stephanie had such a big heart she wanted to be there for him. But why did it have to be his wife that had to pick up the pieces? Especially when it meant their family suffered in the process, in particular Stephanie. That's why he had really been looking forward to this trip especially after the last couple of days. He could see the strain Stephanie was under as she tried to juggle her family and the responsibility she felt to Mark. The break would have done her the world of good but now God only knows the effect the next few days would have on her emotionally and the hard part was he wouldn't be here to comfort her. He hated the thought of her crying in bed alone. And besides all of that, he just wanted his wife with him. He hated being apart from her for any length of time especially when work took him away far too often as it was.

Paul avoided Stephanie's gaze as he walked back into the house. He picked up Jake who was sitting on the floor finding a cardboard box particularly fascinating. "You ready to go, buddy?"

Jake grinned as he waved his hands in the air and the box dropped to the polished wood.

"Say bye bye to Mommy."

The baby waved his hands as Stephanie took him in her arms. She kissed him and hugged him to her chest feeling her heart break at the thought of being apart from him. "Bye sweetheart. You remember and be a good boy for Daddy, okay?"

Her reply was a babble and Stephanie had tears in her eyes as she handed their son back over to Paul who still refused to look her in the eye. She felt sick inside at the thought of him leaving like this. She hated this tension between them. It was horrible and she hated every single second of it.

"Ellie, are you ready to go?"

She nodded at her father and ran over to give Stephanie a hug. "Bye Mommy."

"Bye sweetheart. Be a good girl, okay?"

"I will Mommy. Say hi to Chloe for me."

Stephanie nodded her head and watched as Ellie ran across to Paul. She followed them out the front door and she helped strap Ellie in her seat as Paul took care of Jake. She blew her daughter a kiss as she stepped back from the car.

"Be a good girl on the plane Ellie."

"I will Mommy." Ellie turned to look at Jake. "We're going on a plane Jakey. Are you excited?"

Stephanie smiled as she watched them interact and sighed sadly as she closed the door. She was really going to miss them the next few days. The house would feel so empty without them and Paul. Her blue eyes watched her husband tentatively as he approached the driver's door. Wrapping her arms around herself defensively, she swore she felt her heart get that bit heavier with every passing second. He stood awkwardly in front of her fidgeting with the car keys before briefly glancing at his watch.

"I guess we'd better get going if we want to make that flight." he eventually said.

Paul opened the car door and he was about to get inside when he realised he just couldn't do it. He couldn't leave things this way between them especially with that look on Stephanie's face; the look that simply broke his heart in two. Lifting his head, his brown eyes softened as they looked at her.

"Just take care of yourself, Steph. You can only do so much you know." he told her gently.

Stephanie nodded her head as the tears started to roll down her face. She didn't know why she was crying but she found she couldn't stop. God, she wanted nothing more than to give in and get in that car with her husband and her kids. But she couldn't. Not while she had the responsibility of looking after Mark. He was a wreck and she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if something happened to him or Chloe while she was away. That's why she had to stay here despite every part of her wanting to be somewhere else.

"You take care too." she choked as she wiped at her wet face and felt her hair blowing in the breeze. As a few silent tears slipped over her lashes once more, Stephanie was pleasantly surprised and relieved when Paul stepped in front of her and pulled her into his big arms. She felt her body sink into the comforting warmth of his chest as she held on to him tightly.

"Come on. Don't cry. It's okay. It's all going to be okay."

Stephanie sniffed and buried her head into the crook of his neck. "I'm so sorry Paul. I just have to stay."

"I know and I respect your decision. I do, even if I don't like it. Just promise me you'll look after yourself."

"I promise."

Paul released her and Stephanie shivered despite the warmth of the low winter sun. His lips brushed over hers softly before he got in the car and waving at her children, Stephanie watched them leave with her heart feeling a little less heavy. She was so glad she and Paul had spoken somewhat before he had left but she wasn't stupid enough to believe that things were alright between them. They weren't and it was all her fault. Her priorities were just in the wrong place. As she stood there in the driveway, Stephanie made a decision. Once the funeral was over, she was going to stop feeling responsible for Mark. She had her own life and she needed to put her family first. They were the most important thing in her world and she couldn't risk hurting or neglecting them any more. All she had to do was survive the next few days and then they could get back to the way things were before the accident. The sooner this whole nightmare was all over, the better.